Sade's POV:
"Alright, spill," Diana instructed, turning in her chair to give me her full attention.
I'd been sitting in her office, silently trying to gather my thoughts for at least two whole minutes now.
At first she allowed it once I walked in here, babbling about work and Aria's wedding; everything but an update on Lauren. The minute I grew silent, trying to find something else to bring up, and remained silent when nothing came to mind, my stalling attempt faltered.
My attention trailed from my lap to her, and she simply arched an awaiting and knowing brow. Drawing a long deep breath, I decided to just air it out,
"My ex girlfriend is no longer my ex girlfriend," I blurted in a mumble. The second I saw her eyes widen, I looked down at my lap again before continuing.
"Wait a minute, what?" She asked in disbelief, then I heard her stand from her chair. When I glanced up, she'd began resting on the edge of the desk with her arms crossed. "What did I miss?"
"Ohhh, you knoww," I began while swaying my head nervously. "Just that we hung out for the first time as friends a few weeks ago, then almost kissed.... Then a few days after that, she came to my apartment, saying she missed me, so then I kissed her. And then she spent the night- but left the next morning without saying goodbye..."
Continuing to ramble, I twiddled my fingers, and averted my eyes from meeting Diana's. I'm sure they were poking out of her head by now, but shit, this wasn't even the half.
"Oh and then we had a get together with all the bridesmaids in Tampa- that was nice. And Lauren was like 'why're you avoiding me?' and I was like 'because you're still engaged and I don't wanna share you- so we can only be friends'.... then we kissed again-" I couldn't help but laugh at that part, letting my head drop while doing so. "Oh but wait, there's more," I said, playfully lifting a finger. "I had a business trip in California, and that just so happened to be where she lives... So you know me, I just haaad to pay her a visit... and then we slept together, so there's that," I laughed again nervously. "So uh, the next day she told me she loved me still and had never stopped, and I was like 'same'... So um, we're kind of like...back together???"
By the time I finished the rant, I looked up to find Diana simply hanging her head and shaking it. That caused me to grimace,
"Oh no...it's that bad??"
To my surprise, she then laughed. "I should've known," she said through a smiling sigh before meeting my confused stare. "You came up in here with this blinding glow. And while you were talking, I was just trying to figure out who did it."
"It could've been me," I playfully defended, laying a hand over my chest. "Self love is a thing you know?"
"Yeah but this ain't no self love glow and you know it," she laughed, flapping a hand in my direction. The blush forming on my cheeks became hard to hide and I bowed my head. "See, look at you, can't even deny it," she added in amusement.
"Whatever D-" she laughed again. "Anyway, that's it. I think..... But now, I'm not really sure what to do next," I trailed, looking up at her.
"What do you mean? About your relationship?"
"Yeah...."
"Well that depends on about three things," she said while extending a hand behind her to reach for her notepad and pen. She then propped it in her hands, ready to write. "You find an answer to my question?"
Sighing heavily, I brushed my hands up and down my skirt. "Yeah, I think so."
Diana waited until I looked at her to say, "okay, shoot."
"Okay well the first question was 'what's something or someone that makes me happy,' right?" She nodded. "Alright, well, besides my work, and before Lauren came back into my life, I'd say going to visit Aria, or trying new things within the city, or watching the sun rise or set- things like that. But ever since Lauren did come into the picture, I won't even lie to you D, she makes me the happiest I've been in a while," I said with an unconcealable smile, to which Diana returned. "And it's not like I can't be happy without her, I can. It's doable. My work and the few friends that I have could get me by... But it's like..." A breath of air flew from my lips as I looked up at the ceiling. "I simply just don't want to be without her. Ever. Hearing her laugh again, seeing her smile again, dancing with her again to our favorite music...watching movies together, holding each other, or even just hearing her voice and listening to her talk about whatever's on her mind.... I just," I shook my head again, still a bright smile on my face. "It makes me happy D. Truly."
Nodding her head while writing, she twisted her lips to suppress a growing smile. "So, the second question?"
"A time in my life where I was happiest," I said through a breath, rubbing my skirt again. "Well, it was senior year of high school, without a doubt. Then there was my last year of college because all my dreams were coming true. And if I'm being honest, thinking about the future makes me happy now too," I said timidly. Diana looked up from her notebook at me with a smirk and arched brow, requesting elaboration. "With Lauren and I deciding to be together again, I'm hopeful for us, and our relationship regarding the future."
