The members had longed discovered that the best time to get permission off Hongjoong was either when he was half-asleep, on the phone, or busy at work. These situations might sound like dreadful timings, but when Hongjoong was distracted, he would often say yes, just to get rid of anyone bothering him.
Luckily for the members, the leader hadn't caught onto this yet and fell for it almost every time. Although woe had fallen on several members (particularly Mingi and Wooyoung), when they had chosen some terrible times when Hongjoong was under a lot of stress. Not that it had taught them to behave any differently however.
And so it was, that Yeosang nervously peeked his head around the door to see if Hongjoong was asleep or not. He had been at his studio all night working on a collab project for promoting some kind of product. He had gotten back around noon to grab some lunch, and was now crashed on the couch with his eyes closed.
Yeosang wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but he had run out of several skincare items and wanted to replace them before their schedule got busier. Wooyoung had offered to share some of his, but Yeosang was very particular with his brands, due to his acne-prone skin. He could have gone to Seonghwa to ask permission to go out, but Seonghwa had just got back from the shops that morning, after asking all the members whether they needed anything. Yeosang had been adamant however, that he didn't need to go, only to remember an hour later, that he in fact, did.
Sighing, he tiptoed over to the couch and gently touched the leader's shoulder. Hongjoong's eyes flickered open in an instant, causing the younger man to realise with guilt, just how lightly the leader had been sleeping.
"What's wrong, Yeosang-ah?" Hongjoong asked sleepily, his lids slowly drooping closed.
"Hyung, I really need some stuff from the shops. If I take a mask and wear a cap, can I quickly duck down?"
"Mmm," was the murmured reply.
Punching the air excitedly at his luck, Yeosang turned to go, but was stopped when Hongjoong spoke again, but this time in a firmer voice.
"Don't wander or get distracted, Yeosang. And be back before sunset."
"Yes, hyung," Yeosang called back over his shoulder, before dancing out the room. He skipped up the stairs to grab a mask and cap. Then after a moment's consideration, he also slipped on a thicker jacket to disguise his body shape. Feeling satisfied that he was no longer recognizable, he darted out the door and out into the street. It was already well into the afternoon, but Yeosang was confident he had plenty of time and didn't need to hurry.
He was in and out of the shop in no time, so he decided to take the long way home. It was quieter and with less traffic. He passed several chicken shops as he walked, and while his stomach growled hungrily, he resisted the temptation, as he remembered the horrifying events of his late night escape.
Thinking back on that night brought his guilt back to the surface. Was it my fault all this started? He wondered to himself. He walked with head bent, heedless as to where his feet were taking him. Were all the events that followed because of me?
He gave a little sob at the thought of how his beloved members had fought each other. And that small sob, awoke something within him. The tears flooded over, and he sank to the ground sobbing bitterly. He rocked his body back and forth as he cried. Around him, the sky changed from blue to hues of pink and orange. The sun's dying rays reached out to touch the clouds, lining them with gold.
But Yeosang did not see the beauty above him, as he buried his face into his arms. It wasn't until someone lightly touched his shoulder, that he jolted back to reality. Standing over him, with a motherly concerned expression, was an old woman.
"Are you okay, my dear?" she asked, patting his arm comfortingly.
The kind words only made Yeosang sob harder.
"Oh, there, there, my boy," the woman murmured, as she glanced about. Then spotting a bench down by the river, she gently took his arm and pulled him up to his feet, before leading him over to it. She sat beside him, patting his back and crooning to him like a grandmother would an upset child.
Slowly, Yeosang's sobs subsided, and he took the clean floral handkerchief from the ajumma to wipe his eyes.
"Oh my, are you hurt?" the woman asked leaning closer to peer at his face.
Yeosang was startled, and raised his hand to touch his face, before realising what she was looking at. Having had no schedule that day, Yeosang hadn't bothered with any makeup. He shook his head.
"It is just a birthmark," he muttered, flushing a little.
"Is it?" the woman squinted at at him. She turned away to reach into her bag, and after digging around, she pulled out a pair of glasses and put them on. "Oh, it is too. And a very pretty one at that. Why, aren't you a handsome young lad!"
