Jennies POV
"BREAK" the director calls I tiredly sit down on the grass, turns out this is a show like running man and they've been making us run around like crazy. I breathe in heavily trying to gain my composure, I've been good so far but I know my energy hasn't been the best.
"Hey Unnie" my co star says, I smile stiffly trying to remember his name.
"Hey" i reply politely. He takes my reply as a cue to sit right next to me and so close his legs touching my own. He has a cocky smile even running his hand through his hair. God just what I needed right now.
"Wow you're even prettier in person" He says with wide eyes leaning in more.
"Uh thanks"
"You know you seem tired out there how about you just relax during the next shoot, I can win the challenges for you" He says flirty.
"I'm fine, just worry about yourself" despite my cold voice and words he seems unaffected still smiling stupid.
"hahah okay I'll just go easy on you than" I roll my eyes at him and get up to move. He quickly stands up to.
"Jennie wait, are you going to the dinner after the shoot?" I look him up and down, by now I can see he's a little nervous.
"I'll see" I reply and turn to leave.
"I'll save you a seat" he says loudly, I don't even turn around to acknowledge him. God I'm so tired. I just want to go home.
..............................
We're currently seated at an old camp site looking area, the host is asking questions and who ever answers first correctly gets points. I'm even more grumpy since the actor won't stop pestering me.
To stop myself from having an outburst in public I turn my head away from the slimy actor and stare at the crew. Then something catches my attention, a familiar stiletto is standing near my manager. She has a cap and mask on but I'm sure it's her, my heart starts pounding at the thought that maybe she came. Or am I so lovesick that I'm imagining things, I move to get up but a hand stops me. I furrow my brows and look to see the same actor looking at me with a strained smile.
"Jennie they asked you a question." I now notice everyones looking at me.
"Uh look she's so good, pretending she couldn't hear the question" now I'm genuinely confused.
"Huh"
"We asked who your ideal celebrity guy would be" the host asks. Oh that was the question.
"I don't have one at the moment" I say smiling and glancing where I think Soojin may be.
The actor next to me coughs to get my attention, this action makes everyone start laughing by the obvious flirting he's been doing.
"well what qualities do you want in a partner" The actor who I still don't know the name of asked.
"yah why are you so interested" the host asked playfully.
"I'm just asking a question" he replies not so innocently. Gross.
"Hmm sure, but Jennie what is your ideal type"
"Tell us!" the girls are shouting excitedly.
"hahahah okay, well I like someone who's kind, someone that can inspire me. I find it cute when they're shy but out going with me And hmm I like beauty spots, especially on the face" I say with a devilish smirk.
"Does anyone have a pen." the actor says hurriedly. Someone hands him one and he proceeds to not so secretly draw a dot on his face. This causes everyone to start laughing.
This isn't uncommon on variety shows, so I smile but deep down I want to grab that pencil and poke it right in his fa-
"Okay okay, lets get back on track"
The show continues but I don't really pay attention just wanting this to end so I can see if its her.
............
"CUT, AND THATS A WRAP" in an instant I'm up and almost running to where they are, as I'm getting closer I'm certain its her. She's looking right at me calmly . Without hesitation I run and jump into her arms she catches me and holds me tight.
"You came"
"I did" I pull away to see her face and smile brightly at her, I can't see her smile but I know it's as big as mine.
I hold her cheek warmly still in shock I'm really seeing her here. I know we weren't going to be apart for long but the fact she's here means so much.
"We're in public Jen" she says teasingly. I look around and people are looking at us curiously.
"I don't care I missed you" I reply stubbornly. If it were up to me I'd have kissed her already.
"I missed you too" her hands squeeze my waist.
"Jennie they're asking if you want to join the team for dinner" my manager ask ruining the moment.
"No, tell them I'm tired." I reply not looking at him.
"Jennie just go for an hour it's rude to refuse" he continues.
"I said no" I say finally pulling my eyes away from Soojin.
"Jen you should go" she whispers in my ear. I turn to her pouting.
"She can go too, everyones going not just the cast so its fine" my manager says desperately.
I scrunch my nose not liking the idea of sharing my time with Soojin.
