"You are a damn vision in my bed, Tink," Grayson smiles from across the room, shutting his door and turning his full attention on me. The darkened chocolate swirl of his eyes hold me still against his bed.
After the embarrassment that shall never be spoken of again, our families actually survived the family dinner a few days ago, and things have been surprisingly not awkward. For my Dad's part, he's even been pretty... agreeable, when it comes to Grayson. Neither of them have divulged anything about their little talk that night, but whatever it was, Tommy was fine with me coming back over today, alone.
And by alone, he knew damn well the rest of the Adler gang wouldn't be here, meaning we'd have the place to ourselves.
The first thing I did when I got here was ask to see Gray's room. The one place we never had a chance to explore after getting caught half naked in his dad's office. I couldn't help myself. There's just something mystically alluring about being in your boyfriend's childhood room. So far, since fate put us at the same college and all, the dorms have kind of been our place. It's where we've spent all of our time, forming something deeper than friendship for the last few months. Because of that, stepping into the place he spent most of his time before we got together feels...different.
There's excitement, like I'm getting to live this tiny slice of who he was growing up, the pieces I wasn't part of. It makes me want to hear the stories behind all the football trophies and awards on display, has me wondering what all has changed over the years as he got older, what inspired the paint color and the bedding. And don't even get me started on the adorable Pokémon poster that hangs just beside his door. The vision of a younger Grayson hanging that with pride has me fighting back a smile.
"I've been in your bed before," I say to him, tearing my eyes from the brightly colored piece of childhood that has remained a part of his present, and adjusting my position a bit to feel the plush pillow behind my head.
"No," he shakes his head and stalks across the room. Approaching the bed, he lifts a knee and places it between my legs. "You've been in my dorm," he corrects, sliding his hands up my body as he hovers over me. "You've never been in my bed. Not this one."
"Ah," I nod, my mouth tilting with a smirk as my hands find the hem of his shirt. I dip them underneath and slide up the hardened muscle that tenses at my touch. "I've never been in the bed where Little Gray discovered the magic of his own hand? Or I've never been in the bed Slightly Older Gray snuck girls into?"
He shakes his head, dropping his lips to my neck and placing a gentle kiss to my already pebbling skin. "Just you, Tink."
"Just me, what?"
He pulls back, placing a kiss to the tip of my nose before bringing his decadent eyes back to mine. "You're the only girl that's ever been in this room."
"Wait," my hand clings to his abs, stopping all movement as I lift my head to see him better. "You never brought a girl in here? Seriously?"
That little smirk graces his lips as a hand trails across my forehead, sliding a loose strand of hair from my face. "Seriously."
"It was the Pokémon poster, wasn't it?" I laugh. "You didn't want anyone else to know you're obsessed with Pikachu. I get it."
His eyes narrow, a playful warning dancing behind them. "Leave Pikachu out of this. And don't hate on my poster, Tink."
"Not hating," I shake my head. "I actually find it pretty cute."
"Cute? Pikachu isn't cute. He's an electrical powerhouse, baby. I mean, he has the strength of a lightning strike."
"Okay," I smile, trailing my fingers gently along his ribs. "He's not cute. But your obsession with him is."
"I'm going to ignore that you just said that."
The small laugh that rattles my chest has him pressing against me. "Would you rather I said it's utterly sexy and domineeringly masculine that you enjoy the world of a small yellow creature?"
He drops his head to my chest. "You're killing me, Tink."
"Okay," I laugh, pulling him back up to me. "For real, why haven't you brought a girl in here before?"
He shrugs, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. "There was always family around."
"I've been here for three days and we already have the place to ourselves. Try again."
That smile of his falls along my chest, lighting it up. "I don't know. It's just... I guess it's my space, you know? Bringing someone here, it kind of taints it," he winces slightly, his choice of words making him hesitate. "I just mean, this place was all mine, you know? Is all mine. My place to just be. Bringing someone here would have meant building memories with them in a place that's just...mine." He pauses for a moment, the unease in his voice causing me to pull my hand from his shirt, placing it gently to his face.
"So..." My eyebrows raise with curiosity. "What made you change your mind about letting me in your space? You don't think I'll taint it?"
