Saph didn't get much sleep because of what happened yesterday. Sleep isn't her best friend ever since and maybe it will never be. A mixture of guilt, confusion, and anger kept her mind busy and almost drained her energy.
Hindi siya makapaniwala na kamuntikan nang may nangyari sa kanilang dalawa ni Nate. He was like an older brother to her, a family she trusted, a friend she look up to. And now something has changed. Somehow he became someone else coz she now sees him as a man. A man who is no longer a big brother anymore but a man who can make her feel confused about her feelings.
Gulong-gulo siya sa nararamdaman ngayon dahil pakiramdam din niya ay nagtaksil naman siya kay Finnegan kahit wala naman talaga silang malinaw na relasyon. Habang iniisip niya ang binata ay di rin niya maiwasan na hindi isipin si Nate dahil naroon pa din ang guilt at pag-aalala para rito nang ipinagtulakan niya ito paalis kagabi.
Maaga siyang bumaba para makapag-almusal at inaabangan niya ang lalaki upang makausap. Ngunit mag a-alas diyes na ng umaga ay hindi pa rin ito bumababa para kumain. Hindi tuloy niya alam kung naroon pa ba ito sa kwarto nito o wala. Hindi rin naman kasi niya alam kung umalis ba ito kagabi pagkatapos nitong lumabas mula sa kwarto niya o kung nagkulong lang din.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Tanong niya sa sarili habang nakatitig sa tasa ng kape sa harapan niya.
Inilabas niya ang cellphone upang icheck kung may message ba ito sakanya o maski si Brandt ngunit parehong wala.
"You're pathetic, Saph." Bulong niya sa sarili. "Ano ba ang ginagawa mo sa sarili mo? Looks like as if you're fooling around with two men." Sabay iling. "No, no, I'm not. That's ridiculous!" Kaagad din niyang tanggi.
Sinubukan niyang tawagan si Brandt ngunit naka-off ata ang telepono nito dahil hindi niya makontak. Nang ang numero naman ni Nate ang tinawagan niya ay hindi rin iyon nagring. Mas lalo tuloy siyang nakaramdam ng prustrasyon sa sarili dahil roon. Kaya naman para makasigurado siya ay inakyat na niya ito at saka kinatok sa kwarto nito.
She knocked twice but no one answered. She thought that he was not in the room and she wondered where he could be coz she couldn't get hold of him on the phone. She tried again to knock to see if he really isn't there inside the room. And in that third try of knocking, she heard some shuffling sound. Now it's obvious that he's inside and just woke up from her knocking on his door.
"Who is it?!" He sounded pissed coz his sleep got disturbed. She didn't answer him and just knocked again. "Who the fuck is it and what do you want?!"
"It's me." She simply said.
Narinig naman niya ang pagkilos nito sa loob at ang paglapit nito sa may pintuan kaya naman inihanda na niya ang sarili.
Nate then opened the door and still caught her by surprise. He's half naked and his toned upper body is now exposed to her. She felt uncomfortable staring at his body so she looked away. His forehead knotted, confused and surprised at the same time as to why she was standing there.
"What?!" May pagka-iritadong tanong nito.
"I'm just worried about you." Aniya na hindi makatingin nang direcho sa mga mata ng kausap.
"Why?"
"Coz I was waiting for you downstairs for breakfast but you didn't come down."
"And so?" Hindi nito itinatago ang kasarkastikuhan sa tono.
"I just want to check on you, to see if you're here or if you went out last night and never came back-"
"Well, I'm here." Putol nito sakanya. "I did go out last night but I came back around- I lost track of time." Anito na nahirapan pang isipin kung anong oras nakauwi. "So now that you've checked that I'm here, what else do you want?"
"N-Nothing." She stutters at his cold treatment. "I'm sorry if I disturbed your sleep."
"Is that the only thing you are sorry for?"
