Toni and Lauren talked about weddings many a late night.
They discussed everything from themes, and colour schemes; décor, venues, destinations, real flowers, fake flowers, open bar, dollar bar, wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses, bridal parties, bachelorette parties and most importantly - being the other's maid of honour.
It was as if all of that floated away as Lauren walked out of the diner, wondering who truly had their head up their ass.
She wandered aimlessly through the busy streets of Toronto. It was a beautiful Saturday, but Lauren couldn't help but feel like a grey rain cloud was hovering over her head. Toni's harsh words reverberated off the walls of her mind.
Toni had crossed every unspoken boundary they had ever set.
They always turned up their noses and frowned upon messy chicks who were fake and didn't really fuck with their girl gang. Bitches who fought each other and fucked each other's partners for fun were not on par with them. But had everything just changed between them?
Were we those bitches now?
Buzz.
Lauren's phone vibrated with a text. She hoped it was Toni begging for forgiveness. It wasn't. It was Gabe but she wasn't mad at that either. She felt rays of sun immediately warm the skin on her face as if the moody nimbus cloud hovering over her head had suddenly floated away.
12:00
Gabe:
Let me know when I can treat you to a REAL brunch. 😏
12:11
Gabe:
You good? How's brunch?
Lauren:
Not good smfh.
How about you treat me to that brunch now? I'm already DT - meet you at your spot? 11HEURE right?
Gabe:
🏃🏾
Lauren headed on foot towards the 'best brunch place' as proclaimed by Gabe. She was only fifteen minutes away by streetcar, but decided to walk. She needed the fresh air to clear her head. Plus, it gave him more than enough time to get ready and make his way there. Lauren doubted he was just sitting around waiting for a text from her.
Or was he? She smiled at the thought.
Though Lauren felt less gloomy, she was far from over what had just gone down. Toni was dead wrong. Yes, she had been wrapped up in Gabe...
But I mean, who wouldn't be?
As she replayed the scene over and over in her mind, Lauren suddenly felt hot with anger again. She was mad she hadn't taken the chance to stoop as low as her. She wished she'd raised hell. She wished she'd called Toni a bitch first. She wished she'd told Toni about who she really was regardless of the fact that Zeke was now willingly choosing to turn a hoe into a housewife.
Lauren fumed the rest of the way to 11HEURE, the French upscale restaurant Gabe described as 'a modern piece of Paris in the city'. Lauren had never been there as the plain black awnings and paned windows on its outside made the place seem a little too stuffy. It looked like the type of place that served high tea with dry scones; but she was deeply mistaken when she opened the heavy metal door.
When Lauren stepped inside the surprisingly trendy brunch spot, obtuse patterns made out of black marble tiles, popped against white hexagon tiled floors. Some crawled up the textured, black wallpaper. The round, iron tables looked like they had been stolen from a Montreal Vieux-Port outdoor café, and were all contrastingly accompanied by clear, modern chairs or stools; many of which were full on this almost Summer-like-Saturday in the city.
Lauren requested a table for two from the hostess, texting Gabe only once she was seated inside and scanning the menu. Her stomach growled as warm scents wafted from the kitchen. She had decided on chicken and waffles and ordered a latté to start when Gabe sat down in front of her. He wore a cream coloured hoodie that slightly clung to the muscles of his arms, with black jeans and white sneakers.
"It's weird how we keep running into each other. Must be meant to be." He smirked.
Lauren smiled back. "Something like that."
They placed their orders with the waiter shortly after Gabe sat down. As he ordered a croque-monsieur with fresh orange juice, Lauren stared into space while her mind wandered back to Toni.
"What's going on L? You seem out of it. What happened at brunch?" Gabe asked after the waiter took their menus.
She zoned back in.
I love how attentive this man is.
She sipped her warm latté and spilled the story of how her friendship with Toni was unravelling.
Gabe sighed heavily when she was done. "That's fucked up of her. I don't want to overstep but are you sure she's your friend?" He shook his head disapprovingly.
"I mean she was. I really can't say for now."
"And she's the one you live with right?"
"Yup."
"Damn." He paused. "The best advice I could give would be to decide if she's a friend worth keeping. A friend worth going through this with. A friend worth forgiving. Then act accordingly. I know she's your girl so I think you should forgive her, she's probably just acting tight because she's stressed. Maybe her 'rents meeting her man didn't go so well, maybe it did. You and I both don't know."
