APRIL
'Jayda, I'm sick of your attitude!' My mum shouts at me. I internally roll my eyes.
'What have I done now?' I sigh.
'Jayda, that's your mom. Don't talk to her like that.' My dad says coming out of nowhere.
'Just leave me alone! Gosh!' I shout with teary eyes and stomp to my room, slamming the door shut.
'I don't know what's got into her.' I hear my mum exclaim to my dad. I heard her footsteps outside my door. 'I don't know what has gone on Jayda, but I will not tolerate this. You better fix your shitty attitude before we get home.'
Through my tears, I had to chuckle slightly. Why was she swearing? A couple of minutes later, her and my dad left. I sigh as I wipe my tears. I didn't even know why I was crying, I had been in a shit mood basically this whole month.
I hadn't made an attempt to speak to Keiara, nor had she. Aliyah had tried to reach out to me, but I had too much pride to speak to her. So, school was usually a chore everyday. Everyone seemed to be annoyed at me, and were usually snapping at me.
The only person I had really spoken to was Dontae. We were okay, I guess. I felt like I had pushed everyone away, and I didn't know how to fix it. I had too much pride to apologise for my 'shitty attitude', even Jayden was being iffy with me.
Just at that moment, my phone rang and Dontae's name flashed across the screen. I stared at it for a while before turning my phone off. I feel like I needed some time to myself, just me. At that moment, as I sat on my bedroom floor with dried tears on my face I felt lost. I felt like I was slowly loosing myself, and I didn't know how to fix it.
I decided, I needed to reevaluate my life. My mind instantly went to a letter I had received a long time ago. I got up and went to my draw, opening it and reaching to the back. My eyes scanned the crumpled, slight off-white envelope and I take in a deep breath.
My eyes focused on the cursive writing on the front of the envelope, To Jayda
It was the letter I had received from Junior after he committed suicide in prison. I was hoping it would give me some sort of closure, but I was sceptical. Summoning up what little courage I had, I opened the letter. Taking a seat on the floor once again, I began to read it.
Jayda,
Firstly, thank you so much for deciding to read this. I can only imagine how much it must've taken for you to even open it, and for that I am so grateful.
I want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know how close you and Dani were, and it was wrong that she had to be taken away from you at such a young age. I know saying sorry isn't going to bring her back, or take away the hurt or pain you felt but I want you to know that I sincerely apologise.
Okay, I know you must be wondering why the fuck is this scum writing me a letter? But if you're receiving this it means I finally couldn't live with my conscience and decided to end it. I know I must've ruined your childhood, and I deeply apologise for that. I don't want to keep on apologising cos what's that gonna do? I want to explain to you, and I know you may not forgive me and I accept that, but I just want to explain.
Let's not even lie, I was fucked up. I was a sick guy a couple of years ago. I remember every little detail about that day, the day I lost my little sister. I don't even think I have the right to call her my little sister, I was a disgusting brother to her. I had just got out of prison, for having sex with a minor. I thought I was some kind of big man, but I was scum. I mean, what 19 year old has sex with a 14 year old? And then I even bragged about it. You would've thought going to prison would've been a wakeup call but nah. You see, before that day I had basically been selling Dani. I owed someone thousands of pounds, and knew there was no possible way to repay it. So then I thought I would sell my sister, it was sick of me but once I did it and the cash started rolling in, I became numb to the situation.
I had to pretend she wasn't my sister, that I didn't know her. And after a while, it worked. Sick, I know right. So, I was making so much money and I thought I was gonna repay my debts. Then that day... I regret it so much. I regret being born, to be honest. I mean, I put your life in danger as well. I can't believe what I did, I thought it was okay to let two minors get raped but a group of men.
Now, I don't want your pity because I literally don't deserve it, but that day. When I came home to find the house taped off, police everywhere and no sign of Dani, I nearly died on the spot. I remember my mum calling me, crying so much that her words wouldn't come out, I remember running through the hospital, my whole body shaking as I didn't know what to expect, I remember finding my mum crying on her knees, she sounded so heartbroken and I knew I had fucked up so badly. When I had to go and see her little body, I vomited, for days, weeks, months, up till now even I still vomit. It's the fact that I knew I had killed her. I had killed my 11 year old sister. I had let her be raped time, and time again and now I had killed her. I had killed a big part of my mum, of my family and I knew I would never be able to live with myself.