Saglit hindi nakasagot si Lux dahil alam niya ang ibig nitong sabihin. It's been bothering her the whole night and a sense of guilt kept her awake. She couldn't admit to him that yes, she feels guilty for hurting him and his pride. Pero ang mas hindi niya kayang sabihin ay ang magulo niyang damdamin na siya mismo ay hindi magawang alamin.
"Nate, about what happened last night, I-"
"I don't want to talk about it!" He quickly dismissed her attempt.
"But I-" Saph stopped when she heard a sound or more likely a moan coming from inside the room. "Are you with someone inside?" She asked even though she knew the answer already.
"Uhuh." Iyon lang ang isinagot sa kanya ni Nate bago nito niluwagan ang pagbukas sa pintuan upang ipakita ang loob ng kwarto.
Saph was stunned when she saw a half-naked woman lying on his bed. She instantly recognized who was it and it was the same woman whom he danced with last night at the bar. The same woman who has the hots for Nate and was flirting with him the entire time they were there.
Halatang kagigising lang ng babae na bumangon pa bahagya at hindi man lang nag-abalang takpan ang sariling kahubdan. Sinadya pa talaga nitong ipakita sakanya na para bang inaasar siya.
"Who is it, Darling?" Malanding tanong ng babae na nakangiti pa sa kanya nang may pang-aasar.
Tinitigan niya si Nate at hinintay ang magiging sagot nito ngunit hindi niya inaasahan ang isasagot nito at nasaktan siya sa narinig.
"No one." Seryosong sagot ng lalaki habang walang emosyong nakatingin sa kanya. "Just a mere nuisance."
"Then close the door and come back here in bed. Let's have some wild sex again in the morning." Aya ng babae na malandi pang humalakhak. "Make me moan just like how you did last night. You were so rough and I like it."
"Sure, be right there." Sagot ni Nate na titig na titig sa kanyang mukha.
Saph always displayed a poker face attitude but she couldn't do it right now. Her face is now showing her reaction, her emotion about what's in front of her. She's hurt and she's fucking pissed coz she felt betrayed.
Kumuyom ang kanyang mga kamao habang nakatingin siya sa babaeng malanding nakangisi sa kanya. Her jaw is also clenching as she shifted her gaze towards Nate. Kita niya ang pagkunot ng noo nito at ang bahagyang pagkabigla sa nakikitang reaksyon niya.
"Xury-"
"Enjoy yourselves!" Putol niya sa binata na humakbang at hahawakan siya sana.
Subalit mabilis siyang umiwas na para bang nandidiri siyang mahawakan nito. She doesn't want him to touch her, knowing that his hands could have touched that filthy woman all over her body. She couldn't believe him, she couldn't believe how he handled their situation or the issue that they have. Something almost happened between them last night and she was left torn and confused and wide awake while all the while he was enjoying himself banging another girl.
Men will always be men. Un-fucking-believable!
Iyon ang pumasok sa isip niya bago tumalikod at naglakad palayo. Ni hindi na siya lumingon pang muli kahit patuloy siyang tinatawag ni Nate. She needed air to breathe and she couldn't do it knowing that he was just in the same building with her and while he was in the other room- fucking wildly. Kaya naman muli na lang siyang bumaba at hindi bumalik sa kwarto niya.
She went out of the hotel and hailed a cab. Hindi niya alam kung saan siya pupunta kaya naman pinaikot-ikot lang muna niya ang driver kung saan-saan hanggang sa napagdesisyunan niya na kung saan siya dapat naroon sa mga oras na iyon.
Pagkababa niya ng taxi ay tiningnan niya muna ang kabuuan ng gusali bago pumasok sa loob. Alam niyang doon dadalhin ang ina dahil iyon ang pinakamalapit na magandang ospital mula sa bahay nito. Mayaman ang napangasawa nito kaya't alam niyang hindi ito daldalhin sa isang hindi pribadong ospital.
Nang tanungin at malaman niya ang kwarto kung nasaan ito ay nagdalawang isip pa siya kung tutuloy siya o hindi. A part of her feels guilty coz she was the reason why her mother was there. Another part of her was still furious because of her hatred and her resentment towards her. But also, there is still a part of her that is longing for her and she's worried about her condition too so she decided to just check on her.
