"You appear even in my dreams..."
– Nautica
❀❀❀
~ D O R O T H Y ~
January 1998
The dark sky is dotted with twinkling stars when Reece and I get out of his car. We walk down a path that leads to a pair of tall gates, behind which different shades of colours flash. Faint music is heard from beyond the gates with exhilarated screams piercing the air. As we walk closer to the entrance, the massive structures of the rides come into view: ferris wheels, rollercoasters, evolution, freefall – the list is endless.
"A fair?" I say to Reece, facing him with a grin, pleasantly surprised and excited.
He nods, mirroring my excitement.
Every Friday evening, Reece and I would pick some place to go together. Reece decided that he would pick a place today, but he chose to not tell me to surprise me.
Holding each other's hands, we walk through the gates. Long queues snake in every direction while rollercoasters zip back and forth as fast as a bullet, leaving behind traces of decrescendo screams. The air is filled with a mouth-watering aromas of hotdogs, candy floss, spiced apples and fried churros and donuts.
As we walk by a stall, something catches my eye.
I look up at the human-sized octopus plushie with the cutest smile and twinkliest eyes embroidered on it.
And there is only one left.
I guess Reece notices my interest as he asks a question to the middle-aged man running the stall.
"How do we win the octopus?"
"3 balls through the hoop, boy. You get 5 balls," the man replies.
"I'll play," I say, pulling out my little purse from my jean pocket as determination runs through my veins.
Before I get the chance to unzip my purse, Reece snatches it from my grasp.
"I will pay," he says.
"No, Reece. I won't let yo–"
"Please, I insist. Tonight's my treat."
"But–"
"No buts."
He hides my purse in his jacket pocket before he takes out his black wallet and hands the man a five pound note.
I'll pay him back later. No matter what.
The man then places five balls on the bench in front of me. I throw the first ball, which barely reaches the hoop. Frowning, I pick up the second ball. It flies too high over the hoop until it bounces back from the hoop backboard. Cursing, I throw another ball.
It shimmies through the hoop! Feeling hopeful, I throw the fourth ball. It goes in! On my fifth ball, I recite a small prayer before I throw it and...
It hits the backboard.
I slump my shoulders.
I was so close...
I glance up at the octopus, whose twinkling eyes are watching me, begging me to win him. Gosh, I want him so bad. I even thought of a name for him.
"I want to try again," I say, more determined.
Reece hands the man another five pound note.
"I will pay you back," I tell him, serious.
"You will not," he says, shooting me an innocent smile.
I'll deal with his resistance later.
Right now, the stakes are high.
I give another go with the five balls. Again, only two balls got in.
Half an hour (and twenty-five pounds) later, I look up.
The octopus is no longer dangling from the hook.
"Sorry ma'am," the man tells me, with a wad of cash in hand. "Someone already won it."
"What?" I gasp. "Who?"
He scans through the crowd.
"The lad there," he replies.
I follow his line of sight. An unfamiliar man in a dark blue jacket is walking away with the octopus' soft tentacles wrapped around his neck.
That was supposed to be my neck...
Gosh, I was so immersed in getting the balls through the hoop that I did not notice other people playing at the same time as I was.
Well, there goes my plushie.
And my thirty-five pounds...
A hand wraps around my waist, catching my attention.
"It's alright," Reece says into my ear. "There are many other stuffed toys that you can win."
I scan the other toys in the stall, before looking at the stuffed toys in the other stalls.
"None of them are like Oscar," I whimper.
"Oscar? You even named him?" he asks with an amused smile.
I nod, pouting.
Reece holds onto my hand.
"Come, then. Let's cheer you up. The ferris wheel has a great view to offer."
When we stand at the end of a long queue for the ride, Reece offers to get me candy floss.
"OH! Yes, please," I reply.
"I'll get one, but while I'm away..."
He holds onto my scarf and plays with it until it covers half of my face.
"...you stay here and keep yourself wrapped up like this," he continues. "Understood?"
"Yes, sir," I say, my voice coming out as muffles thanks to the scarf.
He shoots me a smile before he turns to leave. I now stand in the queue for the ferris wheel alone. There is a couple right in front of me. Enamoured, they are in the middle of a heavy make-out session.