He leans into my hand, holding my eyes with a tenderness that makes my insides melt. "You could never taint it, Tink. You're making it better. And besides, I like you in here, marking your territory." He reaches beside my head and pulls up a long strand of blonde hair I must've shed on his pillow. "Making it smell like strawberries and leaving your DNA all over the place."
"Sorry about that," I laugh. "Girls shed everywhere."
"I've noticed," he grins.
I nestle back into the soft comforter. "So, this is my territory, huh? That's what you're saying?"
"All yours," he nods, dropping his mouth back to my neck, pulling my skin between his teeth, surely leaving a mark. "And you," he breathes out, sucking hard enough to elicit a small moan, "are all mine."
"You marking your territory, Gray?" I pull at his hair, bringing his eyes back to mine.
"Maybe. Is that okay with you?"
Normally, the thought of a love bite would have me burning with embarrassment, swirling with anger. Thing is, I've never actually had one. Anytime it ever came close, I pushed back, making sure as hell nothing was left on my skin. But now, staring up at Grayson Adler, I don't want him to stop. I want him to take all that's his.
I nod slowly, sliding my fingers through his hair and bringing his lips back to that tender spot along my neck.
The way he pulls my skin between his lips has me reaching for his back, digging my fingers into the grooves of muscle as my legs wrap around him, bringing his hardened length to the pulsing desire between my legs. He pushes into me, adding the needed friction, a whispered gasp leaving my throat.
His lips find mine, our tongues frantically tangling together as he slides a hand between us. Lifting his body, he breaks away, pulling my leggings down and removing his own barrier before stepping forward. I quickly sit up, removing my top layers and placing my palm to the hardened hills of his abs, holding him in place.
"Since I'm the first girl you've had in your room," I pause, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth as I slide down onto my knees. "I want to leave a perfect memory here."
His fingers glide into my hair, a heavy breath falling from his lips as he guides me forward. My tongue laps against his glistening tip as I hold his gaze, my eyes rolled up to his. I could get lost in the darkened depths of his eyes when he looks at me like that. Like I'm the only goddamn thing in his universe.
And as I take him in, sliding my tongue along his shaft, feeling his fingers grip me tighter as I bring him to the back of my throat, I let out a moan, fighting back the muffled gag as I pull him further.
"Fuck, baby," he exhales, thrusting forward. "Your mouth looks so pretty wrapped around me."
His words send a pulse through me, my fingers reaching between my legs to relieve the building pressure.
"Fuck," his deep growl only urges me further, circling my clit and moaning around him. Just as everything builds, he pulls himself from my lips, his hands sliding around me and lifting me onto his bed. With a gentle shove, he's got me on my back, my legs parted and ready. "I want to finish inside you, baby. I want to hear you scream my name."
Before I can respond, he's thrusting inside me, my jaw dropping open with a moan of white hot pleasure. Our bodies fall into a passionate motion, both chasing the sensation curling my toes. The sound of a deep groan rumbling at the back of his throat has all my senses going haywire, and I clench my legs around him to ground myself, my lips reaching for his neck to lick up the salty sweet taste radiating across his skin.
He quickens his movement, slamming in and out, his hands working my body until my legs begin vibrating in euphoric, numbing bliss. I can feel it building, the sensation spreading out from my core, exploding across my body and consuming every nerve ending.
"Come for me, baby," he whispers in my ear before dropping his mouth to my neck. He places a kiss on that still tender spot he marked me with, and that's all it fucking takes for the wave to slam against me. An ocean of pleasure completely takes over as his name tears from my lungs, the vision of stars bursting in front of me as my entire body ignites.
It's not until my muscles begin to relax that he lets himself fall, collapsing on top of me as our labored breaths dance in tandem, our slick bodies glued together. "I've missed you," he breathes out before pulling his eyes back to mine and sliding the matted hair from my forehead. "So fucking much."
"I missed you, too," I smile back, falling helplessly into the chocolate oasis of his decadently sinful eyes.
*****
When I was little, I used to get so excited to spot a deer. Whenever we drove through a patch of trees or a small hillside, I would search for them. They were always just so majestic to me. Like this elusive creature that manifested itself within the trees.
They aren't exactly rare in California where I grew up. The buds to Mom's flowers always missing in the morning was a sure sign they'd stopped by, but I only ever saw them in small families. Maybe a mom and a couple fawns. Or the occasional sighting of a large buck, captivating me with its sheer size and its intimidating, yet breathtaking, antlers.
