Hongjoong had had the most terrible night's sleep.
It had been well and truly in the early hours of the morning by the time he had gotten to bed. And even then, he wasn't able to go to the comfort of his own bed. It had been occupied by Wooyoung and San. Seonghwa had given his bed up to Mingi and Jongho, and had instead slept on the floor with Yeosang. It was almost like they had all forgotten there was a three bed bedroom upstairs.
So, Hongjoong had slept on San's bed instead. Although he hadn't said anything, Yunho had been extremely grateful for it.
But now it was the later hours of morning, and Hongjoong had forced himself to get out of bed and start his day. His head throbbed from the lack of sleep, but there was so much to be done. Hongjoong knew he had to get back to the company to send away the song he had been working on. It was supposed to be due by the afternoon.
Groaning aloud, Hongjoong pushed himself out of the bed. His body swayed at the sudden movement, and he gripped the top of the double-decker for support. He stood like that for a minute, his eyes tightly closed as he waited for his head to stop spinning.
At that moment, he heard the door open.
"You alright, hyung?"
Peeking out through his lashes, Hongjoong saw to his surprise that it was Yunho. His tall dongsaeng flushed at the questioning look on the leader's face.
"I thought I might as well get up and get it over with. I already apologised to Yeosang and Jongho. I think Jongho is still mad at me though."
Hongjoong nodded, as he straightened himself and stepped away from the bed. "And the others?"
Yunho shrugged. "San's still sleeping. Seonghwa-hyung went to the shops and I don't know where Wooyoung is. He might have gone with Seonghwa."
"Okay, very good."
Hongjoong stepped out of the room. He wasn't really listening to Yunho as well as he knew he should. Yunho's voice sounded distant and the words just seemed to go over his head. But Hongjoong knew there were still other things to be taken care of.
"You can apologize to the others later. I want you to come with me to the dorm."
"Hyung?"
Hongjoong glanced at him over his shoulder. "You have some things to return, I believe."
The confusion on Yunho's face was slowly replaced with an ashamed expression. "Do I have to, hyung?"
"I'll be there with you, Yunho. You won't have to talk to him alone."
Yunho nodded, but he still seemed doubtful. "I know he's my dongsaeng, but he tends to hold grudges. I am afraid he will try and get back at me for dobbing him in." He stepped back, his face flushing bright red, as Hongjoong turned around and stared at him in disbelief.
"I am sorry, hyung. I realise how stupid that was for me to say it."
Hongjoong only shook his head. "Just as long you keep that in mind. How you feel is how others will feel if you react in a negative way." He patted Yunho on the arm. "But come on, let's get this over with before the others return."
* * * * *
As soon as the practice door opened and Yunho entered followed by Hongjoong, Dae-hyun sprang to his feet, wiping his sweaty hands against his pants. His gaze flickering from the nervous Yunho to the angry Hongjoong, then back again as Yunho stepped forward, and held out the large bag he had been carrying.
Recognising it as his own, Dae-hyun guessed the situation immediately. He slowly reached out and took the bag with trembling fingers. He didn't even need to look at Hongjoong. He could feel those sharp eyes burning into him.
"I was wrong, Dae-hyun," he heard Yunho whisper. "I shouldn't have asked you to help me. I shouldn't have dragged you into my stupid revenge. As your hyung, I should have done better."
Dae-hyun said nothing, still not daring to even raise his head. His fingers tightened around the bag handle, as it almost slipped through his hands.
"You may go back to the dorm now, Yunho," Hongjoong murmured softly. "I want to speak to Dae-hyun for a moment."
Dae-hyun mentally cursed. He couldn't think of anything worse than being left in a room with the angry Ateez leader. He felt a brief moment's pity for Yunho, and glanced up to watch him leave. Sure enough, the tall hyung had a slight limp as he exited the room. Having gone through as many companies as he had, Dae-hyun knew too well how the industry worked. He quickly bowed his head, as Hongjoong stepped closer.
Hongjoong gazed at the young dancer, his eyes holding a mixed expression of anger and disappointment.
"I am sorry that Yunho asked you to help him. It was wrong of him to do so as your hyung. But you were also wrong for agreeing. Did you know what he intended to do with those?" He gestured to the bag in Dae-hyun's hand.