Geez...
Why?
Why now?
Why in front of me?
Is this fate's way of rubbing my cowardice against my face?
I fidget, looking away from them.
Gosh, how can anyone have the guts to do that in public?
About twenty minutes pass since Reece and I have separated. I wonder why he is taking so long. When I glance at the couple again, they're shoving their tongues down each other's throats.
Yup. This is definitely fate's way of mocking me.
Would your lips be bare right now if I wasn't?
Involuntarily, I rest my fingertips on my lips, reliving our kiss from last week in my mind. I have the urge to tell Reece that he can kiss me. That he doesn't have to hold back. But I just don't have the courage to actually tell him.
It's odd...
I've always been vocal and confident. I have never been afraid of expressing what I want and what I don't want. But when it comes to physical contact with Reece, I feel it difficult to articulate. Not because he makes me feel uncomfortable, but because all of this is new for me and because I'm afraid.
What if I mess up?
I heard rumours of Reece being a womaniser. While he is experienced, I'm not.
What if he realises that I'm not good enough for him?
What if he realises that I'm not as special as he thinks I am?
Reece eventually emerges from the crowd with a massive candy floss in hand. As he approaches me with a warm smile, I notice how female passersby are eyeing him. A couple of them even stop in their tracks to observe him. I don't know why but I become tensed and wary.
One of the girls 'accidentally' bumps into him, making Reece's gaze shift from me to her. She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and bats her freakishly long eyelashes as she tries to engage him in a conversation.
Suddenly, something ignites within me, akin to a match being set aflame. I struggle to maintain all logic and reason until Reece excuses himself from the girl and reverts his attention to me. Immediately, I regain my composure.
Goodness...
What on earth was that feeling? It's so foreign and... ugly.
"Here is your candy floss," Reece says, approaching me.
He hands me the sweet delicacy, which I accept whole-heartedly.
"Thank you. You made it on time. We're in the next group to get on."
I pluck a piece of the fluffy pink cloud and put it in my mouth.
"Oh my gosh... It's so sweet!" I moan. "I love that it just melts in my mouth."
Reece wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him.
"Can I have some?" he asks.
Nodding, I hand him the candy floss, but he simply shakes his head.
"Feed me," he says, like a five-year-old child, before he opens his mouth wide.
Rolling my eyes, I pluck another piece and plop it into his mouth.
"It's too sweet," he comments, scrunching his nose.
"Don't you have a sweet tooth?" I ask him.
"Not really. I prefer savoury foods. Can I have another piece?"
"I thought it's too sweet for you–"
"On the contrary, it's perfect for me."
"That makes no sense–"
"Aaaaah," he says out loud, opening his mouth wide.
Sighing, I plop another piece into his mouth.
This boy...
***
When we reach the top of the ferris wheel, my breath is taken away. There are a few other ferris wheels around, but the one that we're on is the tallest.
Reece snakes his arm across my shoulders, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder.
"This is beautiful," I sigh, mesmerised.
The fair is a myriad of colours. Ebullient crowds pour into every corner, leaving no space of ground visible. The Merry-Go-Round, in motion, hypnotises me with its dazzling lights.
"You're beautiful," he says.
I look up at his face.
"And you're too handsome for my own good," I say, thinking of the many girls whose attention were on him, especially the one who had the audacity to approach him.
"Oh, am I?" he asks, amused.
"I noticed many girls checking you out."
"Really?"
"Really. You didn't notice?"
"I didn't."
"Impossible."
"I really didn't, but wait a minute... Is Dorothy Sherman jealous?"
"Jealous?" I scoff. "Me?"
But then I remember the horrible feeling I experienced when I saw Reece talking to that girl.
Was that jealousy?
Was I jealous?
"You don't need to be," Reece says with a smirk, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I only have eyes for you. And I intend to keep it that way forever."
Forever.
He then nuzzles his nose on the side of my forehead, making the butterflies in my stomach go in a frenzy.
"Reece," I say, mustering up as much courage as possible..
"Hmm?"
"I want to tell you something."
"Yes?"
"I... About you holding back from kissing me..."
He raises his eyebrows.
"Dorothy, I didn't mean to pressurise you–"
"You don't have to hold back," I say quickly, making him frown.
