[OP] Randomly register an account. Posted on January 25, 2017, 21:32:06
The next day, when I woke up, we were about to take a flight back to our country. Pei Hao talked to me as if nothing had happened the day before. He helped me pack my luggage and assisted me to the breakfast table. The six of us had our final buffet breakfast at the hotel. After getting my cast, I was like a disabled person, and Pei Hao seemed to think that not only was my leg injured, but my hands were also broken. He not only got the food for me but also fed me bite by bite.
When my mother left, he also fed me like this. During that time, I thought he was a warm light in my shattered life, carrying a touch of warmth. I believed that one day he could illuminate the obscure corners of my heart and disperse the loneliness that had accumulated over the years in my flesh and blood.
But things changed, and after going through a long journey, I found myself back where I started. I realized that warmth is something I can give myself, and I have to be my own light to stand tall and eternal.
I certainly wouldn't be swayed by his tempting tricks anymore, whether they were sincere or fake. For me now, it didn't matter.
I pushed away the food he offered and said, "Stop feeding me, I have hands."
"Then eat this bite," Pei Hao said, putting another spoonful of food into my mouth. After that, he peeled a boiled egg and put it in my bowl, saying, "Remember to eat this egg too; it's nutritious."
D's girlfriend sighed to D, "Learn from them. Look, even after five years, they're still so affectionate. That's true love!"
I couldn't respond to that, so I just awkwardly smiled and remained silent. Only the heavens knew how many couples looked affectionate on the surface but had corroded feelings hidden behind the scenes, completely eroded away.
"Can you stay together for five years without being affectionate?" D followed up on his girlfriend's words and imitated Pei Hao by peeling a boiled egg for his girlfriend.
"Cough, can us single dogs only eat dog food?" Egg Brother turned to look at Fu Yan, pretended to be deeply affectionate, and said, "Come on, Yan Yan, I'll peel an egg for you too, no, let's peel two. Let them be jealous."
Everyone laughed at that.
The 6-day trip quickly came to an end. There were planned moments of happiness and unexpected mishaps. Sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy experiences were all part of life's original nature.
As the plane landed, everyone went their separate ways. If every journey could end with such a comedy, that would be ideal.
Pei Hao hailed a taxi to take me home. We arrived at my place at 5 PM. After the long journey, everyone was tired. I suggested ordering takeout, but he declined, saying that he wanted to cook for me personally. After saying that, he went to the market with great enthusiasm.
Pei Hao rarely cooked. He could only make a few dishes. He was busy in the kitchen, while I sat in the living room watching a boring TV show. I felt a bit sentimental. If it were a month ago, or even a week ago, him being so busy for me would probably make me dream sweet dreams at night. But now, I just wanted to finish eating quickly and find a quiet place to sleep.
That day, he cooked five or six dishes, some of which I liked, and some that he said were good for bone recovery. He picked up food for me with chopsticks and talked about many things: the trip, our university basketball team, and his work. Previously, I would be the one chattering away while he listened. Today, the roles were reversed. It made me realize that maybe he didn't talk much not because he wasn't used to it, but because he didn't want to.
After dinner, Pei Hao cleaned up and sat on the sofa, holding me. He rested his head on my shoulder and softly asked, "Xiaoxi, are you still mad at me?"
"I'm not mad." Being mad is an emotion that expects a response. I had given up hope, so I couldn't say I was mad or not.
Pei Hao sounded slightly aggrieved after hearing my response. "But you've been distant from me these past few days."
I turned to look at him and said, "If you had a leg that hurt like hell from walking after getting a cast, would you be enthusiastic about showing it to me?"
Pei Hao looked somewhat guilty. "I regret taking you to XX Island. I regretted it the moment I saw you in so much pain when you got off the boat. It's my fault."
You're not wrong for taking me to XX Island. I can't really pinpoint where you went wrong. Maybe it's that you chose to save Fu Yan instead of me, or maybe it's being together with me for five years despite not liking me, or maybe it's agreeing to my confession back then. Or maybe it's from the moment you started liking Fu Yan, everything was bound to be wrong.
Digging deeper, it's all twisted, and no one can sort out these rights and wrongs.
"Why talk about all this now?" I patted Pei Hao's shoulder without much expression, "It's not like you pushed me."
Pei Hao brushed away my bangs and kissed my forehead. "Tomorrow, I'll take the afternoon off to take you to the hospital."
