Due to my lack of dexterity and generally unenthusiastic approach to golf, we decided on a lunch at the club before heading back to the house after cutting the game short.
On the ride back to the main quarters, Harry had teased me about my aforementioned lack of dexterity which strangely pulled a smile at my face. Since day one, we had managed to fall into an effortless banter that was built on mutual self deprecation and a general insouciance.
"You would have been the biggest pain in the arse in gym class". Harry adjusted the sunglasses on his face with one hand as he spoke, the other effortlessly steering the wheel on the golf cart.
"Organised sports were never really my thing" I shrugged, flashbacks of digging my heels in the ground at school sports mixers played in my head.
"I can just picture it" he chuckled as he expertly dodged the myriad of people walking back to the clubhouse. "But then again, you were probably a pain in the arse in all your classes".
I looked at him with a frown. "Are you suggesting I'm a pain the arse, Harry?"
"Massively" he smiled behind his sunglasses, I didn't need to see his eyes to know the kind of boyish sparkle they held in that moment.
Whilst my niggling anxieties about the media attention and 'The End' were still ever-present, being away from the noise and chaos of being on tour in a major city was a welcomed distraction. But it was just that; a distraction.
I found myself at times just gazing at him in awe. It was happening often. It wasn't a lusty gaze - I think I just found my self subconsciously trying to commit him to memory whenever I could. I think I knew deep down that this happiness was fleeting.
We'd been seated on a four seater table in a quiet stretch right by the large windows overlooking the green. The restaurant was almost entirely booked out but given where we were, not a single person had paid mind to 'the Harry Styles' and I think that relaxed him; in turn, that relaxed me too.
His shoulders were dropped back and there was a general good vibe which was nice. In the few moments we'd been out in public together just us two or even in a group setting, there was always an underlying tension. His eyes were always scanning the vicinity for a camera. He would be on edge and that wasn't conducive to quality time spent.
As always, Harry would pull my chair out and let me sit down first - a peculiar gesture from someone who had only minutes prior, been roasting me; but that's what I liked about Harry, that duality of sweet and spicy. He was comforting, vulnerable and assuring when he needed to be, but teasing and assertive most of the time. God, he was a joy to be around. I was learning why he had such a rabidly dedicated fan base. They adored his talent but more so, his cheeky, boyish spirit. He was infectious.
"Today has been so fun" Harry smiled, his fork playing with some of the salad on his plate. This smile was devoid of his usual cheekiness though, his eyes were soft. I felt like he was speaking on a deeper, more sincere level.
"You don't have to lie, you would have had a far more enjoyable time if I wasn't such a brat about golf" I laughed dryly after a bite of my salmon.
Classic Evie, diverting the conversation somewhere lighter and less sincere.
"You might've even got eighteen holes in".
"One hole, three holes, doesn't matter Eve. I just like being around you, even when you are being a brat". His hand reached across the white tablecloth, fingers hooking over my wrist to give me a squeeze. "Especially when you're being a brat actually... keeps me on my toes".
"I don't wanna go back tomorrow" I sighed, looking out at all the golfing retirees who were living a life of leisure; likely under far less pressure than I was feeling choke me up.
"Yeah, me too" he sighed, looking out the window equally contemplatively. I'd wondered what was going on in his mind.
"Excuse me".
Harry's head swiftly whipped around, alarmed by an unfamiliar voice.
An older woman dressed similar to myself hooked her fingers over the back of the empty seat at our table. She had dark curly hair down to her shoulders and a pair of reading glasses attached to a beaded chain that hung down her neck. "We're a seat short, do you mind if I take this one?"
"All yours" Harry shot her a dazzling smile, permitting her to take the chair. I stifled a little laugh at her reaction as he did so, she instantly became a little flustered and under his spell, toying nervously with her glasses. He did this without even trying.
"You're not local, are you?" Her lips pulled into a twitching smirk. She would have been at least fifty years old.
"Was it the accent that gave it away?" He looked up at her through his lashes, chin resting on his palm.
He's flirting with her.
I was a mere spectator to the entertainment.
"You look like a lovely couple" her eyes flicked over to me briefly. "Are you here on holiday?"
"Staying in Anna Bay for a few days" Harry responded, leaning back in his seat. Her eyes swiftly returned to his as she lit up with what looked like excitement.
"Anna Bay local" she beamed, pointing both of her thumbs towards her chest. "Say, we're having a little fundraiser tonight at the local club... there'll be a barbecue, live music and lots of fun. You two should come down!"
