You felt like you were starting to develop a split personality. On one hand, there was the part of you which writhed and ached for more and more intimate relations with the boys, your head constantly wandering off and ending up in the gutter, fantasising about what might happen next and with whom. You didn't feel ashamed about this anymore, but as it was still relatively new to you, the unfamiliarity of it made you feel slightly awkward. On the other hand, there was this calling, a gut feeling that repeated itself over again and again. You were not human. You were like them. But wherever it may be that was like them, you weren't sure about. Whenever you were not daydreaming of laying in Changbin's arms, kissing Han's soft lips or cuddling with Jeongin, your mind would try to recall the dream that you had had. But it hadn't been a dream. If only you could grasp it...
'You alright?' Adam asked as the two of you walked through the corridor of the school towards the cafe to get lunch.
'Yeah, why?' you said quickly, pulling your face into a smile.
'You've been quiet lately,' Adam remarked. 'Everything's going alright?'
You smiled at him reassuringly.
'Yeah, it's just that my mind feels like it's been kinda overloaded lately. I guess I just really need a vacation,' you sighed. It wasn't a lie. You really did feel like getting away for a bit would be nice and might help you clear your mind or even get some answers. Either way would be good with you.
'Ugh, tell me about it,' Adam sulked. 'I can't wait till exams are over and the break starts. I know it's only like a week, but I need it so bad.'
'Do you have any plans for your break?' you asked, interested.
'I do, actually,' Adam replied, pulling an even grimmer face. 'My parents have asked if my sister and I could fly over to visit them. Honestly, I'd rather lock myself in my room for the entirety of the break, but I couldn't turn them down,' he spoke.
You clicked your tongue at his words.
'Yeah, and what's even more annoying is that by the time I get over my jetlag, it'll be time to come back again. And then I'll have to start the new semester with the new jetlag.' Adam pulled a face like he was biting into an especially sour lemon.
'Shit, man, that sucks,' you said empathetically.
'Thanks,' Adam sighed. 'But what about you? Will you be going anywhere for the break?'
'To be honest, I've never been on holiday,' you replied.
'Seriously? Not even here in Korea? Camping? Overnight hotel?' Adam asked in disbelief. But you shook your head at all his options. His incredulous face made you laugh.
'What about your parents? Won't you visit them?' Adam asked with a slight frown. You knew what he was thinking. You had purposely always avoided revealing too much about yourself. Never talking about your parents or anything. You weren't sure before if you were ready to tell him the truth, or at least the "safe" truth. But as you had gotten to know him better, you decided Adam was a good friend, and he deserved to know.
'Actually,' you began as you sat down on one of the benches in the cafe that had a nice view of the awful weather outside, 'I don't have any parents.'
Adam blinked a few times as he sat down opposite you. You smiled calmly at him to let him know it was alright.
'So, you know I live together with some guys, right?' you said.
'Guys? More like supermodels,' Adam huffed incredulously like the world had been unfair to him.
You chuckled.
'Yes, well,' you said, taking a breath, 'They found me three years ago in the woods.'
You paused for a moment for Adam to take in your words, and with every second, the crease between his brows got deeper and deeper.
'I actually don't know where I come from. I don't know who my parents are or what my real name is,' you explained.
'Holy shit... I'm...,' Adam began. It was evident he wasn't sure what to say. It seemed like he wanted to say he was sorry but was unsure whether he should as he saw you smiling calmly at him.
'Did you get in an accident or something?' Adam whispered, his voice lowering unconsciously in shock.
You shrugged.
'Maybe,' you said simply. 'All usual skills were intact, and I could read, write, talk, walk, count and knew all the standard school educated knowledge. I just don't have any memories about myself before that time.'
'Wow,' Adam said silently, staring at you with big eyes. You waited, giving him time to ask the questions you knew he would have.
'Are you now- Don't you wanna- Like, have you looked for your parents or family? Like, did you go to the police?' Adam asked worriedly.
'Of course, we did,' you replied as Adam nodded along, completely taken aback by your story. 'But they couldn't find anything useful. So, I decided to let it go,' you said calmly but resolutely.
