( 21.01.2023)
Build opened the door to the house he own with Bible to be welcomed by the man sitting on the couch silently waiting for him " Bi-" Bible sighed " Why can't you just let them have this win too P'Biu? You could have just wait, let her have her little victory then the fact that 4 minutes is not even written yet will be out there and she would have end up as-"
Build interrupted " I am tired Ble, I don't know how long I can take her having her way by threatening me, I know I am a man and it shouldn't matter too much, it's just a few scratches and a few forced sexual intercourses but you are my boyfriend, aren't you jealous or angry at all?" he said, his voice going weaker and weaker as he continues to talk
" I am jealous, I am angry P'Biu, I can't stand her and her director partner in crime touching you or I can't stand her harassing you in front of me everyday" Build pouted as he sat down beside Bible, then why are you telling me to let her continue?, he wanted to ask
Bible continued instead " But we have a future P'Build, I am planning on adopting children with you, raising a cat farm with you and we can't let our children have a dad that all of Thailand hates or a dad that can't earn his own money, even if I can take care of you your whole life I can die one day too leaving you alone in this world with our children, we can't afford you being hated and-" Build chuckled, he can't take this anymore
" You can't stand your future children having a poor dad, you can't afford your future children being embarrassed because of their dad is hated but you can afford me being harassed and abused, threatened, beaten, is that what you say? You fucking love the image of the ridiculously perfect family you may have one day more than me?" he shouted at his face flaring up their argument
Bible couldn't keep himself from shouting too" Yes! Yes why would I love a weak person who cannot even take a little bit of abuse for their future family?" Build let a tear roll down on his face " So you really don't love me Bible, right?" Bible was about to argue back but Build does not stop there
" Don't think that you can have that perfect little family with lovely children in the future when you behave this way towards someone you love now Bible" Bible looked hurt so he decided to hurt Build back " Maybe the problem is not my behaviours maybe I just don't love you P'Build or maybe the person I love is the problem since all these scandals seems to be happening to you only so maybe the only one guilty is you"
Build cannot take how hurtful Bible's words are anymore so he just finished their conversation with the simplest answer he can give" You are right, I guess I am the only one guilty in this equation" Bible didn't know what to say, he wanted to object but he was the first one to say the words so it's not like he can take them back now or anything,
Build continued" So you probably want to break up right? Getting rid of a problem in an easy way since you don't even love me, this is the best way" Bible felt his heart being squeezed but before he can say anything Build stands up
" Let me stay in this one night, then I will rent a new apartment so we don't have to interact with each other ever again, with how the things are going I will probably be fired anyway so you don't have to take care of me financially your whole life" he said before making his way upstairs.
Bible sit there looking at the empty wall without saying or doing anything, how did this happen? What should he do? He sighed and laid down on the couch, he does not think Build want him on the bed with himself so there is no point on trying that, well whatever Build always forgives him anyway, he will find a way tomorrow, making him breakfast or getting him a gift.
Build tried to keep strong until he entered the bathroom, he was having a panic attack, he tried to wash his face with cold water, he rubbed his face and messed his hair up hoping for a breath " I just want- Haa- to be loved" he said in between his heavy breaths as he sat down on the floor, he tried to breathe but nothing was working as his heart race like he was on a marathon, his hands shake and his breath feels as if they will never be enough,
He tried every trick in the book for panic attacks but nothing was working, he tried to think about him and Bible's happy memories and dates but all he can hear about was Bible's cruel words in his brain ' Yes! Yes why would I love a weak person who cannot even take a little bit of abuse for their future family?',
As he sat down on the floor thinking about Bible's words he slowly realized that he was the one who gave Bible the power to say these things because even now he knows he will forgive Bible anyway for Bible to let him continue getting abused again and again, he cannot stop himself from forgiving Bible unless,
Unless he does not exist, his thoughts, his personality, if he gets rid of all of these things he will be free, he stands up at that moment slowly going towards the sink, he stopped in front of it and looked at himself in the mirror " I am a mess" he murmured, he was still wearing the black shirt he wore at the event, his eyes were red, his lips were swollen and his hair looks as if he wrestled for hours,
he averted his eyes from his image and opened the drawer beside the sink to get out a pack of razors " If I can't make my emotions disappear, I will just make myself disappear" he said before going towards the bathtub,
He get in and get down on his knees to get his hands together in front of his face first to pray " Please god, I know I have failed this exam but it is apparent that my soul was not ready for a hard life like this, I am sorry I am using a shortcut out of this but please let me reborn to a universe where my lover does not let me get abused, where my lover would love me as much as our future children, I don't care about money, I don't care about fame or jobs, I just want to be loved" he said
He then laid down on the bathtub, closed his eyes and brought the razor towards his wrist to cut it just in a way that would kill him fastly, he does not want to think about this more as he is afraid he might get cold feet thinking about his sister or his nephew.
