TW: Trauma, Manipulation, Derealization, Mentions of death, Mentions of slight gore, Suicidal idealization and attempted suicide (NOT Graphic, and more 'My hand has been forced' kinda thing), Self-destructive behaviors
This is a very heavy chapter, please stay safe! If you aren't in the right place to read this, DON'T Force yourself. Your health comes first <3 /p
POV: Grian (Hermitcraft)
He opened his eyes to see a mask within his grasp. The time that had passed had been fuzzy, almost impossible to remember. He hadn't been lying when he said a week - He was within the hermitcraft server.
But five days had passed. He'd made the deal. He had two more days of panic, before he could leave.
Before he could stop himself from hurting anyone else.
Permanently.
Two more days.
He stared at the ceiling of the obsidian box he'd made for himself. He'd finished their control... Maybe it was safe to go get food? No, he couldn't risk it. What if they took control again? He could go two more days without food. It'd be fine.
There was nothing to do in this room but pace. He'd realized that early on, after the deal had been made on the first day.
He wanted to smash that accursed mask, but there was no way they'd let him.
Maybe it was easier to just let himself drift away in their control again. But his brain, his common sense, wouldn't let him. If he willingly went under, who knows when he'd come back? And if they escaped, he wouldn't be able to fight back...
The only things to do in this room were pace... and remember.
The days soaked in blood.
He had no good memories not attached to them. Everything else was bloody, and dark.
No, he wasn't just referring to high school. That had been horrid, an experience that had haunted him. He still couldn't stand white rabbits. But he could think about it now. Sam long since died, and Taurtis unfortunately (Or fortunately, depending on who you asked, and when you did...) died in the destruction of... That server.
Flames licking his hands... Smoke burning his lungs... Screams of pain... The sun rising over the wreckage... The ruined buildings... Erra grabbing him... Shouting at him... The words blurring into nothingness in his memories... Laughter, oh the laughter, echoing across the ruined server. The blood upon his sword. Soon he'd learn some had escaped, and his goal would soon change to hunt them down.
The irony. He would have made his last action to kill them before, and now he'll most have his last action be to keep them safe.
However, there was no other way. He was at peace with this. He had to appease the watchers enough, play the game of chess with them.
Once they turned their eyes away... He'd be gone. Along with their new dawn. Along with the dumb prophecy they always spoke of. Everyone would be happier. The watchers would leave Moon alone, and Scarlet, Scott and Sun could live out their lives.
Without their tool, the Watchers had no power over anyone. Without him as their goal, everyone would be safer.
He just had to play it right, and he'd finally be free.
He felt a wave of dizziness and suddenly became quite lightheaded. They wanted his body again. "Come onnnn... You just had it! It's my turn with my body." He muttered, trying to keep himself from slipping under.
"We do not wish to control you. We wish to speak with you, but your consciousness has been stubborn. You keep retreating into your mind, hiding from us." His own voice took on a cold edge, speaking without his commands. "We only have been controlling you so much in attempts to find you."
He instantly knew this was them. Time to just irritate the heck out of them, as a grim smile spread across his face. "I knew you all could not just leave me alone. You're all just too obsessed with me, I'm just too charming." He chuckled darkly, before groaning with pain, when his own hand slapped his hard across his face. "OW- Rude. You've gotten my body as your own, whatever else could you want?" The final statement wasn't a question, he knew what was coming.
"We want you to come back to us, Xelqua, then we will not need such foolish yearning."
"Never." All humor sunk out of his voice. He would die before they joined them again. He barely escaped. He didn't want to have what happened then.. - The screams ripped through his mind, as he shook his head, ridding himself of them for now.
"Not too long ago, mere years, you would have jumped at the opportunity to aid us." The watcher seemed to have taken advantage of his distraction to pull him farther under the control, as he found he could only speak, not move or do any other actions. In short, he was doomed.
"... You had been messing with my head then." His voice dipped colder. He couldn't let them think he doubted it... But somewhere in him, that dark voice, said he would have done it even without mind control.