"What?"
"I-I know that you may have expectations, and my inexperience is probably making you impatient, or annoyed, even. You can go for–"
Immediately, Reece rests his index finger on my lips, silencing me, as he looks at me in disbelief
"Enough, Dorothy," he says in a low voice. "Before you say anything else, I need to make things clear."
He pulls his finger away and cups my left cheek instead, stroking it gently with his thumb.
"Have you heard of the different forms of love in Ancient Greece?"
I shake my head.
"There is Eros – passionate love. Ludus – playful love. Philautia – self love. Mania – obsessive love. Pragma – committed love. Storge – family love. Agape – compassionate love. And Philia – friendship love. But one form of love was most valued by the Greeks."
Looking down, he picks up my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.
"And that is Philia," he says, continuing to stare at our entwined hands. "Philia is entirely platonic – meaning that it is devoid of physical attraction, unlike Eros, which only involves the physical aspect of love. Philia involves deep friendship, and, naturally, with deep friendship comes companionship, loyalty, trust, equality and reciprocation. The Greeks thought it more precious than Eros because a relationship cannot be built and sustained by Eros alone. But it can be by Philia."
He then looks up at my face, particularly my eyes.
"And that is what our love mostly falls under – Philia," he says. "Dorothy, I have no physical expectations from you."
All this time, I felt bad that I was making him feel deprived of physical contact. But Reece managed to change my perspective of our relationship. What we have between us is a spiritual form of love – one that was borne out of our childhood friendship and strengthened by our shared hardships.
And just like that, all of my concerns and anxiety wash away.
"Dorothy, you are my most beautiful companion," he continues, pouring all of his affection through our eye contact. "Who I love with all of my being. You are too precious for me to let go. If you don't believe me, should I remind you that I waited for seven years for your return?"
Of course I believe him.
Gosh, I love him so much.
Allowing my amorous feelings take control over me, I lean towards him until our lips meet. His lips are soft and, surprisingly, warm. Unlike our previous kisses, this one is very gentle.
"Kiss me when you want to," I tell him just after we pull apart. "Don't hold back."
"Dorothy, don't force yourself to–"
"I want you to kiss me, Reece," I finally confess. "I mean it."
He examines me, trying to find any hint of hesitance from my expression. When he realises that I am being serious, he smirks.
"You do know that what you're asking for is rather risky, right? I mean, what if I never stop kissing you?" he teases.
"I can say the same thing to you," I retort boldly.
At my words, his eyes immediately widen and his jaw drops.
Well would you look at that, I managed to make Reece Walker absolutely speechless.
This is amusing.
I then watch the view in front of us while he continues to gape at me.
Very amusing, indeed.
"You're serious?" he finally says.
"I very much am," I say, before I rest my head on his shoulder again as the ferris wheel takes us down, feeling utterly relieved and utterly content.
***
After going on bumper cars and exploring a haunted house, Reece buys me a tub of churros with a chocolate dip. I dip a churro in the chocolate sauce before I take a bite of it.
"Oh my gosh... This is so good!"
"Is that so?" Reece says, watching me in amusement.
He wraps his arm around my waist as we walk towards the Merry-Go-Round.
"You've got a bit of chocolate sauce on your lips," he points out, once we stand in line for the ride.
"Oh, I can–"
"No, let me," he says, his voice becoming dangerously low.
Before I can react, he pulls me close to him and his lips crash onto mine. My eyes snap wide open as he leaves a trail of wetness from one corner of my lips to the other.
I start to feel warm, despite the freezing air.
My knees feel like they would give out any second, despite having no ligament injury.
Slowly, he pulls away from me, watching me in a daze.
"Geez, in public?" I mumble, burying my face into his chest, absolutely flushed.
He lifts my chin up.
"You did practically order me to not hold back," he says, grinning.
Shocked that he just used my own words against me, I bang my forehead repeatedly against his chest while he chuckles. He then wraps his arms around me and pecks the top of my head.
"Was it a bit much?" he asks.
I nod.
"Should I not do it again?"
I pause, before I slowly shake my head.
Before he can say anything else, rain immediately pours down, startling us. I glance at the sky.
Since when did it get cloudy? The forecast predicted no rain tonight.