Yeosang blushed beneath his mask, but the old lady caught the way his eyes crinkled into a smile.
"You must have all the girls coming for you, ey?" she laughed nudging him playfully with her elbow.
Yeosang blushed even more. Then to his embarrassment, his stomach suddenly protested it's starvation out loud. But the old woman didn't even hesitate.
"Stay here, my dear," she said before rising to her feet and hurrying away.
Yeosang leaned back against the bench, and gazed up at the sky. The brightest stars had already begun to gleam brightly over head. A small smile crossed Yeosang's face. He hadn't felt this peaceful for a long time. In the distance, he could hear the sounds of laughter. But he didn't envy it. He just felt happy, that someone else out there was having a good time.
He straightened as the old woman returned and sat down beside him again.
"Here you go, my dumpling," she said, handing him a corn dog and a twisted doughnut.
Yeosang's lip trembled, and the tears stung his eyes again. It didn't go unnoticed by the ajumma, and she sighed sadly.
"Has someone been unkind to you, my dear? Your heart seems very hurt."
Yeosang could only shake his head. He couldn't share his burdens, even to a stranger. Taking a deep breath, he bit into the corn dog. While it was warm and delicious, the lump in his throat made it hard to swallow. As though understanding, the old woman patted his knee.
"Do you have children, ma'am?" he asked suddenly, hoping it wasn't rude to ask.
The old lady nodded with a smile. "Yes, one is married with adult children, and the other is about your age." Her eyes became distant, as she stared out across the river. Then after a moment, she turned to Yeosang. "So, you can call me Granny if you like."
Yeosang smiled back, and in that moment, the food became easier to eat.
"And what about you?" the woman asked. "Do you have family here? You should tell someone what burdens your heart before it gets too heavy to carry."
Yeosang shook his head. "I live away from my family. I do have friends here, but I am not really one to open up to people."
"Well, let me be your family for the next hour and you tell me whatever you like. I am an old woman, and I may not understand the troubles of youths today, but maybe I can offer some words of advice."
Yeosang glanced at her, and as he met her warm kind eyes, he suddenly felt very safe. Breaking his twisted doughnut in half, he offered it to her, before laying out the burdens of his heart. He did not speak of what had happened in great detail, but vaguely of how he felt he had let his friends down. And while he did so, he began to realise it wasn't so much of a solution that he wanted, but rather he had just needed an ear to listen.
* * * * *
Hongjoong awoke with a start, almost falling off the couch as he did so. Groaning out loud, he pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes. As his dulled senses cleared, he became aware of hushed whispers and the sound of someone crying. Or perhaps two people crying.
Frowning, Hongjoong pulled himself off the couch and cautiously entered the kitchen. Seonghwa was leaning against the counter, holding his phone to his ear.
"Pick up. Come on, pick up," he was murmuring in a frustrated panic. Yunho was standing beside him, his elbow on Seonghwa's shoulder, as he listened in hope for the call to go through. San was sitting at the table, sobbing softly, as Wooyoung stood behind him, hugging him, but not taking his eyes off Seonghwa. Mingi was pacing the floor, but was obviously struggling not to cry himself. Jongho was also sitting at the table on his phone.
"He's not even reading the texts," he muttered in an annoyed voice. "His phone must be off."
"What is going on?" Hongjoong asked, finally stepping through the doorway. His eyes quickly scanned the group and his heart skipped a beat. "Where is Yeosang?"
Everyone jumped, and seeing the leader there, San gave an extra loud hiccuping sob. And it was then, that Hongjoong realised they were all close to bursting into tears. It was Seonghwa who replied first.
"We don't know, Hongjoong. He didn't come back after he left to go to the shops."
"You have got to be kidding me." Hongjoong spun around on his heel and marched towards the front door, stopping only to grab his coat and slip a mask over his face. "Seonghwa, Yunho, you are with me." "Mingi, you are in-" He paused as he noted his dongsaeng's shaking hands. "Wooyoung, and Jongho, you are in charge."
He walked out with Seonghwa and Yunho close behind him. They walked quickly in an uncomfortable thick silence. But finally Hongjoong couldn't stand it.
"Why didn't you wake me?" he snapped angrily, not even looking at the two who kept a safe step behind him.