'What? Wai-What? How can you- Don't you- But- Why?' Adam stammered in disbelief. His mouth opened, probably to add more arguments, but you cut him off politely.
'I can spend the rest of my life trying to discover who I was before this, but I'd much rather live in the moment and be who I am now. The boys took me in and they've been taking good care of me. They are my family now, and I love them. I don't really need anything else,' you said with a shrug.
Adam thought a moment about your words, and you could see them sinking into his brain as he stared at you.
'But... A person's character is made out of memories and experiences. You can't, like...be; you can't have character if you don't have any memories. So, there must be something... anything,' he said intensely.
'Hmm,' you hummed. 'There are, but they're too vague to grasp now,' you said thoughtfully, not wanting to reveal too much. Adam's face instantly became eager, but you quickly shut him down. 'But all those vague things give me more of an understanding of who I am now than they paint an image of my history, if that makes sense.'
Adam frowned, thinking over your words.
'Anyway,' you spoke again, 'I'll figure it out sometime. In my own time and pace. Alone,' you added, hoping he would get the message.
'Right,' Adam said with a nod, understanding that you didn't want nor need his help to figure this out. 'One last question, though,' he added.
'Shoot,' you said, friendly.
'You seem so... chill with all of this. You know you don't have to pretend with me, right? You don't need to act though or anything,' Adam said carefully.
You chuckled, and you could see the surprise on his face.
'I know it might be unthinkable for you, but I am genuinely not bothered by it,' you said, but then corrected yourself. 'Well, maybe "bothered" isn't the right word, but I'm not sad or hurt or anything. I'm fine talking about it, and you don't have to evade the topic of "past" or "memories" or "family" or anything. It's fine. I'm fine.' You gave him a reassuring nod.
Adam didn't seem to think you were fine at all, however, you could see the questions burning in his eyes, but thankfully he didn't press on. Instead, he quickly changed the subject to the dreadful weather and how the current heavy rain would probably cause another leakage in his room again.
You went along with it, not wanting to have to convince him any more than you had already tried to do.
Although your conversation with Adam had kinda left things a bit awkward between the two of you, it had given you an idea.
'Lino?' You began as you sat comfortably in the backseat of the car that Minho was driving, with Han sat next to him in the passenger seat.
'Hm?' Minho hummed.
'Can I borrow some money?' you asked him. You know you didn't have to feign sweetness or bat your eyelashes at him to get it, as they all had made clear to you that they had more than enough money to spare if ever you needed it.
'Sure, how much do you need?' He asked casually as he took a left turn.
'Oh, erm,' you said, suddenly coming to the realisation that you hadn't completely thought this through as you had been too excited about the idea itself. 'I don't know yet,' you admitted honestly.
'What's it for?' He asked. It wasn't a question of which he would judge your answer, you knew this, but it was simply to see if he could possibly help you calculate the cost of whatever you would need the money for.
'Erm, well,' you began, not sure why you were hesitant to say it but deciding to spill the beans anyway, 'I would like to go on a trip during the next break. Like a vacation,' you explained.
Both Minho and Han turned around to face you at the exact same moment, speaking in unison.
'Alone?' their voices doubled.
'Watch the road!' you shouted, startled that Minho would act so carelessly while operating a moving vehicle. Instantly there was an odd tingle in the air. The sound of the rain clattering on the roof stopped, and the cars that had been passing by suddenly seemed frozen, like odd statues in the middle of the road. Minho let go of the steering wheel and turned his body towards you to see you better.
Ever since you had discovered what they were, they had been using their powers more and more freely around you. Although you were happy that they were finally able to be their true selves around you, you were still getting used to it.
'Right,' you said dryly as you observed the paused surroundings.
'You wanna go on a trip alone?' Han asked with big eyes. There was a mixture of shock, disappointment and worry in his bright greens as he looked at you.
'I just wanted to go on a trip,' you shrugged. 'I've never been on holiday before. I know you all have jobs and obligations and-'
'You really think we'd let you go alone?' Minho said almost scornfully.
'Yeah,' you said defiantly. 'I'm not a child and-' but you were cut off once again.
'I never said you were,' he interrupted, arching a brow. You raised yours as well.
