Yunho glanced nervously at the clock, then back at his fellow members. Mingi was sitting beside him, anxiously biting his nails, while Yeosang, Wooyoung and San lay in a heap on the floor. Jongho was on the single couch, his fingers thudding softly against the arm of it.
As if sensing Yunho's gaze, they all turned and looked at him.
"Hyunggg," Jongho murmured, his voice barely coming out as more than a whisper. He said no more, and there was no need to. They were all thinking the exact same thing.
Hongjoong's plane landed in an hour, and they had promised him that they would all go pick him up. That had placed them in a difficult predicament, as Seonghwa was not in any state to go anywhere, least of all in public.
Yunho sighed in frustration. Being the next oldest, the rest of Ateez had turned to him for guidance. But before he had any time to think further, the sound of the company van pulling into the driveway could be heard.
"Damn it," Yunho snapped, causing the others to jump in fright. "Wooyoung, you stay here with Seonghwa-hyung and makes sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Put him to bed if you can, and throw out all the cans he left lying around."
"Bold of you to assume being drunk changed his cleaning habits," Wooyoung retorted. "He even mopped the floor at 4am this morning while stone drunk."
"Yeah, but he didn't sweep first," Jongho muttered in disgust, having been the first person to go into the kitchen barefoot and discover the soggy crumbs from last night's dinner.
Yunho rose to his feet with a groan, the affects of a terrible night's sleep beginning to make themselves known. "I don't think the cans even made it to the bin."
"Sure didn't," Mingi agreed as he pulled a can out from behind the couch cushion. "You'll have to play a game of treasure-seek if you want to find them all."
"Come on, we gotta go," Yunho said, as he clapped his hands to make them all get moving. "We'll just tell Hongjoong that he was sick or something." He paused to help Wooyoung get to his feet. "You okay, Woo?" He asked, peering closely at the younger man's face.
Wooyoung smiled back at him, but it turned into a grimace as he moved to take the can from Mingi. "Yeah, I'll be alright. Just...don't let Hongjoong find out."
"We're gonna try," Yunho promised. "Last thing we want is our captain committing some serious crime."
But as he herded the others out the door and into the van, Yunho could not help but think he would be there along side Hongjoong if he did indeed choose to commit one.
For Yunho was far more protective than he was given credit for. So protective that he perhaps felt a greater anger at the injustices than either of his two hyungs did. He was just better at not showing it, than the leader was. But it was there, a growing darkness inside of him that threatened to come out at any moment.
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Yunho leaned against the window and stared out. But he did not see the buildings rushing by, only his grim drawn face staring back at him. If Hongjoong didn't find out, though Yunho secretly half-hoped he would, Yunho vowed he would take the matter into his own hands. Whatever that might come to mean.
* * * * *
Hongjoong tried to pretend to be cool and calm as he casually strolled over to his members who stood waiting around the van, but the closer he got, the wider his smile grew and the faster his footsteps became. Despite the three days having flown past, Hongjoong had still felt the emptiness of not having his loud chaotic members by his side. It felt strange taking care of himself and not seven other people.
But as Hongjoong reached the smiling group, he automatically did a headcount, and his smile faltered. Immediately, his leader instincts kicked in, and he scanned the group sharply.
No Wooyoung or Seonghwa, the two most unlikely to not want to come. Had Wooyoung done something again? But even for that, Seonghwa would not have kept him from coming. Yunho was clearly in a foul temper. Yeosang and San were faking their good moods. Mingi's fingers were red like he had just been chewing them, and Jongho looked very unusually like a real maknae as he hid behind Mingi's tall frame.
Hongjoong didn't call them all out on it, though. He was truly happy to see them and didn't want to ruin the moment just yet.
He dropped his bag to the ground and moved to hug each of his members. This wasn't his usual way of greeting, but through each hug, he gained a bit of of knowledge on the situation. His members felt stiff and awkward, some of them being overly friendly and others avoiding his gaze altogether. When he hugged Yunho, however, he knew he was right in believing something was really wrong. Yunho's arms encircled him, and the tall dongsaeng rested his head against the captain's shoulder.
Hongjoong heard his deep, shaky breaths close to his ear and knew that Yunho was silently begging him to find out the situation and fix it. He patted Yunho's back gently and tightened his hug for a brief moment before stepping back. Their eyes met, and both knew their message had been communicated.
"Come on, hyung. You gotta tell us all about it," San was saying as he collected Hongjoong's bag and placed it into the van.
Hongjoong smiled at him and climbed up into the van behind him. The rest of the members followed suit, and soon they were all seated, and the van was heading back to the dorm.
"Before I talk about myself, where's the others?" Hongjoong asked, his tone and manner still remaining casual.
The silence and tension that dropped were unbelievable. For a moment, the only sound was the members turning to glance at each other.
"They weren't feeling well, hyung," San quickly replied, realising the silence was getting suspiciously long.