"We wanted to give him a chance to come home," Yunho replied quietly. He flinched, as Hongjoong glared at him.
"And we knew you were tired and stressed. We thought we shouldn't wake you," Seonghwa quickly spoke up, to get Hongjoong's anger away from Yunho.
"I am disappointed in the both of you," Hongjoong muttered. His sharp gaze scanned either side of the street, but there was no familiar figure anywhere.
"Maybe I should check the park," Yunho offered.
Seonghwa nodded in agreement. "And I will check the takeaway stores."
"Okay," Hongjoong agreed. "We'll find him faster if we split. But for heaven's sake, keep your phones turned on." He glanced about one final time, before sighing. "I will keep going down the streets, and retrace his way back the long way. We would have passed him by now if he came this way."
The others nodded, although they both sincerely hoped Yeosang hadn't gone that way. He had been reprimanded several times for going the long way, as he almost always either lost his way or got distracted. The difference was that he always called to tell his hyungs where he was and to either come and get him, or tell them he was on his way. Having your phone turned off while outside, was one of the biggest no nos that Hongjoong enforced.
But at the same time, they all wanted to find him. And they would rather find out he had intentionally disobeyed, then gotten into harm's way.
But an hour later, and Hongjoong couldn't see his dongsaeng anywhere. The frustrated anger was turning into a panicked fear. He called Seonghwa and Yunho, only to hear they still hadn't seen him either. As his hand collapsed his side, the phone vibrated in his grasp. Glancing at it hopefully, Hongjoong saw it was none of his member's numbers. He let out a sobbing breath, before holding his phone up once more.
"Manager-nim," he whispered.
Even through the phone, Hongjoong could clearly hear the cutting anger in the manager's voice. "The boys here told me everything. Have you found him?"
"No, sir. Not yet."
"I will get the car and drive around to see if I see him." There was a pause. But when his voice came again, it sent a chill down Hongjoong's spine. "For his sake, he better have a damn good excuse."
Hongjoong said nothing, letting the manager hang up first. As he slipped the phone dejectedly back into his pocket, he heard a familiar laugh. Frowning, he turned around, gazing at all the passing faces searchingly. Then it came again. Walking slowly towards the sound, Hongjoong saw him seated on a bench down by the river. He was with an old woman who was telling him some animated story as she waved her arms about.
Hongjoong almost collapsed to his knees with relief. But he made no move towards his unruly dongsaeng who had just caused him a world of anguish and pain. He just stood there in the dark, watching him from the distance. It had been a while since Yeosang had thrown back his head and laughed like that. It was genuinely like music to the leader's ears.
Reaching back into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and went to the group chat, that they shared with the manager.
- I found him.
- Is he okay? - The members spammed the chat.
- Where are you? I will pick you up - Manager Ho typed.
Hongjoong stared at the words, before typing his reply.
- I will bring him home.
He looked back up again, to gaze at Yeosang. They had both risen from the bench, and Yeosang was bowing gratefully to the old woman, as she patted his arm with a smile. Yeosang watched her go, and even from afar, Hongjoong saw the way his shoulders fell with a sad sigh. But without warning, Yeosang's head turned and his eyes met Hongjoong's.
For a moment, they held each other's gaze. Then a wild expression seemed to flicker in Yeosang's eyes. Spinning about, Yeosang fled.
Hongjoong immediately took off after him. Despite Yeosang being a faster runner than Hongjoong, he was slowed down by the gathering groups of people. Because of this, it didn't take long for Hongjoong to catch up. But Yeosang quickly veered his path away from the river and back into the streets, zig-zagging through the traffic, and out into the side streets. This was his downfall however, as he tripped over a pile of garbage in his mad dash and was sent crashing down onto the pathway. Hongjoong didn't even hesitate. He grabbed Yeosang by the collar, dragging him to his feet. One quick experienced scan told him Yeosang was unscathed. Then before anyone noticed them, Hongjoong dragged him into a dimly lit backstreet and pushed him back against a wall.
He let Yeosang lean against it, sobbing for breath, while he himself stood back to catch his own breath. Yeosang slid to the ground, his back still against the wall as he began sobbing.
