T/W: mentions of arson, cursing(ass, hell hole) self hate(I'm a terrible person, it's all my fault, I'm a failure) mentions of death, abandonment and food deprivation, wondering if mc(main character) wants to be dead.
Also, I wrote this as a platonic thing, but you can interpret it however you want. This is inspired by the events of @Airyaquila 's story, Someone Named Xelqua, which I highly recommend, along with her other works. #KykeTheWatcher
POV: Xelqua
My muscles scream as i flop into my bed, my various cuts and bruises from training throbbing in time with my heart. And as much as i curse those who inflicted the pain, i know i deserve it, and much worse.
'After all,' i think, 'what good is an admin who can't protect their server? A watcher who can't kill? A player who can't trust? What place is there in the world for failures?'
Fail. That's all I had ever been good at. I failed my parents, who abandoned me in Japan. I failed my first friend, who needed support. I failed my second friend, who needed help. I failed my mentor, who needed a student. I failed my server, who needed protection. I failed the Watchers, who needed a killer. But worst of all, i failed to keep my promise. The promise that i would never give up, never lose hope, never stop fighting. But after the incident yesterday, I'm not sure that i can continue on.
"Xel?" Someone asks, startling me. "I heard about what you did. It was the right thing. If you hadn't stopped Master Zint, that boy would be dead."
"Maybe so, Xan, but it was a rash decision, and one we both know I am paying for. Watchers can't starve to death, but that makes the punishment all the worse. All I did, at least as far as they're concerned, is speak English. And my punishment is three weeks without food, and a talk with Master Qintunup."
As i speak, Xan's face pales. "You didn't tell me about Qintunup! You know what happens to those who have a talk with him! You won't come out alive!"
"Maybe not, but I'm not sure I want to live. Not many people know this, but I wasn't born a watcher, or made one by choice. I was born an Admin, and when the Watchers took interest in my server, I disobeyed them on multiple occasions. I should have known it would come back around to kick me In the ass, but I was young, only 16, and i thought i was invincible because of my position in the Admins. But when the Watchers kidnapped me and blackmailed me into becoming one of them, I foolishly thought that they would keep their word. But after I was converted to a Watcher, they possessed my body, killed every player on the server, destroyed the entire map, and then brought me here, making the tail of Evolution SMP fade into the ledgenes."
Xanthus sits next to me on the bed, giving me a hug. He then says, "Xel, promise me that you will come back alive. Remember, after we graduate this hell hole we'll run away and never return except to burn it to the ground, just like we planned. Only one year to go."
And with that, I hug him back, promising that I would come back alive, and then leave to my fate.
494 words. Idk where I was going with this, and it feels unfinished, but i can't think of a better way to end it. Also, if anyone has suggestions, feel free to comment on this book or my feed.
Well, I'll t-AHA-kl to u later. Goodbye for now, and good unspecified time of day or night!