44 Lies by Two Feet
I wake in the same position I fell asleep in.
I peel my eyes open and see Shane still fast asleep, his features looking peaceful as he faces the ceiling.
Daylight shines through the windows, indicating I was out for many hours.
My neck isn't very happy about it.
I raise my head off the couch and stretch my neck before looking down at Shane's ankle.
It's still elevated but there's no longer an ice pack on it.
I notice a roll of gauze wrap sitting on the end of the coffee table.
I hop up, have a stretch and go use the bathroom.
On my way back, I notice Rick in the kitchen with Maggie and her younger sister.
"Good morning." I quietly greet them as I wander in.
"Morning." replies Rick.
Maggie smiles politely.
I make eye contact with the young blonde. "Hi, I'm Mia."
"Beth." she replies. She looks to be in her late teens.
"Thank you, for the clothes." I tell her.
"No problem."
"How are you this morning?" Rick asks me.
"I'm fine, thank you." I answer politely, then look to Maggie.
"Maggie, I just want to apologise if I was less than gracious last night.. Thank you for all your help, you and your family.."
"You're welcome." she replies.
It isn't the only thing I need to apologise for but I'm too scared to face it so soon..
"Help yourself." Beth says, pushing a fruit bowl towards me, across the table.
"Thank you." I say and look down at the bowl.
Fresh apples, peaches and blueberries.
The fresh produce has my mouth watering.
I grab an apple and take a bite but pause mid chew when I spot a calendar on the fridge behind Beth.
"..Do you know what the date is?" I ask the sisters.
"Yes." Beth answers as she turns and looks at the calendar and then back at me.
I slowly walk over to the fridge, my approach almost hesitant.
I do but I don't want to know.
But I have to know.
I stop in front of the fridge and stare at the dated paper.
They've been crossing each day off as it passes and the blank square that represents today reads October 12.
"..It's been nearly two months?" I ask, my voice sounding flat.
Maggie and Beth both nod.
I'm not sure how to respond to this information.
It simultaneously sounds like a very long and very short amount of time.
I glance at the clock on the shelf.
7:18am.
I make a mental note to update my iPod's calendar and clock when I get a chance.
"May I have a plate, please?" I ask and Beth hands me a little plate.
"Thank you. May I?" I ask, gesturing to the chopping board on the kitchen bench.
"Go for it." Maggie says and then she leaves the kitchen with Beth.
"Thanks." I say as they walk away.
I watch them leave, fighting to suppress the guilt I'm feeling.
It should be Otis standing in this kitchen. Not me.
Feeling Rick's eyes on me, I get back to the fruit.
I pick up the knife from the board and cut my apple in half, remove the core and put it on the plate Beth gave me.
"How're you holdin' up, Mia? You alright?" Rick asks, coming to stand by me.
I take a quick glance at him before grabbing a peach. "I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm alive, I'm uninjured; I'm fine." I answer while I cut the peach in half and add it to the plate.
"Uninjured or not, you looked anything but fine last night. Physically fine, maybe. But what about up here?" I look at Rick and he taps two fingers on his temple.
"I'll be alright." I answer assuringly.
Rick gives me a nod.
I give the knife and chopping board a quick clean and then add a small handful of blueberries to my plate.
"Listen.." Rick begins and I stop and give him my attention. "I can't thank you enough.. for helpin' my boy."
Gratitude and appreciation are so evident in his face and voice, it's almost overwhelming.
"It was all Shane. Your his family; he'd do anything for you guys." I reply.
"Which brings me to my next point. Thank you for takin' care of my best friend."
"My pleasure." I reply, with a soft smile. But it's quick to fade away. "Look, Rick.." I swallow the lump in my throat.
I chickened out of apologising to Maggie and Beth, I can't sit on this one any longer.
"I don't need any thanks. If I hadn't encouraged Carl to approach that deer.. none of this would have happened. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
The softness of his kind eyes and the pity that sits within them is nauseating. I turn away and pick up my plate of fruit.
"For what it's worth.." Rick says before I can make my exit.
I stop and look down at the plate in my hands, waiting for him to finish his sentence.
"..I don't blame you." he says.
I glance at him over my shoulder and give him a grateful nod before continuing on my way.
I head back down the hall to Rick's bestie.
When I reach the room, Hershel's by the end of the couch, strapping Shane's ankle.
At the other end of the couch, Shane's looking agitated and he's got a tight grip around his necklace.
His eyes shoot to mine when I enter and I can practically see the relief wash over him while I cross the room.
"Hey." I greet him with a smile as I sit on the coffee table by his head. "Good morning, Hershel." I add.
"Good morning." Hershel replies politely while he works.
"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" I ask Shane and he lets go of his necklace and grabs onto my hand instead.