"Not to the extent you make your friends believe. And you know this. You make them think you were under our control the whole time... But you weren't. Your thoughts and actions were the same as they always would have been. But we influenced you to speed up your trust in us." The watcher seemed to be enjoying this, behind the cold and composed voice all watchers utilized. "After all, no one likes a dawn that rises after everyone has fallen to an early grave, Xelqua. But even then, the dawn still comes..."
This comment enraged him. He shouted at them. "You won't make me! The deal said you can't use my body to hurt them!"
The watcher merely chuckled coolly. "Hmm... Have you checked the protections recently, Xelqua?"
"No- You wouldn't dare!" He gasped, instantly holding the mask on his face. His vision was tinted purple, and purple fire burned around the room. He sent the sight farther, into the code. He looked for the walls of violet fire mixing with the green of the admin's magic... But it was not there, only residual magic left. "NO NO NO!" He punched the obsidian wall of the box he'd put himself in, causing pain to flare up.
He couldn't use his communicator, he'd left it in a different location so Pearl wouldn't find it...
He had to fix this. He had to. He had to take the risk, or at dawn tomorrow, the watchers would attack.
He had to do this.
Purple flames sparked in his hands, growing around him as he transported himself out of the box. He had to get to a spot where he could access the sky to alter the code. A cliff, somewhere nearby.
He opened his eyes. He was standing on a snowy cliff with a spruce forest nearby. This would work. He closed his eyes, beginning the methodical repairs, weaving the protections to reinforce Xisuma's.
"Oh Grian thank goodness I found you!" A voice spoke, startling him.
He didn't dare stop repairing, but spoke back. "Pearl. Leave me." He kept his voice even, as he tried to not get emotional. "I have to finish these repairs, and then I leave. Put a barrier up for me if it ever goes down again."
"Sunshine-" Pearl paused. "Why... Why are you insisting on leaving me behind again!"
He twisted the magic one last time, and opened his eyes to stare at her. It was no longer afternoon, now far into the night. "Do you know what they're planning? This is a game, Erra. We are merely pawns in it. Pawns for opposing sides... I cannot leave the Watchers. I made another Pact-"
"XELQUA!" Pearl shouted, interrupting him. "Why... DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED? I don't want to lose Hermitcraft!"
"And you won't, as long as I leave. Farewell Erra. They could control me any second, and although I will be unable to directly harm you, as is written in the Pact, They could still use me to capture you, and harm you then. There are always loopholes. Primals if I know that..."
"Xelqua... Not again... Please." Pearl grabbed his shoulders, tears falling. "I just got you back... Don't leave me Sunshine!"
~+~
"[Redacted], Please, don't! I- I don't know what they want..."
"It must be better than this."
"But-"
"Taurtis... I have to do this. This way we'll always be safe."
"Don't leave me [Redacted]... I don't want to forget you!"
"I'm sorry. Maybe we'll see each other again. In another server, another life. One where we can be together. Free. If all it means is you can't remember me... Well, new memories can be forged."
~+~
"Xelqua!"
"Erra..?"
"Oh thank gosh I found your server... I ran. I didn't like it there. Call me Moon, here."
"... They know me as Sunshine."
~+~
"Sunshine I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU!"
"You need to leave or I'll kill you. Easy choice, eh?"
"No- I won't leave you! This isn't you, Sunshine!"
"The sun always shines brighter than the moon..."
"But the sun still shares its light with the moon! Please!"
"Moon... AGH- My head... Moon, I won't kill you - No, I have to... Ow, ow- ...Run. I was a monster. I still am. I just... My head hurts... Please, GO!"
"Sunshine? You're back?"
"It's me... I think... Run, RUN please!"
"Sun-"
"MOON!"
"I won't run."
"Fine..."
"No- Wait DON'T LEAVE!"
"If you won't leave I have to. This way I won't hurt you."
"Sunshine, please don't leave me! Please!"