Classic UK weather.
But it doesn't seem to be a thunderstorm, which is a huge relief.
"There's a gazebo. Let's run!" Reece yells over the pouring rain, pointing at the unlit gazebo.
"Ok!" I yell back.
We leave our spot in the queue and dash towards the shelter, hands clasped together. During the way, I slip. Reece, caught off guard, gets pulled down with me until we both end up on the muddy ground. When we see each other's faces, we laugh.
"Here, I'll help," he says, getting up.
When he pulls me half-way up, he slips, making me fall on top of him, with the front of my body pressed against his.
"You ok?" he asks, concerned.
"Yes!" I say, before bursting into laughter.
Shortly later, he joins. I then look into his eyes and wipe away strands of his drenched hair, feeling utterly, utterly happy. Gosh, my chest feels like it could burst any second, struggling to contain the ardent feelings I have for him.
"I love you, Reece," I tell him in a daze. "So much."
He cups my face before he brings it down until our lips meet once again. This time, neither of us holds back. Our kiss deepens and we begin to breathe heavily. We pull apart, but only briefly, when we silently realise that we have not had enough of each other.
So we kiss again. And again, and again, and again, sending my heart into a frenzy and brain into a muddle.
***
Reece and I stare at each other's faces as we sit back on our reclined seats in his car, which is parked on his driveway. The two of us are still drenched from the rain earlier, but that doesn't bother us.
"It's getting late," I say, glancing at my watch.
"It's Saturday tomorrow."
"Today," I correct him. "It's nearly 1am. I have to go home."
"You are home," he says, pointing at my house with his index finger. "So we're not breaking any rules here."
"Do you not want me to go my house?" I ask him, amused.
He nods.
"Stay here," he says. "Just a little longer."
"Why?"
"I can't get enough of seeing your face."
"Oh really?"
"Really," he says, nodding.
"Well, your reason isn't strong enough for me to stay," I sing.
"Oh, is that so?"
I nod.
"Well... Perhaps this would change your mind..."
He turns and reaches for something from the backseat.
"What are you doing–"
I then gasp with wide eyes as the object comes into view.
"Oscar?!" I squeal, taking it from Reece's grasp. "But how? Didn't someone else win him–"
"I won him," he says. "For you."
"But the man at the stall said–"
"I asked him to keep my win a secret so that I could surprise you. He pointed at some random guy who won before you visited the stall."
"But how did you get him in the car without me noticing?"
"I asked him to keep him safe until I came back to collect him. Candy floss was my excuse to take him."
"I did wonder what took you so long, but I thought that the queue for candy floss was probably too long."
I examine Oscar with a massive grin, before I hug him, wrapping his tentacles around me.
"He's so soft," I gush.
"I have to confess, I'm getting jealous of Oscar right now," Reece says. "Can I get a hug too?"
"Nope."
"Ouch... What have I done? This is Lukey Wukey all over again," he comments dramatically. "I shouldn't have won him."
I stare at him with a serious expression before I stick my tongue out at him, to which he chuckles.
"Tell me," he says.
"What?"
"Anything. I want to listen to your voice."
He cups my face with his right hand, stroking my cheek with his thumb, watching me with warmth and affection, as if I were his most prized possession.
"Well... I'm having a moment where all of this feels unreal," I say.
"It's real," he reassures me, smiling. "As real as the sun that rises in the morning. As real as the wind that blows the leaves. As real as the rain that pours from the clouds. As real as my immeasurable amount of love for you."
He holds my hand in his and brings it to his lips. He kisses the palm of my hand deeply, sending shivers down my spine.
"Reece, what are we?" I ask, the moment his lips leave my hand.
"Hmm?"
"Are you my boyfriend?" I ask. "Honestly, calling you my boyfriend sort of feels like I'm belittling what you are to me. Does that make sense?"
"It makes sense," he agrees, nodding. "Because I feel the same way. Calling you my girlfriend would not reflect what you really mean to me."
"So what are we then?"
"Isn't it obvious?" he says.
I shake my head. He then looks at me intensely, leaning towards me until he claims my lips again. When he lets me go, he looks deeply into my eyes again.
"You are my forever."
*~*~*~*~*
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