My lips tugged at the gesture as Harry extended his hand out to her. "I didn't catch your name..."
"Julie" she met her hand with his. "I'm head of the social committee at David Grahams Golf Club".
"A beautiful smile and a leader, how wonderful".
He was going all out here.
"Well Julie, we might see you later then. What time does this affair start?"
"Oh I hope so. We'll be there from five" She almost squealed giddily, dragging the chair over to her awaiting table.
"How do you do that?" I asked still in a state of shock.
"Do what?" His lips now twitched to a smile, feigning innocence.
"You just dazzle people". I shook my head, completely mesmerised.
"Are you turning into a little green eyed monster?" He jabbed, ignoring my question.
"I'm just in awe" I corrected truthfully.
"Did I dazzle you?" Harry asked as he topped up the glasses of water sat before us.
The corner of my lip pulled up and I looked out to the distance to show that I was considering the question. "Think you'll have to try harder".
"Ha" he laughed in disbelief. "I guess I'm going to have to wow you with the most obnoxiously romantic night tonight, then".
"Oh yeah?" I flirted, leaning further into the table. "What's on the agenda, stud?"
His tongue lapsed over his bottom lip, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes that never failed to stoke a fire within me.
"A barbecue at the local golf club". He wiggled his brows salaciously as he spoke.
"You're not serious, are you?"
Is that really how he wanted to spend our last night here?
"Oh Evie I've never been more serious about anything in my life... and I can't let down my new friend Julie".
"Consider me dazzled then" I smiled with an eye roll. He was unbelievable in all the best ways.
——
Laid on my stomach on the large bed in the master bedroom, I was kicking my barefeet behind me, waiting for Annie to pick up her phone. She'd called me twice while we were out and with a moment to myself, I was now calling her back.
"Oh my god, finally" was how she'd opted to greet me. Classic Annie.
"Hello to you too" I spoke with a playful attitude, "yeah I'm good thanks".
"You never call me anymore, you bitch" she laughed from the other end. "First you delayed your return to Melbourne and now you're ignoring my calls... you better have a good excuse for that".
I sighed, knowing this was the sort of reaction I was going to get. "Annie you know I've been kidnapped by an English guy who's kept me captive somewhere along the coast, it's not my fault!"
"I still can't believe it" she exclaimed. "This has become like... serious".
I shook my head into the phone before speaking. "Nah, I don't know An, I don't know what this is. But it's been so nice".
"Yeah I'll bet" she concurs, "are you in some fancy penthouse hotel?"
"A super suave house right on the beach, actually". I rolled onto my back to continue talking to her, my eyes focussing on the luxurious light fixings above the bed. "You'd die if you saw how nice it is".
I gave her a run down on how we'd been spending our days, what we've done and the news of my sideshow; careful to speak quietly as there was only a wall between this conversation and Harry in the bathroom.
"How's your head?" She cut to the chase, the proverbial elephant sitting silently on the other line.
"I'm doing ok" I told her unconvincingly. Her silence on the other end told me she didn't quite buy it.
"I don't know, I think I'm just trying to ignore it all until it needs to be addressed. I just need to hold it together for the last few shows".
"The forum though!" She sang the words instead of speaking. "That's such a huge deal Evie! I keep seeing all these articles about you too - I'm like yeah that's my best friend".
My mouth went dry.
"Articles?" I cut her off. "As in plural?"
"Yeah! You even made Deux Moi last night". Her laugh was innocent; she had no idea of the twist that I now had in my gut.
I couldn't get my tongue to move to form words.
"Have you been living under a rock?"
"Yeah, kinda" I scoffed, "for my sanity".
"Oh..." Annie piped down suddenly, her silence was deafening. I sat upright feeling a heat at the back of my neck.
At that moment the bathroom door rolled open, a cloud of stream dissipating into the main bedroom as Harry emerged, tucking a towel around his waist. He shot me a warm smile and when I didn't return the same, I could see his shoulders tense.
"What did it say?" I spoke quietly against Annie's silence. Harry's eyes hardened on mine, a look of slight alarm on his face as they narrowed.
"Nothing, it's stupid", my friend told me in a fluster.
"Annie..."
"Eve I gotta get back to work ok" she rushed like she regretted bringing it up and wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
Same girl.
"I shouldn't have said anything - I'm so sorry. It's just like such a novelty, but you know, it's all bullshit".
