Richarlison is playinh for barca here- well- for the least, at least not Tottenham dawg.
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He hadn't arrived to practice, again.
This seemed to be turning into more of a routine for all his teammates than an unexpected absence which would push their curiosity to maybe text him or call him to see if he's doing alright.
But no one seemed to budge as Xavi had said that Raphinha had called in sick. No one bothered to stop and listen- they went on with their daily practice and dribbles as they should be- fooling around here and there. But a certain tall guy in his early 20's rushed to Xavi, before the elderly man could disappear off into the tunnel.
- "What?" Xavi turned around with a plain face, the slight creases of disappointment finding no way to be smoothened.
Richarlison caught his breathe, before standing upright. Xavi knew what he'd be asking, so he stopped the latter midway of his question before he could continue.
- "It's insomnia, you can talk to him after practice, he'll be home I guess." Xavi suggested, walking away, his shadow disappearing into the halls.
Richarlison didn't want to wait for practice to end, but he knew that he had to. The worst part is, he has no control over his temper.
And if he manages to get himself frustrated, it's gonna end badly. Things will be going downhill in practice. All he can wish for now is, for the next hour to just pass by before he starts to pick up symptoms of frustration.
Hopefully he doesn't catch onto it as quickly he's always done.
Maybe he'll hold on a bit longer for Raphinha. It's all for him, either way.
---
Richarlison didn't have to bother pressing the switch to ring the speaker inside his house. Standing by the gate, he stared at Raphinha, who in turn stared at the evening sky's warm colors beginning to fade, the sun's peak minutes away from sinking under the horizon.
Although Raphinha was a fairly far distance away from Richarlison, the younger man could see that slight sparkle in his eyes. He seems to be waiting. And Richarlison knows exactly what he's waiting for.
It makes Richarlison groan to think of how stupid anyone could be to not be aware of their slowly deteriorating health, and whatever kept Raphinha's focus averted from his health. It is not too much of a good reason to give as an excuse for the insomnia that he's earned himself, which is not a a good treat for a professional football player.
Richarlison sighs, knocking on the gate.
Raphinha slightly jerks in his position, neck twisting towards the gate. Richarlison watched the other man place his hand to his heart, letting out a dramatic sigh, indicating Richarlison to push the gate open.
Richarlison's footsteps were loud, probably because of his shoes that were so polished you'd be able to see your reflection in it. Too bad the roughly cut blades of grass are putting a slight stain to the shine.
The grass crunches as the ground seems to dip as he takes a step. It's almost uncomfortable, as he's trying to walk as nicely as he can, doesn't matter if it's a best friend that's watching him and trying not to laugh. In reality, he's walking funny,- as a result of his attempt to walk elegantly in his rather classy attire.
He wheezed and sat closely beside Raphinha, resting his hands on his crossed legs, following Raphinha's orbs. Not the skies, please. Richarlison could only dream of that to happen.
- "You need to sleep, man."
- "I guess?"
- "No, you will."
- "I think I'm old enough to decide what's good for me and what's not."
Raphinha replied in a rather faint voice, as if he had no attention to what he just said. And it's true, he really didn't.
It's almost like he's replying to his best friend on auto, while his actual focus is completely shifted to the skies above.
Richarlison groaned and stared at the skies.
It seemed so boring to him, almost as if staring into an empty and untouched canvas and finding that amongst the many things that'd fascinate anyone. Apparently Raphinha found something about the skies that keeps him up night after night. It's the salient and tranquil beauty of the dark, night sky that lures him into sitting here, hours on end, until the break of dawn would force his worn out and tired body to scurry back to his house.
The dark abyss, with no end. Wherever you look, whatever angle, it doesn't change anything. No corners that the skies will meet with another to form a point at which it has an end. But it doesn't. It's almost as if it follows the characteristics of a circle, who shares the same theory: no corners, no sides.
The dark blue, almost black abyss is like the pupil of Raphinha's eyes: like a black hole that's tempt you to get lost into it, looking for more. There's just so much to the sky, a few days of stargazing wouldn't be enough.
There'e clearly something else when you've suddenly picked up an addiction of staring at the scenery of the night sky and you're not able to get enough of it ever. Like you're on a mission to find the endpoints of it, although you know there isn't. No ends to what the sky has Raphinha waiting for the next night ahead.
That's what tempts him. He simply can't help it. Although his addiction had decided to take a bad turn and will be affecting his performance this season, he can't avoid this. At all.