"You have a point, but she didn't give me the chance."
"That's fair. I personally think you handled it very well. But I may be biased." Gabe said eyeing Lauren as he took a sip of his juice.
"Yeah, how could you possibly give me sound advice? How can I trust what you have to say?" She asked sarcastically. "You haven't even told me how you feel about me. You know, to my face" Lauren shrugged nonchalantly. She knew this wasn't fair, he could be really shy, but that didn't take away from the fact that she still wanted to hear it again. Now.
Gabe sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Give her an inch and she'll take a mile." He said, shaking his head as he looked up to the ceiling. "You complain when I'm too corny and now you're saying I'm not corny enough. Jeez, Lauren." He chuckled.
Then he took Lauren's hands in his and looked into her eyes, grinning that perfect smile. "I meant what I said - um, what I texted you. Being with you that night was a trip. I like you, a lot, L." As he spoke, she felt his rugged hands get clammy, but Lauren didn't mind. She readjusted her hands, intertwining her fingers between his, her heart pounding as she looked back.
"I have a confession to make." He said quieter. "You're the only woman I have been intimate with since my ex. Maybe that's why I'm a little crazy about you."
"You're lying."
"Deadass. I don't really let anyone in. I mean I've talked to girls here and there and I know niggas probably tell you all types of shit all the time, but this isn't a line or a play. I gotta be honest. You gotta know you're the only one I'm talking to right now. You gotta know I'm serious about you, Lauren."
"Gabe, I'm not trying to rush into anything."
"Me neither."
"We just met and –"
"I know. I know."
"You know what?"
"I think I know what you're gonna say."
"You Virgos think you know everything." Lauren rolled her eyes. "You know that you're all I think about, right?" She asked in disbelief. "I like this. I like us. So far." She struggled to find the right words. "I'm not talking to other men. There's no contest."
Taking Amani's advice felt good, freeing almost. Lauren felt more naked being so vulnerable with Gabe now than she had when they had sex.
Lauren leaned forward in her seat hoping he was into PDA. He leaned in too, tenderly pressing a peck onto her lips. The sweet softness of his lips touching hers, and the look in his eyes as they wandered Lauren's face when the kiss was broken, left her feeling like she could've hopped over the table like a hurdler and straddled him in the crowded restaurant. Instead, they kept holding hands, eyeing each other and talking in low tones while the hustle and bustle of the busy brunch spot moved around them until the food hit the table.
Brunch was delicious. Lauren didn't want to admit it, but Gabe was right - it was much better than Tiff's. The chicken was well seasoned and crispy, the waffles were golden yet fluffy and the syrup was sweet and sticky. Gabe had a pleased look on his face once she had finished, her plate completely clean.
"So?" He asked expectantly.
"I mean, it was okay."
"L, you know you're a bad liar."
"Fine. It was so good." She squealed, feeling her eyes light up. Lauren sat back and crossed her arms across her chest. "You happy?" She asked, pouting.
"Elated." He grinned.
The waiter reappeared with the bill sometime later and they paid for the meal. Well, Gabe paid while Lauren pressed him about it.
"You can't keep doing this, you know."
"Why not?"
"I'm an independent woman. I don't need a man to pay for me." She whined.
"Just because you don't need it, doesn't mean you don't want it." He said as he flashed another perfect smile at her.
Lauren groaned in protest, but decided to stop complaining. Once again, he was right. She put on her coat before they stood up and headed out of the restaurant.
They walked a few blocks hand in hand to the paid lot where Gabe had parked his car. They took in the warm weather, talking, smiling and stealing gazes at each other. They looked like the picture perfect token Black people found in a department store's Spring catalogue.
When they sat in his parked car around 1 PM, Lauren squeezed her phone to check for messages - but there weren't any from Toni nor Amani. She really didn't expect anything from Amani; she should stay out of it, but Lauren was really hoping Toni wouldn't rely on her typical avoidant behaviour. She was hoping she'd own up to this one; but Lauren knew deep down Toni was probably too embarrassed or too proud to admit it. As usual.
Lauren sighed and turned to Gabe who was giving her puppy dog eyes for days. Fuck that, the last thing she wanted from him was his pity.
"So, let's go to your place?" Lauren asked in an overly chipper tone.
"Nah L, you should go home and make up with your girl." Gabe said softly.
"Come on, Gabe."
"You come on, L. You know I'm right."
"Again, you Virgos think you know everything."