Hongjoong said nothing, as he breathed steadily in and out, to regain control of his temper. He let Yeosang cry it out for a good while, before eventually moving to sit beside him and put an arm around his shoulder. Yeosang leaned into him, and his sobs slowly faded away. As soon as the silence fell, Hongjoong spoke up.
"The others are waiting at the dorm. We should head back." He took Yeosang's arm and pulled him to his feet. But he did not release it again, once Yeosang was standing. Instead, he dragged him back out onto the street and hailed a taxi. The driver glanced at them curiously, but decided it was a good hyung dragging his dongsaeng back home after hanging out with a bad group.
Hongjoong got the taxi to stop at the corner, where he then dragged Yeosang the rest of the way. Neither said another word, but each could read the silence. Yeosang knew by Hongjoong's hard drawn mouth, that the manager was waiting back at the dorm. And Hongjoong knew from Yeosang's dragging feet, that Yeosang knew.
They reached the dorm all too soon, and Hongjoong pushed Yeosang through the door. As he entered behind him, he saw that everyone was standing in the living room waiting. As soon as they saw Hongjoong and Yeosang entering, they threw themselves at their young friend embracing and scolding him. Yeosang didn't say anything. He stood still, his body stiff, as the others all pushed to hug him.
Hongjoong went to sit on the couch. He was aware of the manager watching him from the side of the room. But he allowed the others to see for themselves that Yeosang was unharmed and just worn out from his wild run. Once they had all expressed their affection, Hongjoong clapped his hands to gain their attention.
"Everyone go to their rooms. Yeosang, you stay here."
A sudden silence fell, and the members glanced at each other, before looking back to their leader. Hongjoong was serious in a strange and foreign way. Sure, he often lost his temper and scolded them, but this was different. It was an unfamiliar quiet anger, and it scared them.
Yeosang stared down at his feet in misery, as one by one, the members slowly obeyed. Wooyoung paused to protest, but Seonghwa gently led him away, shaking his head to tell him it would be no good.
At the sound of the doors closing upstairs, Manager Ho rose to his feet. In quick long strides, he approached Yeosang. Yeosang immediately darted around behind the couch, shaking his head.
"Hyung, no. Please, hyung."
Hongjoong looked down at his clenched hands and bowed his head. He knew the pleading words were aimed at him.
"Get over here, before you make this worse for yourself," Manager Ho thundered. " You are already in huge trouble."
Yeosang shook his head. "I am sorry. I didn't really mean to." His chest was rising and falling rapidly, with his breaths coming in shallow gasps. "Please," he sobbed, still scrambling from the manager's reach.
"Your actions have already warranted you the belt. Keep this up, and I am fetching the cane."
Yeosang sobbed bitterly, almost choking in his fear. But he made no move, almost as though his feet had suddenly froze to the floor.
Not bearing it any longer, Hongjoong suddenly rose to his feet and faced the manager. "I am the group leader, and his hyung. I will do it."
Manager Ho turned to him in surprise, but it quickly turned to a look of annoyance. "You already blew this once, Hongjoong. This time I am dealing with him. He clearly didn't learn a thing last time, so this time I will make the lesson stick."
He went to reach over the couch to grab Yeosang, but Hongjoong grabbed hold of his arm in an iron grip. "You can beat me for not teaching him well, you can even cane me for disobeying. But I am handling Yeosang."
The manager's eyes blazed. "How dare you?" he hissed.
Hongjoong quickly let go of the manager's arm and bowed. "Forgive me. But you were right. I let him get away with this for too long. So please let me right this, by disciplining him myself. It was me he disobeyed, so I should be the one to punish him. Please, manager-nim."
Manager Ho glanced at the younger man who's head was still bowed low, than to the frightened hyperventilating kid behind him. He scowled angrily.
"Fine, but you had better do it so well he never even thinks of it again. And here-" He paused to take off the thick belt that he wore. Hongjoong flinched at the sound of it sliding out the loops. "You use this, and use it well."
Hongjoong took it, although a hard lump formed in his throat. "Yes, sir," he whispered, before straightening himself and turning to Yeosang. "Follow me."
He went to turn away, but Manager Ho stuck out his arm to bar his way. "Why not here? If anything, it should be done in front of the whole team."