When I found out that you weren't hurt, or raped I thanked the Lord endlessly, which was selfish of me. I deserve every nightmare I get, I deserve the beatings I got when I first came in, I deserve the whole world to know what scum I am. And I know that it doesn't make anything better, but I am sorry Jayda. I am so sorry.
I know you might not care, but I want you to know that I realise my mistakes and the consequences of my actions. Coming to prison helped me come to terms with a lot of things. The one thing I am thankful for is the fact that I found the Lord. He has helped me see my wrongdoings. I know finding God was an amazing thing, but even I know that my sins can't be forgiven. I know in the Bible, it says committing suicide was a sin, and those shall perish in Hell. But let's face it, I was going to Hell either way. I know you may feel I was let off, and this was the easy option but I assure you, it was not. I did not commit suicide for myself, but because I knew nobody needs me in their life. Not my family, not even my daughter. I did it for the reassurance that nobody would have to ever endure my sick ways again, and that nobody would ever die at my hands.
I hope this provides some sort of closure for you, and i am sorry if it does not. I know you do not owe me a thing, which is why when I ask you this please do not feel obliged to do it. I was just hoping you would visit my daughter for me, even if it's once. I know how strong you are Jayda, and how loving and caring you are and I just want you to share that with my daughter. I'm not sure how her mums doing, and I would hate if my death has an impact on my child's upbringing. I'm not asking you to go and sit there, and talk about what a great person or dad I was because, I wasn't. I don't even want you to talk to her about me, but please just have an influence on her life. If you do not wish to, I greatly understand and I appreciate that, but I would be so grateful if you did. Even if it was just to tell her about what an amazing auntie Dani would've been.
I can only imagine how you've grown up Jayda. Your parents must be so proud of you, you've always been that caring girl, the one who put everyone else before herself. You've always been so selfless.
I want to wish you good luck in the future, with your GCSEs, with anything and I hope you become the successful woman I know you will be.
I know Dani would proud to see how her best friend turned out.
Thank you for actually reading this, and goodbye.
'Junior.
As I came to the end of the letter I wiped away the many tears that had fallen down my cheeks. I felt relieved, sort of. I was amazed that he had actually changed, and actually regretted his actions. I'm not going to lie, what he had written had actually touched me, as I much as I didn't want it to. And, despite everything I found myself almost forgiving him. Hate is such a tiresome emotion, and I think I was done hating him.
At the bottom of the letter, he had written his daughter's address. I decided I would go and visit her, not for him but for Dani. She was related to Dani, and that was the only link I had left.
I felt quite lifted after reading the letter and now decided, I would use this feeling to help me sort my wreck of a life out.
I sat thinking, for hours and hours about everything. What I needed to do, who I needed in my life at this current time and who I didn't.
*
'Tae, be serious for once. I'm trying to talk to you.' I say in frustration.
'Sorry, go on.' He finally sits down. I sigh deeply.
'Okay, please don't interrupt me. Don't get mad at me. Just let me speak, then you can talk, okay?' He nods sceptically. 'Ok-.'
'Did you cheat?'
'Dontae!' I scold with a frown. He chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender. 'Okay. I don't need to tell you how much I love you, because you already know. Like sometimes the love I have for you overwhelms me. I can't believe how far we've come in this relationship. We've been together for a year and 3 months now. I know we've had problems, more recently anyway and I've been thinking. Don't shout, or tell me no because I'm being serious Tae. I honestly think we need to take a break.' I pause and look up at his rigid face. 'I think we've just been together so much, that it's unhealthy. Like it's causing arguments between me and my closest friends, and between me and you. I'm not saying that's the reason tho. I feel like I'm losing myself. I just need to be alone. If I'm not tryna please you, I'm tryna please my friends, or my mum and dad. It's just too much. I just need some space to clear my head.' I finish with a deep breath since my voice had turned shaky, I could feel the tears building up. He still hadn't spoken and was now staring at the floor. 'Tae?' I ask timidly.
