TRIGGER WARNING: Discussions of rape
October 26th
Honestly, I didn't want her to see that. I dragged him all the way around the fucking house, risked my neighbors seeing and calling the police, all to avoid Moonie seeing what I was going to do.
But she saw it. She saw me break his jaw in half and shatter his cheekbones. She watched me grind whatever balls he had into the cement and kick in his ribs. I beat Jax until my blood mixed with his and continued long after my knuckles went numb. I beat Jax until he felt even a quarter as bad as Celestia would've felt had he succeeded. Even a third as bad as she does even though he didn't get to.
I don't regret doing what I did, but even though I did it for Moonie, I do regret that Moonie doesn't regret seeing it.
And through all of that guilt and her tears as they fell against my raw knuckles, and her hands gentle as they wrapped up my injuries, she was worried about me. She was worried because she knew the police did end up getting called on me and she was worried because of how badly I beat Jax.
They said the police were called because my fists were hitting so hard against his face that it was waking up my neighbors.
I was arrested and Celestia was taken too to make a statement. I told them why I did it and I told them I didn't regret it. Because why would I? They would've done the same and anybody who says they wouldn't is fucking lying.
I'm on house arrest for two months until my court date which I will either go to jail, Jax will drop the charges, or he won't show up. Two of these options keep me with Moonie and none of them will make me change my mind about what I did.
The only thing—the only consequence—is that it's happening again.
When my sister died, it was the same thing. I thought it had gone away since I'd met Moon but...
6 years ago
August 12th
"Happy birthday Lucile!" I stared up at my sister as she smiled and confetti collapsed around her. The colorful paper stuck to her long, black hair as she happily stared out at her guests.
"How does it feel to be a whole year older!?" Jasmine, her best friend, collapsed onto her shoulders, a smile wider than Lucy's on her face. She was already drunk I guess.
Lucy stood up from her chair and fell into her best friend's arms as she hugged her tightly. "I don't know...it feels the same as last year." She laughed excitedly as she held Jasmine's hands in hers.
I watched as they talked and everyone else around us ignored the two girls. My attention fell onto my parents as they smiled happily at the congratulations they received. It was Lucy's birthday but they were all ignored her as if it was a celebration of my parents.
"Kaito!" I jumped as I heard Lucy's cheerful voice yell over the music. "Come here!"
I tilted my head at her before I slid back in my chair and walked through the crowds of people surrounding the table. "What's wrong Lu—"
My eyes widened as she wrapped me up in a tight hug, her arms slighting shaking as she held me. "You look so adorable in your suit. Thanks for wearing it to my party." She spoke excitedly next to my ear.
"...it's your birthday, why wouldn't I wear a suit?"
She and Jasmine laughed as she let me go, her bright eyes narrowed down at me. "I can't wait to see what you'll be like when you get older..." she pinched my cheek gently "you'll be such a little gentlemen."
I rolled my eyes as I pulled her deep red fingernails from my cheek. "I won't be little forever, Luce." I groaned as she giggled.
"Yea, you'll be tall like me right?"
I looked away from her as she let out a phony sigh. "Just be better than me ok? Do that art stuff you like. You're good at it."
"You know dad doesn't—"
Her fingers pressed into my cheeks as she held my jaw and forced me to look at her. Her usual happy expression wiped from her face as if it was never there. "Stop it. Who cares what dad says...he's just jealous of you, Kai." Her grip loosened as her eyes wandered toward my parents, her back straightening out as her hand began to fall from my face.
Her eyes, now filled with heartache and more sadness than I'd ever seen from her, looked back at me and attempted to soften into something beautiful. "You'll be better than them. You won't fail like them. You'll be better than all of us, okay?"
I stared up at her as I tried to study her eyes. She's never looked like this before... "Luc—"
"Okay? Promise me, Kai."
My eyebrows scrunched together slightly as her lips pressed against each other. "I promise."
She sighed as she stood up straight. "Yea, you're going to be great, little brother."
"Oh! Luce—come on, he's here!"
I watched as Jasmine dragged Lucy off, Lucy flashing me a quick smile, her lips forming the words "i love you." Before she disappeared into the crowd.
I'd never seen her look like that before.
...
I woke up to the sound of the front door shutting quietly. I wasn't fully asleep yet because I knew Luce hadn't come home right after the party and I never sleep well when she stays out all night.
I slid from my bed and walked down the hallway, the rustling that was coming from downstairs disappearing as if it was getting farther away.
"Lucy?" I whispered down the stairs, my heart racing as I was terrified of waking my parents up and possibly getting Lucy in trouble. "Lucy, come on before they wake up."
The rustling had gone away at this point and and disappeared almost as if she wasn't down there anymore.
...if they wake up...I'll just say I thought I heard somebody breaking in. Stupid, I know, but it's better than nothing.
I crept down the stairs, and despite my small frame and a body weigh closer to zero than one-fifty, the old wood creaked underneath my feet as I tried to walk as slowly as possible.
I walked around the kitchen, my eyes nervously scanning the dark room. There were footprints along the tiles but they didn't look like they came from shoe prints and they were bigger than Lucy's feet. "Lucy—"
I jumped back and slipped on the wet floor as I heard something crash in the garage followed by a muffled scream.
"Lucy!—" I began to shout before my own hand covered my mouth.
My heart raced as my chest bounced. My leg felt like it was broken but the fear of waking my father up was battling my need to check on my sister.
"Stop!"
My eyes widened as Lucy's small cries spilled from under the garage door.
What do I do? What do you do, Kai?...what would Lucy do?
"Luce..."
I pushed my body from the ground, my palms slipped as I tried as hard as I could to get up.
I limped toward the garage door, my body shaking as I tried to think of what I was even going to do when I opened it.
I pushed the door open, my heart dropping through my stomach. My stomach turned as I saw Lucy bent over the trunk of the car and a man pressing her face down so roughly that she was gasping for air.
"Kai—go!" She gasped, the man not even taking a break to see who she was talking to. She cried as she shut her eyes, her legs attempted to kick him away but he had her legs held between his and pressed against the car.
My stomach turned as I bent over and threw up as my knees buckled underneath me. "Luce—" I gasped as I wiped my lips with my shaking arms.
I struggled toward her as she continued to cry, the man's moans growing louder as they mixed with sick chuckles.
I rammed my small body into the side of his, his body barely even budging. "Get off of her!" I shouted louder than I'd ever had before, my voice cracking as I held back tears. He glanced down at me with a dark smile and even darker eyes as I beat my fists against his brick of a body.
I'm supposed to be able to save her. I'm her brother. I'm supposed to protect her. "Luce.." I cried as my body became weaker and her cries shushed into muffled breaths.
"Fuck—" he grunted as he continued to ignore our attempts. "Thanks, Lucy. I had fun...Cute kid." He chuckled as he threw Lucy to the ground and walked away from us.
"Lucy!" I cried as I fell to the floor next to her. She was limp and her eyes were closed, her lashes clumped together as she continued to silently cry. "Lucy?...are you ok? What do I do?"
My expression softened as she placed her hand on my back, her fingers gripping at my shirt for comfort. "Go...back to sleep, Kai." She muffled, her love attempting to flood through all of the pain that stood in between.
"But you...we should call the police." I murmured.
She stayed silent, her shaky hand and her muffled cries were the only signs that she was alive. "...You can't." She panted. "Please. Go back to sleep."