Like a question with no answer. It's not because of how complex it might be. It's because we're supposed to acknowledge the existence of those one in a million questions that are better off un-answered, just like a shooting star amongst the many others to be left rather unbothered in it's path as ir cruises it's way through the sky, past our eyes.
There are some questions that are the best left unanswered.
Bur Richarlison doesn't understand a tad bit of what's going on. It's too much of a bother for him to get to process all this descriptive shit.
All he wants is, Raphinha's well-being. It's his presence that Richarlison misses.
That's why, he's in a mission to try and advert his attention from this new addiction he's picked, not to have taken to long to have picked up a new one, even before the former one could've left.
- "What's so fascinating about a few couple stars and the sky?"
- "Words aren't enough to describe it."
- "Yeah just admit it's fucking boring.." Richarlison muttered and felt his heart sting, noticing the bags he'd gotten and the much more worn-out look to his face, as if beaten and battered.
The smile that'd stretch his lips and curve his eyes and skin into creases aren't there anymore.
Ofcourse, he's not come here without a plan. He needs Raphinha to be back at all costs.
- "I think I might be a nyctophile.."
- "A nycto what now?"
- "A nyctophile, richie..a nyctophile." He repeated slowly, happening to have caught a firefly in his palms. It just sat there calmly, thinking it's in it's habitat, when there are two people staring at it in fascination as he's held captive.
- "What's that?"
- "People who like night, darkness to be honest."
- "You like darkness? I remember you holding onto me for dear life after you got a jumpscare from a movie?" Richarlison raises his eyebrow in disbelief.
Raphinha smiles and laughs softly before quieting down and looking at the ground, plucking at the tall blades of grass, his gaze pointless. Richarlison payed close attention, waiting for an answer.
He really needed an answer right now, and honestly, it's fair that he does.
From being a sunshine who loves everything that's related to anything that'll keep spirits high and lips curved,-- to nearly much of a human being who's resistent to interactions with it's own kind. As quiet and undisturbed in it's own habitat like the moon that's hidden away behind clouds now.
Richarlison wants Raphinha back. Although this isn't a personality of him that he hates, Richarlison is just not used to seeing him like this.
Since he's uncomfortable, he can leave- but that doesn't stand as an option for him either. It's not easy to just cut ties in a daily basis with someone you've done unbelievable shit with.
But most importantly; it's because of the growing infatuation he's developed over the past few months for the Brazillian.
It's not every day that you get to see a guy 6 foot tall with such a bulk and cut physique who's blushing, in a complete trance of nothing, as a much shorter man stands infront of him, a wide smile spread across his face.
Not everyone has the ability to tame Richarlison's untamable of a personality. Well, nobody does. Except for Raphinha.
His presence alone will be enough to make Richarlison forget about all else and put full focus on this guy that he thinks is such an important part of him and his life, that he's worth something better than Richarlison's acknowledgment of their yet to be broken bond.
Richarlison might not understand the trance thay Raphinha is lost in, but Raphinha doesn't under what trance Richarlison had always seemed to be lost in, either. Be it during a conversation, or practice.
Maybe it's time that someone does something to change the bipolarity and the awkwardness that's resulted from it, from this situation.
- "You're coming with me." He grabs his hand. Raphinha gets startled and looks at Richarlison who's now standing, casting a shadow of his figure over Raphinha's.
- "Wait, what- why are you wearing a suit?" Raphinha pondered, unfazed.
Richarlison failed his task of being the intimidating one here, miserably. The sudden sag of his shoulders and grip softening said it all.
- "I don't know, maybe because I'm taking you on a date?"
At first, Raphinha's expression switched to somewhat of a scared and anxious one, due to the sudden confession. A very weird one to be fair. But the next thing he knows, his back has hit the ground as he laughs and giggles, tearing up as a result.
Raphinha tried quieting himself down, slowly sitting up, attempting to speak but failing every time. Richarlison only watched, his brows bunched up in confusion and in a tad bit of disappointment.
Apparently, Richarlison's serious-ness on the statement went unnoticed.
- "You're aware of the fact that I'm a dude, right?"
- "No one said I can't take a dude to a date"
- "Oh my god Richarlison.."
He stood up, brushing the small bits of grass off his shorts, mustering the courage to look into his eyes, his expression plain, yet showing no signs of plaintiveness whatsoever- something that everyone thought Raphinha was beginning to pick up, through any valid reason possible.
