UNEDITED
Tw: mentions of unaliving
I know I said it'll all be fluff and it is later, I swear. This is just a sprinkle of angst 🧍
***
"I found out what you had been looking for," Ayato announced as I jumped into his office from the window.
"What?" I walked to the chair across him, and he sighed.
"When we made a deal, I said I knew about the heart of Seihkria'h. It didn't feel right to not keep my end of the deal."
"You don't have to search for it."
"I talked to the dendro archon while I was in Sumeru about it." He continued, and my eyes widened. "I found out what it is."
"It's a flower. There were ancient texts regarding it."
"Sora, did you want to use the flower?"
"That's not important now."
"Sora." His voice was strained. "Did you?"
"Yeah."
He was silent for a moment, the quiet bothering me more than it should. He placed a document on the table Infront of me, which contained information on the heart of Seihkria'h.
"The heart of Seihkria'h is a flower deemed to bloom in places of chaos and death. It is a flower people use to communicate with the beyond. With death. It may seem too good of a deal, which it is," he read the paper, his eyes now on me. "In order to communicate with the dead, one must consume the flower whole, through which one can achieve the goal. Communicate with the dead and bring peace to the souls in turmoil. However, many die due to the lethal dose of poison the flower carries, never having confirmed its effects to the world. ."
He threw it, and the papers scattered before falling on the wooden floor.
"Ayato? You're making a scary expression now."
"Really?" He laughed bitterly. "What does that tell you?" With a huff, he started walking towards me.
"That you're uh- angry?" I backed away. "Don't be angry?"
I backed into a wall, and he slammed his hand on either side to prevent an escape. I could escape, but for some reason I felt that it was unadvisable to do in this scenario.
"Ayato?"
"You could've died. Had I found that flower and handed it to you, you could've died. You knew it was poison. why.. why, Sora?"
"Come on now, you know I'm immune to poison."
"This isn't any normal poison, and you know it."
"What do you want me to say?" I looked away. "I wanted to atone for everything, okay? I've killed people. I've let people important to me get killed. I wasn't there when they needed me the most. Sometimes I would go to sleep hoping the morning wouldn't come. Sometimes I wished that I didn't wake up."
I looked up at Ayato, expecting him to be furious. His expression wasn't one of anger. His eyes were downcast, little drops of liquid shining on the long lashes. The lips were pulled to a thin line, brows drawn together. "You wished you were..I can't. I can't imagine what it'll be like without you. I don't want to."
I pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry. That's just how I felt. I'm not trying to die. Since I came here, I met you, I made friends, experienced things I could only dream of before. Had my first love. I'm not saying those feelings are gone completely, because a part of me will always feel responsible for what happened to my family, and people who I considered my family, but a part of me also wants to stay here for a long, long time."
"You won't disappear again?"
"Hm."
"You won't find that flower?"
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
In that moment I knew I couldn't ever find the heart of Seihkria'h. And a part of me felt relieved.
***************
"Sora?"
I grudgingly opened my eyes from the comfort of sleep, feeling someone pull me towards them by my waist.
"Hm? I'm not not..sleepy." I had no idea if I was making any sense at all, but all I wanted was to sleep.
"You're endearing." A kiss placed on my forehead finally made my me open my eyes and I was almost blinded by the sight infront of me. Ayato's bare chest was in my view, and he was smiling as I woke up. "Morning, darling. Did you sleep well?"
Did I die and go to heaven?
"Ayato?"
"Hm?"
"So pretty."
This is a good dream.
"I was thinking that about you." He brushed my hair to the side. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately."
"You're really sorry?"
"Of course. Let me make it up to you."
"Then you'll do what I say?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"Sleep with me."
"What- Sora?"
This is a really nice dream.
I snuggled into the warmth of his arms, and closed my eyes, sinking into the comfortable sheets.
"You're killing me." I heard him say as he slipped his arms around me.
When I woke up, I was alone. The room felt weirdly empty and huge. This wasn't my room. I squinted to see better until my eyes adjusted to the light. The dark blue sheets were silky, and so soft that it could be mistaken for a cloud. The bed was bigger than my room, with dim lights. There was a table and a chair where Ayato would work sometimes, and a vase by the bedside that was full of red Camelias. A sword hung casually on the side of the wall, with a Yukata I recognised as Ayato's. I took a shower to wake myself up, and found nothing but Ayato's kimonos to wear.
Why am I in his room?
