I woke up with fright, shooting straight up and panting as I tried to recover from the same nightmare I had the night before. Sweat had soaked most of my hair along with the collar of my shirt. Looking around the room I could tell I was no longer in my dream, but my brain was still in such a panic, there was no way I'd fall back asleep. Quickly glancing out the window I realized it couldn't have been that long that I was asleep. Maybe a few hours give or take. Throwing the covers off of me, I made my way out of the bedroom and quietly down the stairs. I assumed since Kakashi wasn't in the room with me he was in one of the other rooms, and I didn't want to bother him trying to get a simple glass of water.
I stared at the black cabinets with a sigh.
'If I was a cup, which cabinet would I be in?' I thought as I started opening one cabinet. Unfortunately, it wasn't cups, but different coffees and teas. Which made to believe the next one would -
"Here." Kakashi chuckled holding out a glass to me.
I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. "Thanks." I said taking the glass from him and getting water from the fridge. "I hope I didn't wake you up." I said as I brought the glass to my lips.
He shook his head. "I haven't gone to bed yet, honestly." He said messing with his hair. His eyes landed on my obviously sweaty chest but quickly adverted his gaze back up to my eyes. "Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?"
I nodded my head, nervously tapping the glass with my finger tips. "I had the same dream yesterday too, but I can't tell if it's a memory or if it's just a nightmare."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head with a small frown. "I don't want to worry you."
He chuckled under his breath. "Emi, I hate to break it to you, but that's all I ever do, is worry about you. Besides if it's a memory, maybe I can help you figure out the missing pieces or maybe we can get a step closer to what happened to you."
I looked down at the half empty glass in my hands as I contemplated what he said.
"I -uh- it's not a lot that I remember about it. Just little snip bits." He nodded his head for me to continue. "I was in this really dark room, and for some reason I was laying on this metal table. I don't know how to explain how I knew, but it was like I could just feel how cold it was against my body. I couldn't see much, except for this shadow of an outline of someone standing over me." I paused for a moment and looked back down at the glass in my hands as I tried to recall as much of the dream as I could.
"I couldn't hear anything except this loud ringing, but I knew they were talking me to. Or they were trying to. Everything honestly felt like I was haze or a fever dream."
"But there was this pain. It was so excruciating. And no matter how hard I would try to move to get away I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted. There were all of these tubes and wires attached to my arms." I extended my arms out to him as if I was trying to show him, but the faint pink scars along my forearms and biceps made me freeze.
It wasn't just a dream This was a memory.
My eyes widened in horror at the realization. I was used as a human pin cushion for months. For months I had my blood taken out and had mysterious liquids forced into my veins causing my body to convulse from the excruciating burning sensation that flowed through them. For months my body laid on that table unable to respond to my demands. It was like my subconscious was trapped inside a shell, and I was stuck watching these horrible people use my body as an experiment.
Sensing my fear, Kakashi closed the gap between us and took the glass from my hand before gripping my bicep. "Emi. Emi, look at me." He said sternly, my widened and horrified eyes met him and his eyes widened in return. "What happened?"
"Th-they did something to me. I don't know what, but they . . ." I held my arms out again and point out the small pink scars. "They injected me with something. I don't know what it was, but every time they did it felt like my body was on fire. It was so painful and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't move or get them to stop."
I brushed his hands off my arms and took a step away from him. It was that I was afraid of him. No, I was afraid of myself now. Not knowing what they did to me, what they put in me, made me realize that I could possibly be a threat, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt him.
His eyes widened as I stepped back from him and as he tried to take a step toward me I took another back. "I-I don't know what they did to me. I-I don't want to hurt you, Kashi. What if they - " I said just above a whisper, my eyes drifting to the floor, and my words trailing off as I feared the reality of what I just said.
"Say that again." He said taking me slightly my surprise.
I looked up at confused. It was hard to read what his expression was, But. . . he almost looked happy? Relived, maybe? I didn't understand how any of what I just said could have made him had such a reaction though. Did he not hear the part where I could possibly hurt him? Granted he didn't seem like the type that could easily get hurt, but still.
"What?"
"Say, what you just said again." He repeated.
I blinked a few times in confusion. "I said I didn't know what they did to me, and that I didn't want to hurt you."
"What did you just call me, Emi?"
"K-Kashi?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"If I said something wrong, Kakashi, I -"
He shook his head and stepped in front of me again, grabbing ahold of me firmly so I can't easily walk away from him again. "Where did you hear that name, Emi?"
"I didn't. I just remembered it. Is it not . . . Did you not hear anything I just said?!" I snapped. Here I was concerned about his well being and he was hung up on a nickname?
"No, no, I heard what you said. Trust me we will get that situated in just a moment. But you just called me by your nickname for me, Emi. That's really big." He said chuckling in excitement. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to correct you. You only called me Kakashi when you were upset with me." He said sheepishly. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to call me that again."
I grabbed his hands and gave them a small affectionate squeeze. "I'm sorry it's taking me so long, Kashi. But I'm slowly coming back to you. I just need you to be a bit more patient, please." I said softly as I wrapped my arms around his chest and rested my head against his shoulder.
Without hesitation, his arms wrapped around my waist as he returned the hug back. And the two of us just stood there for a moment, silently celebrating my little victory and just just enjoying each others embrace. But while this was a small happy moment for us, I couldn't help but just feel absolutely safe being wrapped in his arms. That no matter how scary or intense my new unlocked memory was, this man was going to be here for me to protect me. To help me. To love me.
