anupamaa :
He stood wordlessly before me.
Stumped.
I knew he was going through a whirlwind of emotions.
Was he going to be angry?
That was the obvious reaction.
The day I had come here on rent, I had seen him drive off his car.
My heart had skipped a beat.
For moments I thought it was a delusion before I saw Toshu, with a bag, ready for school.
He was staring at me, shocked and bewildered.
"Toshu Bhai!", Samar shouted after a moment.
I stood frozen.
Samar ran down to him and hugged him tightly.
Pakhi was only two back then.
That day Toshu had missed school as he sat in my rented apartment recounting everything that had happened in the last three years.
How the family man, Vanraj Shah, had completely left his family.
How he refused to pick calls, did nothing except work and smoked cigarettes every now and then.
Also how he suffered in cooking since finding a house help here in California was not exactly easy.
I did feel anger for him before that. I felt he was insensitive, which he was.
But when I heard he was suffering way more, I felt sympathy.
To make him feel slightly better.. I would send Pakhi to talk to him once in a while.
Sometimes send food.
I would pack food for Toshu and send it with Samar.
I did everything.
And I would lie if I said, I didn't do it out of love.
And now, the truth was before him.
I think I saw his eyes well up with tears.
But he turned, saying nothing, and strode back towards the building.
I didn't know what to say, or if I should stop him.
I wanted to.. but I didn't know how to.
•
vanraj
I sat back on the single seater sofa right opposite to the dressing table.
Tears trickled down, I did not know why.
I looked at myself on the mirror.
I was painted in red and yellow.
Red, more.
There were several reasons why I didn't play Holi.
Things I wanted to tell someone, who'd hear them without judging me. Who would listen instead of saying, "You are a good son of this family, all this is not expected from you."
or,
"You are a man, Vanraj! Behave like one! What is this girlish fear?"
I suddenly heard someone open the door knob.
I stood up wiping my tears.
It was probably Toshu.
I slowly strode out of the room.
I heard the footsteps, and I recognised.
The unexpected, yet the most expected person.
Anupamaa.
•••