In the evening, the two of them ordered takeout from a restaurant near Mo Xi's home, a Vietnamese pho shop known for its delicious flavors. After finishing the pho, Mo Xi held a large bowl and gulped down the flavorful broth, wiping his mouth afterward. There was a bit of broth residue on his lips when he looked up.
"What's the rush?" Pei Hao chuckled, looking at him. He used his thumb to wipe away the broth from the corner of Mo Xi's mouth. "No one's competing with you."
"It's so tasty!" Mo Xi stuck out his tongue and licked the corner of Pei Hao's mouth where he had touched, savoring the lingering salty taste of the broth.
"In that case, you might as well drink mine too," Pei Hao pushed his own bowl towards Mo Xi. "I'm full."
"Really?" Mo Xi picked up the bowl with a mixture of doubt and curiosity. Knowing Pei Hao's usual appetite, that small amount wouldn't satisfy him.
"Yeah," Pei Hao nodded, shrugging. "Jetlag hasn't adjusted yet, so I don't have an appetite."
That's true; it's early morning in China now. Mo Xi proceeded to drink down Pei Hao's bowl of soup in a similar manner, and after finishing it, he leaned back in his chair, rubbing his slightly bloated stomach. "Looks like you won't be enjoying good food today."
Pei Hao was momentarily taken aback, as if recalling a similar scenario from a few years ago during a sultry afternoon when a lazy and relaxed Mo Xi had made a similar comment about his stomach. Back then, Mo Xi was a simple youth whose eyes would light up at the sight of food and blush in Pei Hao's presence.
Memories of their earlier years surged up, causing gentle ripples in Pei Hao's eyes. He leaned down, grasped Mo Xi's shoulder, and slipped his tongue into Mo Xi's mouth for a brief moment before pulling back, his face wearing a self-satisfied grin. "Now you've got something to be happy about."
Suddenly kissed again for no apparent reason, Mo Xi sat stunned in the chair for a while, reflecting on the events of the past 24 hours. He felt as though he had split into two people. One was a character acting alongside Pei Hao in this peculiar and inexplicable play, while the other remained detached, watching this bizarre and fantastical performance from a higher vantage point.
"What's going on?" After the kiss, Pei Hao saw the lack of response from the person in the chair and waved his hand in front of his eyes.
"Pei Hao," Mo Xi suddenly furrowed his brow, his expression serious. "I want to talk to you about something."
Ironically, despite the many years of back and forth between them, they still hadn't reached a conclusion. After a night's sleep, things had become even more complicated, and there were certain things he couldn't ignore if he wanted to feel at ease.
Seeing Mo Xi's serious demeanor, Pei Hao's smile gradually faded. He had an inkling of what Mo Xi wanted to discuss, and an inexplicable sense of unease arose within him.
After mentally preparing himself, he dragged over a chair and sat down, then turned to face Mo Xi. "Go ahead."
Mo Xi didn't immediately start speaking. Instead, he stood up, pulled a few bottles of beer from the fridge, popped the caps off, and soon the bottles were filled with frothy bubbles. He handed one to Pei Hao and took one for himself, clinking their bottles together before taking a foamy sip.
After finishing the sip, Mo Xi wiped his mouth and stared at the bottle in his hand, then cut to the chase. "What do you think our relationship is right now?"
What was bound to come always came; evasion wouldn't change that. Pei Hao wasn't naive enough to think that a romantic encounter could magically mend their situation. Some questions remained, unaffected by passionate intimacy or eloquent words.
"For me, you're my lover," Pei Hao tilted the beer bottle in his hand, freshly taken from the fridge, and took a sip that sent a chill through his bones. "But right now, you're the one in control. What do you think our relationship is?"
He threw the question back.
Mo Xi scratched his head, growing impatient. For brief moments, he even wished Pei Hao would casually say he was just looking for something casual. Then he could keep his true feelings to himself, spend the next few days with Pei Hao the way he wanted, and afterwards, the two of them could gradually forget each other in their separate lives, thousands of miles apart.
But Pei Hao had sincerely called him his lover.
The term "lover" carried a heavy burden—it meant responsibility, an unbreakable connection, and wholehearted love held in the palms of one's hands. Over the past two years, Pei Hao had done so much for him, and though he didn't want to admit it, Mo Xi couldn't deny he was moved. However, after experiencing a relationship that had plummeted to dust,
It seemed he wouldn't be able to do it, at least not right now.
A bottle of beer had already been consumed, and Mo Xi continued to silently gaze at the glass bottle in his hand, saying nothing. The air became suffocating for a moment. The more Pei Hao waited, the more hopeless he felt, and his heart sank. He just needed Mo Xi to look up slightly to see the disappointment in his eyes.
Unfortunately, Mo Xi hadn't raised his head to look at him the entire time.
After a long while, Pei Hao tapped the bottle in Mo Xi's hand and put on a relaxed facade. "If you're unsure, don't think about it. You can treat me as a casual fling, or as a backup, it doesn't matter. Either way, I'll stand by your side and wait for you."
"If you're with someone else, I'll wait for you to break up. If you get married, I'll wait for you to get divorced. And if... I mean, if," at this point, Pei Hao's voice trembled slightly, "you find someone you can spend your whole life with... then I'll wait for you until the next lifetime."