"It's not your fault" I sighed.
I didn't even address him after hanging up my call. Immediately I opened up Instagram and looked it up. Finding the submission, I took in a hesitant inhale and didn't exhale till I'd absorbed every word.
Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi
Pseudonyms, Please: Skippy the PR kangaroo
Email: misssnark@gmail.com
Subject: (Paying for) Love on Tour
Message: Word is the Down Under Tik Tok singer is paying a high price for this PR relationship with the foreign born former boy bander. The lease is said to be up in six months which is when she's due to start releasing more music. Sources working in his team have confirmed its as fake as it seems.
I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat.
"Evie".
Harry's drawl interrupted me, pulling me back from the spiral I was about to fall down.
His hand hooked over my wrist as I put my phone by my side. I didn't want to tell him. We'd had such a nice day and it was our last one here; I couldn't sour the end of our getaway.
"What's going on?" His eyes burned into me as he tried to get a read on my body language.
"Nothing" I shook my head with a diverting smile.
He didn't buy it.
His hand left the top of my wrist to clasp the phone down by my thigh, flipping it over he read the post.
"For fucks sake" he muttered. Any good vibe we had going today was instantaneously sucked out of the room like an eerie vacuum.
Harry stood and began pacing the area next to the bed. Large bare-feet padding at the hardwood floor creating the only sound between us for a few moments. With a hand behind his head, he began clutching at the hair at the back of his neck. His other hand threw my phone down on the bed. It bounced upon impact, just landing on the furthest edge.
"For fucks sake" he expressed again, louder this time. I was shaken - this was the closest I'd heard to Harry yelling.
"It's ok" I spoke quietly, hands in my lap as I nervously picked at my nail beds. Harry looked to me, head cocked to the side as if I was blatantly lying to him.
"But it's not though Evie, it's not ok". He looked pained. There was a panicked sadness in his eyes. My mind raced for something to say but I came up short.
"This happens every fucking time".
His words were so cutting through the tense silence between us.
One hand held up the white towel around his waist as the other shakily raked through his hair.
"This life is so fucking isolating. It ruins everything that's good".
I could hear the frustration drip off of his every word.
"And you - you don't deserve this" he continued, grabbing a pair of grey boxer briefs, shimmying them up his long tanned legs. He came over to sit on the bed, leant up against the headboard, he buried his face in his hands.
I'd never been cool in a crisis. I hated confrontation. I just never knew what to say or what to do and this was one of those moments. All I could do was place a hand over his knee; a physical acknowledgement that I was here.
"I'm selfish, Evie" he eventually spoke, rubbing his eyes vigorously with the heels of his hands. He wasn't crying, he was just so frustrated. I could tell by how he just kept running his fingers back through his hair. "I didn't want to let this go so far..."
My heart sank.
Please don't do this.
"...I've let myself indulge in this".
No.
"Everything you were so worried about happening, it's fucking happening like I knew it would".
"It's ok, Harry" I tried to find my voice, it came out as shaky whisper.
"But it's not". He finally looked back up at me, his eyes frantically searching mine for a read on the reality of what I was feeling.
I wouldn't tell him, but I was shattered. I felt sick. Like him, I wanted this career so bad - it's all I'd ever wanted in life. He had it made while I was still trying to get there. It was in reach but the upward trajectory I was on had a dark cloud above it raining down on me so I was losing grip, fighting with the mud beneath my soles that was trying to drag me down and derail any progress on that incline.
If we were having this conversation a week or so ago, I would have run for the hills but the last time I said I'd try for him, I really meant it. As crazy and stupid as that made me feel, I hand on heart meant it.
I was at a point of no return - which I knew ultimately was so foolish of me because even if I was truly impenetrable to the outside bullshit, our chapter was coming to an end. I wasn't watching a fire burn out - I was actively choosing to run into it.
"You're a breath of fresh air" his voice was hoarse and low. "I'm like a moth to your flame. I'd hate for you to resent me because of that".
His hand reached out to take mine that was chastely resting upon his leg, his pink painted fingernails intertwining with the wine red on my hand.
"Your company has been so grounding for so many reasons. You're a taste of normal. I feel like I've left the circus when it's just you and I and I think that's selfish".
I took in a deep breath, forcing my lungs to inflate. I felt like I hadn't taken a decent breath in a few minutes.
"All that bullshit, I'm almost immune to it now... but I forget you're not".
"I said I'd try" I spoke quietly, looking at our hands held. "And I meant it".