Even though his lips didn't stretch to unveil a teethy smile, Richarlison's heart seemed to race just by his gaze.
And it was no ordinary gaze. It was one of adoration and love. Even though the night breeze remained cool as it blew past them, the atmosphere a few feet within their range felt warm and comforting. The blush in their cheeks became evident, even though there's no light to help them see better in the dark.
With such appreciation towards the unexplainable superiority they thought of each other to be. They've grown so familiar to seeing each other through frequent repitition, that light isn't necessary.
It's easy to sense that both prefer to stay quiet, just savoring this precious moment of staring into each other's eyes with such fascination; a worthy oponent to be compared with the likes of the never ending sky that Raphinha will never find enough staring at forever.
It slightly scares him to realize that it's the same for Richarlison's eyes. He finds no ends in it, clear ahead of it's path of any such obligation that'd be enough to bring a an end to the twinkle that his eyes are being able to possess now.
Dark and untouched, the sparkle in his eyes reminding Raphinha of the twighlight that he'd stumbled upon while walking in his garden, that eventually led him to sitting their, just until he'd encountered Richarlison unexpectedly, but much of a pleasant surprised than one of n obnoxious and untimely visit.
- "I haven't told you this.." Raphinha started, shifting his gaze to his bare feet, sunken between blades of grass.
Richarlison hummed. As calm as he sounded, he tensed. Something in the inside told him that things are about to roll downhill, much to his disappointment.
But that's the cruel reality of life that he has to learn to cope with, sadly. Now he can only wait, as the seconds passing seem like hours, the tensity increasing his heart rate, his mind falling into a trance of anxiety.
- "I'm leaving Barca,"
Nothing could be more ground breaking and heart shattering than this.
His pupils dilated, stuck in it's position, completely striken. He stopped breathing for nearly a second, his mind going completely blank.
He didn't want to realize whatever Raphinha had just said. Nothing felt right anymore.
Richarlison's hand slowly fell back beside him, off from Raphinha's fingers. Raphinha's eyes began to slightly water, while Richarlison was still stuck in shock, not being able to express all this emotions whirling through his head, making him dizzy from the sudden pressure on his head.
He felt like an elephant was stepping on him, the atmosphere around his body beginning to grow more and more hot and uncomfortable.
He could feel his eyes sting. As much as he wanted to scream the anger and frustration off, he couldn't. He didn't understand what to do, or how to react properly. He felt cluless, like a child lost in an amusement park.
As if he's being seperated from the warmth and security that he'd feel while his hand would be held in Raphinha's.
Blood drained out from his face and down his neck, his shoulders sagging more, his head beginning to tip to the floor, as a drop of tear landed on the ground, his sniffles evident. Raphinha could only throw himself onto the latter, hugging him tightly, burying his own face onto his shoulder.
They both sobbed quietly. There was nothing to comprehend. It wouldn't change anything.
Richarlison wishes he wouldn't have been curious. He wishes he would've just enjoyed spending his time with Raphinha.
Some questions are always best left unanswered.
---
Stalking his instagram account is the last thing he wished he would've done, but one can't fight against their urges. Moreover, it'd just be a few minutes.
But those minutes would turn into hours before he began to yawn and realized how late it has gotten, as he put his phone away and looked outside, the sky beginning to shift to brighter shade of blue, the sun just about to peak. Not an ideal time to sleep for a player.
He sighed and slipped under the covers again. But sleeping wouldn't be easy anymore, as memories began to flood his head. It became somewhat of an impossible task to get himself to sleep, as his eyes remained wide and alert, staring at the wall by his room door, a small picture frame of him and Raphinha.
Richarlison hated to think about it, but he had to. That was the only best way of reminding himself of all the memories they'd made before the latter left and so did he.
The Brazilian man who was 25 then, is now 26 and counting, settled in London and playing for the English Club : Tottenham Hotspur. He found no valid reason to stay back in Spain to only find hinself to be a loner with barely anyone to communicate with. And on top of that, the city held too many memories that brought him pain more than happiness to think of their once unbreakable bond.
To divert himself, he said goodbye to Spain. Maybe it wasn't too much of a bad idea, nor was it the best. It was something in between: a matter that had positive and negative sides of it's own that'd eventually come to that of Richarlison's attention. And it for sure, did.