In their previous relationship, Mo Xi was always the one oscillating between hope and fear, but now the roles had shifted. Pei Hao was experiencing the bittersweet taste of that, too.
Well, the tables had turned, and it was his turn to experience it.
Mo Xi furrowed his brow, his heart feeling uncomfortable and heavy. He wasn't sure if it was because Pei Hao's sudden confession had thrown him off balance or if it was because the person who used to be so proud and confident had now lowered himself in front of him.
Pei Hao, who had always been proud and arrogant, had actually said he was willing to be Mo Xi's backup.
It was just so amusing.
Mo Xi opened another beer and downed it in one go, drinking so quickly that he ended up coughing from the speed. Pei Hao hurried over, patting his back and taking the beer from his hand, comforting him. "Slow down."
"Don't bother..." Mo Xi pushed away Pei Hao's hand, his ears already turning red from the alcohol. After
letting out a burp, he popped open another bottle cap. "I want to drink today."
He was torn.
He wanted to indulge in love, but his soul, weary from disappointment for too long, had grown accustomed to restraint.
He wanted to suppress his feelings, yet there was always something within him that wanted to burst forth.
He urgently needed some alcohol now, to amplify all his senses and give him the courage to make decisions he wouldn't normally dare to make.
Pei Hao watched anxiously from the side, planning to let him finish that bottle and then drag him off to take a shower and sleep.
But to his surprise, halfway through, Mo Xi reached for a bottle of white wine from the nearby cabinet, opened it, and took a good swig.
Pei Hao: "..."
The fiery liquid rolled down his throat, burning his stomach, and his blood churned. Mo Xi finally felt a bit dizzy, achieving the semi-conscious state he desired — half-drunk, half-awake.
In the next moment, he lifted his head, his damp eyes scanning Pei Hao's face, and with a smile that was not quite a smile, he took the opposite person's fingertips and said, "I do still like you..."
Just as Pei Hao's eyes were about to brighten, he thought he was about to be rejected again, but he didn't expect Mo Xi to say this.
"But I can't love you without reservations like before. My trust in you now is at most... just passing." Mo Xi shook his head, then corrected himself, "No, it's not even passing..."
"Do you want someone who might not love you very much and might not trust you very much?"
Mo Xi had been holding onto the beer bottle, his fingers icy. Pei Hao was startled by the touch and then reached through Mo Xi's fingers, holding his palm, looking deeply at the somewhat tipsy person and said seriously, "As long as it's you, I want you in any form."
"Think about it again..." Mo Xi mumbled, his other hand picking up the bottle and taking a few more sips, "It might be unfair to you..."
"No need to think." Pei Hao's heart was joyful, he grabbed the beer bottle from Mo Xi's hand and placed it on the table, then held Mo Xi's waist and lifted him up, lowering his head to kiss him.
After a continuous, hot and wet deep kiss, he held the person around the waist and accidentally knocked over the remaining half of the bottle of alcohol on the table, with drops of liquor falling to the ground.
But at this point, no one cared about that.
A few seconds later, Mo Xi was thrown onto the bed, Pei Hao pressed him down, and a messy, unorganized series of kisses rained down, warm heat landing on his cheeks, neck, and collarbone...
With slightly narrowed eyes, Mo Xi relaxed and closed his eyes.
Eight years, nearly three thousand days and nights, it seemed that he had finally made peace with himself.
The next day, Mo Xi woke up with a body that felt like it was falling apart. Pei Hao had already gotten up and cleaned up the mess of bottles and alcohol from the night before, and prepared a breakfast that was not only visually appealing but also tasted great. After eating hastily, Mo Xi rushed off to class, while Pei Hao loitered around the school waiting for him.
Midway, he received a message from Song Wanqin: Said a few words casually.
Knowing Pei Yi Xin's personality, Pei Hao was sure that she didn't just say a few nice words, so he happily sent her a heart emoji.
As they were separating after a brief greeting, Mo Xi received a WeChat message from Mai Ying.
Mai Ying: Is he your ex-boyfriend?
Mo Xi: Yes.
Mai Ying: !!!
Mo Xi: What's wrong?
Mai Ying: Nothing, he does look good. I wish you both happiness, but if he ever bullies you, you must tell me!!
Mo Xi: Alright, Sister Ying.
Pei Hao asked for two days off from Fu Bing and booked a flight back on Wednesday. Mo Xi was busy during the day, while Pei Hao cooked, read, and waited for him at home. In the evening, they played games and watched shows together. Pei Hao occasionally pulled Mo Xi in for a kiss, sweet and affectionate, like a new couple in love. The air seemed to be filled with pink bubbles.
On Wednesday, the day Mo Xi returned home, Pei Hao had already gone to the airport. On the table were several dishes that he liked to eat on a normal basis, all prepared by Pei Hao before he left. Somehow, Mo Xi suddenly felt a hollow feeling in his heart. He was eating his favorite food, but it seemed tasteless.
After a while, a message from Pei Hao popped up: I've boarded the plane, saving the Christmas holiday for me.
Mo Xi swallowed the food in his mouth, flipped through the company's recently announced holiday schedule, pondered for a moment, and replied: Okay.