"You were gone." Shane says, speaking softly but with a hint of distress.
"I'm sorry, I was getting us some food." I say, giving his hand a squeeze. "Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up."
He looks at me for a moment and then his eyes wander down to the plate sitting on my lap.
"Would you like some fresh fruit?" I ask with a smile. "We've got apple, peach and blueberries."
I pick up the half apple I've already bitten into and continue eating.
Shane picks up a peach half and digs in.
When Hershel's done, he tells Shane to keep the strapping on, keep resting and to elevate his ankle whenever he can.
Shane thanks him and Hershel leaves us to continue with our mini fruit platter.
~
Patricia, Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Rick, Lori, Shane and I are all gathering stones to build a grave for Otis, when the rest of our group arrives onto the farm.
They immediately ask about Carl when we regroup, asking how he is and how it happened.
Rick fills them in and then we gather with Hershel and his family as they hold a service for Otis.
"Otis, who gave his life to save a child's; now more than ever, our most precious asset." Hershel says and continues to deliver his respectful sermon.
"We thank you God, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived; in grace." he concludes.
Hershel pauses for a moment before looking in our direction. "Shane, will you speak for Otis?"
I look up at Shane beside me, he looks nervous and begins subtly shifting his weight.
"..I'm not good at it." he comments quietly.
"You were the last one with him. You shared his final moments. Please." Patricia says between sniffles, her eyes red, her voice shaky. "I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning."
Shane hesitates, his eyelashes flutter and he swallows.
I don't want him to hurt, don't want him to relive it, so I try to speak for him.
"We didn't know Otis long.. mere hours.. He was an honourable man, with good intentions, that much was clear."
I look to Patricia and the Greene's, see all the sadness on their faces. I feel the weight of my words, the weight of this loss..
My eyes blur with tears and I look down as I try to stop a sob from escaping.
Guess I'm no good at this either.
Shane grasps my hand and we hold on to each other for dear life.
"We were about done.. Down to our last bullets. I was limpin', my ankle all swollen up." Shane speaks up, clearing his throat. "There was plenty of times he could've left. Saved himself. Hell, I even told him to. He didn't. He stayed and he helped. We.. They caught up.. They caught up and Otis went down.. He didn't suffer, I made sure." Shane presses his lips together and blinks back tears.
He composes himself and continues. "If not for Otis, we wouldn't be here now. That goes for Carl too.. If any death ever had meaning, it's his."
Patricia seems comforted by Shane's words.
And I dissociate for the remainder of the service.
~
We stand at the front of Carol's Cherokee, as Maggie lays out a map of the rural town across the hood.
"How long's this girl been missing?" Hershel asks.
"This'll be day three." Rick answers while he surveys the map. "We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams."
"Not you, not today." Hershel counters Ricks planning. "You gave three units of blood, you wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out."
Hershel looks over to Shane. "And your ankle. Push it now, you'll be laid up a month, be no good to anybody."
"Guess it's just me." Daryl says and points to a section of map. "I'm gonna head back to the creek. Work my way back from there."
"I'll go with you." I tell Daryl.
"No, you still need to rest." Shane counters.
"I'm fine." I answer dismissively.
"You ran all day yesterday, no sleep, barely any food. Walkers ain't the only thing you gotta watch for; exhaustion can be deadly too." Shane argues.
"I'm a little tired, big whoop. Sophia's lost. She could be injured."
"Help me out here, Doc." Shane says, looking to Hershel for back up.
"He's right. You'd do best to take it easy today, too. Or you'll be no good to anybody either."
I exhale in defeat.
"Don't worry, we can still be useful." Shane assures me. "We can drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back."
"Okay." I agree with a nod.
"Alright. Tomorrow then. We'll start doin' this right." Rick says.
"We can't have our people out there with just knives. We need the gun training we've been promising." Shane says matter-of-factly.
"I prefer you not carrying guns on my property." Hershel says. "We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp."
I stare at Hershel.
I hear where he's coming from but.. I'm not so sure he's completely familiar with what we're up against.
"All due respect, you get a crowd of them things wandering in here-" Shane tries to counter before Rick cuts him off.
"We're guests here, this is your property. And we will respect that." Rick gives Shane a look, telling him to concede as he places his own pistol on the car bonnet.
Shane stares back for a moment before reluctantly pulling his gun from his waistband and placing it with Ricks.
"First things first; set up camp, find Sophia." Rick concludes.
"I hate to be the one to ask, but somebody's got to.." Shane adds before we disperse. "What happens if we find her and she's bit? Think we should all be clear on how we handle that."
I haven't actually considered that.
I've just assumed we'll find her alive or maybe dead. Not bit.
Sophia's such a sweet little girl, I can't even imagine her like that.