Nakailang hinga at buga muna siya ng hangin habang nasa mahabang pasilyo siya bago naglakad patungo sa tamang pintuan ng pakay niya roon. Mula sa maliit na tagusang salamin sa may pintuan ay kita niya ang ina sa loob na nakaupo sa kama. May mga benda ang magkabilang pisngi nito ngunit hindi iyon naging sagabal upang makita niya ang pagngiti nito sa mga taong kausap nito sa loob.
Her mother's new family is there with her. They were all taking good care of her and she felt envious. She's literally out of the picture coz she has always been out of her life. Standing there was really making her feel like an outsider- a stranger to her own mother.
She has never felt so alone as to what she's feeling right now. Noon kasi, kahit wala na ang mga kapatid niya sa isla ay hindi naman siya nag-iisa at naroon ang organisasyong kinalakihan. She has a purpose, she has worth because she was a Gem, but right at that moment, she felt helpless, hopeless, and worthless.
Wala ang mga kapatid niya roon, wala rin si Finnegan at maski ang nag-iisang itinuring niyang unang pamilya na si Nate ay wala na rin sa tabi niya. Wala ni sinoman ang naroon upang samahan siya. No one was there to comfort her but herself.
At kahit nasa paningin na niya ang sariling ina ay mananatili pa rin itong isang estranghero na sakanya. At dapat na niyang kalimutan ang kung anomang ugnayan mayroon sila. Dapat na niyang pakawalan ang kahit na anong damdamin na natitira para rito nang tuluyan na siyang makalaya sa mapait na kahapon. She needs to let her go, she needs to bury all the memory of her mother. It's for her own sake too so she must do it. She has to do it.
When her phone rang, it was the time she must wake up from her daze. Sakto rin na napatingin sa may salamin sa pintuan ang kanyang ina kung kaya't natanaw siya nito. Bago pa man makapagreact ito sa presensiya niya ay mabilis na siyang lumisan sa lugar na iyon. Hindi na niya gusto pang saktan o pahirapan ito dahil sapat na ang ginawa niyang pananakit rito kahapon. At ayaw na rin niyang dagdagan pa ang kinakaharap na problema ngayon dahil umaapaw na sa kanyang utak.
Paglabas niya ng ospital ay saka lang niya chineck ang phone na patuloy sa pagring. Pangalawang tawag na iyon ni Nate sakanya na ayaw niyang sagutin. She just canceled his call when he tried the third time. She can't talk to him right now, not after what she saw and heard in his hotel room. Her confusion grew bigger and that frustrates her the more.
Muli siyang pumara ng taxi ngunit nang pasakay na siya ay may humablot sa braso niya.
"Why aren't you answering my call?!" Nate sounded pissed.
Hinila siya at saka inabutan na lang ng tip ang taxi driver para paalisin na.
"Why should I?" Balik niyang tanong. "May dapat ba tayong pag-usapan? And why are you even here? Are you following me?!"
"I am and I knew that you'd be here. You're predictable when you're becoming emotional. I know you couldn't endure not checking out on that old lady. To see her condition and to make sure that she's fine. You still care for her and it's clearly written on your face."
Medyo naasar siya sa sinabi ng binata. Parang may pinapahiwatig na naman ito patungkol sa kanya.
"I don't want to argue with you about this. Besides, it's none of your business so leave me alone!" At akmang lalayong muli upang maghanap ng mapaparang taxi nang muli siya nitong hinaglit sa braso.
"Like I always tell you, if it's about you then I will fucking make it my business!" Madiin nitong sabi kaya naman nakakakuha na sila ng atensyon mula sa ibang mga tao roon. "Now get in the car!" Sabay turo sa kung saan nakaparada ang sasakyan.
"I won't!" Pagmamatigas niya.
