UNEDITED
"And he won't even tell us who it is. Can you believe that?" I said as I put my teacup on the counter and rolled my eyes.
The dog that sat across from me stared at me impassively. "Woof." Surely you have human companions to share your sorrows with, my lady.
I waved a hand. "That's embarrassing to talk about. I don't want them knowing about my unrequited love for my boss."
"Woof woof." And talking to a dog at this time of the night isn't?
"At least I'm not drinking alcohol and losing my mind. I hate this feeling. How do I ever make it go away."
After a pause, Taroumaru barked again. "Arf." Well, why not get it off your mind and move on?
"How?"
"Woof." The easiest way would be to confess.
The tea went down the wrong pipe and I coughed. "What? No. Confessing is not my forte."
"Arrrf." Then, are you going to keep that one-sided love forever? You truly won't regret it? Take it from me, it's better to do it and regret now, than let it eat away at your heart in the future.
"Maybe you're right." I drank the tea and placed the empty cup on the table. "I should talk to the commissioner and do it, once and for all."
I should tell him everything.
With Taroumaru's words on my mind, I made my way through the trees to the Kamisato estate. Passing by a sleeping Shuumatsuban member that was to keep watch tonight, I sighed at the slacker. My feet were nimble and took me stealthily to the commissioner's office. The light was still on, meaning that he was working late, again.
I wish he wouldn't push himself so hard, but with the recent events, he wasn't likely to stop anytime soon.
It's okay, I can do this. I can...no
My heart rate was abnormal, my mouth felt dry, and I was breathless. Maybe I should stop while I could.
No. I even brought his favourite milk tea on the way here. I can't back out now. Besides, the commissioner won't be so mean as to humiliate me because of it.
I stepped closer to the door, and stopped with my hand on the door as I heard voices inside.
Who could be in the commissioner's office this late? Thoma?
But the voice that I heard wasn't Thoma.
"..I still can't believe you planned all of that, Commissioner. You are truly a strategist." Ah, it's one of his advicers. What was his name again? Kabuki? Masumi?
"You flatter me, Tatsuki." Ayato's smooth voice followed by his laughter made me smile involuntarily.
I should stop eavesdropping. I should get going and come back another -
"You have that assassin completely wrapped around your finger."
They were talking about..me?
"Of course. I didn't expect it to go so smoothly either."
"When did your plan even start?"
"From the first assassination attempt. It was easy to lure her and make a fake deal."
"She even left the fatui for you. I didn't think you'd let yourself get poisoned to earn her trust. Even allowing Hiiragi Genji to leave inazuma to chase him with her."
"Such events bring a feeling of togetherness."
Tastsuki laughed. "I have to say, at the moment you ask, the girl will be pouring out fatui's secrets like water from a waterfall. You have her in the palm of your hand. I suppose she even fell for you. Of course, she is rather pretty to look at."
Ayato scoffed. "An assassin like her wouldn't know such feelings. It was hard to fool a clever person like her."
"Yet you did it."
"That was the plan. I-" I couldn't stand there any longer.
After throwing the milk tea in the trash, I ran into the forest.
I had never felt more sick than I did in that moment. All the words he said, everything he did, it was all a facade created to fool me.
"I'll trust you anyway."
"I do care about you, Sora."
"Call me by my name."
"You're one of my people now."
"You deserve to be happy."
His bubbling laughter, his obnoxiously bad cooking, his smile that made me want to smile in return each time I saw it; it all came back in a mocking blur. Was everyone else in on this, too?
Ayaka, Thoma..and Lu Wei?
Was it all just a play?
I slumped down near a tree with my back to the trunk. Tears rolled down as fast as I wiped them away, and I rested my head on my knees as I sobbed.
It hurt. It hurt so much. After years of distrust and walls built all around me, I had chosen to trust again. And look where it got me.
When I got stabbed, it was easy to take out the blade and stich it back up. Yet now, it felt like I was stabbed even though I wasn't. I wasn't bleeding, but it hurt. How do you fix the wounds when you can't even see them?
And here I was thinking of confessing. How laughably pathetic.
"Stupid. Idiot," I cried. "You dumbass."
Cursing myself out didn't make me feel any better.
I felt something wet on my arm and glanced up to see the dark sky. Thunder was all around, the wind rapidly growing stronger. Rain came down seconds later, and I just stayed there, crying out in the rain for how idiotic I'd been to think that I could ever be happy or carefree.
The pelting droplets fell harder, the thunder and rain drowning my cries away.
*********
Morning came inevitably, and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a pair of red horns and eyes staring at me in worry.
"Ah, you woke up. Thank god, I thought you were dead."
"That wouldn't be so bad," I muttered under my breath. Aloud I said, "what am I doing here, Itto?"
"I was collecting onikabuto for our match, and it started raining out of nowhere." He shook his head. "I didn't even have an umbrella with me so I was running to the shrine I saw nearby, and there you were on the ground beside the tree."
"Okay."
"What do you mean, okay? Why were you sleeping in the rain? Do you have a death wish?"
"Maybe."
"Don't joke around," he pouted. "You have a fever, so don't even think about moving. I heard from the housekeeper that they were looking for you so-"
I sat up, and groaned at the headache that followed. "Don't tell me you told them?"
"No, he got called back before I could..why?"
"Don't tell anyone I'm here."
"What's going on, dude?" He folded his arms. "You in trouble? Have no worry, Arataki Itto-sama, the one and oni can drive your worries away."
Upon my poker face, he sighed.
"Not even a smile today? You sure are gloomy now, even more than that little dude from Liyue. Lay back down, my lips are sealed." He ushered me back to the bed, and handed me a plate of porridge.
It reminded me of Thoma.
"I asked shinobu to make it. Stay here as long as you want. Don't make aniki and others worry for long though, okay?" He left after handing me a spoon.
I hadn't particularly liked food in my life; a sentiment most people wouldn't agree with. But as someone who had to eat melting snow and herbs to keep going, food was merely a means to survive. After coming to the Kamisato estate, and eating Thoma's dishes, I began to like it again, and dislike Ayato's horrible attempts at it.
The porridge was warm in my hands, the scent of herbs working my appetite. But I didn't feel like eating anymore.
It was nightfall by the time Itto had come back and I'd bid him goodbye. The Oni had clung onto me insisting that I still had a fever. It was only after I told him I was going to the Kamisato estate that he reluctantly let me go.
The commissioner was seated at the table in his office, his eyes going over the documents one by one. He kept nodding off, until finally he rested his head on the table.
I'd thought of revenge, and if it were anyone else I would have already done just that. Unfortunately for me, when it came to the commissioner, I lost reason.
Slowly, I walked over to him. Dark circles were under his eyes, and ink on his sleeves; he was exhausted. I brushed his hair aside. "At least sleep on the bed."
I left my letter of resignation on his table, and took one last look at the man I had fallen for. It was really unfair how he managed to look so pretty even now.
"The lies you told were ones I embraced as the truth. Goodbye, Commissioner." My hands lingered on his cheeks for a while.
I stood there for what seemed like a long time, before disappearing into the night.
***********
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