billie
"you'll never believe this!" i jumped up and down. "today was the last trial and i won! he going to jail for 20 fucking years, that's double what he would've been locked for if her took the plea deal."
"fuck i'm so glad i did this, and i'm so glad i don't have to see him everyday anymore. it somehow feels like i feel safer, even though i didn't necessarily not feel safe with his roaming free. i feel like i have this huge weight lifted off of me because he got what he deserved."
"yes i wanted him to be in there for longer and yeah i might not feel safe in twenty years but that's a future me problem, no? who know i may be with you by then." i chuckled at the end.
"there's this one thing that has been keeping me up at night. sean assaulted another girl, she's also my age and they also dated. she was strong enough to leave unlike me, but she didn't press any charges. i just think... like if i never put him in jail, how many more women would he have terrorized?"
"he's fucking disgusting, that's all i know."
"now, i can do everything i've been planning to do for a while. i'm going to start promoting your album, i'll start planning an album release party, i'll go visit your dad's house later, maybe i'll start working on my own music again, just a little. i just feel happy, and hopeful right now. it's been a while since i've felt that."
"just- can you please find a way to haunt me. i want you to be there through the process of getting your music out there. not gonna lie everytime i tell you i love you and there isn't a response my heart just break a little more. can't you just contact the wind spirits and give me a small brezze?"
"i miss you so much, and i think i'm starting to learn that this feeling and this emptiness will never go away and maybe i'm okay with that."
-
i rang the doorbell and started playing with my rings. this shit is so nerve wracking. what if they don't want to see my face? i really want them to be somewhat okay, i don't expect them to be smiling and dancing, no one can do that nowadays. i just want to see that they're okay.
"billie!" richard's eyes widened in surprise when he opened the door. "come here." he opened his arms for me to hug him, which i quickly fell into. "your hair is blonde now!" he played with it as i hugged him.
but by played with my hair i really meant, snatch a piece and bring it closer to his eyes so he can take a closer look.
"yeah, thought it was time for a change." i stepped back and calmed my hair down again, i thought it was too early to say blue always wanted me to dye it like this.
"come in! we were just about to have lunch." i went inside, it's still the same house. don't know why i expected it to be different.
"who's at the door hon?" jasmine's voice yelled.
"hi." i awkwardly walked into the dinning room which is where i was surprised to see kyle and lucas eating at the table.
"billie! hi oh my god we missed you much! did you eat lunch already? you should join us." jasmine's eyes sparkled.
"i'm so sorry i didn't mean to crash into your little gathering, maybe i should go and come back another time?" i pointed to the exit.
"no no! please don't. did you have lunch?" she stopped me.
"no i didn't." i shook my head no.
"then sit, please." jasmine pointed to the empty seat. "here, you always loved my lasagna."
"i did." i kindly smiled and sat down.
i looked up at lucas who was looking at his plate, as soon as we made eye contact we both quickly looked away. i don't know what it is that's happening between us, we never were close but we never avoided each other.
"i love your hair." cole complimented.
"mm! thank you, i'm still getting used to it." i smiled.
"blue always talked about how cute it would look blonde." she mentioned.
i looked up and studied everyone's reactions, they all focused their attention at me now. "yeah." i nodded. "that's the main reason i bleached it."
"i think it looks lovely." jasmine added.
"i do too, it suits you." lucas said.
"thank you." my smile got a little wider.
everyone continued on eating their plate and then little by little the table was empty and clean. everyone made their way to the living room where they just did their thing and had their own conversation. meanwhile i sat there awkwardly and just when i decided i should probably go, lucas caught my attention.
"have you been on social media lately?" he asked.
"no, i wasn't allowed to use it during the duration of trail and i've deleted it off my phone a while ago, so it been a minute. why?"
"there's just a lot of positive content that revolves around you." he informed me. "hey, i- i'm sorry for not being there for you. i just feel like-"
"no, stop it. i'm sorry for not being there for you, i knew you weren't doing well. when i saw you at her grave, i should've done something. i feel like i just disappeared, and i was selfish."
"no, you had the right to be selfish. you needed time to focus on you, i think everyone was doing their own thing at the time. except for finneas he did a lot for everyone i think." lucas said.
"i know he did a lot for me. didn't really ask about anyone else though, except for you once." i agreed.
"do you want hang out? i was planing on going to the beach later to watch the sunset."
"yeah, let's do it." he smiled.
"what about you cole? do you want to join us?" i asked.
"what? where?" she turned her attention to me.
"we're going to the beach before sunset."
"yeah, sure. i'll join." she nodded. "it's okay with you right?" she turned to kyle.
"yeah, you should go." kyle nodded.
"so she's asking for permission now huh?" i raised a brow at kyle. "i've got my eye on you."
"i won't fuck up." he put his hands up. "i promise."
"you better not." i pointed my index finger at him.
-
"how did i not know about this spot? i always come here." lucas said, looking out into the sea.
"blue told me about this spot. it was the location of one of your first picnics wasn't it?" cole said.
"yeah, i've always loved this place." i nodded.
"a while ago, and i mean a while ago before blue even met you. we had this conversation that i just can't shake out of my head." lucas started after a while of cole, him and i watching the sky turn into different colors and the waves hitting the shore. "we were talking about death and how scary it is. she said that she wasn't ready to go and she didn't know if she ever would want to go. she asked me to ask my grandma about death and i came back to her a while later."
"my grandma said, she used to be scared to leave the world too. but as you grow old and you go through many experiences and emotions. you slowly feel like you've done what you're supposed to do in this world and you don't mind leaving anymore. like it's not so scary anymore."
"it's just killing me how we were talking about this not knowing that a year later she would be gone." he concluded.
"minutes before she died, she told me death used to scare her a lot but she wasn't scared of it anymore. she even said something along the lines of... getting her eyelashes pulled out by an eyelash curler scares her more but now she doesn't have any so it's a win win." i shook my head, letting my eyes fill up with puddles.
"i'm sorry i just feel like everytime i feel like i'm finally okay, i crumble apart." my words came out shaky and i wiped the tears of my face before they could even reach half my cheeks.
"it's okay, don't apologize." lucas pulled me in for a side hug and i just let myself fall onto him, i opened my arms out for cole to hug me from the other side, so we can be in a group hug.
"i'm posting her music soon." i announced.
"i wanted to hear what she was working on, but she never let me. said she would once she was done with the whole album." cole said.
"she never got to finish it." i looked at the multi colored sky. "i want to announce it but i don't know how."
"it's do it right here right now." cole suggested.
"o-okay that's a great idea actually." i looked over at lucas to see what he thought of the idea and he just nodded once. i unlocked my phone, redownloaded instagram and logged into my account. i raised my phone horizontally and started recording.
"hey guys, i'm at the ocean watching the sunset and i have with me two of my favorite people." i started.
"i'm cole, blue's sister." she introduced herself.
"lucas, her best friend." he followed cole's footsteps.
"before blue passed away she asked me to do something for her. unfortunately she couldn't complete some of it but i tried my best to make this amazing for her, to make her be proud of what she did and the efforts she put into it and the remaining effort i put in to complete it." i started, trying to add some sort of suspense when this really is just sad.
"for god's sake just say it already." cole giggled shaking her head.
"okay." i laughed. "blue's album "RED" is out on december 3rd."
i looked over at lucas and he was pouting and cole put her head on my shoulder, "we hope you guys love it as much as we do, even though we haven't heard it yet." lucas said. "but we're about to go to her place and listen to it."
"we are?" i frowned.
"we are." lucas confirmed.
"we are." i nodded to the camera.
-
(sorry for the late update i've been sick)