"We're going end of story" She says sternly.
"Fine"
"Alright perfect, the restaurant isn't to far. There going straight there so well get going now"
"Can't we go to the hotel first I want to get changed" I reply moody.
"Uh it will take a while to get there and back, so we should just go there." my manager says nervously.
I'm about to go off on him. But then she pulls me to her side holding me tight.
"It's okay well go there now"
"Okay perfect the cars this way"
"I wanted to spend some time with you first" she just grabs my hand and follows my manager. I comply still moody but knowing she's even here is more than enough.
"Well have time later" she whispers into my ear. I look at her wide eyes and an excited smile.
"Let's go!" I shout basically skipping to the van now. Soojins giggles follow behind me.
..............................
" I can't believe you came" Soojin smiles softly, holding my hand.
" I just missed you " my heart flutters by her simple yet meaningful words. I glance to the front to check if my managers paying attention. He seems busy trying to figure out the radio so I quickly lean forward and kiss Soojin. She responds instantly and as fast as it happens it ends.
"j-jennie" she hits me softly, I just smile cheekily finding a very shy Soojin cute.
"girls we're five minutes away"
"Hmmm"
"Can we just go to the hotel" I say still grumpy that my time with her has to be shared. She rolls her eyes and pulls my hand to gently kiss.
"Stop being a baby, we won't be here long and it's rude to refuse" I scrunch my nose playfully she giggles by my reaction.
"Big baby" she says.
"Your big baby" I reply jokingly, I instantly regret saying it once I see Soojins face harden.
"I m-mean, that's not wha-"
"Yes, my big baby" she says softly moving in closer. I can feel my face heat up by her words and now she's moving in closer looking at my lips.
"We're here!" my manager says loudly, Soojin pulls away fast while I shoot my manager a glare for ruining the moment.
"Let's go" I nod and follow her, I see other vans parked and the same actor who's been pestering me waiting outside the restaurant.
He seems to notice me and starts waving excitedly walking towards us. I pull soojin in closer to my side.
"Jennie you came!"
"hmm" I reply, his eyes move to the girl next to me widening like he's in Shock.
"Oh m-my god, you're" his eyes are moving between me and Soojin his Hand covering his mouth. I frown confused my his reaction.
" I-im a a b-big fan, I can't believe it's really you." He can barely meet her eyes but yet had no problem hitting on me what the fu-
Soojin softly giggles " I'm Soojin and you are" she says ready to shake his hand. His eyes open wider and he shuffles to do a 90 degree bow.
"H-hello I'm Cha Eun-woo"
"Uhh, from astro? Your group is very talented." He stands up straight now smiling brightly with a slight blush.
"T-thank you, coming from you that means so much. I've been a fan since your groups debut."
"Really? wow thank you, I hope you keep supporting us" he nods his head so fast agreeing.
"Okay you've met, now let's head inside" I say pulling soojin with me.
"Yes of course l-let's go" he says almost tripping as he rushes after us.
Soojin gives me a soft look holding my hand tighter.
We walk in hand in hand and everyone seems to already be seated, they wave us over and all looked surprised to see Soojin standing next to me.
"Jennie over here!" I smile politely and sit down pulling Soojin down with me.
"Yah, you didn't tell me you were friends with Soojin!" the host seems to say. Everyone is looking at me curiously, just as nosy to find out.
"We've been friends for a while and she was in jeju so I invited her I hope that was okay"
"Of course that's okay!" Eun-woo says loudly, and then looking away quickly.
I look at him sharply, he's managed to sit right in front of Soojin I grip the chopsticks in my hand tightly ready to throw them right at his face.
"Thank you for having me" Soojins says softly, bowing her head shyly.
"Omo so cute" one of the ladies says shrieking.
I have to agree with that, now staring at her. She turns to face giving me that smile that makes me melt.
"So pretty" I say in a daze moving a piece of hair from her face.
"Pabu" she says looking away.
"Does anyone want soju?" The host says, everyone nods their head I look to Soojin.
"You want?" she nods her head making me smile excitedly.
"Us too!" I shout.
...............................
"Hmm try this" I say cutely, feeding Soojin. She naturally takes the food.