I quickly shook my head. "There's no need to go to the hospital after the cast is already on. Let's go on the weekend."
Pei Hao nodded. "Sure, that works. I'll make bone broth for you tomorrow to nourish you."
Pei Hao's face was just an inch away from mine. Although his eyelashes weren't very long, they fluttered like butterfly wings when they moved, quite alluring. Leaning in a bit, I lightly brushed my lips against the corner of Pei Hao's eye and said, "Right here."
Pei Hao hadn't expected that. His eyes flickered, then he opened them and smiled at me, revealing his white teeth, clean and bright, just like how he looked when I first met him five years ago.
"First time I've seen someone wanting to kiss someone's eyes," Pei Hao reached over and ruffled my hair, his expression full of warmth. "But you'll be kissing them every day now."
I shrugged without replying, saying I wanted to sleep and sleep in the guest room. When we rented the apartment to avoid his family finding out we were sharing a bed, we got a two-bedroom apartment. Pei Hao was really happy that night. He didn't argue about which bed to sleep in. He tucked me in and left.
"Goodnight, Xiaoxi, see you tomorrow." Pei Hao leaned against the door, reaching over to turn off the bedroom light.
"Goodnight." I buried myself in the covers, my voice soft. I felt like we wouldn't see each other again tomorrow.
[1st Comment] LittleWatermelonPeel: Wait, did Xiao Xi actually take the initiative to kiss that scumbag A?!!
[2nd Comment] GreatPainter: Maybe it's the last kiss... Don't get too excited comment upstairs. (｀_')ゞ
[3rd Comment] Tracy0212: Can you believe Pei Hao actually looked so pitiful while talking to Xiao Xi? What's he pretending to be so wronged about?
......
[9th Comment] IsItAModel: It's evident that the original poster really likes that scumbag. From deciding to break up to staying so calm and composed afterward, I believe apart from genuinely giving up, there's also a reluctance to completely sever ties with Pei (zhai) Hao (nan), so the remaining bits of beauty in this relationship aren't taken away.
[10th Comment] LittleInk_: I'm only concerned about when the time comes to start tormenting the scumbag guy...
[OP] Randomly register an account. Posted on January 25, 2017, 22:38:14
Actually, I lied to Pei Hao. I never intended to go for a follow-up visit with him on the weekend. While on the island, I was constantly thinking about what to do after returning to the country. I found a temporary place to stay, arranged for a friend in City Y to come pick me up the next day, and sent a leave request email to my company while also requesting a transfer back to City X. If the company didn't agree, I was prepared to resign.
I didn't tell him about these plans. Firstly, because I felt these things had nothing to do with him anymore. I had already told him about the breakup, and from now on, everything about me was completely unrelated to him. Secondly, Pei Hao seemed quite invested in our relationship recently, and my gut feeling was that if he found out about my plans, my departure wouldn't be as clean-cut as I wanted it to be.
Since his feelings for me were nowhere near even a tenth of what he felt for Fu Yan, I thought my leaving wouldn't matter much to him. At most, it would be the departure of someone who had been together with him for five years, and it might feel a bit unusual. But as time went on and busy life caught up, he would get used to the idea of losing me before he had a chance to pretend to be sentimental.
I wasn't a deeply etched memory for Pei Hao. I was a passing presence. Farewell words, insincere reluctance, all of that was unnecessary.
My friend who helped me move was called Da Bai. He was one of the few close friends I had in university, and he knew about Pei Hao and me. Da Bai was also gay, with a tumultuous love life and a rich history. In the five years that Pei Hao and I were together, he had been in relationships with seven or eight different boyfriends. His stories were so captivating that they could fill several books.
The next day, Pei Hao went to work early, and Da Bai arrived around 9 in the morning. He was worried that my luggage wouldn't fit, so he borrowed a large car. Little did he know, it only took a couple of hours to pack up my belongings. I sat on the bed giving instructions while Da Bai helped me pack. Most of the things in the house were bought by Pei Hao, and my own kitchenware wasn't worth taking. Two suitcases, one for clothes and one for miscellaneous items. After over a year of living here, these were the only things I could take with me.
A pot was still bubbling away in the kitchen. It seemed to be the bone broth Pei Hao had been making. Steam was rising, filling the kitchen with a comforting aroma. Around noon, I received a WeChat message from Pei Hao: "The bone broth is simmering in the kitchen. It's on a timer and will turn off automatically. If you're hungry, just help yourself. Be careful when you get up."
