Asami couldn't say she completely remembered the events leading up to her sitting on Korra's bed with a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of hot chocolate, but there she was. She pretty much blacked out when Shaozuo said hi to her, and only came back to reality when he got punched in the face by none other than her girlfriend. Truly she regretted not remembering why Korra did that, she assumed it would have been pretty entertaining, but Asami was a forgetful person when it came to her past. At least that's what her therapist says.
"Is this fine? Are you comfortable?" Korra asked, worried.
"Hm?" Asami snapped out of her haze. "Oh, yeah, very much so. Thank you." She genuinely said.
"Of course," Korra softly replied, "just stay comfortable, and let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks," Asami repeated, brewing in her hot chocolate, "I'm just… Thinking."
"I understand." Korra nodded.
Asami kept quiet for a couple of seconds, her eyes still locked on the drink. She wasn't really sure what happened, and didn't know how to approach the situation. Maybe she should've told Korra before, instead of her finding out this way.
Or, maybe Korra didn't figure it out? Maybe he said something hurtful, and that's why Korra punched him? She couldn't tell. Her only way of finding out would be asking, and she wasn't too keen on doing that. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know the answer.
"How…" Asami trailed off, swallowing audibly. "Why did you punch him?" she managed to ask, just barely.
Korra cracked a smile at that, but it was not a happy smile by any means. "What do you mean?" She asked. "He was obviously a creep."
Asami smiled back, though like Korra, her smile wasn’t sincere. "That he is." She agreed, taking a zip of her choco.
"You don't have to tell me. " Korra firmly said. "Well, you can, I'll always be happy to listen to you, but you absolutely don't have to."
"No, I should've told you beforehand," Asami sighed, "you were already so open and honest with me… It's unfair that I wasn't, I'm sorry."
"It's not the same thing. " Korra argued, her tone staying as soft as ever. "And I didn't tell you, it's more like I expanded on a subject you found out yourself."
At that, Asami laughed. "I guess there's a pattern here," she joked.
"Yeah," Korra agreed with half a smile, "whoever's writing the script to our lives should really get more creative." She light heartedly joked.
Asami hummed in approval. "Regardless, even if I'm only telling you because god seems to hate me, I still should've told you long ago." She concluded.
"You don't have to say something you're uncomfortable with," Korra promised, "so don't feel obligated to share details or events that you don't want to bring up."
"Thank you for being so understanding," Asami genuinely said, "I don't know where to start."
"You wanna tell me who he is?" her girlfriend softly questioned. "Again, you don't have to."
"I know." Asami said, trying to keep her cool. "Shaozuo was… My only friend."
She couldn't look at Korra directly, but she imagined this only made her more confused. And that suspicion was confirmed, with Korra's next words.
"What about Ella?" Her girlfriend asked, genuinely baffled.
Asami chuckled. "Oh, she absolutely hated me because I disturbed her sleep or something. Plus, who the hell would want to befriend the teenage weirdo that had to wear sunscreen all of the time?" She joked, which actually made Korra crack a smile.
"But I'm serious," Asami said a moment later, "Ella and I didn't exactly get along until after... Him. I did have some friends, but mostly because they wanted to copy my homework."
A simple "Oh," left Korra's mouth, as she waited for Asami to continue talking.
"Yeah." Asami tried keeping the light tone, knowing that this was not an easy subject to bestow upon anyone. "He was… A good friend. It's funny to say that now, but it's true. He never asked to cheat off me in any test, we didn't do homework together… okay, the bar was very low, but at the time that seemed thoughtful."
"That's terrible." Korra said, eyebrows clenched together in worry.
"Both me and you have been through worse," Asami waved her off, "at the time it seemed more dramatic than it actually was, since I was a teenager."
"Depends on what you say next." Korra deadpanned. "I, myself, find it hard to believe."
"Nothing actually happened." Asami said after a loaded pause. "Unlike other students that tried to use me for school work, he just tried to use me for… other things."
Asami didn't have to look at Korra, to know that her face softened in sympathy. "Oh, baby…"
"That's how me and Ella became friends, actually." She immediately changed the subject. "She had a taser."
"That could definitely come in handy," Korra sounded horrified, but she sti manaved to reply.
