During the Christmas to New Year period, there are no classes in the United States. Mo Xi didn't plan to return to his home country, so he flew to the city where his father was.
This was Mo Xi's first time visiting his father's home in the US, a detached small villa with five or six rooms, a charming backyard, and even a big yellow dog.
It seemed like a comfortable life.
Although this city in the US was relatively underdeveloped, being able to live with the person he loved, gaining societal acceptance, and not having to care about others' gazes, Mo Xi felt that this was sufficient for his life goals.
Uncle Li knew he was coming, so he had been busy preparing for a day in advance. When Mo Xi arrived, there were seven or eight familiar Chinese dishes waiting for him on the table.
Mo Xi was so excited he almost cried. God knows how terrible the so-called Chinese food near their school was. And with his busy schedule of attending classes during the day and working at night, he simply didn't have time to cook properly.
"Xiao Xi, you seem to have lost weight since I last saw you," Uncle Li said as he served food into Mo Xi's bowl, chatting as he did so, "How's it been since you came to the US? Are you getting used to it?"
"It's alright, there are certainly some things I'm not used to," Mo Xi looked at Uncle Li and smiled faintly, "But when you get busy, you forget about them."
"But don't overwork yourself," Uncle Li advised him, "Your health is important, don't worry about money."
Mo Xi waved his hand, not answering.
He felt that he was already grown up, and constantly asking his family for money wasn't right. But his dad didn't agree with him working, so he didn't plan to let them know.
After dinner, Uncle Li took him on a tour around the house. In the study, Mo Xi saw a photo of his father and Uncle Li when they were young.
The photo depicted two young men in their twenties, standing side by side. Mo Cheng was clearly half a head taller than Uncle Li, wearing a leather jacket, his head held high and looking confidently at the camera. On the other side, Uncle Li had his head slightly lowered, seeming a bit shy and not daring to look at the person beside him.
"You guys knew each other when you were this young?" Mo Xi looked at Uncle Li in astonishment. He had always thought that his father had met Uncle Li after divorcing his mother.
"Yes, we were college classmates," Uncle Li looked into the distance with a faint look, as if reminiscing about something. There was a trace of shyness on his face, "At that time, your dad was already a prominent figure in the school."
"And you guys... back then?" Mo Xi had a bad premonition in his heart, a suppressed intuition that had spanned over a decade of his life.
"We were together for a while back then."
Mo Xi suddenly felt as if the sky had fallen on him. His sister's complaints about their dad, and his mother's ramblings before she passed away, all connected in a line, surfacing.
If Mo Cheng had been with Uncle Li before marrying his mother, then what did his mother mean to him?
He knew his dad was gay, but no one had ever mentioned that his dad had already been gay before marrying his mother.
His sister didn't want to tell him, his mother didn't want to either.
He had never dared to think about it.
Because he didn't want to speculate about the person he loved with the worst assumptions.
But the deepest wounds were often inflicted by the people you loved the most.
Mo Xi's body trembled slightly, and when he raised his head, his eyes were already red. He asked in a hoarse voice, "Then, what was my mother to him?"
Uncle Li suddenly realized he misspoke and began to apologize frantically.
Mo Cheng heard the commotion from the study and walked in. But he saw one person with a lost expression, eyes red and silent, and another person looking down, seemingly ashamed, as if buried in dust. One big, one small, standing there in silent confrontation.
"What's going on?" Mo Cheng couldn't comprehend. Weren't things just fine a moment ago?
Mo Xi turned his head to stare at him, and his eyes no longer held any reverence for his father. Shaking, he pointed at the photo on the wall, capturing the youthful years of his father and Uncle Li, his gaze carrying sorrow. "Did you know you liked men before you were with my mom?"
Mo Cheng was taken aback and lowered his head without replying.
A prolonged silence descended, the air almost freezing, each sigh clear in its distinctiveness.
"I'm sorry for your mom," after a long while, Mo Cheng choked up and spoke, "Sorry to both of you."
Mo Xi suddenly laughed. His mother was a simple and kind woman, unaware of what wrong she had done in her past life to encounter his father.
Now that she had already been buried beneath the yellow soil, these cheap apologies were like bubbles in the air, worthless.
"Xiao Xi," Uncle Li grabbed his wrist, anxiously biting his lip, and explained, "When your dad and your mom were together for those ten years, we had no contact. We only... after their relationship ended..."
"Never mind, never mind," Mo Xi shook his head, standing up from his chair and casting a tired look at Mo Cheng and Uncle Li, "What's the use of saying all this now? Just live your lives well."
With that, he walked to the entrance, grabbed his luggage, opened the door, and left.
No matter how much Uncle Li called after him, he didn't turn back.
He didn't want to spend another second in that house.
That day, Mo Xi changed his flight and returned to school. By the time he got home, it was already 10 o'clock in the evening, and his roommates were all out. He sat at home feeling restless, deciding to go for a walk.
Coincidentally, it was Christmas Eve that day, and almost all Americans were gathering with their families. Stores were closed, and the streets were empty.
Unconsciously, he walked to the entrance of his school. There were a few scattered international students still moving around the campus, making it not as des
olate as the streets.
Mo Xi found a chair beside a lamppost and sat down. His feet rested on the snowy ground, his eyes vacant, staring ahead, not feeling the cold at all.
His mind was too cluttered; he needed to digest everything bit by bit. When his mom was about to pass away, she hardly said anything bad about his dad. She only occasionally mentioned their youthful years, her eyes flickering with different emotions.
There was nostalgia, reluctance, and pain.