Bible couldn't sleep, he does not know why but he can't even close his eyes for more than a minute maybe because of the fact that he is going to bed without making up with Build first.
He gave up on sleeping after turning around for who knows how many minutes and stands up to make his way to their bedroom, he was surprised that Build did not come to cover him while he is sleeping like he always does when they fight and he decides to sleep in the living room, well that means he should at least say sorry today, after saying that today he can make him forgive himself with other fancy ways tomorrow,
When he reached their bedroom he looked at the empty room and frowned, even if Build had a fancy ten step skincare routine he would do every night for hours before bed, he would be in bed by now already, then his eyes went over to the bathroom door, maybe he had those panic attacks again? Bible gulped with guilt, that would mean he caused them.
Should he go in? Maybe he is still having them? Maybe he needs his support? After a long debate within himself, he decided to go in and check just in case, he slowly stepped through the bedroom and opened the bathroom door to be shocked after seeing the bloodiest scene he had ever seen in his life " P'Biu!" he said as tears traveled down on his face,
He didn't know what he should do, he gulped " I need to call for help first" he murmured to himself then he quickly take out his phone and dialed a familiar number hoping he would open the phone " P'Mile, please send an ambulance here but make sure there is no one in the ambulance that would report- I- I don't know it's an emergency please he will die" Mile said somethings that Bible did not listen before hanging up the phone,
Bible then slowly made his way towards Build and looked at his limp body on the bathtub "No" he said taking his hands to his mouth as if he can't believe it,
Then he take a look at his face " No" he hiccuped while slowly raising his hand towards Build's face and slowly stroking his abnormally cold face " No P'Biu, your face seems so dull, how will you ever fix this even with the most expensive skincare" he said delusional on thinking Build would survive this.
He looked at the closed eyes, the graphic wound on his wrist along with the sad expression on his face painted with wet cheeks " P'Biu you wouldn't left me right? You are just joking, just come back I promise I will not let anyone touch you or abuse you ever again, I know I was wrong but I just wanted you to be strong, my dad said he would accept you if you stayed strong and- and we had to fight with bigger bosses you need to be strong" he said, he knows he is fucked up but there is nothing he can do but talk now,
He squeezed his thigh to stop himself from screaming" But I understand what you are saying now P'Build, I don't want any children without you, I love you more than anyone or anything so please wake up, I promise I will make us such fortune that you will never have to work ever again, I will kill that woman and all your abusers, please god just give me a second chance" before he can continue his sentences he was taken away and hugged by someone awfully familiar " P'Po" he said as he let tears escape his eyes " Shh, let paramedics take him and we can pray for him to survive for now ok?" Bible let himself get tricked by these words as people gathered Build from the bathtub.
(In Another Universe)
Korn sighed looking at the sad boy in front of him " You know I am not in the slightest against you working as a bodyguard to Kinn right?" Pete looked down and nodded " I know Khun Korn" Korn folded his arms
" But you need to understand, your coworkers, they keep coming to me telling that you distract them, that having an omega coworker is lowering their work performance" Pete looked down, doesn't that mean they are weak?, he wanted to say, they should have been the ones here talking to Korn " I understand Khun Korn" Korn looked at the guy with pity
He really does not want to do this but his hands were forced for now" Understand this is not about your performance Pete, you exceed every alpha bodyguard in the main family, you are better than every one of them and you surely are best amongst Kinn's bodyguards but I can't have so many people keep complaining, I can't replace hundred of my bodyguards Pete" you mean I can't replace them just for a lowly omega, Pete thought.
Pete looked up at his face with the sudden courage building up in his heart" With all due respect Khun Korn, I don't think I have encountered fifty bodyguards in last two years only people I encountered were the ones working closely for Khun Kinn and their numbers does not even exceed from ten" Korn's lips becomes a line, he didn't tell about it to the boy but the weird thing is these complaints aren't even from those who worked with him protecting Kinn.