"Yep," Asami nodded, nervously chewing on her bottom lip nervously. "Well, that was that. Are you hungry? I'm starving." Again, Asami gently nudged her, attempting to break the awkwardness and change the subject. She raised her gaze and made eye contact with Korra, trying to convince her that everything was fine.
Korra looked back, a faint smile on her lips. "I'll fix you up with something to eat real quick," she assured, "but beforehand, would it be okay if I asked you something?"
"Oh," well, she couldn't exactly say no to that without looking traumatized. Of course, she may have been traumatized, the symptoms fit, but she didn't want Korra to see her like that. Not after everything Korra had told her she'd been through, It would make Asami look so... spoiled and pathetic. "Sure, go ahead."
"So why is this fucker playing for a prestiges soccer team instead of moping around in jail?" She frowned, mostly to herself.
Asami couldn't help but laugh slightly. Not because it was funny, this was anything but a funny interaction, but somehow the way Korra phrased it was so… Light.
"The campus counselor seemed more concerned about his scholarship, I guess." She shrugged. "So nothing really happened with my complaint."
Korra's small, sympathetic smile dropped and was replaced with a horrified look, an expression Asami had never seen on Korra.
"You're kidding." She said.
"I am?" Asami asked, confused.
"I hope this asshole got laid off." Korra sternly said. "Please tell me that they got fired."
"Not that I know of," Asami shrugged, "but we did wreck her car, if it makes you feel any better." She shared.
Korra's jaw dropped. "No way." She said. "But you're such a nerd!"
"Ella was a bad influence." Asami proceeded to explain, amused.
"I'd say she's a pretty good influence." Korra disagreed.
"Depends on how you look at it." Asami hummed, nervously fiddling around with her hands. "Thank god that Ella came back just in time to kick his ass out before something happened." she said, deep in thought.
"Yeah," Korra mumbled, staring off into space, "thank god…"
Asami didn't know what to say or do next. She wanted to break the ice, crack some joke or change the subject, but her mind was blanking. God, she hoped this didn't change how Korra felt about her. This sounded so stupid in comparison to everything her girlfriend endured, and she knew that they were both thinking that.
Thankfully, the silence didn't last much longer. A moment later, they heard a knock on the door, and soon Tonaraq pushed it open.
"Sorry, Korra, Asami, how are you?" He awkwardly asked. "Darling, can I ask you something?" He then turned to his daughter without waiting for a response.
"Sure." Korra said blankly.
"Is it possible that you…" Tonaraq cleared his throat. "Punched the Ba Sing Se team's captain?"
"In the face, yes." Korra corrected casually with a nod.
"In the face." Tonaraq repeated, confused. "Mind telling me why?"
Korra shrugged. "He deserved it." She simply said.
"He deserved it?" He asked.
"He deserved it." Korra affirmed once more.
Tonaraq looked at Asami with a questioning look, then back at Korra.
"Okay." He finally said after a few moments of silence. "Good enough for me."
"Really?" Asami asked, surprised. "She didn't even give any reasoning."
"I already backed her up to the journalists, I just wanted to make sure," Tonaraq cleared up with a soft smile, "if he had it coming, he had it coming. I trust her judgment."
"Oh, he definitely had it coming." Korra nodded furiously. "Anything else?"
"Yes, your mother wanted to know if you two are joining us for dinner or not." He casually asked.
"I think we're gonna go out for dinner tonight," Korra said, then turned to Asami "I wanted to show you this restaurant, what do you think?"
"Aw, but I wanted to eat dinner with Tonaraq and Senna." Asami fake pouted.
Korra blinked in confusion. "What?" She asked.
"Oh, don't worry dear, you're still invited." Tonaraq was quick to jump in.
"It's a really good restaurant." Korra emphasized, trying to persuade Asami.
"Okay, I'll meet you in the middle," Tonaraq crossed his arms with a mischievous grin, "you can go to the restaurant, and Asami will stay here with us." He offered.
"Seriously?" Korra asked, unimpressed.
"Sounds good to me," Asami chimed in.
Korra rolled her eyes. "You guys are impossible." She said. "You can't just gang up on me!"
"We're not, we just found an agreeable compromise," Asami answered.