"Hmmmmmm so good" she says happily
"Right!" I say excited. By now I think we're both a little tipsy, her bodies right next to mine and i'm basically sitting on her.
"More" she says cutely pointing to her mouth, leaning in waiting for me to feed her. And of course I do until nothings left. I wipe the corner of her mouth pausing my movements so tempted to just lean in.
"Jennie and Soojin, are two dating anyone" one of the girls says. I move my hand away from her lips and face her.
"No Unnie" I reply.
"Yah, no need to lie we're not on tv anymore" she says raising her eyebrows.
"I'm not lying im really single at the moment" I say giggling. Feeling the effects of the alcohol.
"Eun-woo you have a chance!" the group teases.
"Sorry but he doesn't, my hearts with someone else at the moment" I blurt.
"You just said you're single"
"I ammmm, I'm just. It doesn't matter" I say slightly flustered taking a shot of soju.
"No one would reject you Jennie, I'm sure they'll come around" the host says sincerely trying to make me feel better but him saying that's only made it worse. I move a little away from Soojin now sitting up straight.
"What about you Soojin" I don't look at her instead choosing to drink some of my beer.
"I'm single at the moment as well" she says after a short pause.
"How could you both be single!? two of the prettiest girls are not taken huh" one of the loud unnies say.
"but do you like anyone" Eun-woo says
I finally move to stare at her and she looks like she's genuinely struggling to find the answer. I know I shouldn't but I'm hoping she's thinking of me. Then her eyes meet mine and her gaze turns warm and inviting.
" I do" she turns to Eun-woo as she answers and the whole table makes excited ohhh and uhhhhhh's, to be honest they're acting like teenagers.
"omo, omo, sorry for being nosy but most of us are married and bored so we love to hear about young love. I know you can't tell us who but what are they like!!! "
"well uh, firstly they always say what they think, I know they care about me a lot, and we get along like best friends, at first I was actually annoyed by them but they grew on me oh and kind so kind and when s-they laugh its the cutest thing ever and omg they're so talented! and I just really really love them" she says excitedly. Everyones faces light up by her words and tenderly look at her.
My heart sinks the more she describes the person she's talking about, all the qualities are obviously about Shuhua, and the way she talks about her hurts a lot. Fuck I did this to myself.
"Wow, they're really lucky" Eun-woo says sincerely, no jealously he just seems impressed.
"Yes they are" I say bitterly. She turns to me looking concerned, I don't meet her eyes but again drink the beer I have until it's finished.
" Jen slow down" she whispers into my ear rubbing my back.
I want to not listen but it's Soojin so I just nod my head.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom" I say and leave.
"Wait I'll come with you"
"No! I mean no sorry you don't have to I'll be quick" I smile forcefully and turn without looking back.
I open the door forcefully needing to stop these emotions, leaning over the sink I take deep breaths trying to calm down.
"Jennie" I squeeze my eyes shut.
She comes comes right behind me and embraces me.
"Jennie" she says softly. I open my eyes finally and she's looking at me through the mirror, she gently turns me around now coming in between my legs and holding my face. She gazes around my face softly caressing my eyebrows, then my nose and moving around my face until she reaches my lips. I don't pull away because how could I.
she's leaning in and so am I but I have to ask.
"Who were you talking about" I say on the verge of tears. She looks like she's about to cry too and that only confirms it. I smile slightly pushing her away and turning back to the mirror not able to look at her.
"It's okay jin, let's go back out there" i move to leave and she grabs my hand looking like she's in a daze and conflicted. I wait just maybe, and then she lets go and looks at me smiling.
"Let's go" she says sadly.
............................
The night goes on, everyones talking and laughing more and more drinks are being ordered. Me and Soojin talk but the small touches are no longer there.
"Should we head off" she whispers, I nod my head extremely tired and no longer feeling the buzz.
The ride back is quiet, me and Soojin aren't sitting as close and our bodies are turned away from each other but our hands stay connected.
My manager looks at me through the mirror, I can tell he's worried. We haven't had the best relationship but he's always treated me kindly unlike my old managers, I give him a small smile and turn to look out the window.
we arrive at the hotel and we get out both exhausted.
as we're walking to my room its silent but not awkward, I know we're both in thought at the moment.