"You've got your rose tinted lenses on, Eve". His voice was strained and exasperated.
I shook my head, sucking in my bottom lip. His expression softened as I looked up at him to speak. "I might be fucking stupid but I think you're worth it".
I shifted on the bed so that I was sat right next to his hips, angling myself so that I was faced in his direction. His thumb grazed over the back of my hand and the touch still didn't fail to ignite me. He was looking down at our hands, an expression of deep contemplation on his features. His brow furrowed ever so slightly, his lips pressed in a hard line.
I reached for his neck, letting my thumb run over the prickly stubble under his jaw. He pressed his head into my touch. I carefully leant into him; with our foreheads touching, his eyes fluttered closed. I pressed my lips to his, kissing his top lip once. I didn't pull away but hovered in front of him as his free hand found my thigh, fingers brushing just under the threshold of the stupid golf skirt I was still wearing.
I kissed him once more. Harder this time, desperate for him to believe my words. I did want to try. It wasn't going to be easy but I wasn't going to let my imposter syndrome ruin what has been the healthiest connection I'd made in years. I'd convinced myself to let things go this far, I couldn't risk losing him now.
"I know you're worth it" I reiterated in a whisper.
I don't know why, but I'd accepted that I was going to get burnt and I was willing to be ok with that.
My phone began to buzz from the far edge of the bed. I sat back, eyes locking on Harrys for a moment, just trying to get a read on where he was at.
The buzzing persisted and I let out a strong exhale, reaching over his legs to grab it.
"Ross, hey" my eyes locked on Harry's as I spoke, his fingers continued to graze over the top of my thigh which was a reassuring sign because he hasn't completely pulled away.
"Is this a good time?"
"Yeah, of course" I assured him, switching into professional mode.
"I wanted to give you a buzz before I sent you a barrage of emails, but I have some cool news".
I blew out a breath of relief. "I need some cool news right now, dude".
Ross laughed dryly and continued. "We put those tickets on sale for the Forum a couple of days ago and we're 75% sold".
My palm slapped over my agape mouth and Harry's eyes widened out of curiosity, trying to search mine for an idea of what was being said on the other end.
"You're joking right?"
"Dead serious" Ross confirmed.
A grin of total disbelief crept onto my face and my hand reached out to squeeze Harry's.
"It's going to be a big day" Ross continued, "I've managed to pulled some strings and you'll be talking to someone from the Rolling Stone before the show".
"Shut up!" Was all I managed to stammer. Ross just laughed at me.
"It's not a cover or anything, just a little write up and a review of the show but it's still huge Evie! I don't think you realise how much good shit is happening while you're away".
I smiled at his words as he continued to fill me in. This was all I needed to hear right now although I felt like my impostor syndrome and the good news coming through was causing a certain whiplash.
I was kicking certain goals. Huge personal goals. Goals that I'd set for myself a long time ago. And that was great. But just as I'd start to believe that maybe all of these successes and wins were deserved, some outside bullshit would come to my attention and completely throw me off. It was difficult to wrap my head around.
"My shows almost sold out" I sighed, just staring at Harry's chest once I'd put my phone down.
His lips twitched into a weak smile. "Baby that's great". His words were sincere and gentle and I sensed that maybe this good news was what he needed to hear right now too.
"And Rolling Stone are doing a write up..." he continued to toy with my fingers as I spoke.
"Come here" his low drawl gently commanded. Tugging at my wrist I fell into his chest, his arms enveloped me in an all consuming hug. He smelt like freshly spritzed woody cologne and soap. I let my eyes flutter closer to enjoy the sensation of his body heat against my cheek.
"This is all you, Evie" I felt his muffled voice speak hot against my hairline. "I need you to know that. Do you believe me?"
I nodded quietly against his skin, momentarily lifting my head up to meet his soft eyes.
"All of these wonderful things you're doing - that's all you... when you start thinking without reason, I need you to remember that". His words echoed like a plea.
I don't know how long we sat there for, engulfed in our embrace. I was exhausted, today was the closest we had teetered to a mutual breaking point.
Author here! Hello, thanks sm for reading 🥹
It's sounding like Harry might be starting to feel as in-deep and overwhelmed as neurotic Evie is. I've got another chapter ready to go, just finishing it up and wanted to split them so it wasn't too long.
Thanks for all the votes - I love reading your comments and reactions too. Let me know what you're thinking!
Enjoy your day/night, wherever in the world you are xxx