"Yes, sir," Dae-hyun whispered, startling himself with his meek politeness. He let the bag slip gently to the floor and bowed his head.
"You don't have any right to even own them, if you think you can treat them like that. I am not sure that we should even be returning them."
Daen-hyun flinched at those words, but he said nothing.
"I know you have had a hard life, Dae-hyun. And I have always wished you the best. But you have crossed a line here. You don't ever attempt to hurt my members, do you hear me?"
Dae-hyun's gaze flickered up to meet Hongjoong's and his eyes seemed to water. "Then let it go this once....please."
Hongjoong shook his head. "This isn't even your first time. You know that."
The younger dancer stepped back, shaking his frantically. "They will kick me out, and I will be done for. I knew it was wrong, I admit it. But I needed the money. You can't blame me for that." He saw a look of hesitation cross Hongjoong's face, and quickly flung himself to his knees, and grasped Hongjoong's hand. "Please, hyung. I will do better. I won't do it again."
Hongjoong sighed as he stared down at the younger man. He too knew how hard it was to survive in this industry. Ateez had worked hard to be where they were. But for some, even that couldn't help them. He pulled his hand away, and stepped back.
"Go to Mr Cheol and tell him what you did. If you don't, it will only take one phone call from me to get you out of your position. Don't ruin the life you spent your youth to build."
"What's the difference?" Dae-hyun snapped, sinking back to sit on his heels. He hung his head, and added in a dejected voice, "Mr Cheol will have me kicked out anyway."
"No, he won't" Hongjoong promised. "I won't let him. But you might get the cane, Dae-hyun. You know how it works." He turned to go then turned back. "I punished Yunho. It was wrong of him to use your situation against you and bribe you with money. It isn't your fault you couldn't break through, Dae-hyun. I know you would have tried your best. But it is your fault if you act like this and ruin other opportunities in life. And if you ever desperately need money, come to me. I will always be willing to help."
He leaned out and gently squeezed the young man's shoulder, before walking out. Behind him, Dae-hyun buried his face into his hands and sobbed with regret and relief.
* * * * *
Yunho didn't go straight back to the dorm when he walked out of the practice room. He didn't want to go back and face the others alone, so he decided he would go and wait for Hongjoong, even if he had to wait all day. So, he headed for Hongjoong's studio, knowing that the leader would go there once he was finished talking to Dae-hyun.
He reached the studio and swung the door open, only to feel his heart immediately sink. For sitting on Hongjoong's chair, was none other than a very...very cranky Wooyoung. And by the look on his face, he was certainly not happy to see Yunho either.
"Look at you walking in here like you have no care in the world," Wooyoung spat, as he swirled the chair from side to side.
"Well, I certainly had no care to see you," Yunho shot back in annoyance. He had gotten all prepared for his apology, but now Wooyoung had destroyed any desire to carry it through.
Wooyoung scowled at him. "Well, I didn't come here to see you either. But since you are here, I hope you know you deserved every bit of that punishment last night and more. San is sick because of you."
"Sick???" Yunho wasn't quite sure what he had done to deserve the blame for that.
But Wooyoung was nodding. "He woke up with a fever this morning. I bet it was because of the shock you gave him."
"Or maybe it was because you keep turning the AC on, even when the weather is cold," Yunho snapped back at him. "Anyways, you are the one who dragged San into pranking Mingi in the first place, so you are more to blame than I am, even if I shouldn't have tried to get back at you."
Wooyoung sprang to his feet and shoved Yunho in the chest. "Don't turn it on me. You were an a-hole and you know it."
"That just makes two of us," Yunho spat, as he hit Wooyoung's arms away from him.
"Our prank was just a joke. You were being down right mean."
"A joke???" Yunho's anger spiked, and in that moment he saw red. He went to grab Wooyoung by the shoulders, but Wooyoung was expecting it and stepped back. But at the same time, Yunho's rage reached boiling point and he changed his movement and kicked Wooyoung in the leg. Wooyoung's leg was knocked out from under him, and he fell heavily back, his arms flailing as he tried in vain to regain his balance. There was a loud thump, followed by something other than Wooyoung crashing to the floor.