"Exactly," Korra's father agreed, "you're uninvited from dinner for suggesting otherwise."
"We'll join you for dinner tomorrow, okay?" Korra said, annoyed.
"Yeah, whatever." Tonaraq waved her off, winking at Asami. "I'll see you girls later."
"Bye, dad." Korra said, short tempered.
As he closed the door after him, Asami let out a soft laugh, which immediately made Korra turn around to face her, confused.
"Sorry, I just…" Asami shook her head with a smile. "I like your dad, he's funny."
"He's more annoying in my mind, but whatever you say." Korra said with half a smile. "Hey, Asami?"
"Hm? Yes?" Asami asked lightly, her hand playing with the spoon inside her drink, brewing it in the process.
"You didn't deserve it." Was all Korra said next, but it was enough. Enough to make Asami go completely still. The spoon she had been fiddling with slipped from her fingers, and her gaze locked on the cup. Though, she wasn't really looking at it, she was just staring in its general direction.
"I know." She replied, almost like an instinct.
"I know you know, but I also think that guilt is inevitable in those situations. " Korra softly said, taking Asami's hand. "So I'm saying it loud and clear; this was not your fault. You deserved better."
Asami kept quiet, staring at the cup she was holding and trying to process those words. She heard them before, Ella told her the same thing numerous times, but it never really clicked. She did know that it wasn't on her, it made sense logically, but she always had doubt. She always had shame, and guilt over what happened. She blamed herself for not seeing him for who he was earlier, she blamed herself for leading him on, or not being able to stop him. Asami was never able to truly feel like this wasn't her fault. Hearing Korra say that was overwhelming, and before Asami knew it, she felt her eyes water.
"Are you…" her girlfriend sounded baffled. "Are you crying..?"
"No." Asami sniffled. "Shut up."
"I am so confused." Korra said. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry."
"Because I don't cry!" Asami exclaimed. "I am not the kind of person who just cries out of nowhere! This is your fault."
"How is it my fault?" Korra asked, still confused.
"You're all…" Asami trailed off, annoyed, trying to word her thoughts. "Supportive and sweet and kind and it makes it your fault!" She accused, wiping away tears.
"Oh baby. " Korra chuckled. "You poor thing."
"Just…" Asami grabbed Korra's arm and wrapped it around herself, resting her head on Korra's shoulder, pouting. "...Shut up."
"Never." Korra said, pressing a kiss to Korra's temple.
Asami sighed, closing her eyes and wiping her drying tears. Her mind was racing, and everything was piling up. Seeing Shaozuo, him talking to her, confessing to Korra… It all made her re-live that experience, and while it was a bit of a relief, it was just as overwhelming at the same time.
"It sounds tough." Korra said while gently stroking her hair.
"What does?" Asked Asami.
"All of it," Korra answered, "everything you just said. But being in college at that age was what I specifically had in mind."
"Oh," Asami wasn't completely focused on Korra's words, her mind drifting elsewhere, "yeah, I guess."
"I thought I had it rough because I was older than everybody," she continued regardless of Asami's spacy reaction, "but I guess being younger is the worst."
In response, Asami simply shrugged.
"Why didn't you drop out?" Korra then asked in all seriousness. "You could've just gone back at eighteen and complete your degree, why did you stay?"
Asami gave her a weird look. "Why would I postpone my suffering, if I could just get it over with?" She asked.
"Because… he wouldn't pose a problem if you did so," answered Korra, "he was the main issue, wasn't he?"
Asami chuckled. "Yes," she agreed, "and no. I hated college before him as well. He just made everything so much worse."
"Well, wouldn't it also solve your issue of being the youngest at the university?" Korra clarified. "You mainly talked about that."
"I guess," Asami scratched her head, "but again, it wasn't just that… it just definitely didn't help."
"Oh, okay," Korra said as if she understood better now, but her expression gave away her confusion, "do you want to share, or…?" She trailed off.
Asami hesitated. She wasn't sure why it was such a big deal to her, hearing Korra's questions, she suspected her girlfriend knew, or at least had the general idea in mind. Problem was, she never actually talked about it with anyone. She assumed Mako and by extension Bolin figured it out, but she never told them directly, nor did she tell Ella or any of her other college friends, and she absolutely did not share this with her father. No, she never truly admitted that to anyone.