"That's not good," Hongjoong commented as he pretended to flick bits of dirt off his jacket. "What was wrong with them?"
"Covid," Yeosang blurted out. He let out a pained yelp as Jongho flicked him on the thigh.
"Covid!?" Hongjoong spun around to look at them.
"It wasn't covid, hyung," Yunho quickly reassured him, trying to remedy the situation before it turned too bad. "They just came down with a cold this morning. Seonghwa had it worse, so Wooyoung stayed with him."
"Not the other way, huh?" Hongjoong mused to himself. Wooyoung was known for having severe cases of "the man flu." His dramatics grew tenfold during these times, and he always let the whole dorm know it was the end of his time.
Hongjoong hadn't fallen for this lie, though. The members got colds all the time. It was common with so many people living in one place and especially when holding fan meets and constantly being in contact with hundreds of different people. But they often still went to concerts while being sick, so why would a cold stop them from leaving the dorm now? Normally, they would just pop a mask on and keep a bit of a distance. And it didn't explain why the members were acting so funny. Unless it had to do with the reason for the colds.
"So, I hope you all acted well for Seonghwa."
And that seemed to do it. If Hongjoong had thought the tension before was unbelievable, he was mistaken. The van became so quiet that Hongjoong was sure he could hear all their hearts pounding.
"Of course, hyung," Jongho managed to mutter.
The rest of the drive was in silence.
But finally, they were back at the dorm, and the members sprang out, eager to escape the awkward tension that had been steadily growing the whole trip. But their footsteps slowed again as they followed Hongjoong with dread into the dorm.
To Hongjoong's surprise, Wooyoung was in the living room, restlessly pacing back and forth.
"Hyung, you're back!" he exclaimed with delight, rushing over to give Hongjoong a hug and a big wet kiss.
Hongjoong normally would have given Wooyoung a playful hit for that, but for some reason, today he could not. Deep down, he could feel that Wooyoung had really missed him. So, instead, he grabbed the startled Wooyoung and pulled him in for a tight hug.
"Yes, Wooyoungie," he whispered into his dongsaeng's ear. "I'm back."
Wooyoung quickly pulled away, muttering something about taking Hongjoong's bags to his room for him, but it was not before Hongjoong had seen the tears that had filled his eyes. As Wooyoung went to leave, Hongjoong stopped him.
"The others said you didn't feel well?"
"Oh yeah, that..." Wooyoung glanced at the others, and they all began mouthing something back to him. "Yeah, I just felt kinda queasy. But I think it was something I aaa..." his voice faded, and he tilted his head to one side in a puzzle manner as he tried to interpret why his members were shaking their heads frantically at him. "Nose? Oh, I had a bit of a cold."
Hongjoong took a deep breath, his hand moving up to his face to squeeze the tension from his aching temples. Behind him, the other members all fell silent. They all recognized this gesture and knew the facade was over.
"In three seconds, I want everyone sitting on that couch. One... two.."
The teezers all plonked themselves down, with poor Wooyoung grimacing as he did so.
Hongjoong turned to face them. "I know you have all been lying to me from the moment we met at the airport, and I will let that go if you all tell me what is going on. Yunho?"
Yunho squeezed his eyes shut as he heard his name being said. To tell or not to tell? He knew it had to be said sooner or later, but how would he do it in a way that lessened the captain's anger.
"Oh, come on guys, it's not that big of a deal."
Yunho's eyes shot open, and he glanced at Wooyoung, who had just spoken. Wooyoung just gave him a meaningful look before rising to his feet and standing at attention with his arms behind his back.
"I was being silly in the dressing room and accidentally tore Seonghwa's shirt. So Seonghwa punished me for it. I didn't want you to find out about it because I thought you might follow up on it."
Hongjoong could have caved with relief. "Wooyoung, why would I follow up in it? You did it under Seonghwa's watch, and he dealt with it. It's got nothing to do with me. You punk, you really had me worried."
"Sorry, hyung," Wooyoung murmured, ducking his head. His tone was so genuine and sincere that for a moment, the alarm bells went back off in Hongjoong's head. It was almost as if Wooyoung wasn't apologizing for past behaviour, but for what he was doing right now.
"So where is Seonghwa now?"
"He really isn't well, hyung," San replied. "We didn't lie about that."
"I'll go check on him then." Hongjoong turned to go to their shared room.
"No, don't," came the chorus of yells as all the members sprang to their feet.
"I mean, you gotta let him sleep," Jongho quickly said with a nervous laugh.
"Yeah, you can just borrow my room," Mingi generously offered.
Hongjoong shook his head. "You guys just don't know when to stop, do you?"
He walked over to his room and swung the door open. Whatever he had expected, or even the worst scenario he had tried to think up, it wasn't what met his eyes.
Seonghwa was lying on the floor with several animal crossing and Star Wars figures.
"Take that, Mr Ho," he was saying, as Obi Wan knocked poor Apollo eagle to the ground. "And that. And that. Bam! Pow pow!"
