"Lolo," George said bringing my face and eyes up to look into his.
I wiped my tears and stared at him.
"It's Glyn," he said, "there has been an accident."
My heart sank in my chest.
"What. Kind. Of. Accident?" I couldn't get the words out without needing to gasp for air each time.
"He was found...." he started to cry, "he was found... in his studio.... unresponsive."
I handed Ethan to George and I collapsed to the ground holding my chest.
This was intoxicating.
I was not yet even divorced from this man that I love and care so much about. His son was here with me and he was in an accident?
"You said accident?" I then asked George... "what kind of accident?"
"He overdosed on... something," he said, "but... Lauren...."
He was looking at me and trying to tell me something else. He was having trouble speaking.
"No," I shook my head, "I can't take this."
"Lauren," he got down to where I was kneeling in the grass.
I took deep breaths and then looked up at him.
"Lolo," he cried and shook his head, "he wasn't as lucky as Tom was. It's not good. He is....."
"Do not f***ing say the word dead!" I cried out. This couldn't be happening.
I started to hyperventilate. I was losing oxygen fast. A few minutes later Ringo Starr was there, George must have called him because he lived the closest of our friends and family.
He took Ethan inside and let George do his thing to soothe me and take care of me.
I just laid in the grass on my back and focused on my breathing as I watched the clouds. I couldn't speak. I couldn't articulate what I was feeling.
Did he do this on purpose because I left him - or was this truly an accident?
I didn't move for what felt like an eternity.
George did not want to be the one to break this news to me but he found out from Tom back in LA and he had to tell me. He knew he couldn't hide it for any period of time.
He just silently laid beside me and cried with me. This was not how I wanted the rest of my life to go. I did not want this to happen to Ethan.
"Everyone I love ends up dying," I said sobbing and turning to George's chest.
He held me tight.
......
A week later we had a full home of people staying with us for the funeral.
I was not doing well. I couldn't even get myself up without collapsing.
Stevie, Lindsey, Tom, Linda and Paul have been with me all week assuring me I was going to be okay.
Now we all prepared for a funeral for the man I loved and whom so many people loved and cared for. Gone way too soon.
The father of my baby.
I was still his wife.
My parents flew in along with everyone else to be here for their grandchildren.
I invited Glyn's sister Rose to our home, the only family he has and she declined. She was hurting so bad with this loss.
I knew I would see her at the funeral. But somehow I worried she would blame me. No one else has but I do blame myself. He ended his life and he was using drugs and drinking because of me.
Because I left him.
He begged for me to stay with him and he danced around my office as he played the song I wrote about him.
He kissed me.
The memories of the last time we were alone together flickered through my head and I began to uncontrollably sob.
Stevie came and put her arms around me and cried with me. This was hard on literally all of us.
Tom blamed himself too. He wasn't there for him the way Glyn was when he almost died. It has opened up his eyes to staying sober for good. He didn't want to leave this earth in this way.
....
I walked into the funeral dressed in black with my daughter holding my hand.
My sons were with their father. A few paces behind and a pew behind us for the service.
We sat through the church service and then it was time for the eulogies.
Tom was first.
He got up there and was choked up.
"Glyn Johns was my best friend," he said trying to hold it together, "we met in 1973 and he took a chance on me and my band. He made me who I am today and I don't know how to go on in the industry without him and his guidance."
He spoke some more and then he said,
"Glyn taught me so much about life, love, happiness..."
He looked down at me.
"...he loved Lauren Woods more than anything on this earth. So everyone please do what you can to make Lauren feel loved. She needs it more than any of us."
I cried and I felt hands on my shoulders to console me.
Others spoke next and I couldn't get myself to.
I went to the gathering afterwards at his studio with George. Everyone there were people he worked with and musicians that worked for him. Everyone knew me as his wife and some were just learning the situation.
I had left him and then he overdosed.
I couldn't breathe.
Paul came and found me and hugged me tight when I needed it most.
"You okay, Lauren Woods?" He asked me.
"No," I said in all honesty.
"There you are," a man than said to me and Paul and I both looked up.
I realized it was one of the executives from Glyn's record label, Franklin.
"Frank," I nodded.
"Hey man," Paul nodded as well.
"Hey, I just wanted to show you this... it might be hard to read but... Glyn wrote a song. It was found in his office that night."
My eyes grew wide.
I sat up straight. I needed to read this.
He said he wasn't someone that could write a song for me or sing me a song to make me choose him.
But here he was trying. Maybe he planned on recording it and playing it for me.
"Tom told me he was working on this song," Paul confirmed, "I didn't want to be the one to tell you."
"Oh I'm sorry, should I not have...." Frank was second guessing coming to me with this.
"No," I said grabbing the sheet of paper with Glyn's handwriting , "I want to read it."
I needed to read it.
I needed to feel like he was speaking to me. This was the last thing he was working on before he passed.
I read the words and then held it close to my heart and cried.
Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat with mine;
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love be so blind?
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are
By my side
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms