Ash met Remus outside the Ravenclaw common room. They would be doing rounds together. She saw him lounging on a banister and thought he was the cutest.
"I think we should use the map and bust a bunch of people today," Ash says.
"Then we'd be too good at our jobs."
"Rem. Has anyone ever told you you were dull?"
"I don't surround myself with liars."
"You know. I feel bad for Filch."
"I suppose I understand some of our pranks go a little too far," Remus nods.
"And he's a squib. I mean he's got a hard job. Maintaining the castle, and he's a squib."
"I didn't know that."
"I just think it's unfair. How we treat him and how serious he takes his job despite being the worst option for it."
"But you have to admit he's cranky," Remus laughs.
"Those were the cards he was dealt. You know some squibs integrate with muggles when they find they don't have powers. It's why we have muggle-borns. But Filch stayed and took the worst wizarding job just to stay around the magic, and I can't blame him."
"The cards he was dealt," Remus repeats, Ash had used those exact words when describing him so many times.
Remus was brilliant and amazing and she could never judge him simply because of "the cards he was dealt".
"I'm a pureblood. I grew up around magic, I love magic. I could never give it up. Even if I was pranked every other day and met with tasks I could never dream of performing."
"I understand. I'm a werewolf and yet I'd rather that than give up chocolate frogs."
Ash laughs, "I'm more of a fizzing whizbees girl."
Ash hears a loud clang across the hall. Across a few halls. Her and Remus follow the noise. A Ravenclaw boy sits there meekly. Alone but Ash had a feeling he wasn't always alone.
"And what are you doing past curfew?"
"Do you like older men?"
"What?" Ash looks at the boy who still sat on the ground, gazing at Ash, dazed.
"I just um- HI, I'm a 6th year. What's your name?"
"What are you doing out after curfew?" Remus reminds him that he was there.
"Me and my friends went out to the black lake. They ditched me after you all came. Bet they're back at the common room."
"Well that's 20 p-"
"Hey hey hey. I'm a ravenclaw. Besides he's already been ditched by his friends. I think we can let it slide. And to answer your question. I dated Fabian Prewitt in third year," Ash helps him up.
He stares at their intertwined hands for few seconds before blushing and allowing Ash to jerk him up to his feet.
"When...when do you patrol?"
"Every Wednesday and Friday. Stay out of trouble okay? I hate taking point from my house."
"I don't. 20 points from Ravenclaw," Remus puts a hand on Ash's waist. The 6th year doesn't fail to notice, Ash however paid no mind to it.
"Go back to your common room and go to sleep."
"Right. Um- my, my name is Sean," the boy stutters and makes his way to the Ravenclaw common room.
"20 points was harsh," Ash says once he's out of view.
"5 points for being caught. 15 points for flirting," Remus rolls his eyes.
Ash put a hand on the hand that was on her waist. None of them move for a little.
"10 points to Ravenclaw for honesty and good taste," Ash looks Remus in the eye.
"Oh please," Remus chuckles, their hands still on top of one another.
"You make me blush when you're confident," Ash breaks the silence.
Remus's hand twitches, "you make me blush."
The next time Ash patrolled she was with Regulus.
"I just don't know what I'm going to do. I think they want me to be a death eater. "
"I'm your out Regulus. Come on, Reggie. I'm a Potter. I'll admit we aren't as wealthy or nearly as prominent as the blacks but we are rich and we can provide for as many blacks as we have to."
"It's not that simple."
"You have to get out while you can. It's not simple but you have to do it while it's complicated not when it's impossible."
"I can't."
"Reggie, we can."
A minute later Ash stumbles upon Sean.
"I thought you had learned your lesson?"
"Well, I haven't done anything wrong."
"Why are you out after curfew?"
"When's curfew?"
"An hour ago."
"Well surely just being out after curfew isn't punishable."
"It actually is."
"Can I convince you not to reprimand me?"
"Sean."
"Ash," he smiled.
"You have nice teeth," Ash looks at him.
"Thank you," he blushes and smiles wider.
"32 points from Ravenclaw," Ash sighs.
"Awe come on. It was just 20 last time," Sean complains.
"First offense."
"Fine," he trudges to the Ravenclaw entrance.