But staring out Grayon's bedroom window, taking in the scene of what's got to be like a hundred deer just casually grazing the snow covered ground is like being in another world. The sight is mesmerizing. They're so... beautiful, calm and graceful. Peaceful to watch as they wander the yard with such elegance.
"Here you go," Grayson enters behind me, pulling my gaze from the window as I reach for the hot chocolate he's brought me. "One mug of sugary bliss. Just for you."
"Mmm, thank you," I hum, gesturing to the window before I go in for a sip. "You know, there's like a hundred deer in your backyard right now. It's amazing."
He smiles, a small laugh huffing from his lips. "If it's the usual herd, then there's only about fifteen, Tink."
"The usual herd?" I question, placing my warm mug down to get a better look. He's right. A hundred might have been a dramatic embellishment, but fifteen deer gathered in one place is still a lot. "That many deer roaming the grounds like this is a completely normal occurrence?"
His smile grows as he draws closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me tightly to his chest. He drops his chin to my shoulder and we gaze out the window together. "It's very normal," he laughs. "They live in the woods, so this is a sight we see all the time."
"Well, it's dreamy," I sigh. "I can't believe you got to grow up with this view. The trees and all the wildlife. It's picture perfect, like an actual painting."
His grip tightens around me, a subtle change in his breaths before he places a soft kiss to my shoulder. He lets out another laugh, but it's small and soft this time and I immediately go on alert.
Turning my head, I glance up at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing..." He shakes his head, voice dropping into a whisper that makes my chest squeeze. "It's nice to hear about the view from your perspective, that's all," he says. "It sort of holds some heavy emotion in our house. I mean, it's beautiful, don't get me wrong. But it's not always seen here in the picture perfect way you see it, Tink."
The pain laced within his words causes me to spin in his arms, to bring my chest to his, desperate to give his heart warmth. "I'm sorry," I mutter. "I didn't mean to–"
"Mia, no," he shushes me softly, smiling. "It's not a bad thing. I like seeing it how you see it."
I nod, holding his eyes with mine and seeing something more than just that chocolatey bliss he usually fills them with. Or the confident charm that often makes them glisten. This is something else. But I don't say anything, I don't want to pry. He doesn't have to explain. He's never once forced me to open up before I was ready, and I would never ask that of him. So instead, I slide my hand to his heart, feeling the steady beat against my palm, and hoping to just let him know that I'm here.
His hand clings to mine over his heart, squeezing gently before he drops his forehead to mine. "Can I tell you something about my family?"
My whole body lights up at his words. Even if I don't need him to tell me anything, nothing makes me happier than knowing he wants to tell me. "Of course."
"It's kind of sad," he mumbles, pulling me over to the bed. He takes a seat and pats the space between his legs.
I'm quick to take the spot he's providing, and his warmth wraps around me as I lean back against his chest. "I don't mind sad."
Gray's hands skate up and down my arms a few times before sliding down to my thighs. He draws little circles on my jeans, his deep breath vibrating through my body. "Well," he begins softly. "Before my parents had me, there were some... troubles. With my mom's pregnancies."
Pregnancies. The plural use of the word makes my heart hiccup.
"She lost four of them. They were all bad, but the first one..." He hesitates for a moment, voice dropping low when he finally continues, "I guess the first one almost destroyed them. They spent some time apart, both of them were a mess. Especially my mom for... obvious reasons. She ran off to stay with her aunt in Pennsylvania. My dad stayed here."
"That must've been an awful time for both of them," I whisper, turning to glance up at him. His eyes find mine, solemn and soft.
"It was," he nods. "She found some solace in the woods, though. My dad's always been kind of a nature guy, but you couldn't pay my mom to take a hike or go camping. At least until then. She says she just went out one day to explore the wilderness, desperate to find a new rhythm and she found it in the trees, in the plants, with the deer... she found connections to everything out there and she says it helped her heal. She came home with a string of ivy and a new outlook on life."
I turn further in his arms, shifting my body to face him now, folding my legs around him as he pulls me against his chest. My eyes find his, desperate to be wrapped up completely in this moment with him.
