November 13th
I always thought I'd be dead by now. Whether it be because I slept with the wrong guys girlfriend or got drunk in the wrong area or ended my life on my own accord, I always thought that by twenty-one, I'd be dead and buried.
I never thought about what my parents would say or how they would feel or if they would even be worried about how I ended up on the path I did because honestly, I haven't spoken to my parents in four years.
I told Celestia that they were on a trip, I told everybody that, and I've been lying since I was seventeen about it. I'm not sure why because it's not like it made any difference. Sure, I got beat up less and my own home didn't feel like a war zone, but it wasn't any less empty. Just a whole lot more quiet.
I have, and probably always will be, been supporting my parents financially. I don't care, as long as they stay the fuck away from me and my life and my Celestia.
And even though I say that they're no longer here and haven't been in four years, I still think they're haunting me. I never noticed it—not until Celestia said something about it the other night—but I'm quiet. I'm vulgar and aggressive and rude, but to her, I'm quiet. I'm so quiet that she almost never hears me get out of bed or when I sneak up behind her without saying anything.
To her, this house is just as quiet as it's always been for me but it's not scary or makes her panic. She enjoys what I'm so terrified of that I can't think about it for too long without feeling empty.
And it's funny because I haven't thought about the emptiness of this house or the lack of noise or static in awhile, I've always just thought about Celestia being here. The quiet that has been comforting me for the past five months and providing peace for the one thing I've got left, I've only just now realized has begun to exist with meaning other than my parents and their anger.
This silence, that filled the air that wrapped so tightly around her perfect shape as she rested in my arms, was perfect and quiet. It made my heart quiet. And not the kind that knots up your stomach and forces your heart through your chest like a fucking cartoon, the kind that makes you feel like you're resting in a jar of warm honey.
I don't think it's the house that's changed and I know it's not because my parents left that it feels this way either; it's because of her.
I'd known that she's made me different since the day I met her and I'd known that she made my house feel like my home and not just another belonging of mine since the day she stepped inside, but I never realized how peaceful and silent she has forced this suffocating quiet to be.
Even now, when I'm hiding more secrets than I'd care to admit because I can't seem to break them out of their titanium cases, and the thought of having to watch Gillian's ashes be spread across the sand of her favorite beach, she still provides me so much peace without even trying.
"Are you awake?" I mumbled against her knotted curls, my body taking in her clean scent as I shut my eyes.
"Always." She mumbled tiredly, obviously still asleep.
She turned in my arms, her bare chest pressed against mine as she forced our bodies closer. "What's wrong, Kai? Thinking too much?"
I took a deep breath in, her legs twitched underneath mine as she stretched out. "Yea. Im sorry I woke you, i just wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep."
She chuckled softly, her soft breath whispered across my chest as she opened her mouth to speak, "do you want me to rub your head?"
My eyes fluttered shut to the same beat of my heart and my stomach as a smile stretched across my lips. "Very tempting offer, but no, thank you. Go back to sleep."
She sighed as she readjusted herself in my arms before she hummed lightly. "Goodnight, Kai." She spoke softly as she dragged her nails across my back—the same way she does when I'm too busy thinking about art to sleep at night, so I nap on the floor, in her lap.
And of course, she was right, I wasn't going to go to sleep unless she rubbed my head or dragged her perfect nails across my back, despite my decline of her offer.
I didn't know peace felt so warm and smelled of vanilla.
...
"Do you like almond milk? Or do you want regular milk?" I stared down at Moon as she held the two differently shaped bottles in her hand.
I blinked a few times, my thoughts far from what kind of milk I wanted to drink. "I don't care. Whatever you drink, I'll drink."
She sighed before she hummed lowly. "Well, the almond milk tastes better in chai and matcha but the regular milk is smoother and doesn't have that nutty taste—"
"Celestia? Kai?"
We both turned at the sound of our names being spoken. "What...what're you doing here?"
We both fell silent as Aurua stood in front of us, a uniform on with a silver name plate that read 'Aurua'.
"I thought you worked at the coffee shop." Celestia finally spoke up, her words stuttered a bit in her throat.
Aurua chuckled awkwardly before she tucked her usually blonde hair behind her ear. "I do. I just like working; keeps me busy."
Cel nodded, her lips tucked in slightly as she struggled to avoid eye contact.
It was odd seeing Aurua with such a guilty look on her face and her tone not full of a whole lot of nothing. I guess this is the same change she saw in me.
I held Celestias hand in mine, my other hand firmly wrapped around the handle of the cart, "Well, let's go home. I don't need fucking milk, we can just buy a cow."
I begun to walk off with Moon in my hand when I felt her jerk back slightly.
"Hey, Celestia,"
I stared at Aurua as she glanced at me before her eyes landed firmly on Moonie.
"I just wanted—"
"It's ok." Celestia interrupted, a smile wide on her face but her eyes threatened with tears. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
How does she always know what to say?
"But he's my brother...you were my friend."
"And what were you supposed to do?" Moon chuckled as her grip on my hand loosened, her body shifted toward Aurua. "He's a grown man and you can't predict the future."
"I could've gotten him help, I could've made him stay away from you."
"Whole lot of 'could've's'. It already happened, Aurua. I'm ok, we'll be ok after we figure out everything that needs to be figured out and we can move on from it. Don't apologize."
Aurua wiped at her face as a singular tear fell from her crystal blue eyes. "I can make him drop the charges. Besides, he tried to rape you, I'm sure they won't mind letting Kai go for what he did to defend you. It's the very least I can do."
It's sweet. A very sweet moment and I appreciate her trying to make sure I wasn't going to jail, but I know I wasn't. Who's going to send me to prison? I'm really fucking hot and really fucking rich and I was one hundred fucking percent in the right for kicking Jax's ass.
After Celestia thanked Aurua, they hugged and exchanged some words I couldn't hear before we finally went back to shopping. Well, Celestia went back to shopping and I went back to following her around.
"What'd you talk about?" I caved and questioned Moon.
She glanced back at me, her eyebrows raised slightly, before she turned back around slowly. "Nothing, really. Just...said some things. Nothing to worry about."
I hummed as I leaned over her shoulder, our cheeks almost pressed against each others. "I'm not worried, just curious."
She glanced at me from the side as she shrugged slightly, "curiosity killed the cat and we don't want you dying right?"
I rolled my eyes as she smiled before she slid past me and back toward the cart. "Now come on, we have stuff to do."
I sighed deeply as I continued to follow her, "yipee, more shopping."