A crumpled piece of paper,
A flower about to wither.
I wonder where I went wrong.
Like all of the above, I'm not that strong.
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Is it possible to feel nothing and everything simultaneously?
I'm starting to regret ever taking my life so seriously.
All those years of hard work, I thought it would result to my dreams coming true
But it's all too far from that, no matter what I do.
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I'm drowning again over a myriad of unwelcome feelings.
It makes me gravely envy successful human beings.
In every aspect it seems my life is falling apart.
I don't even know how to fix it or where to even start.
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Am I not allowed to be upset over things you could've controlled?
Like unpredictable winds you're cool but then you turn deadly cold.
In troubles you're quick to forget the love that we shared.
It makes me doubt that you ever truly cared.
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Life's already hard for both of us, I wish you'd go easy on me.
If only you'll offer comfort, loyalty and security.
Instead, you stab me with words that are present in my mind even on my happier days.
You, on the other hand, may be very angry but still unfazed.
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Oh how my heart aches and yearns only for you every day.
But it's difficult for you to follow through with what you say.
Hence, I feel like I'm the only one who gives the best.
When will it be your turn and then my time to rest?
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Why does it seem like I'm more hurt than you?
Is it because I give more than you do?
You would've thought that from all the years we have together
That by now you would've promised love forever.
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I know I deserve the best for everything that I do.
But my heart knows no logic or how to forget you.
You don't even deserve any more of my tears.
I've already cried a sea of it over the years.
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It seems my overwhelming sadness is taking its toll.
Dear death, come out, come out, and swallow me whole!
Maybe I'll only ever be loved by the one who created me
But the fact that I was born doesn't make me happy.
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All my life I've been carrying it all on my shoulders yet they say it's all temporary.
All of it is still unresolved and unending, quite the contrary!
I just wish I could morally and legally leave everything and everyone behind.
Most of my miserable time, life has been perpetually unkind.
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Giving up feels a lot easier than to be strong and carry on.
I don't want to be left behind; I want to be the one who will be gone.
At times, I also want to end it all but I'm afraid of what comes after.
I don't think I can deal with another possible disaster.
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From a small matter, why'd it have to escalate so quickly?
I didn't know that your festered feelings spoken out loud could kill me.
Half of me still prays we can resolve this before you think of tossing me like a crumpled paper.
Can't you just be the sunlight that will not let me wither?
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Aug. 12, 2023