"You do what has to be done." Rick instructs.
"And her mother? What do you tell her?" Maggie questions.
"The truth." Andrea answers.
Maggie and Hershel exchange glances.
They seem a bit thrown off by this conversation.
It makes me wonder how experienced they are with walkers. This secluded farm does seem a bit of an alternate reality.
"I'll gather and secure all the weapons, make sure no one's carrying til we're on a practice range off site." says Shane. "I do request one rifle man on lookout. Dale's got experience."
Shane sounds so practical, reasonable and professional.
It's what I imagine authoritative Deputy Walsh to be like.
I like it.
"Our people would feel safer. Less inclined to carry a gun." Rick tries to barter with Hershel.
Hershel thinks on it a moment before nodding okay.
"Thank you." says Rick.
Maggie then discusses a supply run with Rick. We're in need of more medication and medical supplies.
Maggie mentions a pharmacy a mile down the road and Rick suggests Glenn to accompany her.
I go with Shane and Andrea to the RV, to retrieve our tents and set up camp under the trees.
We are down to four tents; two singles, Shane's double and Lori's family sized one.
Andrea takes one of the singles and begins to set it up.
I go to grab the other single when Shane comes and stands by me.
"Glenn can take that. You can bunk with me in the double." Shane says.
I pause for a moment before taking my hands off the bag and looking up at him.
"If you'd like.." he adds, less confidently.
"Are you asking me to move in?" I tease.
Shane snickers.
"For all intents and purposes.. yeah." he replies and I smile at him.
Lori approaches us.
"Carl woke up." she tells us with a breathy laugh. "He's in and out, but he's awake. He's gonna be alright."
A big smile breaks across her face.
I smile back and then look to Shane as he laughs in relief, a big smile on his face too.
"That's good." he says.
"Thank you." Lori says, with watery eyes.
She steps forward and hugs Shane.
"Thank you both." she adds and looks at me.
She finishes her embrace with Shane and then comes and hugs me too.
I'm happy for her, happy that her son is okay. And it's good to see her smile again.
But there's a bitter taste in my mouth.
Because apparently this is what it took.. Shane had to risk his life, for her to start talking to him again.
I quickly remind myself I have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes, so I have no right to judge.
Shane looks happy, that's all that matters.
Lori breaks our hug and heads back to the house to resume her spot by Carl's bedside while we set up camp.
I mentally stew while I work.
Shane has done more to keep that family alive than they have done themselves.
He is so loyal, so caring, not just to the Grimes' but to me and everyone else around him.
He is a defender, a protector to a fault.
It's no wonder at all that he was a cop.
While I put my duffel bag and backpack inside my new lodgings, Shane does the rounds and collects everyone's guns.
When I'm done, I find Shane to help him with the guns.
He places the bag of weapons on an outdoor table and chair set the Greene's have under the trees.
He begins pulling out the weapons and I help him strip them clean.
"Give up our guns?" Andrea questions, coming to stand by the table.
Shane lets out a sigh before looking at her. "You heard Rick. We're guests here." he replies bluntly.
"And you're okay with it?" she counters.
He isn't okay with it. It's quite obvious.
We've had weapons with us since this whole thing began. They're our security blanket, our lifeline and we have become reliant on them.
Not having guns feels like such a disadvantage to our survival.
Luckily Hershel didn't mention anything about knives.
"I don't recall being asked, so lay down your weapon." Shane tells Andrea.
"You may like rolling over, I don't." she argues.
"Look, I gotta strip 'em clean anyway. Still wanna learn?" Shane asks, losing his patience with the pointless argument.
Andrea concedes and slumps down beside me at the table.
"Unload your weapon." Shane instructs her and she does, just like I showed her in the RV on the highway.
She gives me a pleased smile and I give her one in return.
I know the feeling. I remember when Shane first showed me.
Gosh, that feels like ages ago.
"I'm done with these ones, Shane. Want me to do any more?" I ask him.
"Nah, you're good. I'll keep a few for our highway run."
"You know how to do all of these?" Andrea asks, gesturing to the empty guns on the table.
I smile at her again and nod.
"I'm gonna go up to the house and change into my own clothes."
"We'll head off when you get back." Shane informs me.
"Okay."
I head over to Shane's tent.
Well..
Our tent.
The thought gives me butterflies.
I grab my brown shirt with the orange sun symbol on it and my denim shorts and head for the house.
I didn't end up having a shower last night, I had been too worried about Shane to leave him. Hopefully the Greene's will allow me one today.
I run into Beth on the porch and thank her again for the clothing.
"Oh, it's no problem." she says kindly.
"Beth.. would it be okay if I used the shower? I understand if the answer's no-"
"Yeah, that's okay." she answers, cutting me short.