Hongjoong swung around to stare at his members, and Wooyoung gave a confused shrug.
"He's been at it all morning, hyung. I now get why you referred to us being like five year olds."
Hongjoong turned back to gape at Seonghwa. At the same time, Seonghwa glanced up and saw him.
"Oh, Hongie," he giggled. "Look, this is you!" He raised the Obi Wan figure up in the air.
Hongjoong marched over to him and snatched it out of his hand. "You're drunk!"
"No, I'm Seonghwa." The eldest member curled up laughing as if it had been the funniest thing to have ever been said.
"How long has he been like this?" Hongjoong wanted to know.
"Since last night, hyung." Yunho whispered. "We tried to get him to stop. But he just wouldn't. I'm sorry, hyung. We just didn't know what to do anymore."
"Alright, everyone back out on the couch. I want the whole truth, and I want it now."
The members trudged back to the couch and nervously sat down. Hongjoong stood in front of them, his arms crossed and his gaze burning down on them.
"Okay, out with it."
"What Wooyoung told you was basically the truth, hyung," Yunho spoke up, saving Wooyoung from having to say it himself. "Wooyoung and San were just playing around, and Seonghwa's shirt got torn. It was just an accident, and Seonghwa wasn't even angry about it, but..."
"Manager Ho," Hongjoong muttered, now completely understanding the tension over everyone.
Yunho nodded. "Yes, hyung. He let San go, but hit Wooyoung."
"I got a bit mouthy, hyung," Wooyoung admitted meekly, not daring to look at the leader.
Hongjoong didn't say anything. He just nodded at Yunho to continue.
"He hit Wooyoung a couple of times and then told him Seonghwa had to finish it up. Seonghwa didn't realise that the manager had already got a couple of hits in and disciplined Wooyoung back here at the dorm. But he realised afterwards that Wooyoung had already been hit and that..." He paused to take a deep breath. "It left bruises like when he hit me, hyung. Seonghwa felt terrible and blames himself for not checking with Wooyoung and for not protecting him, so he started drinking. I'm sorry, hyung."
Hongjoong nodded. "Yunho and Wooyoung, you stay here. The rest of you can head upstairs."
San, Yeosang, and Jongho glanced at each other but reluctantly did as told. Hongjoong then turned to the remaining two.
"Wooyoung, come here."
Wooyoung glanced nervously at Yunho, then slowly rose to his feet and came to stand before the leader. He flinched as Hongjoong moved suddenly towards him but instead found himself in a warm embrace.
"Hyungie," he whispered, his hands slowly moving up to clutch at Hongjoong's shirt.
"You should have told me, Wooyoung. I wasn't going to get angry at you."
Wooyoung whimpered softly as he pressed his face against his hyung's shoulder. "I know you wouldn't, but I was scared that you would go to the manager, and it would all blow up."
"Oh, it's going to blow up, Wooyoung," Hongjoong told him, as he stepped back. He cupped his hands around Wooyoung's face and stared into his eyes. "I don't like making promises that I can't keep, Wooyoung, so I won't promise you that no manager is ever laying hands on you again. But I promise you this. It will never be Manager Ho. I give you my word about that. Okay?"
Wooyoung's lip trembled, but his eyes sparkled with gratitude and admiration for his captain.
Hongjoong gave him a small smile and patted him on the arm. "Alright, off with you."
Wooyoung shot him a cheeky grin and skipped up the stairs. The pain had disappeared, and his heart felt light with joy as he rushed to tell the others the good news.
Hongjoong turned to Yunho. But instead of calling Yunho to him, Hongjoong moved to sit on the couch. "You did well, Yunho. I know this must have been one hell of a day for you, but you handled it better than I could have. I am really proud of you, okay?"
He patted Yunho on the leg, and Yunho turned his head away. For a moment, Hongjoong thought the younger man was angry at him, but as Yunho's hand moved up to cover his face, Hongjoong realised he was actually trying not to cry.
"Yunho," he whispered, squeezing his dongsaeng's leg comfortingly. "It's okay. It will all be sorted out. Huh?"
Yunho just shook his head, and a choking sob escaped him. "I could have killed him, hyung. It was one thing him doing it to me, but how dare he?"
"Yunho, stop," Hongjoong scolded him softly. "That's where I am too blame. You should have never experienced that. I didn't deserve the cane either. Hell, I should have fought tooth and nail to have him fired when it all started with Sannie. It's not your fault, and it's not Seonghwa's fault. It's all mine. I am your leader, and I failed you all."
"It's not your fault either, hyung," Yunho snapped. "None of us blame you. It was him. It's all that damn manager's fault."
For a moment, Hongjoong was silent. Of course, he blamed the manager more than himself, but still, he could not hold himself free from any blame either.
"I will have it all sorted, Yunho. I promise. But first, I just wanted to let you know you did well. I know how angry you must have been by it. So, good job on just waiting for me to know about it. I will handle it from now on."