Hongjoong didn't even bother to pretend not to glare up at the older man. "It is a punishment, not a show. The other members did nothing wrong, so they have no need to witness it. And as for Yeosang," he reached out to take the younger man's hand and draw him closer. "I am disciplining him, not trying to break him."
Without another word, he knocked passed Manager Ho's arm and led Yeosang into his bedroom. Once inside and with the door closed, Hongjoong threw the belt onto the floor and pushed Yeosang onto the bed.
For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to start screaming at Yeosang for scaring them and putting them back into this position all over again. But seeing the terrified sobbing mess that poor Yeosang was in, it melted his anger and stabbed at his heart. Reaching out, he yanked Yeosang up into his arms, letting his dongsaeng cry into his shoulder.
"Why, Yeosang-ah?" he asked softly, trying not to cry himself. "Why didn't you listen to me?"
"I got distracted, hyung. And I was just tired, and stressed, and upset."
Hongjoong felt his own head would split from the current stress he was feeling himself. But he kept his pain to himself, and rubbed Yeosang's back comfortingly.
"You know what you did was wrong, don't you?"
Yeosang nodded, his face still buried into his hyung's shoulder.
"I tried to avoid this for a long time, Yeosang. But I can't anymore. I am really going to punish you this time."
Yeosang stepped back and raised his head to meet his leader's gaze. For a moment, a strong defiant look gleamed in Yeosang's eyes. It always startled Hongjoong when he saw that look on the small innocent looking face, but it always melted away as soon as it had begun. Yeosang only a small nod.
"I know, hyung."
Hongjoong nodded, before moving to sit on the bed. Yeosang looked startled at this, and Hongjoong remembered the only punishment he had previously witnessed was the one delivered by Manager Ho. He sighed.
"I am not going to discipline you the way Manager Ho beat Jongho and I. Depending on each crime and the severity, it may be different. But for today, I want you over my lap."
"O..Over...over your lap?" Yeosang stammered. When Hongjoong didn't repeat himself, knowing Yeosang had fully heard the first time, Yeosang slowly moved to obey. While it certainly sounded awkward and humiliating, it did sound less threatening then the way Manager Ho had dealt with them. Yeosang could not help but shudder as he thought back on it.
Seeing that Yeosang was going to stall as much as possible, Hongjoong leaned forward, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him down over his lap. While securing him with one arm around his waist, Hongjoong used the other to grab a pillow. He wordlessly tucked it under Yeosang's chest, giving his dongsaeng something to hold as a means of comfort. As Yeosang clutched it, he smelled a faint mix of linen spray, laundry detergent, and Seonghwa's hair shampoo. It reminded Yeosang comfortingly of his hyung, and he held it tighter in his grasp.
Hongjoong didn't start the punishment right away. Instead, he tapped Yeosang's thigh to gain his attention, then spoke.
"What did you do wrong tonight, Yeosang?"
Yeosang quickly gathered his attention to the situation at hand. He tried to reflect on all that had happened, but he couldn't think over the sound of the humidifier that gently hummed away in the corner.
It must be Seonghwa's humidifier, Yeosang thought to himself. I wonder if I should get one.
Smack!
A sudden sharp pain bloomed across his backside, and Yeosang yelped out loud.
"Don't get distracted, Yeosang," Hongjoong warned in a calm voice. "What did you do wrong?"
"I stayed out passed curfew," Yeosang quickly offered, not wanting another strike.
"And?" Hongjoong prompted.
Yeosang squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to think of what else he had done wrong. But dang, was that humidifier always that loud? Wasn't it supposed to help you sleep better?
Smack!
"Ow, hyung. I...I don't know."
Smack! Smack! Smack!
"Well, I wasn't impressed that you ran away and I had to chase you through the busy streets," Hongjoong scolded, his voice holding a hint of a growl.
Oh, yeah. That hadn't been the smartest idea.
"Anything else that you can think of, Yeosang?" Hongjoong wanted to know. When Yeosang didn't reply, Hongjoong raised his hand again.
"Wait, hyung!" Yeosang suddenly cried, throwing his hand back. "Yes! Yes, I talked to strangers."
