[OP] Randomly register an account. Posted on February 12, 2017, 21:09:02
I sat on the bed, opened the iPad, and was almost blinded by the screen's wallpaper.
It was a photo of me, having just taken a big bite of ice cream, my mouth not yet wiped clean, and leaning in to kiss Pei Hao on his face. Both of us were smiling so happily. It was taken when we went to the amusement park, and when we got back, I set that photo as the iPad's wallpaper.
It's my own mess, and I have to find a way to deal with it. I opened the iPad's photo album, ready to delete the picture. When Pei Hao noticed my intention, he snatched the iPad from me, looking somewhat angry, and asked, "How many do you want to delete? You've cleared everything from your friend circle and Weibo, and you won't even leave a screensaver?"
I rolled my eyes at him, "Whose fault is it that you didn't save the photos?"
Suddenly, I thought of the bunch of photos of Pei Hao and Fu Yan in his phone. Even though they're no longer relevant to me, a chill still ran down my spine. I turned away from him, facing the wall, hoping he'd hurry up and leave, go find his "white moonlight" or "vermilion mole."
"I did save them..." Pei Hao saw my face change suddenly, his tone softened. He placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around, "They're all saved in my phone."
I closed my eyes, curling up into a ball, with no intention of turning around or responding to him. Ever since that time I saw the bunch of photos of him and Fu Yan in his phone album, I haven't looked through his photos on my own. I'm afraid that one day I might come across a photo I can't accept. I don't know whether I should pick a fight with him about it or just swallow my anger and move on.
How could I have been so cheap in the past, giving up the most basic bottom line of love and sacrificing my dignity? In love, I always begged him for a little bit of attention, holding onto the meager affection he would give me, unwilling to let go. I lived like a clown, exposed and ignorant, enjoying myself under the open sky.
Pei Hao couldn't understand why I suddenly ignored him. Nervously, he said, "I really did save them. I have backups of the ones you deleted."
As he spoke, Pei Hao opened his phone and handed it to me, wanting me to look. I really didn't want to look. Whether he has backups or not is his business. To me, these are memories I don't want to remember even a bit, at least not now. One day, when I can speak about it lightly, he'll be no more than a speck of dust on my heart.
I waved my hand forcefully, and his phone fell heavily onto the ground. There's no way around it; when I get angry, I can't control myself.
Pei Hao didn't pay attention to the phone, instead, he took off his shoes, squeezed onto the hospital bed, and reached out to hug me. I found him so annoying—pretending to care for me when he doesn't love me. He just wants me to never move on, to relish the emotions of being devoured by him. An unexplained burst of anger rose in my heart. I dodged his hand, kicked him hard twice, and kicked him off the bed. I pointed at him angrily, my hands trembling, and shouted loudly, "Right now! Immediately! Get out!"
The little sister lying in the adjacent bed looked at us in surprise, her expression as if she had been frightened. I forced myself to calm down, took a deep breath, and exhaled.
Pei Hao sat stiffly on the ground, his face full of astonishment. I used to have a bad temper too, but this was the first time I had seriously and loudly told him to leave, especially in front of others. After a while, Pei Hao slowly stood up from the ground, gazing at me with a mournful expression, seemingly waiting for a bit of comfort from me.
The old Xiao Xi wouldn't have treated him like this. The old Xiao Xi would have felt pity and reluctance when she saw Pei Hao like this. But time has passed, things have changed. I turned my head away and didn't look at him again. There's no need to reminisce about the past.
"I'll go get you something to eat." Pei Hao, not receiving any comfort from me, lowered his head and walked out, dejected.
The room now only had me and the little sister from the adjacent bed, and the atmosphere felt somewhat awkward. The little sister seemed to be around ten years old, and she seemed a bit scared of me. She quickly turned her head away, pretending to be asleep.
I smiled apologetically at the little sister, "Sorry for scaring you just now."
"Oh, it's okay," the little sister breathed a sigh of relief, cautiously turning her head back to look at me. She seemed to feel that I wasn't as scary as she initially thought. She hesitated and asked me, "Did you have a fight with that brother just now?"
"Well," I thought for a moment, "Not exactly." We're breaking up, but it's not a clean break.
"Are you two a couple?" The little sister blinked her eyes and asked.
This sudden question caught me off guard, and I couldn't help but find it amusing. How are kids so mature nowadays that they can even tell if two guys are in a relationship?
I shook my head. We're not a couple now, anyway.
"But," the little sister looked puzzled, "When you were asleep this morning, he kept looking at you, just like how my dad looks at my mom. And just now, he wanted to hug you."
"That's different," I explained. "That brother just pities me and sympathizes with me."
"Really?" The little sister still seemed a bit skeptical.