He patted Yunho's thigh again before turning to look at his bedroom door with a sigh. This was going to be one long day. But knowing he couldn't avoid it forever and actually eager to have it over with, he rose to his feet.
"I am going to go deal with this now. You keep an eye on Seonghwa, and I will be back for dinner. Okay?"
Yunho nodded. "Best of luck, hyung."
Hongjoong shot him a smile before heading to the door. It was him or Manager Ho, and Hongjoong already knew who the company would choose.
* * * * *
Manago Ho looked up with a frown as his office door swung open, and Hongjoong marched in unannounced. To his shock, the young leader did not stop there but marched right up to his desk and slammed both palms onto the wooden surface. Manager Ho went to say exactly what he thought of this, but Hongjoong did not let him get a word out.
"How dare you lay your hands on Wooyoung," he snapped, his eyes blazing unrestrained anger. "How dare you get Seonghwa to punish him against his will. You know nothing of our team's dynamics and have no right to think you do. Wooyoung and San have never disrespected Seonghwa in their play, and Seonghwa has never been offended by it. So, who are you to feel offended on his part?"
Manager Ho leaned back in his chair, his jaw twitching as he stared back at Hongjoong. "Well, I can see where they get it from."
"If they get their behaviour from me, then I must be doing something right," Hongjoong retorted. "Because Wooyoungie is the sweetest, funniest person I know, and you won't find someone kinder and more well-mannered than my Sannie. And if you say I am a bad leader, then what are you? You have shown us nothing but violence since the day you walked through the dorm. I do agree my members lacked discipline and that I needed to step up back then, but not the way you did it. San did not deserve that. Jongho did not deserve that. I did not deserve that. Wooyoung and Yunho most certainly did not deserve that. None of us did."
He slammed his fist down onto the desk a second time, causing everything to rattle and shake precariously. Then slowly, he leaned forward over the desk until his face was right up to the manager's.
"It's over. You won't be touching my dongsaengs or Seonghwa ever again. So, you can start looking for a new job. But just so you know, I am going to ensure you never work as a manager in this industry ever again."
Manager Ho's eyes narrowed. "What makes you think you have that power? Do you really think the company will let me go when you have such a busy schedule?"
Hongjoong smiled. But it was far from his normal contagiously beautiful smile. It was almost sinister, along with his crazy gleaming eyes.
"Oh, I have plenty of power. I mean," his smiled widened, causing Manager Ho to draw back. "I already cancelled today's event."
Manager Ho gaped at him. "You can't cancel on the same day. The CEO is going to be furious when he hears this."
"Oh, he knows," Hongjoong told him, straightening himself and giving a careless shrug. "But you will soon see who actually gets the brunt of his anger. I mean, I did specify that the reason was because one of our main dancers was injured, and I refused to allow him to dance on stage. And I am sure there will be a follow-up on that. I mean...a main dancer out of action? That's kinda serious."
He turned to walk out of the room, then slowly turned around again.
"Oh, and our slogan? It's 8 makes 1 team. We have no place or need for you."
"You disrespectful -" Manager Ho had risen to his feet and made a move towards Hongjoong when the door opened.
Hongjoong, who had flinched away at the manager's approach, turned quickly to see who had interrupted them. As soon as he laid eyes on the person who stood shocked in the doorway, his legs gave way, and he sank to the floor. His heart pounded in his chest, and his eyes blurred over as he fell into a daze. He could barely feel the arms that encircled him and pulled him back up to his feet.
"The CEO will be hearing of this," a voice was threatening.
That voice. Hongjoong had almost forgotten the sound of it.
Manager Ho lowered his raised arm, and with a muttered curse, he stormed out of the room.
"Hongjoong-ah," came the voice again. "Are you okay?"
Hongjoong did not need any more prompting. He collapsed into the older man's embrace and huddled against his chest, sobbing like a small child.
"Manager-nim," he sobbed. "You're back."
His beloved manager rubbed his back gently.
"Yes, my dear boy," he comforted. "I am back."
* * * * *
It was well passed sunset by the time Hongjoong arrived back at the dorm. But the weight on his shoulders was almost gone, and his footsteps were light as he skipped a step at a time and opened the door to the dorm. To his surprise, however, the dorm was even darker than the outside.
Reaching about in the dark, Hongjoong found the switch and flicked the light on. To his even greater surprise, it revealed six gloomy faces, all staring dejectedly at him.
"Hyung, you gotta do something about him," Wooyoung complained immediately. "It's really getting ridiculous now."
"How did it go, hyung?" Yunho asked, shooting Wooyoung a scolding look.
Hongjoong kicked off his outdoor shoes, then came over to the couch to stand in front of them. A serious frown crossed his face, causing his members to all hold their breath in tense silence.
"Well..." Hongjoong's frown faltered as a smile slowly broke free. "Manager Ho is going."
There was a loud chorus of shocked gasps and clapping.