Regulus stayed silent during the encounter, watching. Just another person who was interested in Ash.
The next time she patrolled, she was with Lilly.
"How do you feel about Remus?"
"Why are you bringing it up?"
"Interested."
"I know you want to win the bet but you aren't going to. None of you are, in fact I think I'lll win it by dating someone else entirely."
"How do you feel about Remus?"
"Rem and i are friends."
"Rem."
"Rem-us Lupin, yes Lilly."
"I'm just saying, you're the only one that calls him that. Even his closest friends only call him Moony. Sometimes I call him Remmie, sometimes other people will call him Remmie but Rem is only you. Everytime someone else calls him Rem he kind of tenses up like he's just eaten moldy butter but is too polite to spit it out."
"Thanks for that explanation. He and I are platonic."
"But you aren't. You are so in love."
"Lilly I appreciate you and I love being your friend but even if I did like Rem, you're the last person I'd tell. Maybe if you admit you like James I'll admit I like Remus."
"I don't like James."
"Then that settles it."
An hour later Ash spots the increasingly familiar boy.
"Ash!"
"Sean, I'm starting to thin you're a trouble maker," Ash eyes the boy.
"Well when you're a 6th year," he shrugs trying to seem cool.
"10 points from Ravenclaw for being out past curfew," Lilly interrupts.
"Sorry do you have something better to do," Seanlaughs.
"I'm sure you do. I feel like you should be asleep right now. Considering that is what a curfew entails."
"Well I'll head straight to bed if you'll join me."
Lilly eyes the both of them. She gives Ash a look, asking why he hasn't been hit yet.
"Go to Ravenclaw before I take off more points. It's your third offense," Ash laughs.
In all honesty doing rounds was boring, Sean made it a little interesting.
The next patrol she was with Regulus again. And of course she saw Sean again.
"We've got to stop meeting like this," he sends her a flirtatious wink.
"How we meet is entirely up to you," Ash rolls her eyes.
"I aced a positions test earlier today."
"Full marks?"
"Above full marks," he brags.
"Well the instead of taking 40 points I'll take the regular 20," Ash settles.
"We both know 20s harsh."
"Not after the third time. Unless you preferred the 32."
"Aren't you a Ravenclaw? Come on cut me some slack."
"15 points from Ravenclaw. Now get some rest," Ash parts ways.
The next time she patrolled she was with Remus again.
"You are costing Ravenclaw so many points," Ash can't fight the smile she gets when she spots him sitting right in the middle of the place they were known to patrol every night. Waiting to get caught.
"That's why I work twice as hard and earn them back in class."
"Really?"
"Mhm, I'll have you know I'm very smart."
Remus rollls his eyes at what he considered bad flirting. Then again Remsu was never known to flirt. For all he knew, Sean could be the best at flirting. Remus thought otherwise because surely good flirting shouldn't annoy bystanders so much they want to bang their heads against the wall.
"How so?"
"Well, I've come up with a strategy that guarantees I see you twice a week in the dead of night. Romantic isn't it?"
"Is that so? And here I thought it was all coincidence."
"That's because of how smooth I was. But nope. All planned. And if you accept my offer, I'd be happy to share a few more plans with you."
Ash takes the obvious bait, "what offer?"
"Hogsmeade tomorrow. And let me just say, the plans I have will make you want to give back all 87 house points."
"It was a cute way to ask, but I don't want to date anyone. And it's 100 house points actually."
"I'm a Ravenclaw, it's 87."
"Ah no you're forgetting. 13 points from Ravenclaw for being out past curfew."
"Fair enough," Sean sighs, "It was nice while it lasted, see you around Ash."
Once he's gone Ash notices Remus's lack of conversation. He only answered with curt nods or yes and no.
"What's been shoved up your-"
"You should've accepted his date."
"Rem."
"I mean he's violated curfew and faced repercussions for 5 nights now just to see you. Just to exchange 5 words with you. It's romantic," Remus says.
"You're a hypocrite."
"How am I a hypocrite?"
"You're telling me to date when you would rather die than date. Are you gay? It's okay if you're gay. Are you ace? Do you just not like anyone?"
"I'm not. I like people, I like someone I just don't- I can't date. I'm a monster."
