Avery POV - two weeks later
I peek around the corner and see Alex, Serv, my parents, and Ashley sitting at the table.
"Do you think she can do this?" Alex asks.
"Honestly? I don't know. She's going to have to detail the event and she can't even do that with just me. She shuts down. She's going to be put under stress by his lawyers."
I watch my mom as she looks up, "I don't want her to do this. She's sensitive."
"Mom, it's okay. She's strong. We just need a plan. If she doesn't testify, he isn't going to pay for what he did to her."
I turn and sigh.
'I don't want them to worry.'
I make my way to the front door and quickly slip out.
There's a park close to my sisters and I head that direction.
I see a bench and sit while watching some kids play.
I wish I could tell them what happened with detail, but I just can't. It hurts too much and I feel so much shame.
I'm not sure how much time has passed, but I feel someone sit next to me and glance next to me to see Serv.
"H-how'd yuh-you f-find muh-me?" I ask.
"Your sister and you are so alike. She likes to walk down to this park when she needs a break."
I stare at him and nod.
"Oh."
He bobs his head, "What's going on in that head of yours?"
I look down and sigh, "J-just duh-on't w-want to dis-disappoint th-them."
He puts his arm around me, "You're not disappointing them, Avery. They're worried, they want to kill Rory. To be honest, I do too."
I bob my head, "Y-you wuh-want t-to k-kill h-him t-too?"
He looks at me seriously, "Avery, 100%. I love you. You're my little sister too. I hate that this and the accident happened to you."
I sniffle, "M-me t-too."
I continue, "J-just h-hard t-to th-think a-about."
"I can understand that, but if you can't say it to Ashley or Alex, then you're not going to be able to do it in front of a judge and jury." He says.
I bob my head, "I-I kn-know."
"You'll try?" He asks.
I stare at him, "Y-yeah. I-I'll t-try."
I take a deep breath, "I-I'm suh-sorry I-I wuh-was a-an ass-h-hole to yuh-you."
He softens, "It's okay. I never took it too personally. You love your sister and you were scared."
I bob my head, "D-didn't wuh-want t-to sh-share."
He smiles, "I know."
He hugs me, "Ready to go back home?"
I nod and stand up, feeling pain go through my leg.
"Here, piggyback ride."
He pulls me up, "Th-thanks."
We walk back and get to the front door that gets opened.
"Aves! God, I was worried when we couldn't find you."
I look down, "S-sorry. J-just n-needed a-air."
She sighs, "Don't leave again without telling someone. It scared me."
"P-prison." I mumble.
"Avery. It's not safe. It's not prison. You just have to let someone know." She says.
I sigh and walk past her, heading to my room and flopping into the bed.
I close my eyes and think about how my life feels like rehab.
Flashback - October 2019
"Alright, it's your free time, but Avery can you wait up?"
I groan and wait in my seat.
"How are you?" Christine asks.
"Are you fucking serious? I'm horrible. I want to go home." I say.
She sighs, "You had a visit fairly recently."
"Not a visit. I want to go home. Permanently." I say.
She shakes her head, "You're not ready. I've been in touch with your family-"
"You've been talking to them? About me? Without me?!" I say, getting upset.
"You know that we talk. They're worried, we do family therapy and when you're ready, then you'll join those sessions too." She says.
"Great, less free time." I murmur.
"This isn't a vacation, Avery. You need to put in the work to get better. The work includes talking, getting to the root of why you drink, do drugs, and are just angry."
"I said that I don't want to! I don't want to talk! I just want to disappear!" I tell.
I look down and I hear a chair move closer.
"Your sister wants to come see you." She says.
I shake my head, "I don't want to see Alex."
"Why not?"
"Just because. I just want to go home. This place is a prison." I say.
"I know it feels that way, but it's not. This is the best place for you."
'It's not, it's a prison.'
Present -
I sit in my bed and stare at my phone, Tori and I's text message chain pulled up.