"That's sort of beautiful, Gray," I whisper, sliding my fingers into his hair along his neck. The ivy plant that now lives in his dorm, the one his mom gave him when they came to visit, comes fluttering across my vision. The meaning behind it... It all makes a lot more sense now. And the forest painted along his arm, it's becoming clear that all of these pieces are connected, woven together in an intricate tapestry.
"I think so, too," he smiles.
"But it is sad. I can't imagine how painful it must've been for them."
"Yeah, I know," he agrees, looking out his bedroom window at the view that has taken on a completely new meaning now. His meaning. His family's truth. "For us, all trees sort of represent hope and healing, but the ones here at home... well, the past sort of infringes on them, too. Like a constant reminder of what my parents went through to make our family." He sits up a little, pointing out toward the edge of the yard. "You see over there by the swing? Those four trees?"
Following his direction, my eager eyes find the swing, and then the trees he's referring to. Since winter has taken the leaves off of everything, they don't look very different from the ones beyond the treeline, but these four seem to sit apart from the rest of the woods. They create a sweet little grove of their own.
"Yeah, I see them," I tell him.
"This might be a little morbid, but my siblings are buried there," he mutters, his voice growing hoarse. His next words creak out with sadness in his tone. "There's a tree for each of them. They grow these really pretty pink flowers in the spring."
"Oh, that's..." I swallow the ball of emotion in my throat, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. "That's such a lovely tribute, Grayson. I'd love to see them sometime when they're in bloom."
His eyes hold mine, the emotion swimming behind them. When his head falls to mine, he lets out a breath, "I'd really love to show you, Tink."
There's this warmth embracing my chest, a radiating pulse that is somehow drawing me even closer to him. The way his hands slide around my waist, the way our breaths have fallen in sync, our chests dancing in rhythm. It's like everything in this moment has bled together.
"I've never told anyone that," his soft tone brushes my lips.
I pull back just enough to see the comfort of his eyes. "Thank you for trusting me with it."
"I trust you with everything, Tink."
His words send a flourish throughout my body, the fluttering excitement and thrill of giddiness. "I trust you too, Gray."
He presses his lips to mine, allowing the rush of all things sweet and magical to flood my system. When he pulls back, his fingers glide along my forehead, tucking the hair behind my ear as he holds me here with him, studying my face like I'm the most marvelous thing he's ever laid eyes on.
"I love you, Mia."
At the sound of those three little words, all of the frilly dancing butterflies that tingle my stomach every time his fingers find my skin, every time his lips find mine or his breath tickles my neck, take off. They're not flying alone, though. There's something else joining the party. Something I wish wasn't here, but totally is.
"You..." I struggle to finish my thought, words completely failing me. "Really?"
He laughs. "Yeah, really." But when I don't have a response, my heart and my head sorting through this tango of feelings, his eyebrows dip together with worry. "What's wrong?"
"I..." So many things are swimming around my head. The way he lights up this part of me, the way he gets me, sees me. The way I crave him when he's not around and the way he makes me laugh. And yet... "I'm not ready to say it back," I whisper, afraid to say the words too loudly. "I like you, Gray. A lot. And I feel things for you that I've never felt before. But I–"
"Hey," his thumb brushes my bottom lip, his eyes still holding mine with their usual glow. "You don't have to say it back. The way I feel about you isn't contingent on you feeling the same. I just wanted you to know what I'm feeling, that's all."
There's comfort in his words, understanding and patience in his tone. His hold on me hasn't faltered, he hasn't tensed or backed away. He's still here, keeping me wrapped up in his arms. And that look in his eyes, the one coated in compassion, has all the worried pieces inside me settling.
"Come on," he runs his hands down my arms a couple times before coming to his feet. And just like that, the busyness of my head and heart seems to flit away as he changes course, content to get on with our evening plans. Relief vibrates through me. "Let's go cuddle up by the tree with your hot chocolate and put on Home Alone. Your brother told me it's your favorite Christmas movie."
Hang on a minute...
"That is so not my favorite Christmas movie, Gray." My face is all confusion at first, but then I can't seem to stop the laugh that echoes from my throat, causing Grayson to give me a sideways look. "Word of advice? Don't trust a single thing my brother tells you."
"That little troll." Grayson's eyes narrow, his voice simmering with mock irritation for a moment before he shrugs it off, pulling me up from the bed and sliding his hand into mine. "Okay then. On that note, you get total control of the remote tonight."
"Sounds good."
Sounds really freaking good right now.