It was one of the speakers.
Then to Yunho's horror, he saw the large black monitor wobbling from the vibration of Wooyoung hitting the desk. Then almost as though it was in slow motion, he saw it dive off the desk, just narrowly missing Wooyoung as he scrambled clear of its path.
The two culprits froze as the sound of it breaking filled the room. Then there was complete silence, followed by the deafening rapid beats of two hearts.
"We are dead," Wooyoung whispered in horror.
Yunho said nothing, but he wished Wooyoung was right. And it was at that moment that the door opened and Hongjoong stepped in.
"Hyung," Yunho whispered his eyes widening.
Hongjoong's gaze swept across the room taking in all the damage. He didn't even look at the two culprits as he stepped away from the door.
"Get out," he whispered in a deathly low tone. "Just get out."
Yunho and Wooyoung didn't need to be told twice. They both bowed their heads, and got out of there.
Alone in the room, Hongjoong sank to the floor and wept.
* * * * *
Outside of the room, Yunho and Wooyoung both glanced at each other.
"Do we just go back to the dorm or do we wait here?" Wooyoung asked in a low voice.
Yunho shrugged, his eyes flickering nervously back to the studio. "I half feel like we should go apologise and help him clean it up. But I also feel it would be better to stay out of his way. We really messed up, Wooyoung."
Wooyoung opened his mouth to argue that it had been Yunho pushing him that had caused the incident to happen, but shut it again, as he realised that blaming each other wasn't going to get them anywhere. It was both of their fault. They had both tried to push each other's buttons and had both gotten physical. He glanced at Yunho, biting his lip thoughtfully.
"I am sorry, Yunho. I was a jerk in there."
Yunho shook his head. "No, I am the one who should be apologising. I am sorry for pushing you, and I am sorry about the bugs in your room. Hongjoong-hyung went all out on punishing me, and I know I deserved it." He reached out and patted Wooyoung's shoulder. "I will tell him I pushed you, Wooyoung. But I think we had better go back to the dorm for now. He would want us to, I think."
Wooyoung didn't doubt it. Hongjoong was probably using all his strength to not come out after them right now. In truth, Wooyoung was surprised that they had even managed to leave the room unscathed. To go back into the studio now would be like pouring gasoline into an already raging fire.
They headed back to the dorm in a heavy silence. When they got there, they paused in front of the door and adjusted their faces to pretend like everything was fine. Then entering, Yunho went upstairs to play a game on his phone, and Wooyoung went to see if San was awake yet. They could only wait for their angry leader to return home
* * * * *
"You lost your temper?" Manager Ho asked incredulously, as he stared about the studio.
Hongjoong only gave a small nod as he stood with his hands clasped behind his back and his head bowed.
"And the demo?"
Hongjoong flinched, as the older man's eyes narrowed. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, and his head was beginning to spin. He swayed slightly, then shifted his feet to steady himself.
"It's lost, sir," he whispered.
"You didn't even back it up?"
Tears stung Hongjoong's eyes, as he thought back on all the sleepless nights and stressful days that he had spent working on the damn project. And he hadn't even enjoyed a moment of it, but he had done it for his team. That was what hurt the most. Hongjoong was always very careful about remembering to back everything up. But due to all the chaos back at the dorm, he hadn't been so cautious lately. His mind had constantly been worrying about his members. And now...now his own members had destroyed all that work. He knew it was unintentional. And strangely, he didn't even feel angry. Just disappointed and tired...ridiculously tired.
He was aware of Manager Ho speaking with someone on the phone. By the sound of the apologetic and polite tone, Hongjoong guessed with dread that it was probably the CEO. As much as the CEO loved Ateez, Hongjoong knew he wouldn't get away with this. In the moment of panic of being caught cleaning up the mess, he had taken the blame upon himself, telling the manager that the monitor had been painfully slow, and he had lost his temper and knocked it off the desk. To make it worse, it was also his fault for not backing the project on a hard drive. But there was no way Hongjoong was going to tell the truth. Seeing the manager's angry eyes, Hongjoong would never throw his members under the bus to save himself.
He looked up, as the manager ended the call and turned to face him. For a moment, a tense silence fell as Manager Ho stared thoughtfully at the younger man. Then he tucked the phone back into his pocket.