"You're not unlovable. Do you know how big your fan club is?"
"Why don't you tell me, you run it don't you?" Remus jokes.
"I'm serious Remus, your a great guy and tons of girls would jump at the chance to date you or even kiss you. Have you even been kissed Remus?"
"...you know I have, you were my first kiss."
"Kissed by someone you liked Remus. Held hands romantically? Anything like that?"
"...y-.... No I guess not. I'm just not cut out for dating."
"Yeah. Well I don't plan on dating either."
The rest of the night was spent in silence. Remus was shocked and confused. She usually always corrects him when he says he's a monster. He didn't know why but it made him feel bad. Was he fishing for compliments? It was just a natural thing he says. It only hurt because it was Ash who didn't say anything to disprove it.
Ash was annoyed. She felt like she was talking to a wall. She wanted to be with Remus. Of course, he wanted nothing less. His calling himself a monster opened her eyes to how stubborn he was. Ash had told him so many times that he wasn't. She even told him under a truth potion. He still didn't believe it because Ash can't convince him of something he doesn't want to believe. She can't make him date when he isn't in the right mind to.
"What if she was perfect Rem?"
"No."
"What if she made you laugh like no one else?"
"No."
"What if she made you feel things you could never feel Remus?"
"No ash."
"What if she were me?"
"No it wouldn't matter if- W-what do you mean? If she were you?"
"Well. Answer. What if she were me, would you date then? Would you date if I was the one you were dating?"
"...no...no I wouldn't date even if it were you. Especially if it were you."
Remus wasn't going to date. Remus wasn't going to date her. Especially her. And Ash was done waiting for him.
"You're just going to die alone then?"
"It would be for the best. I can't ever date or marry anyone. I can't start a life with someone with my condition."
"Good night Remus."
The change from Rem to Remus didn't fall on deaf ears. It hit Remus hard. He didn't know why but he could feel that things weren't the same.
She waited a year and a half in hopes that maybe Remus and she could have a future but he wasn't going to change. She used to find that endearing but the self-pity was almost too much for her. And now she would attempt to move on.
The next morning ASh sat at the Gryffindor table. She even sat next to Remus but he felt colder than usual. She was just an inch farther away and more concerned with Marlene's complaining than him and his book or his grades or his food or his face. He never really noticed it before but Ash and him interacted more than he thought.
She still said hi to him. She still asked about his book. She still talked and laughed with him but it felt different. It brought less butterflies to his stomach. It seemed distant even though he couldn't place it.
"I hope he does meet me in the courtyard at noon. I can't wait to show him what a McKinnon can do," Marlene says.
Ash would usually be tracing circles in his hand or interlocking their arms. Instead her arm was propped to rest her chin on her hand. Just listening to Marlene. Not holding or touching Remus.
James seemed to notice this change and smiled. Just a crush, he thought, over already.
After breakfast, James pulled Ash aside again. They were just outside the potions classroom when James began speaking in hushed tones.
"So you don't like Remus anymore?"
"Romantically?"
"Yeah you don't find Moony attractive?"
"No James, I don't."
"So you think he's ugly?"
"He's cute but he's not impossible to not find attractive."
"So you think he's cute?'
"Yes, James. I've always thought Remus was adorable I just don't like him like that. I don't like how he looks, like that."
"Good."
"Good," Ash shoves past him and into the classroom. She bumps into Remus on the way in.
"Oh um Slughorn says to hurry up your conversation," Remus says with his head down.
"Already finished, come on moony."
Moony, she had only called him that once before. The very first time. It's always been Rem. Why wasn't it Rem?"
Remus had heard her conversation with James. Not all of it but the message was clear, Remus is unattractive now stop asking me about him.
It hurt. It hurt a lot more than he cared to admit. Ash was the one who called him beautiful. That was one of the first things she said to him. Ash was the first one who called him pretty. Ash made him feel like he was pretty. He thought he was ugly but the fact that the only person he knew thought he wasn't ugly said that he was crushed him.
Ash and Remus worked together like usual. Ash treated him like she would treat any friend. If she wouldn't do it with Marlene or James, she wouldn't do it with Remus. Remus on the other hand seemed to have a cloud over his head. Ash called him ugly.