I quickly changed the topic and started chatting with the little sister about her parents and school. Her parents had gone to work, and they had hired a nanny to bring her to the hospital. However, the nanny had disappeared somewhere. As we talked, my emotions finally calmed down. But when Pei Hao came back, I still didn't pay much attention to him.
Seeing that I was engrossed in conversation with the little sister, Pei Hao held a piece of cake, capturing her heart, and attempted to join our conversation.
Pointing at me, the persistent little sister asked Pei Hao, "Are you two lovers?"
"Yes." Pei Hao answered the little sister with a smiling face, giving her another piece of cake. Hearing this, I almost choked and spat out a mouthful of blood. I glanced at Pei Hao, signaling him not to give false information to the kid.
"But this brother just said you're not," the little sister took the cake and continued to seek the truth in her heart.
Pei Hao whispered in her ear, "He's mad at me."
I heard it and coldly chuckled. I didn't want to get involved in their conversation, so I casually picked up a book and pretended to read it seriously.
At night, I asked Pei Hao to go back, but he insisted on staying. I couldn't persuade him, so I had to let him stay. The night grew late, and I closed my eyes, reflecting on the events of the day. To be honest, I was somewhat disappointed in myself for losing control of my emotions during the day. It showed that Pei Hao's words and actions could still affect my emotions, and I could still feel anger and resentment because of him. I hadn't completely detached myself from that past relationship.
They say it's easy to fall in love but hard to forget. I wonder how many days and nights those who have truly loved someone will have to live through to truly forget and move on.
If there were truly a "Forgetfulness Potion" in this world, I wouldn't hesitate to drink it all, even if I could never like someone else again. Because I used to think that it would be hard for me to fall in love with someone else.
The next morning, I received intravenous drips for another two hours before the doctor allowed me to leave the hospital. Pei Hao helped me pack my things, and as we were leaving, when no one was paying attention, he lightly kissed my forehead. I pushed him away with disgust. The little sister sitting on the bed caught this scene, covering her mouth in surprise, giggling a few times, and even giving Pei Hao a thumbs-up.
In the eyes of the little sister, I and Pei Hao probably appeared to be a happy couple, just like her mom and dad, loving each other but occasionally quarreling. Deep down, I also had a trace of hope. Right now, it's just a dream I'm having. When I wake up, I'll still be with Pei Hao, the only difference being that he's always loved only me, and there's no Fu Yan. All that jealousy and pain only exist in the dream. Then the sunlight streams into the room, I hold him and act coy, saying, "I dreamt that you loved someone else, not me, and I was really sad." He would comfort me by hugging me and saying that those were just dreams, not to scare myself.
But the reason reality is reality is that it's often more painfully real than dreams. Reality cuts you open, pulls you apart, and forces you to face the stark reality of life. However, without these setbacks and failures, most lives would resemble weightless clouds, as light as a feather. It's often after enduring the baptism of pain that life gains its depth.
So, life is full of ups and downs, and it's up to us to experience it.
After that day, Pei Hao seemed like he was under a spell. He often hung around outside my building, waiting for me. During the day, he frequently bought breakfast and afternoon tea and had them delivered to our office. Initially, my colleagues thought it was a parting gift for everyone since I was leaving.
However, as time went on, they found it odd. How could someone buy breakfast and afternoon tea every day and deliver them both in the morning and afternoon?
So, someone jokingly asked me if I had a girl chasing after me.
A colleague next to them added, "It might not necessarily be a girl!"
Me: ...
[1st Comment] Bursting with Spring: Seeing Xiao Xi say it's hard to fall in love with someone else is a bit sad. Why give the best love in life to a scumbag? (Crying.jpg)
[2nd Comment] Unintentional Sponge Body: Xiao Xi, please, please don't lose faith in love. Believe me, one day you will meet someone who truly loves you, appreciates you, and you will fall in love with him. Then you'll spend wonderful years together. When you look back at this time, you'll feel that the pain now was worth it, and Pei Hao is nothing more than what he is.
[3rd Comment] Lovely Cai: Heart aches for Xiao Xi.
.....
[14th Comment] Mirror Lord Ki: Didn't Xiao Xi say he broke up with Pei Hao over half a year ago? Honestly, if Pei Hao is still pursuing him, then I believe he truly loves Xiao Xi.
[15th Comment] Blah Blah Little Fairy: What's the use of love or not? Why didn't he cherish him when he had the chance? Broken mirrors can't be restored, and the past can't be relived. Support Xiao Xi for breaking up with him.
.....
[18th Comment] Paint Color Nine: OP, have you ever thought that not every workplace has someone buying breakfast and afternoon tea for everyone every day... What if you run into someone you know?