'Darling, we know very well that you'd be fine on your own, except Chan maybe,' he added and then shook his head, 'this isn't about your safety,' he spoke. A small smile played around his lips as he looked at your confused face.
'Do you really think we'd be able to go a week without you?' Minho sighed with a chuckle. You blinked. 'Chan would be worried out of his mind, Changbin would be bored to death and probably start to set fire to things just to have something to do, Seungmin would probably complain nonstop, and Hyunjin would probably be so lovesick that not even Felix would be allowed to enter his room.'
'We'd all be,' Han said, looking pained at the thought of it. Your heart was beating in your chest, and you could feel your stomach fluttering.
'Baby, I don't think we can do without you anymore,' Han said softly. Minho nodded silently in agreement. 'But if you really want to go alone...,' he spoke, the words seeming difficult to leave his lips. 'We... Of course, we will let you go alone,'
Of course, after their speech, there was no way you could bear to leave them behind. Nor did you want to. It wasn't necessarily that you had wanted to go on vacation alone, you just had expected them to be too preoccupied with other things. It was always hard to really plan stuff out, because, other than the communal meals and the weekly movie night, they all had jobs with their own schedules that never seemed to coincide. But as soon as you told the guys during dinner that evening that you wished to go on a trip, they instantly agreed to come. Whenever you tried to express your concerns regarding their own obligations, they waved them away instantly, like flies on their food.
'It'll be fine,' Felix said with a reassuring smile.
'I could definitely use a vacation, yeah,' Hyunjin said with a stretch.
'Where would you like to go?' Jeongin asked.
'Erm,' you said, once again realising that you hadn't thought it through completely. 'I don't have to go to Europe or anything, jetlag and all,' you said, remembering Adam's complaints. 'I guess somewhere here in Korea would be fine. It's only for a week anyway,' you said with a shrug.
'We could go to Jeju Island,' Chan suggested slowly, looking thoughtfully.
'Oh, yeah, I haven't been there in ages,' Seungmin agreed immediately, teeming with enthusiasm.
'Jeju would be cool,' you said in agreement. 'It's only an hour's flight from Busan, right?' you asked.
Some of the guys raised their brows at you, and you looked at them confused.
'Teleportation, my dear, teleportation,' Hyunjin said, patting you on the back as if you had just said something incredibly stupid.
'Riiiight,' you said with a slow nod. 'But can you bring suitcases with you and such?' you asked curiously.
'We can bring anything that is in contact with us and that we consciously want to take with us. So, like clothes, suitcases, and people,' Felix explained. 'As long as we like, take into mind that it needs to come along, it will. That's why the ground underneath our feet isn't like accidentally teleported along or anything.'
'Makes sense,' you nodded understandingly.
'So, Jeju then?' Han asked hopefully.
You all agreed.
You didn't have much time to be involved with the further planning of the trip, as your exams were coming up soon. You hadn't even had a moment to think about your status as a Goddess either, as every minute of the day suddenly seemed crammed with study time. In the mornings, you often skipped breakfast to read through your notes once more before Han or Minho would call you out to the car. Adam shared your stress, and instead of the usual free time you spend between classes and in breaks where you sat and chatted, you now raced off to the library to study together in silence. The conversations consisted of the bare minimum.
'Hi,'
'Hey,'
'How many left today?'
'One, it's a paper,'
'Right,'
...
'Well, good luck, bye!'
'You too, bye!'
And you'd both rush off to your respective classrooms.
It was Friday afternoon when you finally turned in the last of your exams and walked out of the classroom feeling like you could finally breathe again. Although you were sure none of your grades would be top marks, you were confident you had at least passed every single subject.
You stepped into the hallway and took a deep breath. It was done. You took your phone out of your pocket and turned it back on. Instantly a few messages came in from Adam.
"Hope your last exam went well. I'm already done but had to rush home to pack. Flight leaves at 11 tonight. Have fun on your first trip! See you back at school in two weeks!"
You smiled at his text. His exams must've gone well, too, as his manner of texting seemed quite cheerful. You knew Adam well enough to know that if it had gone badly, he'd never had used as many exclamation marks as he did.