"This calls for a disciplinary action, Hongjoong. You damaged the monitor and you have caused an embarrassing issue for the company. Finish cleaning up this mess, then come to my office."
Hongjoong nodded. He felt strangely calm now, as if he had accepted his unfortunate fate. Or perhaps it was just his determination to save his dongsaengs. He leaned back down and began tidying up the floor. It was finished sooner than he would have liked. Rising to his feet, and brushing his hands off against his pants, he took a deep breath.
Then turning, he left the studio and headed towards Manager Ho's office.
Manager Ho was seated at his desk filling out a form when Hongjoong entered. He barely even glanced up to acknowledge Hongjoong's presence. Hongjoong moved to stand in the centre of the room, just in front of the desk. He bowed his head and closed his eyes.
Was this how the members feel when they wait for me? Hongjoong thought to himself.
It certainly wasn't a pleasant feeling. He could hear his own heart thumping loudly in his tight chest, and could feel his face growing hot with anxiety. He couldn't help but feel sorry to his members for making them go through this. Little did he know that his members felt just as sorry to him.
He broke out of his thought as the sound of the pen scratching against paper stopped. Raising his head, he saw that Manager Ho was watching him. A strange and unfamiliar expression was on his face.
Was it...pity?
"Did you really do it, Hongjoong?" the manager asked suddenly. The pen dropped from his hand and rolled across the desk, before clattering down onto the floor. It startled Hongjoong just as much as the question had.
"Sir?" he whispered, wondering if he had perhaps misheard him.
Mr Ho leaned back in his chair, a stern frown creasing his brow. "You heard me. I know you aren't the type to destroy everything you worked for. So, are you lying to save someone?"
Hongjoong hesitated. If it had been anyone else, he might have caved at the question. He would have poured out the truth and begged to deal with it himself, but staring into those cold hard eyes, Hongjoong didn't want to risk it. While he had gotten away with punishing Yeosang the last time the manager had stepped in, Hongjoong doubted that the older man would let him defy him again. He shook his head.
"No, sir. I guess I was just tired and stressed, and didn't think my actions through."
Mr Ho shrugged. "Well, I gave you a chance to save yourself. Whether it is you or someone else, it is all the same to me. Hands on the desk, please."
Hongjoong took a deep breath and stepped towards the desk. Then leaning forward, he placed both of his palms onto the smooth wooden surface. The touch and the position reminded him instantly of the day Yeosang had run away. The memory caused tears to prick at his eyes and blur his vision.
Manager Ho opened the desk and pulled out the cane, before rising to his feet and heading around the desk to stand behind Hongjoong.
Rather than think of the past, Hongjoong instead turned his thoughts to his dongsaengs again. He felt like it would be easier to bear if he reminded himself that he was saving them from this. Not that they would leave this situation unscathed. He was going to kill them when he got back to the dorm.
Thwack!
Hongjoong gasped as the cane struck down without any warning. It hurt like hell.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Hongjoong's fingers clawed into the desk, the grip turning them white. He sucked in quick rapid breaths, trying to calm himself. The pain was like nothing he had experienced before. It was a sharp stinging pain that seemed to fill his whole entire body.
Wooyoung, Yunho, you damn fools. This could have been you.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Despite the pain, Hongjoong's leader brain began to assess the situation.
He's not saying anything. He's not even telling me why I am here. He's not letting me breathe.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Hongjoong squeezed his eyes tightly shut and gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to cry. This had been his own choice, so he was going to take it. He couldn't cry, because they couldn't know.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Then suddenly it was over. Hongjoong fell heavily against the desk and lay there, his torso resting against the wooden surface. But glancing over his shoulder, he realised Manager Ho had only been interrupted. He had stepped back and was answering his phone.
Manager Ho's face expression went from looking annoyed, to a mix of confusion and disbelief. He glanced at Hongjoong, his brow furrowing. Then ending the call, he crossed his arms and stared at Hongjoong for a long moment.
"What game are you playing at?" he finally asked. "Was it all just to protect someone after all?"
Hongjoong slowly pushed himself up, wincing as the movement caused a searing pain to shoot up and down his legs. But he faced Manager Ho bravely.