'Come here man.' He pulls me into his arms and holds me as the waterworks begin. He sighs, placing a soft kiss on my temple.
'Jayda, you know I love you init? If that's how you feel then I respect it. I'll give you some space and that, don't worry.'
'So, we're on a break?' I whisper as I look up with watery eyes. Even though I knew it was temporary, and it was me who had inflicted this I still felt sad.
'Yeah b, not permanent though. I don't want you chatting to other guys uno, or even giving your number out.' He warns with a hard look. I give him a small smile.
'Course I wont Tae. Thank you for understanding.' I lean up and peck his cheek.
'It's alright b.' He squeezes me. I smile in his embrace, thanking the Lord that I had such a wonderful boyfriend. 'We can still have sex, init?'
'Dontae!' I groan whilst laughing.
'What?' He asks innocently before kissing my neck, and lying me down.
'I'm not having sex with you.' I mumble as he begins to pull my jeans down.
'Ok.' He replies laughing against my neck.
'Can I talk to you guys?' I had finally summoned up the courage to go to Aliyah and Keiara.
'Yeah.' Aliyah says and we walk out the canteen to a quiet corner.
'Guys, I'm sorry for everything I said.' I start and am surprised when Keiara and Aliyah both pull me into their arms.
'No, we're sorry. I'm so sorry that I said all those things to you Jayda. I was drunk and angry and stupid. But I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm so sorry.' Keiara rambles on. I smile and chuckle, feeling full of relief.
'Same, sorry for not being mutual in the situation and being a good friend. I shouldn't have taken Keiara's side like that.' Aliyah hugs me again.
'It'a alright. I was gonna speak to you sooner but I just needed some space. Me and Dontae are on a break.' I give them a small smile.
'Really? Ah no, I feel bad. Was it cos I pressured you?' Keiera gnaws on her bottom lip.
'No, I realised I needed some space. I realised everything you were saying to me made sense. It was turning unhealthy.'
'Well if that's what you want, then.' Aliyah smiles.
'How did it happen? Did you have another argument?' Keiara asks.
'No, I just spoke to him. He understood where I was coming from, so we decided. Then, I may have had sex with him.' I say, hiding my smile.
'Jayda!' Keiera laughs and hits my arm. 'As long as if it's what you want, and not because of how foul I was.'
'I'm sure. Thank you for being foul, it made me realise a lot.' I give her another hug.
'Thank God! Because all this fluffing about and awkwardness was killing me.' Aliyah says and we laugh. And just like that, we were back to normal.
*
'Dontae! Give it back!' I screech as I chased him around Aliyah's house. Everyone was too preoccupied to care. We had all decided not to go to school today, and have a "revision" session at Aliyah's which had flopped immensely.
'I'm just checking your whatsapp.' He jumps from sofa to sofa, checking my phone.
'Oh my days!' I shout as I jump after him. He suddenly stops on one arm of the sofa, as I was about to jump on to it, causing me to fall to the ground, face first. 'Owwww.' I wince as my forehead connected with the floor.
'Ooooooh! That fucking connection!' I hear Devarni shout whilst the room filled with laughter.
'Did you hear that? That quality smack!' Ade commented, wheezing as he laughed excessively. I sit up, ignoring everyone as my head hurt immensely. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I touch my head. I wince as it hurts. Dontae turns around, and stops laughing when he notices my expression.
'Aw, come b.' He pulls me up and picks me up. He carries me to the kitchen, setting me on the counter whilst he made an icepack. He literally put a few ice cubes in a refreezable bag, then tied it. He then carried me to the front room, and sat down with me on his lap as he pressed the ice pack on my head.
'Why you cradling her, like some baby.' Keiara bursts out laughing.
'Shut your mouth.' I mumble as the cold sensation of the ice relieves the buring of my forehead.
'Innit, leave my baby alone.' Dontae says.
'What's the point of them being on a break, when they still act like a couple?'