I start typing.
Me: I miss you. Can we talk?
I look at all of the messages that haven't been responded to and sigh.
I hear a knock so I throw my covers over me.
Someone walks in and I feel them sit on my bed.
I hear a gasp and my eyes widen.
I feel them get up and then my door close.
I remove the covers and search for my phone, which is missing.
'Shit well now they will know I'm crazy.'
Alex POV -
"How do we approach this?" My mom asks.
I stare at Avery's phone that has a text thread open with Tori.
"I don't even know. I mean mom, look at this. This is like she's actually talking to her as if she's alive." I sigh.
She looks at me sadly, "She doesn't really talk about her. She misses her so much."
I nod and scroll through the texts for the last six months, no responses from Tori, but Avery is texting like Tori is responding.
"Do you think she's imagining that she's responding?" I ask.
"Like hallucinating?" My mom asks.
I nod.
"I don't know baby, take pictures and send them to Ashley." She says.
I start snapping photos and each message just makes me hurt for Avery.
'Do you want to catch some surf today?'
'Me too. Maybe tomorrow.'
I feel tears on my cheeks, "Fuck."
I look up at my mom, "Sorry mom, but this is just heartbreaking."
"I know. I hate that she's hurting. Avery has friends, but her and Tori, I mean they did everything together. Tori was over almost every day and if they weren't at the house, they were at the beach or at Tori's. She lost a piece of her and she is pretending that she didn't in some aspects to protect herself."
I send the photos to Ashley and set my phone down.
"Is she sleeping?" My mom asks.
"I think so. I just saw her phone open and once I saw what it was, I wanted to come out here."
"She needs rest." My mom says.
My phone buzzes and I open the message from Ashley.
Ashley: I'm on my way.
"Ashley is coming by." I say.
"Okay, I'm going to go lay with her." My mom says and gets up.
I watch her go and sigh when my phone buzzes again.
Lauren: Hey, Tate has been asking about hanging with Avery. Can I bring her by?
I sigh.
Me: Later today? Managing a crisis, but she might be happy to see Tate.
She types and responds.
Lauren: maybe around 4?
Me: perfect, see you then.
I set my phone down and stare outside at the view.
I have no clue how long I'm staring, but hear the doorbell and walk to the door.
I open it and see Ashley, "Hey Alex."
"Hi! Come in!"
I close the door and stare at her, "So what do we do?"
She sighs, "Where is she?"
"She's sleeping. Our mom is with her."
"Can I see the texts?" She asks.
"Yeah, come on."
We sit at the table and I pass her Avery's phone.
She scrolls through it and sets it down, "Wow."
"Is she like hallucinating responses?" I ask.
She shakes her head, "Not exactly. These are probably conversations she's had with her previously and she's kind of replaying them. Except this last one, I'm not sure because she asked if they could talk."
I sigh, "So how do we support her?"
Ashley stares at me, "She doesn't really talk about Tori. She'll make comments here and there, but she won't talk about her directly. She knows that she's dead on some level, but on another level, she's refusing to accept it. Maybe she's hoping it's not real. She didn't go to the funeral, right?"
I shake my head, "She couldn't, she was in the hospital until after new years."
She bobs her head, "Maybe we need to take her up to the cemetery. I know they cremated her, she has that necklace, but she still has a headstone, right?"
I nod, "Yeah, her mom told me where it is in case Avery ever wanted to go."
She bobs her head, "Then we're going on a field trip."
I nod, "Okay, I'll look at my schedule."
'Going on a field trip.'
Avery POV - two days later
"Game day Aves! Wake up!" Alex calls into my room.
I groan and whine, "N-not ruh-ready!"
"Morning, baby sis!" I hear Jeri.
"Guh-go a-away!" I whine.
"Oof, she's grouchy this morning." That's Jen.
"Suh-sleep!" I pull the blanket around me tighter.
I feel someone lay next to me, "You have to get up, sleepy. Have therapies early and then your game."