"I don't know what you mean."
Manager Ho narrowed his eyes, before walking around the desk to sit down in his chair.
"The song had already been sent. Why did you lie and say you had lost it?"
"I..I did," Hongjoong protested in bewilderment. "I was going to send it last night, but decided to wait until this morning. When I got to the studio, everything was..." His voice died away.
Manager Ho raised an eyebrow. "So you were." He leaned forward, his hands clasped together on the desk. "Who was it?"
"It doesn't matter. It's over. The demo has been found, and I was punished for the damaged monitor. I will punish the true culprit and have them pay for the damage."
The manager shrugged. "Can't say I understand your reasoning, but it's not my business. I have the paperwork saying there was a disciplinary action for damaged property. It doesn't bother me whose name was on it."
Hongjoong didn't even bother to hide his look of disgust at his words.
"Am I free to go?" he asked.
Hardly even waiting to see the manager's curt nod, Hongjoong turned around and walked out as steadily as he could. He wasn't going to give the sadistic jerk the satisfaction of seeing him limp. Pulling out his phone, he glanced at all the notifications piling up on his screen.
Sure enough, there was one from Eden, telling him that he had gotten to work early, revised the demo, and had done him the favour of sending it off, so Hongjoong could have a good sleep in cuz heaven knew he needed it.
Hongjoong let out a bitter laugh, before glancing over the other messages. There was a concerned one from Seonghwa, asking him if something had happened, because Yunho and Wooyoung were both acting awfully suspicious. They had either done something wrong or were terminally ill, because Wooyoung had offered to help Seonghwa do the dishes, and Yunho even helped make lunch.
Then last of all, were two messages that were obviously trying to save two very sorry butts.
Hongjoong didn't even bother to read them. The mere sight of them caused a wave of anger to rush over him.
He didn't call a taxi to get back to the dorm. Because despite the discomfort of having to walk, Hongjoong couldn't bear the painful thought of having to sit still. And anyway, the cool breeze was incredibly calming as it caressed his hot flushed face.
Then finally he was home. He quietly let himself in, and headed straight for his room. Thankfully, someone had convinced San to move back to his own bedroom (or more likely into Wooyoung's), and some angel in the disguise of Seonghwa had made up the bed with fresh clean sheets.
Hongjoong dropped onto the bed without any guilt, and drew the blanket over his head. The air was stuffy underneath, but the darkness provided a sense of peace and comfort. He didn't know how long he had been lying there, when the door opened and someone entered. The bed dipped beside him, as someone sat down and began to rub his back comfortingly. After everything he had been through, the gentle touch shattered Hongjoong's tough facade.
His shoulders shook violently, as he cried bitter ugly tears.
"It hurts, Seonghwa," he cried, knowing who sat beside him.
"I know, Hongjoong-ah," was the soft understanding reply. "They called me just now."
Hongjoong rolled over to lay his head on Seonghwa's thigh. Seonghwa pulled the cover away from his head, and moved his hand to brush the hair from his tear-stained face. "I couldn't let them get the cane. Leader or not, I couldn't let them get that."
"I know you couldn't. I think we all would have done the same."
"I felt so mad at them, Seonghwa."
"We all get mad at each other sometimes," Seonghwa comforted.
"I am so hurt and angry."
"And your feelings are valid, Hongjoong-ah. You had every right to feel that way. The important thing is that you didn't act on your anger. You did well."
Hongjoong closed his eyes. "I don't want them to know. They will feel guilty, and I don't know what they will do."
"I won't tell them if you don't want me to."
A small smile appeared across Hongjoong's face at the reassuring words. "What would I do without you, Seonghwa?"
"What would we all do without you?" Seonghwa replied, smiling.
The smile faded from Hongjoong's face, and he opened his eyes to stare up at his older friend.
"Am I really that good of a leader? I don't feel like I have done well these past few weeks."
Seonghwa sighed. "It's not your fault, Hongjoong. The boys are just testing the boundaries. With all these sudden new rules, they are going to keep acting out until they understand we are never giving up on them. They will calm down eventually."
Hongjoong felt slightly reassured, but he did doubt Seonghwa's words. They were Ateez.
And Ateez always meant chaos.