Yet, there she was, admitting it to Korra.
"Baby," Asami calmly said, "it sucked, because I was never interested in becoming a mechanical engineer."
And dear god, did that feel good to admit.
Korra blinked a couple of times, but she wasn't stunned or shocked, which confirmed Asami's suspicions that Korra had figured it out. A simple "oh," left Korra's mouth, but that was that. Nothing else.
"Don't get me wrong," Asami immediately continued, "I always found mechanical engineering to be… Fascinating. I like to invent, I like to build, and I absolutely love bizarre vehicles like roller coasters, or…"
"The mother fucking funicular." Korra easily caught on.
Asami gave her half a smile. "Right. " She approved. "Honestly, I would probably be fine if that's what I got to do with my life. Design different vehicles to different weather and territorial conditions… that could be interesting. But just working on improving cars again and again and again is… Repetitive, tiring, brain rotting… I always knew that it was what I'd end up doing eventually, but, I was never interested in that."
"So why did you become a mechanical engineer, if you didn't want to?" Korra asked, but again, Asami sensed that she knew the answer.
"Why did you become a soldier?" Instead of answering, she simply asked.
Korra half smiled. "To impress my dad," she replied.
"Same," Asami shrugged, "I have one family member," she continued, "if I were to disappoint him, or lose him… I'd be lost."
"I don't think you could disappoint him, even if you tried," Korra answered, "I think you might be blindsided by your idea of him and it makes it difficult for you to see how much he truly loves you, and how he could never be disappointed in you."
Asami thought of her words, and the obvious memory came back to her- when she hid her sexuality away from her father, expecting him to react poorly when in reality he was nothing but supportive. "You may be right," Asami admitted.
"I don't know. You probably know him better than me," Korra continued, "but sometimes, it's easy to miss how much a person truly loves you, while it's impossible to miss from the outside looking in."
Asami stared off into space deep in thought. "Maybe," she said, "but it doesn't matter, it's not like I could switch careers right now."
Korra hummed. "Let us entertain that thought." She calmly said, placing her hand on Asami's and gently brushing Asami's knuckles with her thumb. "If you could change careers, what would you do?"
"Huh," Asami thought on it for a second or two, before replying, "I don't know. I never gave it much thought."
"Well, this is your moment to shine," Korra chuckled.
After a couple of moments, Asami came up with an answer. "Architecture." She said confidently.
Korra raised an eyebrow. "Architecture?" She asked.
"Yes."
"Interesting. Why?"
"I love creating," Asami explained, "I always have. I love designing, I love planning, I love creating and I love the euphoria of finishing a project. That's what I also love about engineering, but it's just a small part of it. In architecture… all of those things take on a bigger role."
"Architecture. " Korra said again, like she was getting used to the idea. "I could see you doing that. You, designing awesome ass buildings and solving the housing crisis."
Asami snorted up a laugh. "Oh no, you got me." She sarcastically said.
"Seriously though, it's never too late." Korra said. "It wasn't too late for me to change my mind and become a kick ass physical therapist, and it's not too late for you to become the best architect the world had ever seen."
"What am I supposed to do, go back to college at twenty eight?" Asami joked.
What she didn't expect, was for Korra to look her dead in the face, and just simply answer:
"Yes."
Asami blinked at her, processing her answer. She didn't find it to be realistic, but then again the entire idea sounded more like a fantasy, a perfect world situation, not a possible reality. But, who knew? It was definitely not a decision for now. For the near future, she didn't have to think about work, her dad or anything. Just Korra.
"When is the wedding?" Asami asked, changing the subject. "Suro's wedding, I mean."
"In a couple of days." Korra replied.
"And after that, we'll be going back home?" she continued.
"Um… Yeah, I guess." Korra scratched the back of her neck.
Asami sighed, bringing their hands together. "I don't wanna go," she said, "I always wanna be here, with you, on our little getaway."
Korra half smiled, knitting their fingers together. "Well," she began, "after this vacation, we can take another one. Anywhere you'd like."
Asami laughed. "Yeah? You'll just tag along?" She asked.
"I'll follow you wherever, city girl."