Hongjoong lowered his hand, not sure he had heard right. "Yeosang, that's not...why would.." He paused and took a deep breath. "Yeosang, I am not angry you were talking to that older woman. I am actually very happy for you for having such genuine interactions. We are idols, yes. We need to be careful with our image, and who sees us. But I know you struggle opening up and interacting, so I was actually very proud of you when I saw you sitting there. I would never punish you for that, Yeosang-ah. Never." He paused to rub Yeosang's back in comforting circular motions. "It was the phone, Yeosang. How many times do I need to scold you about having your phone off in public?"
Yeosang hadn't even thought of that, but hearing it now, he supposed that would definitely be something that would make his hyung unhappy. Hongjoong was very strict about allowing them outside now that their popularity was growing.
"I'm sorry, hyung," he whispered sorrowfully. "It just gives me anxiety when I hear it, so I keep muting it."
Hongjoong honestly didn't really blame him for that. A lot of their phones calls weren't pleasant ones, especially when saesangs got hold of their numbers. As a result, a lot of idols found themselves becoming anxious at the sound of a call. But at the same time, a rule was a rule, and it had to be obeyed. Especially in these situations. If Yeosang had left his phone on, he would have received Wooyoung's call hours ago, and been reminded to make his way home. By breaking that first rule, he had ended up breaking several more, each worse than the last.
"I know, Yeosang," he told him, acknowledging his fears. "It is reasonable and understandable that you feel that way. But it still doesn't excuse it. I am more than happy for you to have your phones off while at home, but when I say it is a rule for you to go outside, you need to listen to me. I trusted you to obey me, and you broke that trust. Do you understand?"
"Yes, hyung. I am sorry."
Hongjoong nodded. "Then explain back to me what you did wrong."
Yeosang shifted uncomfortably, pulling the pillow in closer under him. It's soft scent filled his nostrils and calmed him. Maybe it is lavender, he thought to himself before Hongjoong gave him another warning tap.
""I didn't come home straight away like I promised. I kept my phone turned off, despite knowing I wasn't allowed to. I allowed myself to get distracted, and was late past our curfew. Then when I saw you had come to fetch me, I tried to run away because I didn't want to get in trouble." He sucked in a deep breath as he finished what sounded like some sort of a repentant rap confession. "I'm sorry, hyung," he repeated.
Hongjoong said nothing for a long moment. He knew there was more that Yeosang wasn't telling him, and had a vague idea that Yeosang was only saying what he was expected to say. It was like he had rattled out the confession, so that Hongjoong would just carry out the punishment and it would be over without any more questions asked. And while Hongjoong wasn't about to allow him to do that, he decided to start the punishment, and address it while it went.
Yeosang knew it was about to start, because of the way Hongjoong shifted his body forward so that he had enough room to swing his arm and hit the desired target, aka. Yeosang's backside.
Hongjoong knew that part of his responsibility of being a disciplinary in the group, was to make sure he met all and each of his members needs. So, for Yeosang, he didn't start off by getting straight to it, like he would have done with Wooyoung or Jongho. He started with firm but not hard swats, and with a slow but steady pace. Then as Yeosang began to squirm and grunt, he began picking up the speed, and slowly adding more strength, but still keeping the rhythm. He wanted Yeosang to concentrate and reflect on his actions, and knew that if he hit randomly Yeosang would immediately be distracted and worry more about where he would be hit next. And so, Hongjoong followed a pattern. Left, right, centre. Left, right, centre.
Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!
"Do you know how worried we were, Yeosang?" he finally began to scold. He had to mentally hold himself back, as he thought of the anguish he had gone through as he had searched the streets hopelessly. "I was so worried that I was actually hoping you had simply disobeyed me, and not been hurt in someway. Do you even understand how that feels?"
Yeosang could imagine it and it filled him with guilt. Hongjoong was a huge stickler for respect. He always reminded his dongsaengs to be respectful to their sunbaes and elders. And was easily annoyed or angered if they failed to do so, even if they were only teasing. So, for Hongjoong to willingly wish that his dongsaeng had out right disrespected and disobeyed him, told how worried he had been for Yeosang's safety. Yeosang sobbed out loud at this thought.
