"I heard you broke up with Eli."
I didn't break up with Eli.
"No one will call you mute if you don't talk."
Seth leaned against the lockers and crossed his arms, "You know it's June, right?"
"You know the month, good for you. Would you like a trophy?"
He turned towards me and slammed my locker shut. How rude. "I'm not going to fight with you because I know you're not happy right now and you're using me as an outlet."
I glared at him, "Am not!"
Okay, maybe a little.
"But you should know that lashing out at me won't solve anything."
Seth refused to budge from his statement and with my inflexible behavior, I didn't either.
"What's going on here?" That would be Winnie.
"Nothing," I said.
Beside Winnie were Ben and Trevon. It's a good thing Eli isn't here. He's been having a hard time swallowing the fact that Seth has been around more than necessary. And right now, I dont need the headache.
"Hey," Trevon said. "Um- did you get a chance to talk to Mina?"
What did Trevon do now?
Seth pats his shoulder, "Bro. It was one date."
I looked at Winnie, who made direct eye contact with me.
"What date?" I asked.
"He's worried because Mina is dating now," Seth replied.
Look at Mina and her newfound confidence.
Good for her.
Trevon scratched his head, "I'm just worried for her because you never know what weirdo is out there."
"Like you." Winnie had to say it.
Trevon glared at her, "At least I'm not a control freak!"
And then, it starts.
"What did you say, yah loud mouth pussy for dick weirdo?"
"You heard what this loudmouth said! Ben can't even breathe without your permission!"
"Breathing is a reflexive response! I can't control that dumbskull!" You can tell Winnie's insults are heavily influenced by Ben.
"It was an exaggerated example!"
"Now. Now." Ben got in between them. "Let's chill for a second before either of you do something that makes me question all my life decisions."
"Oh-" Big mistake Ben. "You're questioning your life decision?" Winnie spat out. "Do you also question being with me?"
"Honey Bun that's not it." Winnie smacks Ben's hands away.
Trevon rolled his eyes and steered his attention away from the spatting couple.
"Whatever. " Winnie stomped away.
"Dude," Ben said.
"I don't know why you're with her!" Trevon rebuttal, "You can do better."
"No, I can't!" Ben gave him a stupid look, "It's a miracle that Winnie wants me!"
"Ben." Seth pats his shoulder, "Don't think that."
I nudge Seth's waist.
"What?"
I glared at him.
"It's sad," he whispered.
"I'm standing right here," Ben said. "Not hurt. This is me facing reality."
"Come on man," Trevon dared to say more. "When we graduate from college and make a lot of money, you'll meet hundreds of Winnie."
"There is only one Winnie!" Ben clarified. "And you're my best friend. How can you say that about my girlfriend? You know I love Winnie."
"You love me?"
Winnie?
She's still here?
Awkward silence.
Winnie exhale quietly before she smiles, "BennyBoo."
He pushed past everyone, "I do love you."
"Me too."
"I'm sorry about Trev. You know how he is."
"Hey!" Trevon pitched in.
"I know. He's an idiot."
"Hey!"
"Come on," Ben grabbed Winnie's backpack, "I'll walk you to class."
Winnie grabbed Ben's arm, and together they snuggled their way to class.
"I'm so disgusted," Seth mumbled.
That makes two.
Trevon let out a: "Ugh."
That makes three.
And all three are somehow envious of their love.
"So-" Trevon turned to Seth and moved his hands around like an idiot.
"My advice? Talk to her." Seth pat Trevon's shoulder.
"Shut up," Trevon grumbled. "What do you know? You don't even have a girlfriend."
Does he know...neither does he?
After school and cheer practice, I decided to spend some time alone at the park. On the swing, I kicked the bark back and forth. It's not like I haven't tried to break up with Eli. But every time I open my mouth, the words get stuck, and then I swallow my courage.
I've never broken up a healthy relationship before.
Had I broken up a toxic relationship?
Plenty of time.
All you had to do was scream at each other until one person was fed up, pack their bags, and off they went.
A healthy relationship doesn't involve much screaming, and that's the problem.
A shadow blocked the sun. I looked up to see Eli in tan shorts and a white t-shirt. He smiled before he sat on the swing next to me, "Hey there," he said.
"Hi."
"Got alot on your mind?"
"Quite."
"Care to share?"
If sharing what's on your mind is easy, everyone would've done it. And if everyone shares what's in their minds, the world would be a much more resentful place.
Resentful.
Ah, yes.
That's what I'm afraid of - resentment.
If I broke up with Eli, would he be resentful and bitter towards me?
I'm scared to lose him. Not lose him as a boyfriend, but lose him from my life.
I don't know if I'll ever say it out loud, but Elijah Wood does make me a better person.
But, what about him?
What did I ever give him?
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah. Anything."
My hands clenched against the metal rings. The longer I took, the more Seth's words sink into my thoughts - honesty. Eli's hot hand holds my cold one. He moves it up to his lip and kisses it before he gives me a smile of reassurance. The smile that says - no matter what you ask, I won't get angry.
"Have you ever thought of having kids?" I asked.
Eli's eyes widened slightly, and he smiled, "Woah. I mean, I had thought about us, you know, but I'm still seventeen, so that's-"
Eli's voice somehow faded into the background, until I could no longer hear him. So, instead, I focused on him.
His blushing red cheeks.
His bright brown eyes.
The tiny freckles on his face that somehow made him much more endearing.
"Yes!"
"What?"
"If you're proposing," he said. "My answer is yes." Eli scooted closer to me and turned the swing towards him, "I would love to have a little girl like you in the future."
Can you hear it?
Little kids rushing towards the playground.
"What about you?" he asked.
The air tasted dry and dusty. I wipe my clammy hands against the jeans, "I do want kids."
Eli smiled wide, "Yay for mutual feelings!" He hugged me.
The swing dropped beneath him, and it clanks against the metal.
"I love you."
There's a sound in my ear, and it's pounding against my chest. I swallowed firmly but quietly at his confession. If I could, I would drop off the face of the Earth right now.
Eli moves away with his face barely an inch from mine. With a shaky voice, he said: "I love you."
Say something.
Think.
Think.
Think!
"You don't have to say it back," he responded. "I just want you to know how I feel."
"E-Eli," I move all the gears in my brain, "Are you sure?"
He nods.
"Are...Um-" I stood up, and Eli took a step back. The world feels like it's spinning, and somehow, it's a bit difficult to breathe.
My hands felt warmer than earlier, and of course, with my logical brain, I did what anyone who never experienced romantic love would do.
I bolted.
"Ava?"
Dumbass.
"Ava!"
Dumbass!
Eli managed to catch up and blocked me. I moved left, and he did the same. I went right, and so did he.
"Eli!"
"Ava!"
"W-What?"
"Why did you run?"
Finally, I looked up from our shoes and into his eyes. We barely ran, and he's already so sweaty.
"I'm not sure."
"Is it because I said: I lov-"
Quickly, I blocked his mouth. "You're seventeen, and you're letting your hormones talk. Think, Eli. I want you to take a second and think about what you're about to say next."
He blinked a few times before he grabbed my wrist and removed my hands, "I took a second." His fingers tangle with mine, "I know it sounds delusional and ridiculous, but I believe in us."
"Us?"
"Yes."
"It is ridiculous," I told him. I remove his hand from mine.
This is it.
This is the right time to break up.
"I-"
But, like the wuss I am, and had always been I couldn't let out the words.
So, I did what I've always done when the relationship gets a bit too much to swallow.
I walked away.
When I didn't hear Eli's voice, the anxiety set in, and I turned around. My eyes widen at the image in front of me. "Eli!"