'Truss mi daddi!' Jayden adlibs. I screw them all, nestling on Dontae as he planted a kiss on my lips and held the ice pack to my head.
'Nah, it's just the strain of being in a relationship is taken away innit. They don't always have to be together, or always have to act like a couple. They can just chill.' Aliyah explains. I nod in agreement.
'But they are still always together, they're acting like a couple now..' Ade continues.
'Shut up. You've never had the experience of being in a relationship, and you never will so you wont understand.' I bite at him.
'BANTSSSS, don't 'av it Ade!' Corahn shouts.
'Lemme leave you and your dysfunctional relationship.'
A while later, me and Dontae were in the kitchen alone whilst everyone was making noise in the front room.
'We need to stop.' I inform him as he kissed me again.
'Stop what?'
'Acting like we're still in a relationship.'
'We are. Just cos we're on a break doesn't mean I can't kiss my girl. Would you prefer me kissing some other girl?'
'No, shut up.' I sigh resting my head on his shoulder.
'Does it still hurt?' He asks as he softly lifted up my head and touched the small coco that had emerged.
'It's not gonna stop hurting in the space of an hour, is it.' I tut, pulling back as it hurt.
'Watch your mouth.' He lightly taps my mouth. 'Are you coming to mine after?'
'No, for what?'
'To chill.' He shrugs.
'We're chilling now?'
'Yeah but I wanna be with you, alone, naked, in my bed.' He pecks my lips as his hands rest on my thighs.
'No.' I pull away. 'If I keep having sex with you, it defies the whole point of us being on a break.'
'Nah, it's just casual sex innit. You'll just be a quick ting, no strings attached.' I laugh, pushing him away.
'I'm going, I need to go see someone quickly.' I attempt to jump down from the counter but he held me up.
'See who?'
'Someone.'
'Who?' He persists.
'Just someone Dontae.' His face screws up as he scrutinises me.
'Are you fucking about? Just tell me who.'
'It is someone. You don't need to know.'
'Cool.' He nods, leaving the kitchen. I roll my eyes, knowing I had pissed him off. He was too over-protective, why did he have to know?
'Guys I'm going.' I shout as I enter the front room.
'Bye you everlasting bastard.' I was laughing so hard that I couldn't even summon up the fire within me to give Ade a fire comeback.
'I hate you.' I say after my laughing fit. I reach forward, giving him a big hug and planting a sloppy kiss on his temple.
'Err FAM. GET THIS TING OFF ME.' He shouts in protest. I laugh as I move on, hugging everyone else.
'What did you do to him?' Aliyah asks, nodding over to Dontae as I hugged her. I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
'He's being stupid.'
'What, you're not gonna say bye now?' Dontae says, tripping me up as I went to leave the room. I turn around, mustering the dirtiest screw to give him.
'Bye.' I respond bluntly, before walking on.
'Tell Kalim I said wagwan.' He shouts after me. I roll my eyes and scoff, not bothering to give him a reply. Foul cunt. I left Aliyah's house, bringing up the directions on my phone. It was a 20 minute train journey and a quick bus ride. After topping up my oyster, I waited for the train.
I checked the time, it was around 5. I assumed by the time I got there, she would be home. After a tiresome journey, with annoying school kids and college girls who had 100 percent of confidence but 0 percent of fleekiness, I arrived at my destination.
I looked down at the note on my phone, making sure I had the right door number. Summoning up my courage, I stepped into the gate and rang the doorbell. I heard shouting and clashing inside, before a young woman opened the door.
She was brownskin, and couldn't be older than 22. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail, and minimal make up on.
'Yes, can I help you?' She says with a hint of hostility and confusion. I froze, I hadn't even thought of what I was gonna say when she answered.
'Oh, um-.' I was cut off by the sound of a little girl screaming and crying.
'Deedee! Stop it now! Pick up your toys or you are going to straight to bed, without food!' The woman shouts back, before turning back to me impatiently.
'Is this where um... Um, do you know Junior?' I decided to just come out with it. Her whole demeanour changed, as she froze.
'How do you know him? Wait, who are you? What do you want?' She says, stepping closer to me.