"Well done, hyung," Yunho congratulated, leaping to his feet to give Hongjoong a tight hug.
Hongjoong just laughed as he pulled away and patted Yunho on the back.
"So, hyunnnggg," Wooyoung began, a cheeky looking expression settling across his face. "Does that mean no more-"
"Nope," Hongjoong cheerfully cut him off. "I will be the main disciplinary from now on."
"Aw, hyunnngggg."
Hongjoong shook his head with amusement, but his smile faded as he stared around the excited group.
"Yunho, where is Seonghwa?"
Yunho poked a face and fidgeted nervously at the question. But seeing the grave look on the leader's face, he answered quickly.
"He's in the kitchen, hyung. He went around and turned out all the lights because his head hurts, but..." he glanced at Hongjoong, hesitating to continue. "He...he's drinking again, hyung."
Hongjoong let out a frustrated sigh.
The other teezers heard it, and the tense silence filled the room once more.
"Hyung, he's a real mess right now," San whispered, glancing at the kitchen with concern on his face. "He's never been like this before or drank that much."
"He's lucky there is no more Manager Ho," Jongho muttered. "He would get in huge trouble for the state he's in."
Hongjoong shot him a look that made him flush and lower his head, but it was too late. Wooyoung had caught on to that idea.
"Yeah, he's lucky he's a hyung, cuz we all know Hongjoong would bust my ass for that."
"I'll consider it if you keep talking about your hyung like that," Hongjoong threatened, although everyone knew he didn't mean it. He turned to Yunho. "We're not going to eat dinner together if this is the case. Take the others out for some grilled meat, and I will try to talk some sense into Seonghwa."
Yunho nodded, but then shook his head as Hongjoong tried to pass him his card. "I'll pay, hyung. You've done enough today." He reached out and squeezed the leader's arm, before herding the others outside.
Now left alone, the silence felt heavier and more suffocating than before. Sucking in a deep calming breath, Hongjoong straightened himself and headed towards the kitchen.
Seonghwa was at the table, his head buried in his arms. Empty beer cans lay scattered across the table, and as Seonghwa stirred restlessly, a can clattered to the floor and rolled out of sight. Seonghwa groaned aloud as the noise pounded through his head. Opening his eyes, he started in fright as he saw the dark silhouette leaning against the doorway.
"Hongjoong?" he asked hesitantly, praying that it was indeed the leader and not the manager.
"Do I really need to say anything right now?" Hongjoong asked calmly, although Seonghwa was still sober enough to pick up that disappointed tone they all dreaded.
Seonghwa shook his head, regretting it as a splitting pain shot through him, causing his stomach to lurch.
"I just..." he swayed slightly, his words all slurring together. "Just needed a drink. Just a small drink, Hongjoong."
"Having a drink is fine," Hongjoong told him as he entered the room and came over to the table. "But this many, Seonghwa? Seriously?"
Seonghwa let out a giggle. "Oh, that's not allllll. Wooyoung..." He paused and giggled again. "Wooyoungie threw some in the bin and...and covered them with a pile of...of tissues."
He stopped, the mirth disappearing as his eyes suddenly began brimming over.
"Hongjoong, Wooyoung...our Wooyoungie..." he buried his face back into his arms, as he began sobbing loudly.
Hongjoong patted him on the back. "I know. They told me everything."
"I'm such a bad hyung," Seonghwa sobbed.
Hongjoong's hand stopped it's comforting motion and moved to rest firmly on Seonghwa's shoulder.
"No, you were not a bad hyung for what happened yesterday, Seonghwa. You were put into a difficult situation and you did your best to make it go right. But what you are doing now is a different story. Do you think you are being a good hyung right now?"
Seonghwa sat up and turned his tearful eyes to stare up at Hongjoong in confusion. Then rising to his feet abruptly, causing his chair to topple to the ground behind him, Seonghwa headed towards the fridge to grab another drink.
"It's just a drink, Hongjoong," he muttered in an annoyed voice, as he struggled to pop it open. "It will make it all better. It will make me-"
He did not get to finish his sentence, because Hongjoong had marched over to him and snatched the drink from his hand. Then as Seonghwa watched, startled speechless, Hongjoong emptied the can down the drain.
"I've had it up to here, Seonghwa," Hongjoong snapped at him. "Are you going to sit down and listen to me, or are you going to keep trying to ignore me?"
Seonghwa's gaze flickered away and he tried to brush passed Hongjoong in order to escape him. But Hongjoong was faster. He grabbed Seonghwa's wrist with one hand, and with his other, he snatched up a metal spoon and smacked it sharply down onto Seonghwa's upturned palm.
Seonghwa yanked his hand away, holding it to his chest, as he stared at Hongjoong with a betrayed expression.
Hongjoong met his gaze squarely, not at all perturbed by what he had just done.
"Hongjoong," Seonghwa whispered. The drunkenness that had glazed his eyes over was gone, as the realisation that he had completely pushed Hongjoong to his limits settled over him.