I replied with a simple "Okay."
"Did he make bone broth for me? It smells amazing," Da Bai asked with a grin as he continued packing.
"No, I'm having you move my stuff, what makes you think he made bone broth?" I said.
"Then who made it? Pei Hao?"
"Yes," I nodded.
Da Bai shook his head and clicked his tongue a few times, "You city folks really know how to play. Even when breaking up, you still make bone broth as a parting gift?"
I blinked and looked at him without responding.
"Wait a minute, doesn't he know you're leaving today?" Da Bai looked surprised.
I nodded.
Da Bai widened his eyes and gave me a thumbs up, saying, "Impressive, you really can't be compared. Not adapting to the environment, yet you're standing your ground!"
After a while, he came over again and asked, "So, is this breakup for real this time? Don't tell me I went through the trouble of helping you move, and you'll be back together in a few days. I'll be so mad if that happens."
I spoke with determination, "It's really over. I've already applied to transfer back to City X."
"Alright then, if it's over, it's good. I'll introduce you to some good guys in a few days." Seeing my resolute attitude, Da Bai patted my shoulder before going back to packing.
"Is this everything?" Da Bai lifted my two suitcases and patted them. "It's quite little."
"Yes," I nodded, then pointed at the bone broth simmering in the kitchen, "Turn that off and let's go. If you want some, have a bowl before we leave."
Da Bai shook his head, "I can't have any. Think about it, you staged this dramatic breakup without a word. You didn't even take the things he gave you. Originally, that was kind of cool, right? But then he'll come back and find out that you left after finishing his bone broth. Your image of being aloof and cool in his mind won't hold up anymore, you know?"
I lowered my head and said softly, "I was never seen as aloof and cool in his eyes."
"True, otherwise how could you endure years of resentment," Da Bai thought for a moment before consoling me, "But a fresh start is a good thing."
Da Bai helped me settle into my new place by 5 in the afternoon, and we ordered takeout. He was busy organizing my temporary living space while I sat on the sofa, deleting posts from my social media accounts. I had documented most of the happy moments between Pei Hao and me, from when I secretly admired him to just before I fell into the water on the island. There were many intimate photos and affectionate words, all of which I set to "Only Me" visibility. I used to think that one day, when we were old, I would show him these one by one, read them out loud, and tell him about my teenage thoughts. But I never thought that what I had so carefully recorded would, one day, be deleted by my own hand, and Pei Hao would never have the chance to see them again.
That's also why I insisted on printing out those paper photos. Many things you consider precious can vanish with the press of a delete key online, wiped away like they never existed.
I deleted over a thousand posts in total. By the end, my hands were trembling. As I looked at my almost empty social media accounts, I felt a sense of relief. In my heart, I whispered, "Pei Hao, it's over between us."
[1st Comment] Ken_Chuang: Watching Xiao Xi delete her social media posts one by one, I can empathize with that feeling of suddenly clearing all memories with someone. I'm not sure if it's painful or cathartic.
[2nd Comment] XuMiXuan: Two years ago, I also sat in a McDonald's chair, deleting memories with that person, one by one. Every time I deleted, it felt like my heart was scratched, causing a dull pain. I deleted until 1 am, and there were hardly any people left in McDonald's. A staff member came over with a tissue and asked if I was okay, why was I crying like this. I took the tissue, said thank you, and walked out. It was very cold outside, and when the wind hit my face, I kept reminding myself: this person is no longer yours, you have to start your own life.
[3rd Comment] NotSeriousGlutton: How's it going upstairs?
[4th Comment] XuMiXuan: I'm doing well now. I can now calmly look at these past things.
......
[11th Comment] Dreamme: I'm relieved that Xiao Xi finally moved out. (Clap.jpg)
[12th Comment] ADiu'sShoeCover: Imagining Pei Hao going home to an empty house, I inexplicably feel great!
[13th Comment] LiuLiYing·Ya·FenXiYue: I think Xiao Xi's friends are really good. Xiao Xi must cherish you a lot too!
......
[20th Comment] 8Voooo: I don't know everyone, but I hope the original poster and everyone above find happiness.
[21st Comment] FishFallsForCat: The comments above are heartwarming.