"What were you thinking, Yeosang? Do you think we put these rules in place, just because we feel like it? Those rules are there to protect you. You know how dangerous the streets can be after dark. And your phone, Yeosang. I can't believe I have to remind you about that again." He hesitated then added in a less accusing tone, "Did you not learn anything from last time? That's what hurts me the most, Yeosang. How could you go and do almost the exact same thing again?"
Yeosang fully burst into tears at that. "I know, hyung," he wept bitterly. "I feel horrible when I think about it."
Hongjoong paused the spanking, and returned to rubbing the younger man's back comfortingly. "Was it part of the reason that it happened, Yeosang?"
Yeosang didn't answer and Hongjoong knew he was right. In fact, Yeosang's silence told him everything he needed to know. Yeosang who had unintentionally started it all, had been the only one to escape punishment. And so the guilt had weighed upon him ever since. Even after seeing the others all make up and forgive him, the memory of what he had been forced to witness wouldn't leave him. And so, whether it was intentional or not, Yeosang had replayed out the situation of what had happened that night, but in a way where no one else got hurt and only he was punished. Almost as though, in this new version, it would all be set right and everyone could finally move on.
Hongjoong felt guilty himself now as he wondered that if he had just punished Yeosang himself that night, would it have all just ended then? If he had truly wanted to do the right thing back then, he should have stepped forward and told Manager Ho he would punish them both. But in trying to avoid it, he had messed it up in the worse way possible.
"I am sorry, Yeosang," he murmured softly. "I failed you that night. And I should have acknowledged your feelings sooner. After tonight, I want you to let it go. Leave it in the past. Don't keep blaming yourself."
Yeosang nodded, but was still choked up on his tears to answer. Hongjoong decided to just get it over with as soon as possible. He raised his hand and began again.
Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!
"While I understand how you felt, and know it must have been painful for you. None of that excuses your actions tonight. We didn't deserve that worry and heartache as we all searched for you. Your members have enough stress upon their shoulders, without you disappearing on us. You could have come and told me how you felt, or even Seonghwa. You know we would have both been there for you. What you did was immature and irresponsible. Do you realise the group could have got into trouble for letting you go out alone? I want to allow you guys as much freedom as possible, but not everyone higher up feels the same way. What if I am forced to change those rules? Is that fair on the other members who always follow the rules outside?"
"No, hyung," Yeosang sobbed.
Hongjoong sighed. "When I first realised you were out over curfew, I had every mind to give you a swat for every minute that you were late. But you were missing for well over two hours. Do you want me to spank you every night until I fulfill that, Yeosang? Because I will seriously do that, if that is what it takes."
"No, hyung. Please don't, hyung. I am honestly really sorry."
"I won't this time, Yeosang. But if this happens again, I can promise you that that will be the consequence. Do you understand?"
"Yes, hyung. Thank you, hyung."
Hongjoong let out a deep breath, and slowly guided Yeosang off his knees. But when Yeosang's shoulders sank with relief, he shook his head.
"It isn't over, Yeosang. I am going to give you 15 with the belt, and you need to count them. Okay?"
Yeosang sobbed, as he nodded miserably. Then following Hongjoong's gesture, he walked over to pick up the belt that had been tossed to the floor earlier. Hongjoong took it, before pointing to the bed.
"I am not going to expect you to be stoic about this, Yeosang. The belt hurts like hell, but I want you to remember this." As Yeosang moved to lie over the bed, Hongjoong spoke again. "I am not punishing you for hiding your feelings, Yeosang. I am punishing you for disobeying, making the team worry about you, causing us to spend valuable time searching for you, but most of all for trying to run away from me. If you had come over to me and owed up to the fact you had gone MIA for hours, I would have been more lenient. But you messed up by trying to run and making me chase you. I know you were scared, but don't you dare go running through crowds and traffic like that ever again. You put both our lives at risk doing that."
"I know, hyung. It was really stupid of me."
"We all make mistakes, especially in moments of fear, Yeosang. But I want you to learn from them. Because that was a mistake I want you never to repeat again. Okay, we are going to start now."
He raised the belt, before bringing it down sharply. He didn't use much more than half his strength, but Yeosang yelped out out.