He cannot alarm Pete before doing his own research though so he insists on his request" I know Pete, that's why I am not firing you, do your job as Tankhun's stay at home omega bodyguard for a few months before I can understand why these bodyguards are aiming at you, ok?" Pete looked sideways and nodded, he can't do anything about it can he?
" Ok Khun Korn, I can still train, right?" Korn nodded " You can of course, let me solve this and don't loose hope" Pete nodded and tried to smile " Thank you Khun Korn, I will be seeing myself out then" he said and with a nod from his boss he just left the room.
As soon as he exited the room and started walking he was greeted by Arm in the middle of the hallway, who looked at him with a smirk on his face " I told you to just mate with me but you wouldn't listen" he said calmly, Pete frowned " I would rather lose my job and become a beggar Arm, you will see though I will become victorious in this too, Khun Korn will understand you are manipulating those bodyguards and-"
Arm interrupted " And what? Make a fuss over a lowly omega who he can replace any time? Make it big and let you walk all over me, who he adores because of my dominance over all other hackers in this country" he pinched Pete's arm and whispered in his ear " Know your place you stupid lowly life form" he said before making his way over Korn's room and knocking on the door,
Pete didn't know what to do, when he raised his head he saw Vegas's face, looking at him with unmoving eyes " Khun Vegas" he said bending his neck, Vegas just continued to walk and ignored him while Pete left the front of Korn's office to make himself go back to his room which contains his annoying roommate who will be absent since he will probably be guarding his little brother's house tonight again.
He was right, their room was as deserted as he imagined so he just sat down on his bed and started analyzing the day he just been through, even if his want for winning over Arm and showing him who he is sounds so alluring to him, he knows that with his secondary gender he will always be treated like this, he cannot stop this,
Even if he wins over Arm, there will be more Arms in his life, he will always need to fight, when can he rest without fearing his place will be taken by another alpha? When can he rest knowing that tomorrow when he wakes up he will wake up to the same world he left? When can he rest knowing no one will take advantage of him as he rests?
Death, a simple word comes to his mind, death will let him rest knowing he will be ok tomorrow, death will not let him retain his place but death can make his place come meaningless to him.
He looked at the medicine bottle at his nightstand, it looked so available to just take and overdose on them " Should I?" he murmured, he does not know if he should as he is fearing his grandparents will be sad.
He looked up at the ceiling for a while " They are not omegas though, they do not know what I am going through" he murmured to himself " No one knows but me and Porsche, in this house not one of these people can understand what we have been going through" everyone is thinking they need to 'mate' so they can be less alluring, he then remembered the past and chuckled
" I want to mate but can I? My crush does not want me, he even made me get rid of our child back then" he started laughing while his eyes also started watering " I don't want his love anyway, I don't want to be his mate anymore too, I just wanted to have a laid-back life, be happy with my job, earn enough money to go through life, maybe having little victories in my line of work once in a while" his chin started to shake as well as his voice
" But it is impossible with my second gender" he sniffed as he tried to stabilize himself " Oh god I am such a coward that I can't even do it, I can't kill myself" he said, then raised both of his hands towards the ceiling to look at his fingernails " Please Hades, take my life in my sleep and let me reborn to a world where there is no second genders, let me live a calm laid back equal life like how alphas can here" he begged to his deity and closed his eyes so he can fall asleep.
I looked up to some force holding my chin up and making me look up at their indescribable presence" Are you sure my child?" I gulped, is this really Hades? What am I sure about? I never thought a deity would directly get in touch with me, or I can dream something so magical that can make my stomach turn with excitement
" Are you sure you want to go to a world where you don't have a second gender and where you can have a laid back life with immense amount of luck in your work area?" why wouldn't I be sure " Yes" the force sighed " Even if you will be unlucky on relationship and love areas?"
Like I was lucky about them here " You are lucky here, you are being watched by a powerful and wealthy groom to be and you will be taken by him soon to a life you don't have to work for a penny" I thought for a moment who can it be? But even if it is someone I love, is it worth it to let go of this opportunity? " I still want to go to the world without second genders" I said, deciding on a whim and suddenly my consciousness started to fade.