"You see marriage and things like that in the future?" I nodded with confidence. "Kids?"
That made me pause,
"Well, if I'm being honest, neither of us have been big on kids, but if the time comes where she wants them or I do, I'm open to it. Only because it's her really."
"So you'd have kids for her, if she wants them? Or you'd have them because you'd be having them with her?"
"I'd have them because I only see myself having them with her, yes," I answered.
Saying nothing, Diana simply nodded, and continued writing, which made me nervous.
"Okay, and let me ask you this-" I drew another breath, preparing myself for critiques. "This fiancé she had, where is he?" Ugh.
I rolled my eyes. "He's out of the country apparently, 'on business.'"
"Are he and Lauren separated?"
"Yes, they are now."
"And were they separated when you two had your time together?" See, here we go... She saw my face, then added on. "I only ask because I wanna get all my info before saying what I wanna say," Diana said.
"No, D, they weren't," I said through a sigh, sitting my back against the loveseat with a huff. "It was wrong, I know." I put my palm on my forehead.
"Yeah, but you're only human, and guessing on the fact that you and her are together now after that, tells me their relationship didn't have much value anyway."
"It didn't," I mumbled while crossing my arms and shaking my head. Diana emitted a light chuckle,
"Okay, but despite all that, I need to ask three things." I nodded as she gave me her attention. "One: living and career arrangements. Will you two move in together? Do long distance? What's the plan?"
After thinking on it for a second, I could only come up with the truth.
"I don't know," I answered softly, playing with my fingers again. Briefly nodding, she marked something on her notebook before continuing,
"Okay, two: are you sure this Micah person is out of the picture for good? Or is he in the process of being removed?"
As badly as I wanted to say I was a hundred percent sure, I wasn't... Lauren only said she was leaving Micah, but he wasn't even in the country let alone around her, for her to do so completely. We hadn't talked much about it, her and I, but I'd be sure to bring it up soon.
"I'm not a hundred percent sure he's out of the picture, no," I then said. Once again, a mark was made on the paper before she continued,
"Okay, now for the third: It's obvious you and Lauren love each other. Or that you love her, I should say-" my eyes snapped in her direction and she instantly held her hands up. "Only because I don't know her and haven't seen you two together," she defended through a laugh. I smiled, then focused my attention back on my fingers. "But in all seriousness, I need to ask, are you sure about this? Getting back together with her, so soon?"
My gaze traveled back up to meet her eyes through furrowed brows.
"I just mean, she's going from a fiancé of however many years, to being with you at the snap of a finger. I just wanna make sure you're not making these decisions without talking through the emotions and things that come with such changes. They were engaged, Sade, not just boyfriend and girlfriend, and it wasn't for a short period of time either. I wanna make sure that you guys are doing this because you truly love each other and just want to be together, and that's it, nothing else. I don't want it to be them as a couple possibly going through something just as you two came back into each other's lives, and she sees the opportunity to run and escape whatever they have going on. Because it seems to me, you know very little about their relationship, and I don't want that to blow up in your face Sade. And I don't want things to go left later down the road, simply because you were too wrapped up in nothing but your love for each other to consider these things first."
The words coming from Diana began to fade as I continued to stare at my twiddling fingers in deep thought.
Though growing muffled, I was hearing everything she was saying. And that was the problem. I didn't want to. Of course she was right, it's her job to be. But now it's like my bubble has been busted, and every thought of hesitation or doubt that I had going into this has been let back in. I could only hope that talking with Lauren about this would go smoothly and her answers would put down my worries with ease....
But what if it didn't, though? What if Diana's concerns held truth? Did I want to find out if they did?
"Sade?" she called, pulling me from my thoughts. I slowly lifted my head,
"Hm?"
Giving me a sympathetic look, she tilted her head. "Oh honey, this isn't to scare you. I just wanted to give you a few things to think about, to ensure your relationship has a chance at making it and that you keep your glow. Just trust that it will, and you'll be fine," she said after putting down her notepad. I gave a half smile,
"I just hope everything works out is all."