~+~
He shook it off, ignoring the surge of memories, all too vivid, too harsh. "I'm sorry... But I cannot stay." Shoot. He'd waited too long. He felt the first tugs. "Please- let me go!" He shouted. "They're going to use my body-"
"I DON'T CARE- You're not leaving me again." Her voice only made him think of Taurtis, the other evolutionists... He didn't want to hurt her...
"LET ME GO!" He screamed, pushing back, trying to pull back, both in his mind and physically. There was only one way to stop this. It wouldn't fulfill the deal, but he didn't care.
A raised hand.
A blast of magic to his head.
That was what it was meant to be.
But something caused it to be aimed at the sky, deflecting his hand.
"Heh, You'll get to watch this happen..." The cold, cruel galactic came out of his mouth
"NO NO YOU SWORE-" He screamed, wrestling back control. "PEARL RUN, PLEASE!" He gasped.
Pearl had stumbled back when he tried his reckless choice. "Sunshine..?" Fear sparked in her eyes.
"Let's... Use some magic, huh? Then I'LL leave, and I didn't hurt her. You did." A cruel chuckle tore from his throat. "You fell right into our trap, Xelqua."
"SHUT UP-" He pushed back, but his struggles were weakening, only barely getting enough time to yell, before getting shoved back into a passenger's seat in his own brain. Everything was blurry, and hazy, but he forced himself to try and fight... His mind was tired from all the attempts, and it seemed to want to give up, but he couldn't. He couldn't...
Pearl seemed to shake herself out of her shock. "You won't have him again. I will die before that happens."
His body grinned, and didn't respond. Fire bloomed in his hands, he held it up, it swirling around the two of them, making a dome of purple. Pearl stumbled back, nearly falling into the flame. Seconds passed, perhaps even minutes, dulled emotion swirled, and he fought, fought to stop, but he knew it was too late, too late, as the world snapped back into focus, the emotions overwhelming, he couldn't stop it.
"Grian...?" Pearl's voice shook. "You... You have to stop. Please... You'll lose control."
"I can't- Why should I?" Why was he trying to stop? Power was incredible. He loved it, and couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping his mouth.
"Shoot shoot shoot-" Pearl stammered, stumbling back. "Please, listen!"
"Why should I?" His eyes snapped to the being in front of him. How pitiful, he tried to save this helpless lump. He should've learned from before. "All you've done in return for all the sacrifices I made, is to merely hurt me. You tried to tell me to leave my family. And I did. And yet you still refuse to listen, while trying to convince me to listen to you..."
"GRIAN PLEASE!" Her voice was desperate as fire began to lap at her. "I... I'm sorry."
"No. I'm done with you Pearl, you don't get to apologize! I'm stronger than you EVER could be." He shouted, smiling widely, as he twisted his hand.
Pearl sighed. "Very well... I know this isn't you... So... I'm sorry, if you can still hear me, Sunshine."
He grinned. "Why wouldn't I? This is me." Fire leapt at Pearl, as she flinched closer.
"I'm sorry!" She yelled, letting out a blast of magic. He quickly threw up a shield, deflecting it into the flames.
"Heh, you fight back. That's... Interesting." He grinned. "Makes it more fun for my victory!" He shot a bolt in retaliation, this time, it impacted Pearl's wings, the smell of smoldering feathers filling the air.
Pearl's lips tightened from pain, her eyes narrowing in concentration as she shot another bolt of magic. It curved around him, so he turned to deflect it lazily, when another spell hit him.
The world flickered in and out of darkness, as all the false emotions left him. "P... Pearl I'm sorry..." He choked out, before his knees buckled. Arms embraced him, holding him close, as the heat disappeared.
"I'm sorry I had to do a sleep spell I didn't know-" Pearl frantically spoke, her wings slumped against the ground, multiple of the white feathers now charred.
Darkness threatened to finally consume him. He managed to choke out a final request. "... Lock me up... When I wake up... Restrain my magic, lock me up, tell X I betrayed them, I don't care. Don't let me hurt them again." With that, he finally let darkness take him...
A/N:
Grian's doing GREAT :D The plot's staring to unfurl. Also sorry for being late, had to wrangle the motivation to edit :/
WC: 2405
Xera