Trigger Warning!
This chapter will contain feelings of having a panic attack. Read with caution.
I wake up and am not in my bed, I'm not in my dormitory. I am back at my old bedroom, my room when mum was still alive. I swing open my door and run down the hall toward where many voices are coming from and I think mum has come home. As I get closer I hear crying, my run slows to a walk and I peer into the room, leaning on the doorframe. My mums close friends, people I have grown to consider my adopted aunts and uncle are surrounding the counter in the center of the room, clouds covered the sun so the room felt cold, drained of anything good.
"Hailey, come here little one." Teddy noticed me standing in the doorway. He knelt down and lifted me up. I saw sadness in my uncles eyes, streaks of fallen tears still stained his flushed cheeks.
"What is wrong?" I asked.
I got solemn looks from the girls in the room and they turn their heads back away, their gazes lost, staring at random objects and while their minds seemed as though they were a million miles away.
"Hailey honey, we have received a letter about your mum." From tone of his voice I knew something wasn't right.
"Is she hurt?" Tears are welled up in my eyes on the brink of overflowing. "Is she ok?"
Teddy shook his head, "I'm sorry honey, there was a hurricane and your mums boat was overturned in the storm." Tears are now rolling down both of our faces, which are pressed together as he is holding me close. He knew me well and knew I process my emotions best not speaking, he knew that better then anyone. He let me cry into him, not saying a word.
I woke up and am not in my bed, I'm not in my bedroom. I am back in my dormitory, my room when my mum was not alive. Panic filled my chest, I tear open my curtains gasping for air. Tears began falling down my cheeks and the salty taste, the cold of the floor on my bare feet keep me grounded enough to make it out the room without waking anyone. I pull open the door and run out through the portrait hole.
I had a few panic attacks in my life and never liked to burden to anyone because of it. I staggered down an empty corridor, pulling myself along wall until my legs no longer could hold me. I collapsed to the floor. My chest rose and fell like waves in a storm, my body was drenched in sweat. I felt like a living hurricane, my emotions spiraling out of control, a streak of light flashed itself on me and what sounded like a boom of thunder erupted from the darkness.
"What are you doing out of bed?" A languid voice spoke from behind behind the shining light.
"I- I can't."
My arm is grasped firmly and I am dragged up off the floor. "You will show respect when I speak to you!" Professor Snape barked at me.
He read my face and acknowledged my state. For a moment a flicker of sympathy flashed over the man's face. But only for a second, for another spoke from behind us.
"Professor." I recognize the voice as Professor Lupin's.
Professor Snape released the grip on my arm and I fell back to the ground, as his hand was the only thing keeping me up.
"Well, well Lupin. Out for a little walk in the moonlight are we?" Snape sneered.
Ignoring the question Professor Lupin knelt down beside me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Let me help you here," I feel myself being taken off the floor again but this time in a gentle manner. "Are you able to walk?"
"Yes." I replied, airily. My breath is becoming more steady but still isn't completely normal.
"I will help her Severus, goodnight."
"Thank you," I muster the words to the man who was carrying most of my weight with one arm, "I'd rather you doing this then Professor Snape."
"Ah yes, Professor Snape can, on occasion be an especially displeasant person." He responded with a chuckle. "I have something in my study that will help you calm down and to sleep peacefully." He noticed my look of hesitation up at him and continues, "I have used it myself many times so there is nothing to worry about. It is perfectly safe."
We made it to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom and I, now being able to stand on my own stopped at the bottom of the stairs as Professor Lupin walks up them. He noticed I wasn't following him and turned round. "It is quite alright if you stay there but I do have a fire going if you'd like to sit while I look for the potion."
I climbed the stairs after him and as I entered through the doorway, I have a look around the room. There is a desk in the center of the room with the fireplace just behind. I glanced over the many curious objects and trinkets which filled the cabinets lining the stone walls. From bottles of potions, old books and several skeletons displayed, it seemed he had it all.
"You can take a seat. I'll be just a moment," I followed my Professor's eyes to a large chair set by the fire, "There is some chocolate on the side table, go on and take a piece."
"Because it will make me feel better." I cupped hands over my mouth, I did not mean to let that come out. "I'm sorry." I said, while taking the chocolate.
"It is quite alright." The man laughed. A large grin spreads across his face. He turns his back to looking for the potion for me.
My mind got lost in the flames when an idea came to mind. Why wait until tomorrow to take to him when you can just do it now?
"Excuse me Professor?" The tall man turned from the cabinet he was digging through and looked at me with a smile, "Yes?"
"Well, we were meant to meet tomorrow night but seeing as I'm here I thought maybe. Well, could we talk now?" I am looking down at my hands, picking at my fingers waiting for his response. This is the what I've been waiting for.
"Let's sit by the fire."
I move from the chair I was in to the floor, my professor sat across from me. I hesitated but I made up my mind to just say it.
"Are you my dad?"
I was expecting him to be taken back more from the question but he seemed the least shocked. He looked at me for a few seconds, his eyes became glossy. "I have been wanting to talk to you for the same reason. I have something to show you." He got up and walked to his desk. Sliding a drawer open he pulled out a piece of paper.
Taking his seat again, he presented a certificate in his hand. My birth certificate. "I had been unsure until I contacted your grandparents and they sent me this."
I read over every word, tears now welled in my eyes. "I can't believe it." My voice broke, "I can't believe it."
I throw myself into my father's arms and the tears from both our eyes overflow. For the first time in so long I am being held by someone who loves me, I am being held by family, I am being held by a parent of mine. We release from the embrace after along time and my face is being held in my fathers hands, he is taking in every feature of my being.
With a wave of his wand a bed on the floor is made for us. I didn't need the potion, I had all I needed. We both fell asleep as soon as the lights were put out. We both had what we needed.
___
The next morning I woke up from the best sleep I had in over four years. Wrapped in my father's arms, I finally felt at home. I looked up at him, he was still asleep. Streams light shone through the windows and graced its beams across his face, I noticed a couple large scars being illuminated by the light and wondered how he got them.
"Good morning." A kiss is pressed on my forehead, "how did you sleep?"
"That was the best I had in awhile." I said with a smile, pushing myself further into the warmth of him, resting my head on his chest. "I do have a question for you."
"You can ask me anything."
"Did my grandparents say how they got my birth certificate and why they didn't try to get me?"
I explained how mum never told them about me. About how she was going to once she got back from her expedition. Her and I were going to visit them and I was supposed to meet them for the first time, but it never happened. I always told myself they never knew I existed so I never blamed them for not coming. But now I don't know what to think.
I couldn't see my fathers heart breaking, he was masking it well. His little girl lost her mother and had no one who wanted her? She was dropped off at orphanage to grow up not knowing her family.
"They didn't say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to spend so many years alone. If I knew about you I swear to you that I would have not let you be on your own for a moment longer then it would have taken me to get to you. I am ready to be here for you now and for the rest of my life, to make up for the time I missed with you."
"I know you will." I said, wrapping my arms around him.
"Well you and I have breakfast we don't want to miss. I'll get you a jacket to cover your pajamas and you can go to your room to change."
"Yes sir. Well I mean father."
"You can call me whatever if you'd like. Whatever feels best for you."
"Is dad ok?"
"Yes of course it is. Anything you decide is ok with me!" He said, reassuringly.
I gave him one last squeeze before leaving his study. "I love you dad!"
"I love you Hailey!" He said with a full heart.
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Word count: 1765