You texted him a:
"Thanks, you too! Take care!"
And made your way to the bus station. It was a pity that you couldn't drive back with Minho and Han today as you finally had time for them. The past two weeks, you had barely had any time for any of the boys, and it broke your heart. You knew they wanted to spend time with you, but they also realised you needed your space to study. Now and then, they had knocked on your bedroom door, shuffling in silently with snacks or tea, petting or kissing you on the head softly or speaking words of encouragement before tiptoeing their way out again. There had been several occasions where you had woken up in your bed, still wearing your clothes, while you had been sure you had been sitting behind your desk just moments ago. But then, whenever you checked the alarm clock on your nightstand, you realised you must've fallen asleep, and one of the guys must've carried you to bed and tucked you in.
It wasn't until you sat down on the bus that you realised how tired you actually were. It washed over you like a tidal wave, dragging you down. You had been sleeping far too little, probably competing with Chan for insomnia, although you didn't think anyone could ever win from the poor man. You yawned as you stared out of the window, blinking ferociously in an attempt to stay awake until you made it to your stop. The first thing you would do when you arrived home would be to go straight to your room and sleep, finally catching up with the hours your body was only now telling you had missed.
But when you arrived home, your little plan was instantly wiped out from the moment you stepped inside.
As soon as you set foot in the house, you could tell something was going on. There was a lot of shouting going on. Not the angry, annoyed, or aggressive manner, but more the rushing, inquiring one.
You quickly kicked off your shoes in the hallway and hung your coat before stepping into the living room. All of the boys were flitting in and out of rooms, running up and down the stairs and shouting away with their arms full of stuff.
'Got the sunscreen?' Hyunjin called.
'Yep!' Jeongin's voice shouted from the stairwell.
'Has anyone seen my pocketknife?' Minho shouted.
'It's in the bottom drawer in the kitchen!' Seungmin called back.
'Erm, excuse me?' You said as Felix was running by, his arms filled with neatly stacked, freshly washed clothes. Felix instantly stopped and looked over at you.
'Ah, y/n,' he said with a smile, 'are your bags packed yet?'
'What? Bags? I-what?' you asked, confused. Felix raised an eyebrow.
'Your bags... For the trip...You packed them already, right? You had said you would...' he said, unsure.
'Everything alright?' Chan asked as he passed and saw both your and Felix's faces. His arms were filled with chargers of all kinds. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at you concerned.
'I-erm,' you began, trying desperately to remember when you had promised to have your stuff packed already but drawing a complete blank.
'Uh-oh,' Felix said with a soft worried click of his tongue. Chan pressed his lips together.
'What's going on?' Hyunjin asked as he walked over, brand new hair dryer and styler in his hands.
'She forgot to pack,' Chan spoke for you, not looking away from your pale, startled face. Hyunjin rolled his eyes.
'You do know we had set to leave at 5.15, right?' Chan asked you slowly as if you were not quite there.
'Erm,' you said again. Your eyes flitted to the clock on the back of the kitchen wall. It was a quarter to 5. You gulped.
'Can't we- erm- can't we just, like, go later? It's not like we have a plane to catch, right?' you tried. Hyunjin let out a loud exasperated sigh before turning around and strutting away.
'Y/n, we explained this like last week,' Felix said patiently. 'We need to be careful with the teleporting. We can't just all arrive at the same place at once; we need a safe spot and time where we won't be seen.'
Felix's words sounded vaguely familiar as an incoherent memory drifted to the surface, which also spoke of "testing time and locations".
'Right,' you said hesitantly.
'If you need more time, I guess we can stay behind and go in at around 12,' Chan suggested thoughtfully.
'You can't; reception closes at 6, so you wouldn't have a room. You could wait until tomorrow, though,' Felix suggested. 'We could scan the place, and you could apparate into our room to-'
'I'll just pack now quickly', you interrupted Felix. You didn't want to be more of a nuisance. After all, how long could packing take?
'You sure?' Chan asked worriedly. You nodded quickly before dashing off.
'Need any help?' Felix called after you.
'No thanks!' you called back quickly as you were already halfway on the stairs.