"I tried to talk this out, Seonghwa," Hongjoong told him calmly, as he placed the spoon back into the sink. "But I'm done. You may be older than me, but your behaviour has gotten beyond ridiculous. By all rights, I should be handing you over to a manager, but I am not going to do that. You may be older than me by several months, but at the end of the day, I am the leader. And I mean to be just that. Talking isn't getting anywhere with you, so I am afraid I have to step it up. Do you understand?"
Seonghwa didn't say anything, as he stared down at the ground, his face flushing redder and redder.
Sighing, Hongjoong took up the spoon and reached out to take Seonghwa's hand again. Seonghwa closed his eyes tightly, but did not resist him.
Smack! Smack! Smack!
Seonghwa let out a soft sob, as he covered his face with his free hand.
"I'm sorry, Hongjoong-ah," he sobbed. As Hongjoong let his hand go, Seonghwa sank to the floor, rocking back and forth. "I'm so sorry. I knew it was wrong, but drinking clouded my mind and forced me to forget it. I was so angry and confused, and I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt so horrible with myself. And guilty to poor Wooyoung. I-"
Hongjoong pulled him to his feet, and placed both hands on his shoulders. "We'll talk it out, Seonghwa. We'll go right to the beginning and talk it all out. But right now, we're going to discuss all this." He paused to gesture to the mess of cans on the table.
Seonghwa nodded miserably. "I'll go clean it up, Hongjoong. I'm sorry."
But Hongjoong's hands tightened, preventing him from walking away. "Uh uh, Seonghwa. You are going to find every single can that you finished since last night, and you are going to line them all up on the coffee table in the living room. Do you understand?"
Seonghwa did understand. In fact, he understood too well what it meant.
"You're...you're going to..." his voice faded away, and he bowed his head again unable to meet the leader's gaze any longer.
"I am not letting you get away with something we both would have definitely punished the kids for. And even though you are older than me, I am not handing you over to someone at the company. So, it leaves me with no choice but to do it myself."
Seonghwa couldn't dispute that. He knew what he had done was stupid and wrong. He also couldn't deny that he would punish the younger ones for doing something so detrimental to their health. Without another word, he headed towards the kitchen bin and began picking out the cans Wooyoung had thrown away.
His heart sank heavily, as can after can began lining up along the kitchen bench. Had he really drank that much? He gathered them up in his arms and took them to the living room. He ended up doing several trips, and with each trip, he felt sicker than ever. How had he even managed to drink that many?
"How many, Seonghwa?" Hongjoong asked as he followed Seonghwa into the living room.
"T-en from last night, and...and maybe six from today," Seonghwa stammered, his eyes looking everywhere but at Hongjoong.
Hongjoong bit down on his lip to refrain from letting out the curse words that leapt to his mind. "And double that?"
"It's 32. But why-" Seonghwa's eyes widened slightly as they finally drifted back to meet the leader's gaze.
Hongjoong nodded. "And answer this truthfully, Seonghwa. If you caught one of the others with this many cans, what would you have done?"
"I'll go get the duster," Seonghwa muttered. There was no point trying to evade it. He had done something wrong, and had put Hongjoong in this awkward position. The least he could do was get them both through it without any extra drama.
He grabbed the new duster from his bedroom, and paused to stare in horror at the discarded figurines that lay on the floor. He had a vague memory of Hongjoong snatching one out of his hand. Squeezing his eyes shut, Seonghwa wished that he could go back to yesterday and redo it all over again. How differently he would have chosen to do things.
But knowing time would not turn back no matter how much he wished for it, Seonghwa headed back into the living room and wordlessly handed Hongjoong the duster. Hongjoong grasped the fluffy end and tapped it lightly against his hand.
"I'm not going to treat you differently, Seonghwa. I will punish you just as I would have punished any of the others."
Seonghwa nodded miserably. "I wouldn't have expected it any other way."
"Alright then, I want you to lean against the back of the couch. You are to stare at that ridiculous amount of cans and seriously think of the affects drinking that amount of alcohol could do to you. Do you understand?"
Seonghwa nodded again. He moved around to the other side of the couch, and slowly leaned himself over it.
Was this how the younger ones felt? Seonghwa sympathised them now, but was secretly grateful that Hongjoong wasn't his hyung. Not that it was doing him any good now. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Behind him, Hongjoong had done the same thing. His hands were shaking and for a moment he thought he couldn't do it. But thinking of when Wooyoung had gotten drunk, he knew he couldn't let it go. It wasn't fair on Wooyoung, and in a way, it wasn't fair to Seonghwa. Being the eldest came with the burden of responsibility. And with it came the feeling of always having to be tough and not knowing who to lean on. Seonghwa needed someone to guide him too from time to time, and since he didn't have a hyung here, Hongjoong was just going to have to pull the leader card.