"It will, I promise," Diana assured, then turned to round her desk to take a seat. "So with that being said, you know the drill-"
Now sighing as I stood, "lay it on me," I said, grabbing my handbag to stand before her desk.
"When I see you next, have the answers to those three questions, and answer them with confidence, no doubt," she said, pointing a finger. I nodded, taking out my phone to jot the questions down. "Also, you're going to the AMAs, yes?" I nodded again. "Come back after that, and spill allllss the tea," she dragged with a sassily flapped hand, making me laugh before turning for the door.
"I'll think about it," I joked. "See you D-"
"Hey I'm serious, I want pictures and everything!" she exclaimed through a laugh as I walked through the door, giggling as well.
"Byeee Diana!"
Lauren's POV:
Rehearsals today were a true pain in the ass.
I was tired, which made it feel long as hell for no reason. I'd never craved sleep so bad in my life.
Once I got home and showered, I then decided to cook dinner and chill on the couch for tonight instead of holing up in my room. It was getting to be lonely, and depressing. And I was tired of feeling depressed. For dinner, I went simple and made creamy tomato pasta with diced chicken. Immediately after cooking, I cleaned up before sitting down to eat, so I wouldn't have to do it later.
After sitting on the couch and taking forever to choose something to watch, my phone rang. A smile curved along my lips as I slid my thumb across the screen. Her face popped up and my smile grew.
"Hi there beautiful," I beamed.
"Hi," Sade responded softly. No 'my love,' 'baby,' 'Honeybee,' nothing. Noticing her off mood, a frown instantly sunk in,
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked as she sat the phone on her kitchen counter, as if she was about to start dinner herself. She shook her head, but turned away from the camera.
"Oh nothing, I'm alright. Just tired is all." Simply shrugging, she turned back around with a container of leftovers in her hands. Once she finally looked at the camera, she gave a half smile. "You look pretty."
Sure enough, I fell for her deference tactic and blushed, looking away with an eye roll.
I then noticed she still had on her work attire; a peach pencil skirt with a silk floral top that draped near her chest. Her hair was slightly curled and slicked into a middle ponytail, looking rather voluminous. She wore gold jewelry, and those same small hoop earrings she had on the night she came over.
For a second I had to glance elsewhere and refocus, because the fact that she looked this good and I was across the country, it was going to piss me off if I kept on.
"Long day?" I then asked through a sigh, now trying to ease into figuring out what was wrong with her.
She sighed as well, putting the container in the microwave above the stove. "Yeah," she said once coming back into view. "Alyssa wanted more beading added to her dress last minute, and since I didn't want anyone messing it up, I'm doing it myself."
Curiosity caused a crease in my brow. "Alyssa?"
"Mulatto," she corrected. "Sorry, I forget to use their stage names sometimes," she laughed. "But yeah, there was that. Then I went to see Diana today, which took me for a spin as always."
I paused for a moment in contemplation. "Am I allowed to ask?" I said after a moment.
Sade looked at me and smiled. The microwave then beeped, making her turn around again. "Yes, you can ask," she replied after returning. "It was just that she said some things that gave me a lot to think about is all..." Her eyes trailed down the counter as she rested her elbows on it. "But I don't want to bother with that right now," she shook her head and stood, taking her food and the camera with her. "Tell me about your day. How were rehearsals?"
"Ugh, long and grueling," I said, rolling my neck back and making her laugh. When I looked back at my phone again, my lips pouted a bit. "I miss you."
Her expression mirrored mine as she tilted her head. "I miss you too Honeybee." I smiled wide, looking away. "I wish we could see each other soon," she then said.
It was when Sade said something that I was reminded of why I longed to get on the phone with her today more than usual. When she answered, I instantly only wanted to see what was wrong and make sure she was okay. I'd forgotten my excitement just that quickly. But now, it was back, and a bit of nerves came with it.
"Hey Emerald...." I trailed as she seemed to be browsing her TV.
"Yeah?" I waited until she looked at me to continue. As soon as she did, I asked,
"What if... What if we could?"
Looking confused for a second, Sade tilted her head. "What do you mean?"
"I mean... What if we could? See each other soon....and everyday after that?"
It took a moment before her eyebrows raised and she shifted to give me her full attention.