"That's because we do." He said as he started the car. He pulled out of the lot and made his way towards Lauren's house.
When they arrived, Lauren kissed Gabe briskly and unbuckled her seatbelt.
"What? That's all I get?" He asked, looking slightly miffed.
"You could have had a lot more if you weren't so stubborn." She winked as she hopped out of the car. "Maybe I'll text you though?"
"Maybe I'll answer." He grinned back. She closed his door and walked up to her apartment smiling as he drove away.
Lauren entered her apartment ready to embrace the outpouring of apologies, but was shocked to find Amani sitting on the couch alone, boredly flipping through the TV's channels.
"Where's Toni?" Lauren asked as she closed the door.
"She went out with her man, like she said." Amani said, rolling her eyes.
"She actually went?" Lauren asked in disbelief. "And she left you alone?"
"Chill L, it's cool."
"No it's not cool. After she made such a big deal about you coming here?"
"To be honest, y'all are both basically doing the exact same thing to each other. Choosing men over sisterhood." She shook her head. "Yuck."
"No we aren't, Nami."
"Really?" She eyed Lauren and turned off the TV. "Okay. So, who were you with after you left brunch and who is she with now?"
"Yeah I was with Gabe but I had to leave."
"You had to? You couldn't work it out and talk it through with her?"
"No. I left because I was pissed and I wasn't gonna tolerate being disrespected."
"You were looking for a chance to be with him and I can't say I blame you... But that doesn't mean you should've left."
"Listen Nami, Toni thinks she's better than me, I swear. She thinks that I need her. She thinks she's doing me some sort of favour. I know deep down she thinks I should live in her shadow as some sort of charity case that she took under her wing." Lauren said hotly, sitting down next to Amani.
Amani narrowed her eyes at Lauren as her tone escalated. "How do you know that?"
Lauren suddenly realized she was misdirecting her anger. She sighed, "Sorry, Nami. It just wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be fun. If she was my real friend she should want to do this shit for me out of the kindness of her heart not out of obligation. That's all I'm gonna say about that."
"You're not wrong. But she isn't either. I think you both have to see things from the other's point of view."
"Whatever you say." Lauren shrugged. "So what do you want to do? This is technically your trip and I doubt it involves listening to us bicker."
"Nah it's cool. My mom is going to pick me up soon for the rest of the weekend. You know, church and Sunday dinner are the perfect homecoming for her bisexual daughter."
Amani's mom picked her up promptly at 3 o'clock and Toni still wasn't home. The house was quiet for the first time in days. Lauren badly wanted to nap, but in the silence she could hear Gabe: 'You gotta want it, Lauren. You gotta hustle. I can't make you.' Now was as good a time as any to get started.
Lauren headed straight for her room and put on her comfiest sweats. She whipped out her laptop and sprawled across her bed. She lay on her stomach for an hour, scrolling and searching for a few studios' and local artists' emails to set aside. She compiled a solid list of twenty opportunities, which included a few long shots like a dude signed to Drake's OVO label.
Hey, if she was going to dedicate time to this, Lauren may as well go big or go nap.
She opened up a blank email to begin a draft. Lauren watched the cursor blink in the empty space on her screen, waiting for the words to come for minutes. How could she sum herself up? Or her work? She had always hated doing these kinds of exercises in college, but maybe this is what they were preparing her for. How to be professionally fake. Why couldn't she just say what she really wanted to:
Good day,
I am a 25 year old working in finances and I hate it. Please make my dreams come true. I do not have previous professional experience in this field but I can make a BOP. I hope to work for you and get paid large amounts of money. Please listen to my music here. No, this is not spam.
Thank you,
Lauren Smithe
Lauren groaned and nosedived into her pillow. She needed help or at least a distraction. She grabbed her phone to text Gabe as promised. His name was at the top of her screen as her most recent (and frequent) messenger, but as Lauren's eyes quickly scanned the list of names on her phone, they fell on Trent's.
Her stomach dropped. He hadn't texted her or anything, but as soon as Lauren saw his name she was thrown back into the tornado of their whirlwind romance. She placed a finger on his name and got ready to swipe him away, but hesitated.
As much as Lauren wanted to delete him, their messages, forgetting all the chaos she had caused, their dramatic (and traumatic) history - she immediately knew that wasn't right. Not until she gave him a proper apology.