Alex.
I reach for her and pull myself closer, "C-c-cuddle."
I hear her sigh and smile.
"Don't mistake letting you cuddle for a little as letting you fall back asleep.
I feel someone poke me in my back, "U-ugh st-stop t-touching muh-me, J-jeri!"
The poking stops, "How'd you know it was me. Jen is here too!"
"J-Jen m-more ma-mature th-than b-both of y-you."
I hear two gasps and smile.
"That's right baby sis, but sucking up won't save you. These two dummies are right, gotta get up." I hear Jen say.
The blanket gets pulled down and I see Alex looking at me.
"Tuh-tired." I sigh.
I hear the doorbell and close my eyes.
"What do you want to wear?" I hear Jen ask.
I groan.
"Come on, you pick or I'll pick and I don't think you'll like my choice." She says.
I try to stretch and whine, "Owwwww."
"What hurts?"
I look at Alex, "A-arm."
"Alright, let's get dressed and I'll help stretch it out."
I nod, "Th-thanks."
I look at Jen who's holding two shirts, "Which one, sis?"
"B-black."
She nods, "Which pants?"
"B-black." I say.
"All black, really?" She asks.
"She's gonna look like a boss." Jeri says and ruffles my hair.
I whine, "F-fuck o-off, J-Jeri!"
"Hey. Don't be mean. Do you need help?"
I glance at my bed, "Y-yeah. W-with sp-sports bra.
Alex stares at me, "Okay, let's go then. Take that shirt off."
I whine and start working to pull my shirt off.
"Morning Avery!" I turn and see Carly.
I finish pulling my shirt over my head.
"Hi Carly, she's grumpy." Alex kisses my head and hands me the sports bra.
I pull it over my head and try to untwist it and pull it down.
"H-help."
"Look, here Avery. I'm going to help your fingers untwist it." Carly says.
She helps guide my fingers and pulls it down.
I sigh and grab the shirt that Jen put out for me.
I pull it on and stand up.
"Uh. C-can y-you l-leave?" I ask.
Jeri looks at me, "We just saw you shirtless, now you're shy?"
I groan and whine, "P-p-please!"
"Jer, stop. Here, pros. Just call when you're ready." Alex says.
I watch as they walk out and feel my anxiety increase.
I start changing and wipe my face.
'Why am I so anxious?'
"Ave? You good?" Alex calls.
I let out a breath, "Y-yeah."
My door opens and watch her and Carly walk in.
"Alright, need socks." Carly says.
I shake my head, "D-don't wuh-want."
She squats down in front of me, "Hey. I know you don't like them, but have to practice for soccer."
I whine.
Alex holds out a pair of socks, "Here. Just try and then Jen and Jeri are getting your breakfast ready."
I whine again.
"Socks, Avery. Your breakfast will wait." Carly says.
"Suh-Suh-stupid!" I yell, frustrated.
Carly doesn't budge like I hoped she would.
I sigh and grab the socks from Alex.
I start trying to put one on and try to pull, "F-fuck!"
"Hey, can I show you a trick?" Carly asks.
I look up at her and nod.
She grabs my hand and bunches the sock up, then pulls the bunch, which comes up easily.
"Th-thanks." I say and stand up.
"Wait, brush teeth." Carly says.
I'm about to speak when Alex does for me.
"She likes to do it after eating, right Aves?"
I smile at Alex and nod, "L-Lex is ruh-right."
Carly smiles, "Well okay then. Let's go eat."
I stand up and walk slowly to the kitchen then yawn as I sit down.
"Did you sleep alright?" Alex looks at me.
I bite my lip and nod.
She sighs, "I've known you your whole life. I know when you're lying."
I stare at her and shrug.
"Alright, Avery. Cutting and using the fork. Waffles and fruit." Carly sets a plate down and sits next to me.
I look at the plate, "H-help?"
"You haven't even tried."