"Jen do you want me to sleep in another room?" she ask, I can tell by her voice she's feeling insecure and I hate it.
"No, stay with me tonight" I say, she looks at me like she's trying to read my thoughts.
"Please" I ask
.............................
We're lying on the bed backs facing each other and i'm feeling so un easy. I know she's not a sleep either because of her movements. She's fidgeting and so am I.
I sigh and move to face her, I eye her back for a few seconds before I finally wrap my arms around her. Her hand instantly lands on mine pulling me closer. I breathe her in now at last feeling like I can relax. My Body modes perfectly with hers and my heart feels the same.
"I love you" I whisper. she brings my hand to her lips and kisses them softly, she holds my hand tighter. I move to kiss her cheek and taste the all to familiar saltiness of tears but I don't say anything as my own fall silently.
We hold each other tightly the whole night, it's unknown when we fell asleep.
...........................
We arrive back in Seoul, it's around 6pm and we both look like zombies. Maybe for different reasons.
Soojin gets a call I turn away to give her some privacy.
"My mums asking me to come around to stay the night"
"You should, it's been a while since you saw them" I reply smiling.
"I also was going to go to the dorm" I nod my head and stay quiet.
"Do you want to go now? I'll tell the driver to take you" she's still looking at me like she's trying to read my thoughts.
" If that's okay"
"Of course it is, to your mums or the dorms"
"My parents house" I nod and tell the driver the location.
30minutes later we arrive and I smile fondly at the old house I use to pick her up from.
"It's still the same" I ask.
"Of course. Did you want to come inside?" she ask. I look between her and the house.
"Sorry maybe next time I have a schedule tomorrow" she looks sad but nods her head.
"I'll see you in a couple of days" Soojin says like a question.
"Of course" I say stiffly. She's halfway out the door when she turns to look at me and moves to hug me. I hold her just as tightly as she holds me.
"I'll see you soon" she whispers.
I don't reply. After a few minutes she pulls away, eyes glassy I can barely look at her. soft lips touch my own and I kiss back, savouring everything. The kiss is soft and breathy, it feels like we're both looking for something in this kiss.
She pulls away slowly, I keep my eyes closed and only open them when I feel her weight no longer on me. The door closes and I watch her figure until she's inside.
That's when I let the tears fall, sobbing as the car leaves. It's over I have to let her go, I cry harder clutching my t-shirt tightly all the way to our house. The car stops and my manager waits in the car for a little bit.
"Jennie, what do you need" he ask, I'm sniffing and wiping my tears.
"I need you to call someone and get them to move my things out of this house." He stares for a little bit.
He picks up his phone.
"Hello, yes. No I need it done today. I'll pay triple if you can do it by tonight. Okay I'll send the address."
"Done i'll wait for you here" he says, I nod my head and get out of the car walking slowly to the front door.
I cry more as I step into the house, the memories we shared here are now heartbreaking. I grab a pen and paper. Taking a deep breath I start to write.
To Soojin,
I have to thank you for a lot of things in my life but mostly thank you for giving me these last couple of weeks. This whole deal I made with you was selfish of me but I don't regret asking because anytime with you is worth it.
You've given me more time than I deserved, and that's why I'm leaving. I know we had a week left but I think It's time I let you go, you aren't tied to me anymore and like I said at the beginning I will leave you alone and never interfere with your life and relationships. You will always be my first love, and you know I still do love you but please don't feel guilty about that, you deserve to be happy with whomever that is.
I hope that you continue to shine as an idol and live the dream you always wanted. I'll still be a fan and pre order all of your albums because even if I didn't know you I'd be doing the same hahah.
This is really bitter sweet, because I always knew this was going to be the outcome. My things will be gone by the time you read this, again I'm sorry i'm saying goodbye like this but I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to you if you were here. I won't be coming back to this house so its yours it was for you anyway, and if you don't want it call my manager and he'll take care of everything. Live strong and happily Soojin, don't let anything hold you back from true happiness.
I love you,
Always yours, Jennie
..............................................................