The next chapter won't be out for a while since I'm slow and school is starting soon, so have this instead.
(All quotes were randomly generated)
Rush: Thanks for not telling Guiding Light what happened.
Eyes, dumbfounded: I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to explain this.
Guiding Light: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Glitch periodically send me texts saying 'we need to talk.'
Guiding Light: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.
Eyes, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?
Halt: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
Eyes: Ohhhh-
Rush: Both of you get out of this kitchen.
Hide: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.
Window: And here we see Rush and Ambush in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Rush: Gaelic bread.
Ambush: Grueling brad.
Rush: Ha ha, glamorous beans.
Seek: You use emoji's like a straight person.
Guiding Light: That's literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.
Guiding Light: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
Guiding Light: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Rush, Glitch, Ambush, and Halt: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!
Timothy: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there's nothing there?
Screech: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
Timothy:
Timothy: *sobs*
Window: You fucking scared them, you idiot.
Eyes: I feel so burnt out.
Figure: Don't worry, it'll be over soon.
Eyes: Are you gonna... assassinate me?
Figure: Well not if you're expecting it.
Halt: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth.
Seek: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.
Guiding Light: I'm not so sure you're stakeout material.
Seek: I'm a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.
Window: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Guiding Light: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.
Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Screech: I choose to waive that right!
Screech: *screaming*
Glitch: Why is Jack crying?
Eyes: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Jack: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Glitch: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say-
Jack: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Glitch: NO, NOT THAT!
Guiding Light: *coughs blood*
Glitch: Don't die, Guiding Light!
Guiding Light: Don't tell me what to do!
Screech: Law is meaningless! Stealing is legal now!
*Explosions in the distance*
Screech: I AM YOUR GOD!
Eyes: If I die, you can have what little I own.
Rush: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?
Eyes: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Rush:
Rush: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.
Hide: Hey bro, what do you want to eat?
Glitch: The souls of the innocent!
Guiding Light: A bagel.
Glitch: No!
Guiding Light: Two bagels.
Eyes: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?
Shadow: Take them!
Rush: Punch them in the neck!
Ambush: Say thank you!
Seek: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!
Eyes: ...
Eyes: No.
Shadow: Some people say that I have a god complex. I'd like to think that I'm a complex god.
Figure: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Figure: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.
Rush: You're offered 50,000 dollars, but the person you hate most in the world gets twice that much. Do you take it?
Seek: Yes. Why wouldn't I want 150,000 dollars?
Glitch, texting Seek: Any plans for tonight?
Seek: No.
Glitch: Loser.
Rush: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
Seek: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.
Seek: I'm doing my best.
Figure: You're not doing anything.
Seek: Yes, that's what I'm best at.
Eyes & Screech: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Eyes: We need an adult!
Screech: Eyes, you are an adult!
Eyes: We need an adultier adult! Get Glitch!
Window: I think I need a hug...
Screech: Good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Window: You... you can let go now.
Screech: No, I absolutely cannot.
Guiding Light: I told Glitch to grab snacks for everyone.
Eyes, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Guiding Light, Glitch, and Screech raise their hands*
*Jack sends more than 5 messages in a row*
Glitch: I ain't reading all that.
Glitch: I'm happy for you tho.
Glitch: Or sorry that happened.
Eyes: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you're a coward.
Halt: I'm worried about you.
*While the Squad is in a battle*
Guiding Light, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!
Glitch: Take it back now y'all!
Glitch, knocking on the door: Jack, open up!
Jack: It all started when I was a kid.
Glitch: That's not what I-
Ambush: Let them finish!
Halt: Look at the buns on that guy!
Ambush: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Rush: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Halt: I'm not going back to jail!
Ambush: You have your weirdly sincere humility.
Seek: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.
Screech, learning how to drive: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?
Seek: The car takes a screenshot.
Hide: Please pull over. I'm driving now.
Screech: Bet you can't eat 15 crayons!
Eyes: Bet you I can!
Halt: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*
Rush: What's two plus two?
Guiding Light: Math.
Rush: ...I will accept that answer.
Glitch: What is wrong with you?
Seek: Loaded question. Elaborate.
Seek: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Screech: You know that's called a coma, right?
Seek:
Seek: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Ambush: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Ambush: Rush is still mad about it, but me and Halt were drunk and thought it was funny.
Glitch: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.
Rush, throwing a pokeball at Figure: Figure, I choose you!
Figure, not looking up from their book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.
Timothy: I'm very scary.
Glitch: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.
Timothy: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.
Glitch: And small.
Timothy:
Timothy: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.
Rush: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Rush: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Eyes: Bonjour.
Window: Le growl.
Glitch: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
Rush: You're drunk.
Seek: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Rush.
Seek: Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!
Shadow: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.
Guiding Light: What?
Shadow: Good luck.
Rush, to Seek: All right, let's tell each other a secret about ourselves. I'm going to go first– I hate you.
Guiding Light: A mouse!
Figure, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.
Halt, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!
Glitch, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.
Jack, gasping: It's Ratatouille!
Screech: His name is Remi, dummy.
Guiding Light: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.
Shadow: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Shadow, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.
Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Guiding Light, with Hide and Rush behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes...three.
Guiding Light: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Guiding Light: Ambush FUCKING FELL OFF!
Seek: Why is Guiding Light crying on the floor?
Figure: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.
Seek: And?
Figure: They got Shadow.
Rush: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?
Halt: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.
Ambush: What's worse than a heartbreak?
Glitch: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.
Rush: Waking up in the morning.
Seek: Waking up.
Jack: Are they stupid?
Seek: Yes, but they prefer to be called Rush.