Lauren sat up quickly, dialed his number and listened to the phone ring. She doubted he would answer, but Lauren wasn't about to be like that douchey male archetype so many women complain about. You know the one. After he puts her through hell, he's the type to literally send an 'I'M SORRY' text in all caps as the only apology - which was always total bullshit and completely insensitive. But that was the thing - Lauren wanted Trent to know she wasn't bullshitting him, and she wasn't insensitive to what she had done. Lauren wanted to empathize with him as Toni suggested. Maybe she was onto something - at least about this.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi Trent. It's Lauren. Of course you know that, you have caller ID." Lauren rambled.
"Actually, I deleted your number." He paused for effect, ouch. "But I did know it was you once I heard your voice."
Hearing his tense, garbled voice on the other end of the phone line made Lauren's heart beat fast. She was nervous as hell. Why did I do this again?
As if he could read her mind, Trent asked, "Why are you calling me, Lauren?"
"I'm calling to apologize. Trent, I really am sorry. I never meant to play with your feelings. Shit just happened so fast."
Trent sighed. "You know what, Lauren? The fact of the matter is that you did play with my emotions and you let shit happen fast. You can go fuck yourself."
"You can't mean that, Trent."
"I really do."
"You can't hate me forever."
"I really can."
"Wow. I thought we were at least friends. I even forgave you after the Joanna bullshit and let you ghost me for an entire day. I was still the bigger person and let you explain."
"I don't think you understand. You're a bitch. I literally told you we were gonna work on our shit and then you ran off with another dude. I absolutely do not want anything to do with you, your explanations or your fucking apologies."
Click.
Lauren sat on her bed in silence, dropping her hand from her head and letting the phone slide from her fingertips. She felt the heat run up her arms, across her chest and into her face, embarrassment and pain coursing through her veins. Though she was refusing to let herself cry over this asshole, her eyes stung as if the room was filled with steam and the tears brimmed over in frustration anyway. She quickly wiped them and sniffled in anger.
Fuck Trent. Fuck him and his desperate, petty ass. Lauren was trying to be the bigger person as she always was and it seemed to always get her nowhere. Trent could keep his friendship - she didn't want it anyway. Lauren was just trying to be nice.
She needed to lighten her mood. Lauren picked up her phone again to text Gabe but couldn't think of anything 'light' to say. She wanted to be her normal, witty, self but also wanted to talk to him about what just happened. He had quickly become the only person she could vent to and the only person who wanted to hear it.
Yet, she settled on a simple 'hey'. Lauren didn't want to drag Gabe back into her old shit, not again. Not so soon.
Just as she had sent Gabe a text, Lauren heard Toni come into the apartment. She glanced up at the clock on the wall and it was after 5.
Toni came straight to Lauren's room, knocking on the door while pushing it open.
"Hey." She said quietly, poking her head in between the crack.
"Hey." Lauren said back glumly.
"What's wrong?" Toni asked as she examined her, pushing the door open wider. Lauren's red, puffy eyes were probably a dead give away that she had recently let a few tears slip.
Lauren sat in silence trying to find the words to explain to her what had just happened, but as she opened her mouth Toni said, "That new nigga ain't shit huh? I told you not to act so beg."
"Actually he's doing just fine. Jesus, Toni. Why can't you just be fucking happy for me?"
"I don't know, L. I, uh, came to apologize for my part in what happened this morning. And now I feel like shit for even saying that. I really am sorry for all that."
"You should be!" Lauren shouted. She snapped; she couldn't hold it back anymore. The tension between her and Toni was too much to bear.
"Whoa. Calm down. Don't get it twisted - you have been treating me like shit too."
"No, Toni, I haven't. I have been matching your energy. Giving you what you've been giving me and now you don't like it."
"What are you even talking about?"
"You talk down to me and you're condescending as fuck. I just sit here and take it all. You don't trust any choice I make when it comes to anything. God, I'm not this fucking wounded baby bird like you think I am."
"But when you were, who was there for you? Who has seen you through all that shit?"
Lauren didn't answer her.
"I'm getting fucking married! Me! And you can't even stand the thought of letting some petty shit go to just be there for me. When I needed you - who were you talking to? And today when I told you I needed you - where did you go?"
"It's not the same thing, Toni!"
"Of course it's not, L. Of course you would fucking think it's not." Toni said softly as her eyes welled with tears, just before she slammed Lauren's door.
∞
- Are you STILL team Toni or team Lauren? What would you do if you were Amani?
- Gabe shared a little secret with us ... 👀👀
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