"Before we start, Seonghwa, I want you to know and understand this. This has nothing to do with what happened between you and the manager, or you and Wooyoung. You did make a mistake, and I have made plenty of those myself. Wooyoung should have told you, but he's not to blame either. The situation was a mess from the start, and it should never have happened. Neither of you are to blame, Seonghwa. I want to make that extremely clear. What is wrong, is how you followed up with the incident. You should have come to me and talked it out. You could have gone to literally any member, especially Yunho. I know it's hard, but isn't it better than turning to drinking? If it had been a can or two, I would have understood. Heck, it's probably what I would have done. But drinking almost the entire carton, Seonghwa??? That is what this is going to be about."
Seonghwa let out a muffled sob. Every word that Hongjoong had spoken had felt like a physical blow. Because Hongjoong had been right, and Seonghwa knew it.
Thwack!
Seonghwa jolted forward, his eyes widening with shock at the unexpected blow. His heart pounded with fright, and for a moment, he didn't even feel the pain. Hongjoong was barely holding back.
"Look at those cans, Seonghwa," Hongjoong suddenly snapped. Mr-Nice-Guy had left the room with that first strike. "You want to have liver issues or a stroke? Is that what you want?"
Thwack!
Seonghwa clenched his teeth, breathing heavily. That was only two. How was he supposed to survive another 30?
Thwack!
"Do you not remember how many times I have punished the others for this?"
Thwack!
"Do you think just because you are older, you are allowed to do what you want?"
Tears rushed to Seonghwa's eyes at this. "No, Hongjoong. It wasn't like that."
Thwack!
"Then what was it then, Seonghwa?" Hongjoong asked, the exasperation evident in his voice. "I literally just punished Wooyoung several days ago for it."
Seonghwa bowed his head, bracing for the next blow, but it didn't come. Lifting his head, he glanced back over his shoulder.
Hongjoong was staring at the ground as though he had completely zoned out. But he shook himself out of the daze, as he felt Seonghwa's eyes upon him.
"Are you okay, Hongjoong?" Seonghwa asked, feeling concerned for the younger leader. He had known Hongjoong had left earlier, but he wasn't sure why, and now he wondered if it had something to do with all this. "You...you didn't get scolded for our behaviour, did you?"
Hongjoong shook his head. He looked utterly exhausted, even years older than he really was.
Seonghwa's heart broke to see it. He knew a lot more happened behind the scenes than Hongjoong liked to tell them about. There must have been hundreds of times when Hongjoong had fought for the team and given them his all without them knowing.
"I'm sorry, Hongjoong." Sorry for adding to your worries. Sorry for making your burden heavier.
Hongjoong just shook his head and gestured for Seonghwa to turn around. Seonghwa did so without another word. He desperately wanted to hug Hongjoong and tell him how sorry he was, how grateful he was, and how proud he was. But he knew for Hongjoong's sake that he should get it over with as quickly as possible.
"Seonghwa, if you were in my place now, and one of the kids were in yours, how would you feel?"
"Angry and disappointed at their choices," Seonghwa replied. With every moment, he regretted his actions all the more.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Seonghwa grunted painfully. His legs were really throbbing now.
"And if I were in your place?"
"I..." Seonghwa's voice faded away. "I would be even more disappointed because as a hyung you have more of a responsibility and duty to be a good example to the others."
Thwack!
"And that is what I am getting at, Seonghwa," Hongjoong told him, the anger seeping back into his voice. "How do you think it made the others feel? They think you are using your status as a hyung to get away with it. They will feel we are being unfair and just using our power over them. Is that how you want them to feel?"
"No, Hongjoong."
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
"And I left you in charge, Seonghwa! So, you didn't just abandon your duty as a hyung, you abandoned your duty as the leader. Don't you think the others might have needed you too?"
Seonghwa began crying silently as Hongjoong's point was driven home. He hadn't just abandoned his duties, he had abandoned his members.
Hongjoong reached out to grab his arm and pull him up. He didn't make any move to comfort Seonghwa however, so Seonghwa knew it wasn't over yet.
"That was only 16, Hongjoong," Seonghwa muttered, as he awkwardly rubbed the tears from his eyes. He hated being seen this vulnerable, but it was strangely not really embarrassing when it was in front of Hongjoong.
Hongjoong did not answer him, as he walked back around to the front of the couch. Hesitating for a moment, Seonghwa slowly followed him.
"You said you were going to treat me just as you would the others," Seonghwa reminded him, although he didn't quite understand why he was saying it.
Hongjoong finally turned to acknowledge him. "No, we're not done. We just finished discussing how you neglected your duties because you wanted to drown your sorrows with alcohol. Now we are going to discuss all these stupid cans. Pick up one and go toss it in the trash."
Seonghwa glanced at the can and then back at Hongjoong. The leader just blinked at him, waiting for him to do as told. Now feeling nervous, Seonghwa picked up the nearest can and headed into the kitchen, and tossed it in the bin. When he came back, he went to pick up the next one, but Hongjoong stuck the duster in his way, stopping him.