'I'm Jayda. Is it okay if I come in? I can explain everything.' She looks at me sceptically, before opening the door wider and nodding slowly. 'Thanks.'
She pointed to the front room, and told me to go through whilst she got me a cup of juice. I walked in, spotting a little girl, who was at least 4, sulkily picking up toys that were strewn all across the room. She turned around when she heard me come in and I was stunned.
Her resemblance to Dani was incredible. She shared the same big, brown eyes.
'Hi.' I gave her a little wave. Her face broke out into a cute smile as she waved back shyly.
'Hi, what's your name?' She asked, walking over to me.
'I'm Jayda, what's your name?'
'DeeDee. I'm 4.' She held up 4 fingers.
'Wow, you're a big girl! Almost a woman.'
'Yeah! One day I'm gonna be bigger than mummy!' She squeals with a grin.
'I know right!' I say chuckling. She was too cute. As soon as her mum came back in, DeeDee instantly began picking up her toys again. Her mum sat down opposite me, handing me a cup of Tropical juice.
'Thanks.' I say before tentatively taking a sip.
'DeeDee, go put your toys upstairs and get ready to bath.' DeeDee rolls her eyes before groaning and trailing out the room slowly. I couldn't help but smile, she seemed so grown. 'So, Jayda?'
'Yeah. Sorry this is coming across really weirdly. But um, your Junior's baby mother?' I ask cautiously, not wanting to offend. She nods, laughing a bit.
'I'm sure I've heard of you from somewhere.' She says, thinking.
'Um, I don't know how to say this. I was Dani's, his little sister, her best friend. I um was there when she died.' I explain.
'Oh, I knew I knew your name.' She gave me a sympathetic smile. 'How comes you're here?'
'Well, when Junior committed suicide, he wrote me a letter. I recently opened it, and in it he had asked if I could visit his daughter.' She nods, looking slightly confused. 'I didn't come to visit for him tho, I just thought if it was alright with you that I could just come by, since your daughter is related to Dani.'
'How old are you hun?'
'16.'
'You're very mature for 16 years old, I'll tell you that. If you want to visit DeeDee, then I have no problem with it. I think that's so nice of you, thinking of Dani.' She gave me a smile. I offered one back. After that, we began talking. She was so open and let me know a lot.
She told me how she had struggled recently, after hearing about his death. She admitted that, in a way she was relieved. She would never have to explain to her daughter that her daddy's in prison for the committing the crime he did. But on the other hand, she would have to explain how he died, and why. She also told me that DeeDee had been being very naughty recently, and she didn't know what to do, she felt as if she was slowly loosing it.
I was so shocked when she opened all of this up to me, but then when she informed me that she basically had no one, I understood. She needed to open up to someone, even if it was a 16 year old teenager who she literally just met.
I had eagerly agreed to help her with DeeDee, and babysit if she ever needed it, which would have to be after my exams though. She denied until I persisted, telling her I wouldn't mind. After that, I stayed for dinner, and spoke to DeeDee some more, she was such a character for a 4 year old.
On the way home, I felt sort of accomplished or spiritual. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That now, all I needed to focus on was my GCSEs and life would be great.
That was until I got back to my area, and saw Nia walking with Rayshawn. I felt a burden again. At one point I considered her my sister, and we hadn't spoken in over 3 months. I realised that was one thing I needed to fix, before the school year ended.
MAY
'Additional Science, please put your pens down. Your time is up. Make sure your name is on the...' I tuned out as I closed my paper, after checking through it a fifth time. I felt okay with the exam, and was ready for the rest to start. The first one was out of the way, only about 15 more to go. Yay.
As soon as people were out of the hall, they excitedly chatted about what answer they had put for what question.
'Jayda! How did you find it?' Michael says as he approached me. Me and Michael were on "talking" terms. You know that awkward stage when you first start talking to someone again, so the conversation is quite forced and limited? Yeah, we were there.
'It was good you know. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't hard.'
'Yeah, I get you.' He nods. 'What did you put for question 5a, mateee I was struggling..' I immediately put my hands to my ears.