"I said get in the fucking car, Xury. Don't make me do it for you."
Ngumiti siya nang may pang-aasar rito.
"You know you don't scare me."
"Really? Are you sure?" Balik nito sa kanya na humakbang pa para ilapit ang katawan.
"Very." Diniinan din niya ang salitang binitiwan kahit pa naiilang siya sa pagdikit ng katawan nito sa kanya. "So just leave me alone coz I don't want to go back with you to the hotel!"
"Who says about going back there?" Kinunutan niya ito ng noo bilang paraan na din ng pagtatanong niya kaya naman sinagot rin nito ang tanong sa isip niya. "We're driving to the airport. We're flying back to Mexico."
"We're flying back?"
"Yeah, since our short vacation has been ruined anyway so no need for us to stay here any longer. All our bags are in the car. We're done here." Anito na hinihintay ang sagot niya.
Napagisip-isip na rin naman ni Lux na wala na nga naman silang gagawin roon. Nagawa na nila ang mga bagay na pinlano nito at sa tingin niya ay sapat na ang mga nangyari roon upang mas mabuo na naman ang galit sa kanyang puso.
"Whatever!" Iyon na lang ang isinagot niya pabalik bago nagmartsa papunta sa nakaparadang sasakyan.
Wala na silang imikan kahit nasa himpapawid na sila. Nobody dared to open up about what happened between them last night and early that morning. It would be too awkward for the both of them and Saph's confusion would only get worse and she wouldn't want that. She can't deal with it right now.
Kahit puyat at wala gaanong tulog ay hindi niya magawang matulog nang mahaba sa biyahe. It was a long-haul flight but she was restless because there are so many questions on her mind that she doesn't want to entertain.
Nang makalapag na sila ay may sumundo sa kanilang tauhan ni Cornejo upang maihatid sa mansyon. Pinlano na ni Lux sa isip na gugugulin na lamang niya ang lahat ng oras at atensyon sa pageensayo upang makaiwas na rin siya sa mga gumugulo sa kanyang isip. Ngunit ngayon pa lamang ay inumpisahan na siyang guluhin ni Nate.
"So, are you just gonna pretend that nothing happened?" Anito sakanya pagpababa na pagbaba nila ng sasakyan.
"Wala naman talagang nangyari." Pagdidiin niya habang bitbit ang dalang bagahe.
"Well, 'it' almost happened!" Pagdidiin din nito pabalik sakanya. "And we must talk about it because I know you're just confused. That you felt something too and you're only scared to admit it."
"I am not scared of anything and there is nothing to talk about, period!"
"Yes, there is!" Na hinawakan pa siya sa magkabilang braso. "The look on your face when you saw me with another woman, you were jealous." Akusa nito.
"I wasn't!" Madiin niyang tanggi at naaasar na dahil tila nanumbalik sa isip niya ang tagpo na iyon at ang mapang-asar na ngiti ng babae sa kanya.
"Yes you were. Again, you're just denying it. You couldn't admit to yourself that you feel something too. You said that you're not afraid of anything but you're a coward when it comes to your feelings."
"I'm not a fucking coward!" Galit na sagot niya. "Look, I don't want to talk about this, okay? So drop this topic, Nate, and just leave me alone!" Aniya at saka tinalikuran ito at pumasok na sa loob ng mansyon.
Ngunit hindi niya inaasahan ang madadatnan pagpasok niya sa bahay. Nabitiwan pa niya ang bitbit na bagahe dahil sa pagkagulat.
"I went back as soon as possible and planned to surprise you but what I didn't expect is that I'll be the one who will get surprised in the end." Salubong ni Finnegan habang madilim ang mukha na nakatingin sa kanya at sa lalaking nakasunod sa likuran niya.
Saglit hindi nakasagot si Saph dahil sa gulat at kalituhan.
"Ahmmm, I thought you'll be gone for weeks." Aniya na tinatantiya ang mood ng binata.