"The number, Yeosang," Hongjoong gently reminded him.
"One."
Thwack!
"T..t..two."
Thwack!
"Thre-ee!"
Thwack!
"Ow, hyung. It really stings."
"I know, Yeosang. But keep counting."
Yeosang hesitated, his mind flustered and confused.
"Four," Hongjoong reminded him.
"Four."
Thwack!
"Hyu-unnngg...five"
Thwack!
"Six."
Thwack!
"Sev..seven."
Thwack!
"Please no more, hyung. It really hurts.
Thwack!
"Eight."
"Nine, Yeosang. But you don't need to count now."
"Oh..okay...thanks, hyung."
Thwack!
Hongjoong paused. Then taking a deep breath, he quickly delivered the last five in quick succession. Yeosang cried out loud, before sliding off the bed onto his knees. He stayed there, his head resting into the covers as he wept.
Hongjoong quickly threw away the belt again, before scooping Yeosang up into his arms and pulling him up onto the bed with him. Yeosang's arms wrapped tightly about him, as though he would never let go. Hongjoong rocked back and thought, shushing him gently.
"Shhh, it is okay now. It is all over." He rested his chin onto Yeosang's bent head, before turning his head slightly to snuggle his cheek against the soft hair. "Hyung loves you very much."
Yeosang pressed his face closer against Hongjoong, and his breathing steadied. "Hyung," he whispered after a long moment. "I am glad you did it. It's not so horrible."
Hongjoong shook his head. "I would never punish you that way, Yeosang. I promise."
Yeosang gave a sigh of relief. Despite the throb that was still fresh in his backside, Yeosang felt calmer and more at peace with himself than he had in a long time. And he felt extremely loved. It was a strange thought after just getting a good spanking, but the way Yeosang saw it, it just meant that someone cared about him enough to correct him.
He closed his eyes tightly. With his head resting against Hongjoong's chest, he could feel the leader's heart beat. It comforted Yeosang in a strange way, before it was drowned out by the gentle hum of the humidifier. The sound was just as soothing, and Yeosang smiled sleepily. He was mentally and physically exhausted, and his lids were growing heavier.
"Hyung," Yeosang piped up suddenly, shifting slightly.
"Yes, Yeosang-ah?" Hongjoong asked, looking down at him with a fond smile.
"Do you think that humidifier comes in black?"
Hongjoong was taken aback, but turned to gaze at the white humidifier that stood proudly by Seonghwa's bed. "I don't know, Yeosang. You can ask Seonghwa tomorrow."
"I really hope it does," Yeosang muttered sleepily. "Even if it is a little distracting."
Hongjoong shook his head in amusement. "I will take you to the shops later and we can get you one. Though I can assure you it will be a long while until you are allowed to go out alone."
"I know I am probably grounded, but could we go tomorrow, hyung?" Yeosang's voice was growing quieter, and his head rested heavily against Hongjoong's shoulder. "I think I left my groceries on the bench."
Hongjoong frowned in disbelief, and glanced down at him. But Yeosang was already asleep, his tear-stained face tucked deep into the pillow that he still hugged tightly in his arms. Hongjoong smiled as he shook his head, and leaned forward to brush the hair from his eyes.
The bedroom door opened, and Seonghwa peeked in. He smiled when he saw that Yeosang was asleep in Hongjoong's arms.
"He must have been exhausted, the poor thing."
Hongjoong nodded. "He looks so innocent when he sleeps. You wouldn't be able to guess all the trouble he had just caused. But that is the hardest thing. He doesn't really mean to do wrong."
Seonghwa smiled, as he joined Hongjoong on the bed. "I see you gave him the pillow. I wasn't sure if you would remember that we had agreed to give him one if we ever needed to punish him."
Hongjoong nodded. "It was a good idea on your part. I really wanted it to be as different from that night as possible. But I think that chapter is finally over now. Yeosang has made peace with himself about what happened. He will be okay now." He let out a deep sigh. "I really didn't want to punish him tonight, but it definitely brought a conclusion to it all. Hopefully, it will all be smoother for now."
But little did Hongjoong know that the next trouble had already begun. For up in the room above, Mingi lay wide awake with troubles of his own.