'I will not talk about the answers until I get my result in August.' I inform him. I hate when people do that, cos then it makes me paranoid, especially when everyone has put different answers to my own. Michael chuckled and was about to say something until I felt myself being lifted up off the ground. I immediately knew it was Dontae. I squeal as he turns me to face him.
'You good b?' He plants a kiss on my forehead. I kiss my teeth, slapping his chest. I turn back to see Michael had disappeared.
'Why are you so annoying?' He chuckles and gives me a squeeze.
'How was it?'
'It was good.' I shrug. He nods.
'Why were you talking to that fuckboy?'
'Don't start.' I sigh.
'I aint starting.' He holds his hands up in surrender. We were still on a break, and it had been about 3 weeks now. It had no impact, in the sense that we still spoke, and kissed and occasionally had sex but it had helped our relationship a lot. We didn't always have to speak, or see each other so there was less stress, resulting in less arguments. It just felt like how we were before we put a label on our relationship.
Although, I was slightly ready for us to just get the label back. You wouldn't believe how sneaky girls are. So many girls have come up to me, asking me are me and Dontae on a break, and I've had to reply with yes. Girls now thought he was single, but they had it very wrong.
'Come by mine today.' He says as he pulled me into the school building.
'Just for a bit.'
'Yeah.' He says with a smile. As we walked to our lockers, I spotted Nia conversing with some people.
'Gimme a sec.' I say as I walked over to her. 'Nia.'
'Yeah?' She says turning to me, confusion written across her face.
'I was wondering if we could talk.'
'Now?'
'No, like. Could you maybe come mine tomorrow or something? Or on the weekend?'
'Um, yeah. Sure.' She nods.
'Cool.' I reply before awkwardly waving and strolling back to Dontae.
'I've told you before, you're too goodhearted.'
'What, shutup. Don't take my kindness for a weakness, I'll choke with the same hand I fed you with.'
'You nerdddd! Bare copying the picture word for word.' He laughs loudly. I watch him with a smile, as his eyes disappeared into slits as he roared with laughter.
'Tae, you give me life uno.' I admite randomly. His face scrunches up in confusion before he bursts into laughter again.
'You're cute man.' He pulls me into his arms, giving me a soft kiss on my lips. We stop when we get to the English department. Everyone was in lessons, so the school was quiet.
'Dontae, be my boyfriend.'
'I am b.'
'No, I mean. I'm done with this break.'
'Nah b, exams aint done. I want you to focus. After that, we can sex as much as you like.' I looked up at him with a wide mouth.
'Did you just reject me?' I ask slowly, as if I was saying it more to myself. 'A whole me?'
'Yes Jayda, I did.' He laughs. I give him a dirty look.
'Cunt.' I mutter.
'Come baby g.' He pulls me into his arms. I smile in his embrace, feeling as if my life was back on track.
*
'Hello?' I answer my phone.
'Hey, I'm outside.' Nia says.
'Oh! I'm coming, one sec.' I say before hanging up. I quickly slip Dontae's Nike jumper over my sports bra and go downstairs. I open the door and Nia gives me a small smile.
'Come in.' I say, opening the door wider and ushering her in. She steps in timdly, as if she had never been here before. 'Um, do you want a drink?'
'Nah, I'm good.' She replies. I nod, feeling the awkward tension mount. Once upon a time, she could raid out my fridge, without any questions.
We go upstairs into my room and she sits on the computer chair whilst I sit on my bed.
'Yeah, I wanted to talk because I honestly can't believe we haven't spoken for 3 months. Like, you were basically my sister and for us not to talk, it's really...weird.' I say and felt the tears well up in my eyes. I saw her eyes well up too, and before we knew we were both crying.
When we realised we were crying, we both started laughing.
'I can't stress how much I've missed you Jayda. I'm so, so sorry.' She says before lunging at me and attacking me with a hug. I laugh as I hug her back. After that, which broke the ice, we talked about everything. Literally everything. We cried some more, laughed some more. It felt good to actually talk about everything.
It felt good to have Nia back.
'Thought I heard two voices up here. How you doing Nia? Aint seen you here in a while.' Jay says barging into my room.