"Yeah, it was supposed to be more than a week but I tried to do what I must as quickly as I can so I could get back here. But disappointingly, you aren't here when I arrived." May kaunting pait sa tono nito. "Yun pala gumala ka.... kayong dalawa." Sabay pukol ng masamang tingin kay Nate.
"You should've called then." Sagot niya na ikinataas ng isang kilay ng binata.
"Then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, would it?" There's a slight sarcasm in his tone.
Saph mentally agreed with him and felt guilty but she couldn't let him know.
"Bakit parang galit ka? Do you expect me to wait for you here? Ikaw pwedeng umalis pero ako hindi?"
"Hindi ganoon ang ibig kong sabihin. You didn't even tell me that you were leaving-"
"Ganoon ka din naman. You only told me when you're just a few hours away from your flight." She turned the tables again. "Besides, may pinagusapan ba tayo na dapat alam natin ang bawat kilos ng isa't isa? Na dapat nagpapaalam muna kapag aalis?"
Si Brandt naman ang hindi nakasagot agad pabalik.
"This isn't what I had in my mind when I planned to surprise you." Naroon ang pait. "It was disappointing to learn that you were away with him but you know what's even worse?" At humakbang para mapalapit sa harapan niya. "Is when I heard about your argument with him outside and you acted as if you aren't guilty about it by turning the tables and making it sound like it was my fault."
Si Lux naman ang hindi nakasagot. This is what she's worrying about and the one she couldn't deal with because she doesn't know how to react or respond to it.
"Did something happen between the two of you?" Matapang na tanong ni Finnegan na ikinalaki ng mga mata ni Lux.
"Nothing!"
"Yeah!"
Sabay na sagot nilang dalawa ni Nate kaya naman marahas na nilingon ni Saph ang binata.
"Shut up, Nate!" Bulyaw niya. "Nothing happened and you know it!"
"We kissed, Xury. And it wasn't just a friendly kiss, it was carnal and wild and we almost make love-"
"Stop it!" Sigaw niya. "Stop talking!" Sabay lingon kay Brandt. "I'm sorry." Aniya nang makita ang sakit at galit sa mga mata nito. "But it's not what you think."
"What do you think I have in mind?" Balik sa kanya ni Finn. "So, you kissed him, huh? Why? Were you drunk or do you feel something for him?" Sunod-sunod na tanong pa nito nang hindi siya makasagot.
"We were drinking-"
"Yeah, she feels something for me too." Putol ni Juggernaut kay Lux. "I felt it when she kissed me back with the same intensity. She wasn't that drunk to not know what was happening. She wanted it too, she want me too but she's just too confused because of you."
Parehong nagsusukatan ng tingin ang dalawang lalaki at si Saph ang naiipit sa gitna.
"And that's because I'm the one she truly loves and you're just taking advantage of her, distracting her from what was right-"
"I'm the distraction she needs. A distraction from the illusion you're creating. An illusion in making her believe that she can live a normal life like everybody else. She needs to wake up to the truth. The truth is that she will never be an ordinary person because she is meant to be extraordinary."
"You're delusional, Juggernaut. Stop controlling her. She's not a robot-"
"Stop it!" Sigaw ni Saph upang awatin ang dalawa. "I've had enough of both of you. You talk about me as if you two knew me so well but none of you does! No one knows about me but myself alone! So stop arguing, okay?!"
Akmang tatalikuran na niya ang dalawa nang pigilan siya sa braso ni Nate.
"We're not yet done talking, Xury!"
Papiksi sana siya mula sa hawak nito ngunit naunahan na siya ni Brandt na tinulak si Nate.
"Don't touch her!"
"Who the fuck are you to tell me what not to do, huh?!" Sagot naman ng lalaki na itinulak rin pabalik si Rebel.
"I should ask you the same thing, who do you think you are to act like you own her?! You're not even her real family."