"You're saying everyday as in..."
"As in I'd like to live with you, yes," I laughed nervously, reaching my other hand up to tug my ear a little as my head slightly dropped. "Only if you wanted to. I mean, I know it would be soon..."
"Did you want to get a place together? Or-"
"Oh I'd be moving to New York with you," I assured. "My work can travel, but yours can't. Not as easily at least, I'd assume."
"Yeah, I guess you're right..."
Realizing she hadn't given an answer yet, I instantly regretted bringing it up so soon.
"I'm sorry, it's stupid of me to suggest," I began to ramble, hanging my head a bit again. "I just wanted to be able to see you more-"
"Baby n-"
"That's my bad, I know it's soon. I'm sorry, I-"
"Lauren..."
"We can talk about something else," I nervously chuckled, not even realizing that she'd called me twice now. "Oh wait, you're probably tired. I'm sorry, I-"
"Lauren baby please, listen to me," Sade cut my words short in a pleading tone, and I finally looked at her. She tilted her head lovingly at me then shook it. "If only I were with you," she trailed. "I'd kiss you just to shut you up-" I exhaled a laugh, as did she. "Of course I want to live with you," she continued. "And I was honestly going to ask how you felt about moving here with me, but I was afraid you couldn't because of work, or just wouldn't want to, so I held off."
"Wait, you were?" She nodded, closing her smiling eyes. "Ah man, you had me nervous as hell-" Sade giggled, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, I know I didn't give an answer straight away, I was just thinking it through."
"But you're okay with it though?" I asked in all seriousness. "It's not too soon, or too much? You don't want to wait? Because I understand if you do, I don't wanna-"
"Lauren..."
I paused. "Yeah?"
"If you'd let me answer at least once," she laughed. "You'd know that I'm more than okay with it. I promise, I'd love for you to move in with me Honeybee."
Sheepishly smiling, I palmed my forehead. "I'm rambling aren't I?"
Sade laughed. "It's adorable honestly-"
"Shut up," I chuckled.
~~~~~~~
We talked a bit more until Sade began to sound sleepy. When I told her I'd let her get some sleep, she insisted I stay on the phone with her until she dozed off. Of course I did so, and I watched my TV until falling asleep myself.
I'd told her that I broke up with Micah and didn't plan on seeing him again, like ever. And it was the truth.
To Sade, he's away on business and is a cheater. I refused to inform her of his abusive ways towards me. I wanted to leave that part of my life behind and I don't think I could handle seeing her face once she found out. She'd look at me differently, I knew for sure. Whether it was for staying, not saying anything, letting him get away with it, or whatever else, she wouldn't think the same of me. And that was the last thing I wanted to happen.
I wanted to close that chapter and never open it again. I wanted to be truly happy, and I wanted to do so with her.
Sade didn't need to know of such weakness in me; such stupidity. I didn't want her to find that she had no reason to be proud of me, or admire or adore me. I didn't want to witness the light in her eyes fade once she looked at me. That'd hurt ten times worse than any punch, slap, or object Micah had ever thrown my way.
The two of us would discuss more moving details this week.
I told her that I was thinking of taking a break from music after the AMAs, just to find some creative motivation. I'd already done my album promotion and interviews, and this performance was one of the last on the list. Things were in line for me to take a few months off, and man did my body need a break. Sometimes I felt myself about to faint from pure exhaustion alone.
Supportive as always, Sade expressed she'd be there, one hundred percent behind whatever I wanted to do about it, and was always a listening ear if I needed to talk. I couldn't help but smile when she said it. It'd always left me in awe of how caring and attentive she'd always been, and how she always knew just what to say and when to say it.
As of now, I'd be moving to New York after the AMAs. She thought I was kidding when I said I'd be there the next day, and could care less about sleep or whatever else. She'd see though. And speaking of, the ceremony was now two weeks away, taking forever might I add.
Two weeks, and I'd be free.
Not necessarily from music- that's my baby- but from the negatives that came with it. Letting Micah go meant cutting off the stress he caused me as well. The people he had me around, events he brought me to, though I begged otherwise... I wouldn't feel so controlled and drained anymore. I'd be free to find myself again.
And honestly, I couldn't wait.
~~~~~~~~