Someone knocked on the door, making me panic. I wasn't exactly dresed appropriately, with only one of Ayato's kimono's on me, which didn't even fit.
"Nii-sama?"
I cleared my throat, and for some reason said in a deep voice, "yes?"
"Can I come in? I need to ask you something about the fireworks for the festival."
"No."
"Nii-sama, your voice sounds weird. Are you alright?"
"Yes- No."
"What are you doing?"
"Kamisato ryuu."
"What?"
"What?"
There was shuffling infront of the door for a minute, and then in slid open.
"Aya-chan- I wasn't - we were sleeping - I was .. I mean.."
"Pfft-" At the sound of laughter, I looked up to see Ayato clutching his stomach.
"You - Ayato."
"Yes?" He walked over to me and pulled me towards him by the waist.
"Is Aya-chan gone?"
"Sora, she knows about us already. Why were you pretending to be me?" He walked over and sat next to me on the bed, where I had a blanket on top of my head.
"It's embarassing. I've never been like this with someone. And.."
"And?"
"You only have kimonos here. They don't even fit me and it keeps sliding down, and the knot- belt thing keeps coming off."
At that, he appeared pleased, a sly smile on his face. "I'll show you how to tighten it."
"Okay," I took off the blanket. "So, this thing here-"
I had just motioned to the belt thing, when the kimono slid down my shoulder, revealing a little too much. I slid it back up again, unsure where to look or what to say.
"I-"
"Sora."
"Yes?"
"Look at me."
I begrudgingly looked up to see Ayato. Red dusted his cheeks, and his amethyst eyes held a desire I had only imagined so far. A desire for me, and that lit up something inside me.
"Darling you take my breath away." He pulled me closer and kissed me deeply, savoring the taste of my lips. "You're so beautiful, you enchant me every time."
"Stop." At this rate I really might have a heart attack.
"No." He smiled, placing another kiss. "Never."
*********
One year later
Ever since the day I had come back to the Kamisato estate, I'd done my best to fit it to be accepted into it. Of course, it helped that the head of the clan was my lover.
But such favour often induced jealousy and hatred by others who believe one should not covet something of a higher position whilst still believing in the fantasy that they could do so much better. I had a perfect method of solving such bitter greed. It was a pity that I couldn't apply it here, since they were Ayato's people.
Unlike what he had said before, Ayato had said he would be with me disregarding the elders or the public's opinion of the matter. Of course, I knew that it would only do him and all my friends here harm. Fortunately, I happened to be well acquainted with fake identities, and with help from my friend Kazuha, I was now a distant relative of the Kaedehara clan, who was eager to work for the Kamisato clan as our clan had done before.
No, I was not making swords. The secretarial work suited me better, and with a nudge from Ayato, I had spent the last year working for him. Our relationship was still strictly a secret until I had gained a place in the hearts of his people. It was something I had stupidly insisted on. It had also revealed to me new information. One time I learned that some people talked shit about Thoma, and I made sure they could never speak of that again.
If they still wanted to continue their bloodlines, that is.
Within the year everyone- most of them- had come to gain respect for me. It helped that I had picked up a lot of stuff back when I was an assassin.
Everything was going smoothly.
Except it wasn't.
I had found myself in the teahouse after Ayato had cancelled our plans once again.
"Woof." What is the matter, my lady? You seem upset. If you don't mind, I can listen.
"Thanks, Taroumaru. But it's about my relationship. I don't suppose you'd know much about them."
Taroumaru looked up in a dignified manner as if his pride was hurt.
"Woof. Arf." Back in my day, I was exceedingly popular with the ladies. You can place your trust in my consultations.
"Alright. If you say so. I haven't seen Ayato in over a month. Outside work that is. He keeps cancelling our plans, we haven't gone on a date in forever, and I can't even talk to him. Not even from the window ever since he brought some obnoxious looking curtains." I sighed, and placed my head on the countertop. "Do you think his feelings have changed? Does he not feel the same way anymore?"
"Woof woof." Only he can answer that, my lady. Why don't you talk to him about it?
"I would, but he always says we can do it later and not at work, and when he's not working he's sleeping. And you can't really have a conversation with an unconscious person. Not one that works anyway."
"Arf." Then create an opportunity, my lady. And aren't you his secretary? I thought you could see him at work.
"The pile of papers don't give me a view of his face. And he only talks about work. Anytime I even start to talk of anything else he shuts me out."
"Woof." Don't look behind obviously but I see your lover coming in.
****