"Come on." He said after a small silence between us. His voice was more stern as he broke the hug and grabbing my hand, pulling me slightly behind him as he headed toward the front door.
"Where are we going?"
"To see what the fuck they did to you." He said angerly as his grip tightened on my hand.
~*~
I wouldn't exactly say I was happy being back in the hospital at two of clock in the morning. Especially being back in that horrible blue and white gown. It wasn't necessarily the fabric that bothered me. They just always felt dirty and gross, thus making me feel dirty and gross.
Kakashi was anxiously pacing at the foot of my hospital bed. Every once in a while he would grumble something under his breath and that all too familiar feeling came back again.
"Kashi?" He stopped and looked my direction. "We've been here before haven't we?"
"I mean, we were just here yesterday." He joked.
I rolled my eyes playfully. "No, no, I mean me in the hospital bed and you sitting next to me, or you pacing at the foot of the bed. We've done this before."
His eyes grew soft, and he sighed as he nodded his head. "Yeah. A few times actually."
"They weren't mission related were they?"
He shook his head again somberly.
"You're not going to tell me are you." I said nervously.
"I think this is one memory you don't want to relive, Emi." He sighed leaning against the foot rail of the bed hanging his head forward.
My eyes widened slightly, but before I could even ask there was a slight knock on the door before it slid open to reveal Dr. Choi.
She sighed as she slid the door shut back behind her and dropped a clipboard next to my bedside. Kakashi, noticing her demeaner, moved to the chair that was at my bedside and grabbed my hand anxiously.
"So, good news, and bad news. Which do you want first?"
"Bad news." I said almost instantly, keeping my gaze locks on her. Kakashi squeezed my hand and I heard him sigh deeply.
Dr. Choi nodded. "Whatever it is they injected you with is no longer in your system."
"Wouldn't that be good news then?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Not necessarily. While we can hope that what ever it is they injected you with is what triggered your memory loss."
"You think it was for something else." Kakashi said completing her sentence.
Dr. Choi nodded. "But without a sample of some sort, I can't exactly test what they used it for." She explained. "Unfortunately, that's not the only bad news. Her chakra points are almost entirely blocked off. So it's possible that whatever concoction they used had an affect on both her memory and her chakra, but again without a sample I can't be for certain."
I blinked in surprise. I didn't know what to say. I had a feeling I was a ninja, I could briefly remember running up tress and running on water, going on missions, things like that. But I could never remember using ninjutsu.
"Her chakra?" Kakashi asked from next to me.
She nodded. "Compared to her previous medical records, her chakra levels are essentially nonexistent now. Unfortunately, with her status, the Hokage is going to have to get involved in this. I know you were trying to avoid this, Kakashi, but with her abilities this has become of the upmost importance."
I turned to him confused. "What is she talking about? Status? What abilities?"
He looked down at our joint hands with a small sigh before looking back up at the doctor. "Please tell me that's it?" He said completely ignoring my questions.
"There's some good news." She said with a nervous smile. "It seems that on top of all that is going on, all of her previous injuries seemed to have healed as well." She kept her gaze on Kakashi hoping that he would understand her subtle message.
"Injuries?" I asked looking between the two of them.
"Emi, this might not be the best time -"
"You two are having a conversation about me in front of me and I have no idea what is going on! What do you mean this isn't the best time?! I'm over here freaking out, Kakashi!" I snapped, yanking my hand away from his harshly. "I get it, you guys want me to try to remember these things on my own, but come on! Throw me a bone or something!"
"Mrs. Hatake -"
"Don't tell me to calm down!" I hissed, pointing my finger at her in warning.
She sweat dropped and chuckled nervously. "I assure you, I have learned that lesson the hard way with you." She said as she held her hands up in front of her chest.
My hand dropped slightly. "What?"
"Dr. Choi has been your doctor for a while, Emi." Kakashi said gently from next to me.
"You have?"
She nodded with a smile. "What I was going to say, is I can offer to let you take home a copy of your medical records. Maybe something in there will help you remember something."
"My medical records?" I turned to Kakashi, who had taken my hand back in his.
"It's up to you, Emi. I will be there to support you again and again. It just . . . it's hard to see you like that." He sighed as he looked down at our hands again.
"Like what?" I asked softly, almost afraid to actually hear the answer. If he was this bent out of shape about me just reading my medical records I can only imagine how upset he was back then. Or how upset I was.
Dr. Choi took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, making me turn to her. "I'll get that paperwork for you. . . But. . . take it easy on him." She said in a quieter voice. "I'll go ahead and get your discharge started. More than likely they'll send an ANBU to collect her in the morning to the Hokage Estate." She said turning her attention to Kakashi. He sighed heavily with a nod in understanding.
She gave my hand a gentle pat before walking out the door again.
"Emi, I -"
"I'm sorry, I snapped at you." We said at the same time. He looked up at me but my gaze dropped to my lap. "I shouldn't have. I know this is hard for you too. It's just . . ." I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes to calm myself. "I don't like knowing what's wrong with me. What's wrong, what isn't wrong, what's missing. I just -"
"I will show you when we get home, Emi. I promise." He promised as he used the curve of his finger from his free hand to lift my chin up so I was looking at him. "I know you don't like not knowing things, and that you hate surprises. But, I need you to believe me when I say this is the one I wish you would drop."
"It's that bad?" I asked looking up at him through my eye lashes.
"For you. . . it was earth shattering."