I grab the fork and go to stab when Carly grabs it and turns my hand.
"Try to do it this way." She says.
"H-harder." I say.
She smiles, "I know, but it's better for your fine motor skills."
I groan and try to stab a piece of fruit, it flying off the plate.
"Hey, relax your hand and try again." Carly says.
I whine and try to stab again, but Carly grabs my hand before I miss and helps guide it.
I eat the piece of pineapple and continue working until I'm done.
I yawn.
"You tired already?" Alex asks me.
"Ev-ev-everything t-takes e-e-effort." I say.
She nods, "Well you did good, kid."
I sigh and sit back.
I hear the doorbell and whine.
"You're fine, it's just Mallory."
I watch as Alex gets up and walks away.
I let out a sigh and put my head on the table.
"Hey, you okay?" Jeri asks me.
"F-fine." I respond.
"Hi, Avery!" I look up and see Mallory.
I lift my hand and wave.
Alex walks over to me, "Just have an hour, then you can nap before your game."
I bob my head and watch as Mallory sits down.
"Alright, going to do some scene cards, matching, and then we're going to do bingo. Does that sound okay?"
I groan, "D-don't h-have a ch-choice."
She sighs, "You can swap out one of the activities if you want."
"Guh-go f-for a w-walk?" I ask.
She smiles, "Yeah, we can talk about your week or other stuff."
I bob my head, "O-okay."
Alex POV
"Alright, come on Charlie girl! We get to watch Avery play soccer!!" I say and watch as she walks towards her room.
"Auntie!" She squeals.
I walk into Avery's room and see her on her phone, "Hey, ready?"
She jumps and looks up, "Y-yeah. I guh-guess."
I sigh, "You nervous?"
I watch as she looks down.
"Charlie? Can you go find dada?"
She nods and toddles off and I turn back to Avery.
"Why are you nervous?" I ask.
She looks up with tears in her eyes and I sigh.
"Hey. Talk to me." I say softly.
She shakes her head, "I-it's st-stupid."
"It's not, just tell me."
She stares at me, "D-disappoint y-you g-guys. I-I'm n-not guh-good l-like b-before."
I'm about to open my mouth when she keeps talking.
"F-first g-game w-without-" she stops.
I sigh, "We're not going to be disappointed, okay? We're so proud of you."
She bobs her head and sniffles.
"As for Tori, she's watching. She'll always be watching."
She nods, "O-okay."
"Let's go, yeah? Mom and dad are meeting us at the field." I say.
"Come you two idiots!" I hear Jeri call.
I groan, "Y-you're an I-I-idiot!"
I chuckle, "Come on."
We get up and walk out to the car and get in then make our way to the field.
"Alright, we're here!" I look in the back and see Avery asleep.
"Av'ry sleep, momma!" Charlie squeals.
I sigh, "Yeah baby, she is."
"I'll get Charlie, you get your sister. And hey there's the rest of the family."
I look out the window and see everyone else pull up.
I get out and swing open the door and put my hand on Avery's shoulder.
She jumps and her eyes open.
"Hey, we're here. Ready?" I ask.
She stares at me and reaches to undo her seatbelt.
She gets out and stretches. My mom walks over and hugs her, "Hi, baby."
"H-hi, m-mom." She says.
"You ready for your first game?" My mom asks.
"S-sure, I guh-guess." Avery says.
My mom looks at me and I shrug.
"Alright, I'll help get Avery ready. The rest of you can head to the sidelines." I say.
They nod and walk off after wishing Avery goodluck.
She starts walking, "Avery!"
I turn around and see Tate jogging over, "Hi Mrs. Carrasco!"
I smile, "Hi Tate, just in time."
I look over at Avery who smiles and holds up a hand to wave at Tate.
"Hi Avery. Um, goodluck and I'll see you after? I think we're all going to dinner." Tate says.
Avery nods, "Cuh-cool."
I watch as Tate walks off with my friend and turn back to Avery who is staring at Tate.