Mo Xi had forgotten how many times he had mentioned to his dad at home that he had been with Uncle Li. He didn't know what his mom had thought when she heard it back then.
The winter night breeze gradually picked up, feeling like big slaps against Mo Xi's face, yet he remained unfazed.
He suddenly understood why his love life had always been so difficult; it was probably karma, repaying his father's debt.
He didn't know when it had started to snow, or how long it had been snowing.
It wasn't until a little child handed an umbrella to Mo Xi that he snapped out of his memories. The snow was getting heavier, and his shoes were already sinking into the snowdrifts, with a thin layer of snow frosting his hair.
"Just now, a big brother asked me to give this to you. He said it's too cold here and asked you to go home early." The boy, around ten years old, handed an umbrella to Mo Xi and patted the snow off his shoulder.
"Thank you," Mo Xi was taken aback and asked, "Which big brother?"
The little boy pointed ahead and said, "I don't know him, but he's an Asian guy and quite tall."
Mo Xi looked in the direction the boy indicated, but there was no one there.
He thought it was probably some unfamiliar Asian international student who had given him the umbrella.
Mo Xi got up from the chair, brushed the snow off himself, left the umbrella for the boy, and headed home.
After returning from the United States for Christmas, Pei Hao caught a cold.
Pei Yi Xin was furious. Initially, when Pei Hao said he was going to the United States to see if there were any potential companies to collaborate with, he agreed. However, even on Christmas, he used the same excuse to quickly fly to the United States again.
Which American company works on Christmas? That didn't make sense.
"Explain to me clearly why you're always trying to go to the United States! If you can't explain, don't go again in the future." Pei Yi Xin was fuming and scolding at home. Pei Hao lay on the bed, pursing his lips without responding.
Song Wanqin also wanted to scold Pei Hao, but when she saw her son lying in bed, looking sickly, her anger subsided.
"Alright, alright," Song Wanqin placated Pei Yi Xin. Then she turned to Pei Hao and lectured, "You, you went there, but how did things turn out like this?"
Pei Hao sneezed and thought, "There's nothing I can do about it. Who asked your daughter-in-law to go out and sit in the snow thinking about life half the night? If I don't follow her, what if she freezes?"
Seeing that Pei Hao didn't respond, Song Wanqin went out to make porridge for him.
That night, Pei Hao returned to his own place. After thinking about Mo Xi's lonely appearance these past few days, he felt something was off.
So he gave Da Bai a call.
When Da Bai saw Pei Hao's number, his hand involuntarily shook a bit.
Since Mo Xi went abroad, Pei Hao had stuck to him like glue. He would ask for addresses, send things, and even beg him to keep it secret from Xiao Xi.
Da Bai felt like he was living as a spy, needing a bunch of excuses every time he talked to Mo Xi, afraid that he might accidentally give himself away.
Yet deep down, he was somewhat moved by Pei Hao's unwavering determination.
After so many relationships that ended without progress, he increasingly appreciated the rarity of true love in the gay community. If any man directed even half the dedication Pei Hao had toward Xiao Xi at him, he'd agree.
Two years ago, he wouldn't have believed that Pei Hao could be this devoted to Xiao Xi.
Now, one was desperately fighting, while the other remained indifferent. He could only help to this extent; the rest, he would leave to Pei Hao's fate.
Da Bai: Hey, Grandpa Hao, what's up?
Pei Hao: I feel like Xiao Xi hasn't been doing well lately. Did something happen to him?
Da Bai: Oh, he's having a bit of a disagreement with his dad.
Pei Hao: Disagreement? With his dad?
Da Bai: Well, it's none of your concern, and you can't help with it either.
Pei Hao: Does he still have money for school? Wasn't his tuition paid by his dad?
Da Bai: ...I don't know.
Pei Hao: How about this, can you help me transfer some money to him? Say you lent it to him.
Da Bai: How much?
Pei Hao: Twenty thousand? No, let's make it thirty thousand.
Da Bai: ...Do you think he'll believe I have that much cash to give him?
...
They talked for a while, and in the end, Da Bai only asked for twenty thousand.
Initially, Da Bai reluctantly called Mo Xi on WeChat, and it was only after chatting for a while that he realized the seriousness of the situation.
Mo Xi really didn't intend to continue using his dad's money for school. That stubborn kid was working three jobs a day, doing dishes in a restaurant, delivering takeout-everything.
Mo Xi appeared gentle and amiable on the surface, without any aggressiveness, but in reality, he was quite stubborn. Once he accepted something, it was hard to pull him back.
You see, Pei Hao had been chasing him for a year and a half with such effort, yet he hadn't even wavered a bit.
"Are you planning to keep working three jobs like this? How will you have the energy to study properly after school starts? Regardless, he's still your dad. You can't refuse money, no matter what," Da Bai advised.
"I just want to prove something to my mom," Mo Xi replied softly over the phone, his throat sounding hoarse and weary.
"Your mom is in the grave. What do you think she'd feel if she knew her precious son has to work three jobs a day just to get by?"
"It's not a big deal. It's easier than coding, and I don't have to use my brain." Mo Xi answered on the phone with a seemingly relaxed tone, but Da Bai found it a little heartbreaking.
He was living well in China. Why did he have to go abroad to suffer?
Why escape to a foreign land thousands of miles away to forget a past entanglement? Was it really necessary?
Was there anyone worth forgetting everything and starting over for... People in love are too foolish, too obstinate...
After hanging up, Da Bai added the twenty thousand Pei Hao gave him to his own ten thousand and transferred it to Xiao Xi. In the middle of the night, he tossed and turned on his bed, unable to sleep, so he called Pei Hao again.