"I'm the closest she has to a family. And as far as she's concern, I will act whatever I want for her sake." Magkatapat na ang dalawa at parehong makakuyom ang mga kamao na handang manuntok na. "So back off Rebel or I will-"
"-what? Kill me?" Putol ni Finnegan. "Tss, puro ka lang salita Juggernaut, wala ka namang binatbat pag dating sa labanan. I defeated you once, I can beat you again for sure."
"Don't be too cocky, Brandt. Dahil ikaw na ang ngayon ang gagapang. I will fucking crush you and make you bleed to death!"
"Then let's see it now. Tingnan natin kung may ibubuga ka na nga." Hamon ni Finn.
"Game on! Tangina, tagal ko nang gustong balian ka ng leeg!" Pagkasa naman ni Nate sa hamon.
Akmang maguumpisa nang magsapakan ang dalawa nang napahinto ang mga ito dahil may kumumpas sa pagitan nila at walang iba kundi ang katana ni Saph.
"Should I be the one to make you both bleed to death?" Seryosong tanong ni Saph na sa sandata niya lang nakatingin. "Should I do it so you can both save your efforts coz I would fucking want this bickering to stop!"
Parehong humakbang paatras ang dalawang lalaki ngunit parehong hindi natitinag at hindi kakikitaan ng takot o ng kagustuhang sumuko.
"This will never end, Xury, unless you start admitting to yourself what you really feel." Si Nate kaya naman doon napabaling si Lux.
"Can you accept it once you find out the truth, Juggernaut?" Finn is mocking him. "Are you sure you can handle it?"
"Are you?" Balik naman agad ni Nate. "Or are you gonna whine like a loser, Rebel?"
"Oh, I never lose and you know that." Mayabang na sagot ni Finnegan.
"This time, you will." Saka tumingin si Nate kay Lux kaya naman napatingin din si Brandt sa dalaga.
Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin ni Saph sa dalawang lalaki. It's as if they are pressuring her to give them an answer. Kung madali lang sana ang pumili, kung wala sanang masasaktan at kung hindi sana siya naguguluhan ay kanina pa niya ibinigay ang sagot niya.
Subalit kahit siya mismo ay hindi niya magawang sagutin iyon sa sarili. Litong-lito ang isip niya sa totoong nararamdaman para sa dalawang lalaki. She knew she's being unfair to both men but she really couldn't decide. She's scared to lose one of them but she if she doesn't make a decision, she knew she will lose both of them in the process.
She must decide soon, but right now, she still needs time to think and she was saved by Norberto.
"Is there something going
on here?!" Wika ng bigotilyong lalaki na kararating lang din. "Is there a problem? What is this commotion all about?"
Saph retreated and turned her weapon away.
"Just a misunderstanding." Wika ni Lux. Siya na ang nagsalita para sa kanilang tatlo.
"Instead of fighting over something, why don't you just start your training so you can focus on your incoming battle? You're all wasting your time for the nonsense argument."
Saph couldn't agree more with Cornejo. She needed to refocus her mind for the final battle and she could never do that if she stays in the mansion with the two men. She needs to get away for a while.
"You're right, Cornejo, I need to focus. That is why I am leaving."
Sabay sabay napakunot ng noo ang tatlong lalaki sa pagtataka sa bigla-biglaang desisyon niya.
"Why?"
"What?"
"What are you doing?"
Halos sabay sabay na tanong sakanya ng tatlo.
"I have to leave. I need time to be alone. I need to focus my mind on the incoming Final battle."
Finn stepped closer to her but she stepped back and stopped him from taking further steps.
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I have to leave. I need time to think." And she turned to look at Nate too. "I need to breathe coz I feel suffocated." And stepped back to face those three men at the same time. "I can't deal with this right now. I just can't, I'm sorry."
She picked up her luggage again and headed towards the door without looking back. Not even when she heard her name being called by those two. Because none of them can convince her to stop. She must get away quickly before things can get crazier than it already is. It was indeed a roller coaster ride of feelings and she's not used to it. It was all new to her and it's breaking her from the inside out.
And that is why she damn hated it!
Confronting my emotions?! To hell with it!