"She's cute, huh." I say.
She shakes her head, "W-what?"
"You heard me. Come on, let's get you ready."
She sits on the bench and I watch as Keely walks and sits next to her, "Ready for your first game?"
Avery looks at her, "M-maybe? I-I'm n-nervous."
She bobs her head, "First game post-injury is nerve wracking. But you'll be good."
I nod, "H-hope suh-so."
"I'll make sure you are." Keely says and stands to walk to the field.
I pull out Avery's cleats, shinguards, and socks.
"Hey, pull your warm ups off." I say.
She stands and does so then sits back down.
We work together to get her socks on and she pushes her feet into the cleats so I can tie them.
I finish tying them and look up to see her playing with the necklace.
"Hey, you have to take that off, alright?" I say.
She shakes her head, "N-no."
"Yeah, you can't have jewelry, remember?"
She sighs, "K-keep i-it suh-safe?"
"You know I will." I say and reach up to take it off.
I put it in my pocket and watch her bite her lip.
"Promise." I say.
She stands up and looks at me, "Suh-see y-you a-after?"
I nod and smile, "Yep. You got this. Take it easy and NO headers."
She shrugs, "H-head wuh-works b-better th-than muh-my l-leg."
I shake my head and kiss her forehead, "No headers." I whisper.
She smiles and nods, "L-love yuh-you."
"Love you too, kid. Go get 'em."
She jogs awkwardly to Keely and starts passing back and forth with her.
I smile and walk to my family.
"How is she?" My mom asks.
"She's okay. Nervous. I told her no headers."
She smiles, "Thanks, baby. So these games are shorter?"
"Yeah, 60-minutes instead of 90." I say.
We watch as the game gets started and I keep my eyes on Avery, who seems to be frustrated with herself.
"She's trying to play as if she doesn't have all of these limitations." My dad says.
I nod and watch as she loses the ball and falls.
Keely jogs over and helps get up, but I can tell Avery is upset.
Halftime gets called and I walk over to the team and pull Avery aside.
"Hey."
She looks at me, "I-I suh-suck."
I sigh, "You're trying to play like you would have before. You can't anymore, your left leg isn't that mobile anymore."
"I-I c-can't d-do th-this." She sniffles.
I place both of my hands on her shoulders, "Hey. You can. You just have to adjust just like you've been practicing. Stop trying to play like the old you and play like the new you. Use your right more than your left for control."
She takes a deep breath, "W-will t-try."
I nod.
She stares at me, "C-can't guh-get h-his v-voice o-out of muh-my h-head." She says quietly.
My eyes widen, "Coach Dames?"
She looks down and nods.
I grab her cheeks and pull her face up, "Avery. Listen to me. He had no idea what he was talking about. So just forget him. You know what? Just fuck him. He never knew the potential you hold. You can do this. Go play for you or Tori or for us. But just forget him."
She smiles, "Y-yeah. O-okay."
I hug her and pull back, "I love you. Now go have fun."
She bobs her head, "F-fun. O-okay. L-love yuh-you."
She walks towards her team and I sigh.
I walk back to my family.
"Momma! Avery gonna score?" Charlie asks me.
I scoop her up, "I hope so, baby."
"She good?" Serv asks me.
I nod, "Just needed a little pep talk."
He smiles, "She just needed you."
I shrug, "That too. She's nervous, trying to impress us."
"Makes sense." He says and I hear the whistle indicating the second half starting.
I watch as the ball goes back and forth then Avery gets a pass from Keely near the penalty spot.
She turns and shoots with her right leg, the ball skipping past the keeper.
We shout and jump up and down. I watch as Avery gets hugged by her teammates and I see the biggest smile on her face.
She looks at me and I give her two thumbs up.
She smiles and gives me a thumbs up back with her left hand.
"Looks like your pep talk worked." My mom says.
"Yeah, looks like it did."
'Let's fucking go, Aves.'