"Both hands out, Seonghwa."
Seonghwa's lips parted slightly. Oh, so this was what Wooyoung had meant by Hongjoong becoming very creative with punishments. Sucking in a quick breath between gritted teeth, Seonghwa placed both hands out, palms up.
Thwack!
Seonghwa flinched. It hurt a lot more than he had expected. Resisting the urge to blow on his hands, Seonghwa picked up the second can and trudged to the kitchen bin and back again.
Thwack!
To the kitchen and back again.
Thwack!
Seonghwa was dragging his feet now.
Thwack!
Was alcohol even worth this?
Thwack!
Seonghwa was never going to drink ever again.
Thwack!
He was never going to shirk his duties.
Thwack!
He hated the very sight of beer.
Thwack!
Did he seriously drink this much?
Thwack!
Perhaps Wooyoung had had some?
Thwack!
As Seonghwa picked up the next can, his hands shook from the pain and it fell from his grasp. As he bent to retrieve it, Hongjoong suddenly swooped down and picked it up. Then grabbing the remaining five from the table, he marched to the kitchen himself and tossed them into the bin. He then marched back to Seonghwa, grabbed his arm and delivered the last six blows to his thighs.
"Don't. Thwack! Ever. Thwack! Drink. Thwack! Like. Thwack! That. Thwack! Again." Thwack!
He threw the duster across the room out of sight and all but collapsed into Seonghwa's arms. His hands clutched tightly at Seonghwa's shirt and Seonghwa could feel the leader's body trembling against his.
"Please, Seonghwa. Please, don't do it again."
Seonghwa rested his head down on Hongjoong's. "I'm sorry I made you do that. I know it was you or the manager, so I am grateful. Honestly, I am."
But to his surprise, Hongjoong shook his head. "Not anymore, Seonghwa. The manager is gone. Our...our manager-nim is back."
It was then that Seonghwa realized that Hongjoong was crying. The leader was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
"Hongjoong..." he whispered.
Hongjoong just shook his head. The weight on his shoulders was gone now. He felt happy, relieved, and yet...
"It's hard being a leader, Seonghwa. It's so hard."
And as Seonghwa patted his back comfortingly, he realized the leader's words echoed his own from yesterday. But this time he had the answer.
"You are not in this alone, Hongjoong. We are a team. 8 makes 1 team, remember?"
Hongjoong slowly pulled back and looked up to face Seonghwa.
"And you, Seonghwa? Are you okay?"
Seonghwa nodded. "Yeah, and I am definitely more sober. Listen, you go rest up and I will finish cleaning up. The others will be back soon." He paused then added. "I think I have an apology to make to them too."
Hongjoong patted him on the arm, too exhausted to even return the smile Seonghwa gave him. "You tell them the news, Seonghwa. They deserve to know as soon as possible."
He didn't wait for an answer, as he turned and headed to his room. Closing the door behind him, Hongjoong collapsed onto his bed and curled up into a tight ball.
The events right from the day he had recieved news of a new manager all the way up until now, ran though his head. And with it came all the what-ifs and regrets.
"Eomma, Appa, did I make the right choice with this life? Am I doing well?"
A tear trickled down his face as he thought of his beloved parents and how concerned they had been with his decision to be a singer. Had they been right in their concern? His mind turned back to his childhood when he had still been at home. He remembered the days when he would lie in bed sick and crying. He was so caught up in the memories that as a hand gently pressed against his forehead, he thought it was just his imagination.
There was soft tutting as the blankets were drawn up over him and carefully tucked around him. The hands lingered a moment, caressing comfortingly against his back.
In his sleepy deliriousness, Hongjoong upturned his face as he had done as a child, almost expecting his mother's kiss. To his sobering surprise, a kiss was softly placed onto his cheek. And he was pulled back to reality as a voice spoke.
"Thank you, hyung." San whispered as he pressed his forehead against Hongjoong's head. "Thank you."
Hongjoong held his breath, keeping his eyes tightly shut as though he were still asleep. As San stepped back, Jongho stepped forward to place his hand on Hongjoong's arm.
"You did well, hyung."
"We know it wasn't easy, hyung," Yunho told him. "So, we're really proud of you."
"We knew you could be a badass if you wanted to be, hyung," Wooyoung piped up, pushing San out of the way to give Hongjoong a big kiss.
Mingi didn't say anything, but the way his hand lay firmly on Hongjoong's side said it all.
Yeosang stepped forward shyly.
"You saved me back then, hyung. And now you saved us all. That's why you are our captain. Our captain."
"And to think," Wooyoung mused, his face suddenly becoming serious. "7 billion people on earth, and we got Hongjoong-hyung."
The others murmured in agreement. They all gazed over their leader lovingly one last time, before Seonghwa gently shooed them out.
Left alone, Hongjoong let out the flood of tears that he had been holding back. But this time they were happy tears.
For being the captain of Ateez had truly been the best decision in his life.