'I'm good thanks.' Nia smiles.
'Why are you here?' I ask Jay.
'Shut your mouth. I thought Kalim would've been here by now. He''s dropping Jaydene off here. Do you want her for the night?'
'No, Jay. She snores.'
'Cool, I'll pick her up tomorrow afternoon. Tell Kalim I said thanks. In a bit Nia.' Jay says, and just like that, he was gone. I groan in annoyance. My parents weren't home yet, so I would have to babysit.
'He's still so sexy.' I give Nia a look and she giggles. I heard the door slam and a group of voices. I roll my eyes, Jayden and his entourage were back. 'Is that Jayden?'
'Yeah.' I look and see a hurt look on her face. 'Is it still bad?' I ask her.
'Yeah. The other day I said hi to him. He didn't even look at me, just walked on.' She sighs.
'He's hard-headed. He'll come around. It may take a while, since you were the first girl to ever hurt him but he'll come around. You may not be as close as before, but.' I shrug. Just then, he poked his head through my door. Why doesn't anyone knock? His eyes landed on Nia for a split second, before he looked to me and grinned. He acted like she wasn't even in his presence.
'Wagwan my yute?'
'What? Shut up. Who's here?'
'The usual lot, Kalim's downstairs with Jaydene as well. You babysitting?'
'We, me and you are, yes.'
'Nah g.' He scoffs. 'You hungry?'
'Yes please. Me and Nia are starving.'
'I asked you tho.' He says rudely. I give him a look then use our twin telepathy to make him ask if Nia was also hungry. He screws me before looking at her.
'You hungry?' He asks her. I felt her stiffen as she didn't expect him to acknowledge her.
'Uh, y-yeah.' She stutters.
'Chinese cool, yeah?' She nods, struggling to speak. He nods before exiting the room. I give her a grin.
'See!'
'That's just cos you were here tho.' She mumbles.
'No, he'll get there. Trust me.' After 20 minutes, we went downstairs to eat Chinese. Corahn, Trey, Marco and 2 other boys were here. They were all in the kitchen picking out their food, but I already had mine so I walk into the front room.
I coo as I see Jaydene asleep on Kalim's chest, as he scrolled through his phone, as per usual.
'Kally!' I exclaim as I sat next to him. We barely spoke recently. He just stopped speaking to me. Whenever I started a convo, he would be blunt or reply at disgusting times so I just gave up, I wasn't sure what I had done.
'You cool Jay.' He gives me a lazy smile. 'Ah, feed me some.' He opens his mouth as he eyes my Chinese. I tut, giving him a forkful of chicken chow mein.
'Haven't spoken to you in ages.'
'I know. Sorry bout that, I'm being stupid.'
'Why's that?' I ask.
'You really wanna know?' He asks. I nod.
'Why else would I ask?'
'Cool. Not even gonna lie, I like you innit.'
I never expeddded it.
It literally hit me in my face. I forecefully swallowed the Chinese in my mouth, refusing to look at him although I could feel his gaze burning into me.
'Oh.' Was all I could say. Whaaaaaaaat? Where did this even come from? And why the hell is he admitting it to me?
'Yeah, but I thought I wouldn't be badmind and steal you from your man. Dontae's calm.'
'The confidence. As if you could steal me.' I scoff, as an attempt to ease the tension.
'Don't lie Jayda. If I wanted to, I easily could.' He chuckles. I look down to meet his eyes, which were already staring at me.
'So um,' I start, looking away as it became toe intense.
'Don't worry. I wont be awkward and all that. I'm not like that, and I aint gonna try pursue you. I respect you too much for that. Plus, you probably couldn't handle me.'
'Again, that A star confidence.' I comment causing him to chuckle.
'Anyway, I'm gone.' He gently lifts Jaydene up, placing her comfortably on the sofa next to me before standing up. 'In a bit Jayda.' He pecks my cheek, winks and just like that he was gone.
Everyone soon re-entered the room with their Chinese as I sat there, still in mild shock at the revelation. This was going to be a problem.
One thing that ate away at the back of mind was, why did I get butterflies when he kissed my cheek?
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