For the positive side, his new team mates were just very sweet and loving. A lot of them are his seniors, and he's just so glad that they're so considerate, treating him like family, barely letting him be on his own. Although he didn't expect to have gotten along with them so well, at the end, he did. Which is good, because he really needed it, and he's moved here to introduce himseldlf to a new environment where he can create new memories but never forget the old ones.
For the negative side, well, it's honestly on his part but; he missed Raphinha. He can't put it up better than that. That's all he can say, and all that he wants to say about it.
He's usually quiet about this since it's a very sensitive matter and he's not gonna go around telling everyone abiut it. But apparently Romero was eager to help, and so was Son, although a language barrier stood between them.
Beyond all odds, Son proved himself to be amongst one of the most trustworthy, supportive and encouraging team mate and a fellow friend.
And so, he sat up, peeling the duvet off his body, deciding to call him up. He just couldn't take it anymore, he needs to cool down. And Son is the one.
Although it's not the best time to call someone and open up to them about your problems, Son doesn't exactly mind. He's just here to help, and it doesn't matter when. Moreover, he's sure awake by now. It's past 5 in the morning.
The other end of the call is answered with a soft and questioning 'Hello?'
It gives Richarlison relief to hear his voice.
Sometimes, God can be very grateful. And Richarlison is surely one of the people who God poured his mercy on.
- "I don't know what to do Sonny..I don't know what to do.."
He sounded so helpless from the other line, Heung Min sighed out of sympathy for the younger man.
- "You're still latched onto him, aren't you?"
- "I.." A sigh followed.
- "Listen, Andrade, firstly- you need to take a break. And I suppose you didn't just sign for Tottenham as a waste of time, right? I suggest you try and explore yourself more,."
- "Explore myself?.."
- "Yes, explore yourself. Maybe take someone with you. Or else you'll be back to square one, and you're certainly following that path Andrade, you're being misguided again. We need you on the right path, and I'm not saying this as a reason for you to contribute to Tottenham. I'm saying this for your well being. You need to socialise outside the club young man."
Son knew Richarlison was trying to process everything he'd just said, since the line had gone silent. He smiled faintly.
- "You might want to try and have fun too"
- "What? How?"
- "There's no 'how' in fun. Whichever way of performing something you find entertaining is what you find fun. It could be anything, it's upto you. But ofcourse, you've to avoid the unhealthy ones out there. So I suggest you not discussing this during practice, or else I'm sure those hollow-headed aliens will ask you to go clubbing, which I wouldn't hesitate forbidding you from doing so."
Heung min is like the mother of the club, giving everyone the advise and support they need in their hard times, without asking for a favor in return. Richarlison still doesn't understand how this guy works his magic, all whilst being a bachelor, which Richarlison finds an almost impossible habitat to keep yourself in a healthy state.
- "You've been a mother before, Sonny?"
- "What? No. Why?"
- "You really remind me of my mother man,"
- "Really?"
- "Yeah, now my mother can sleep a good night's sleep"
- "Nah man, I'm not doing you that much of a big favor. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. Have entered my old man phase, it's really just my responsibility to watch out for the youngsters around here."
- "Have a been a good boy?"
- "As suspicious as that sounded, to answer your question, no. You've not been a good boy, but an excellently well behaved boy to be fair"
- "I thought you had something for Cuti?" Richarlison raised his brow. Son blushed, and the Brazillian knew. He sniggered from the other line, making Son feel exploited and embarassed.
- "uh-"
- "Yeah man I'm telling him that you love him"
- "I'd like to see you try"
- "Game's on, old man"
- ".. I'm not that old..." Richarlison wheezed. This guy knows how to lift his mood.
- "See you at practice, and I'm not sparing you if you dare to say it." Son warned before hanging up.
He sighed, placing his phone down. It's 5:33 am. He gets up and approaches the kitchen, but before leaving his room, he runs his fingers over the picture frame and smiles, placing a kiss on Raphinha's face, before leaving to cook himself breakfast.
Maybe Son is right. He needs to be more open; he needs to socialize in order to avoid depression. But nothing too fun to make him forget of a person that's always made such a huge part of him and still does.
In the bottom of his heart, Raphinha is still lingering around, and so is the warmth that he can no longer feel against his body.
And somewhere in his mind he still belives there'll be a day that he'll find him and Raphinha doing what Raphinha has always loved to do- stargaze, the usual, ever since he's picked up the obsession for the night sky : a nyctophile.
_______________
Literally, I cursed the transfer window in this oneshot 💀. Tottenham really said -💀