I smile gratefully at her. "Thank you so much. I'll be real quick."
I head up stairs and enter the bathroom and find Shane's clothes still here from last night, remembering that he had only exited the room with his boots in hand.
I shut the door, undress and jump into the shower. I splash the water onto my face and give my body a quick scrub.
I turn off the water and dry off and get dressed. Then I fold Beth's shirt dress leave it on the stool.
I grab Shane's shirt and pants and head back downstairs to find Beth in the kitchen.
"Thank you so much for that, I truly appreciate it."
"That's okay." she says with a smile.
"I left your dress in the bathroom. You might want to wash it, sorry. I wasn't exactly clean when I put it on.."
"Oh, no worries, thanks."
"Bye, thanks again." I say before leaving.
"You're welcome."
Well, she's nothing but lovely.
I quickly duck my head into Carls room.
He's asleep, so I quietly ask Lori if she needs anything.
When she answers 'no', I let her know that we're heading out to check the highway for Sophia.
"Be careful." she whispers.
I give her a smile and a thumbs up. "Bye." I whisper back.
As I head towards the front door, voices out on the porch grab my attention. I slow my approach when I recognise the voices to be Rick and Hershel's.
"We don't normally take in strangers. I can't have your people thinking this is permanent.
Once you find this girl and your boy's fit for travel, I expect you'll move on. We need to be clear on that." Hershel informs Rick.
I'm equally shocked and not surprised by his words.
"If you saw how it is out there, you wouldn't ask.." Rick tries to politely argue.
Hershel's quiet for a moment.
"If you and your people can respect my rules.. no promises, but I will consider it."
They have already been so helpful and accomodating. I guess we would be asking too much if we were to stay.
We're never going to find another place to settle.. Not like this.
I return to our new and apparently temporary camp.
Andrea's still at the table with the guns.
Shane's over at the Cherokee with Carol.
I put Shane's clothes in the RV, with the other clothes that need washing.
Daryl's already left on his hunt for Sophia.
Maggie and Glenn leave on horseback for their supply run just before we leave.
I wave goodbye to Dale, sitting in his chair on top of the RV, as Shane, Carol, Andrea and I head for the highway.
~
Everything we left for Sophia is untouched.
There's no sign at all that she made it back to the highway.
Carol stands hopelessly by the car we covered in food and drinks for Sophia while Shane, Andrea and I give the area a quick scan.
Carol is looking more and more defeated by the hour.
I wish we could do more to help.
I wish we could just find her daughter.
When Carol is satisfied with our effort's, we leave the highway on foot, in search for a space for gun training.
We wander through the trees for a while, all spread out but still in each other's sights.
Andrea calls out when she finds a good spot and we check it out.
It's a nice, spacious clearing with a fence on the far side.
"We could hang our targets along that fence line there." Shane comments. "Good spot."
"So how long before I can carry?" Andrea asks.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Shane says, still observing the area.
"I'm not in a very patient frame of mind these days Shane, you mighta noticed that."
Shane stops and look at her. "Look, paper targets is one thing. It's easy to hit what ain't moving. Taking down an assailant, one that's trying to kill you, it's different. Adrenaline. It'll cripple you if you let it. You need to use your instinct."
"How?" Andrea asks.
"Turn off the switch. The one that makes you scared or sympathetic. You don't think, you act. Because odds are somebody else is counting on you. Your partner, your friend.." his eyes find mine.
He looks serious and reflective for a moment but then his mouth forms a half smile.
"Perfect example, is this one right here." he says, nodding his head in my direction. "I would not be here if she didn't act last night."
Andrea looks at me as I give Shane a bashful smile.
"Yeah, I've seen it." Andrea says and I look at her, confused. "The night the quarry was attacked.. I've never felt so defenceless. But not you. You fought back."
I look away from them and see Carol watching me too.
Their attention makes me uneasy.
"Look, it's not something I want to be good at, something I want to be praised for.. I don't like doing it. I don't want to.. But sometimes you have to. Like Shane said, somebody else is probably counting on you. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that."
"Exactly right." Shane says. "Which is why we have to do this training. So everyone can look out for themselves and for the group. And confidently. Confidence can help eliminate the fear, help flip that switch."
He looks back, analysing the area one more time. "Yep, good spot. It'll do. Let's go."
The four of us head back to the highway and back to camp.
A/N
My crazy brain has planned three more fanfics. Apparently I'm a fic writer now??
But I'm making sure I finish this one before starting the others. That hasn't stopped me from planning them though, hehe.
There's a Frank Castle fic, a Bucky Barnes fic and a Rick Grimes fic floating around in my head.
I'm looking forward to working on them all.
But first, Shane.
Thanks so much for reading!
- K