You were home.
You were space.
You were everything.
You were nothing.
You could see them, there, sleeping, but not for long.
It was just the three of them so far.
But they would soon find the others, you knew.
It was destined.
The light rose and shone upon them, reflecting their inner lights.
How beautiful they were.
So beautiful.
And how much you longed to be with them.
But not yet.
They weren't ready yet.
Their shells awoke and they started their day the same way they always did. Covering their shells with layers of fabric. Adorning their tops with sheer-looking hats with decorative beads. As if they were trying to hide themselves. But they could never hide. You'd always find them, easily, as their lights were too bright, too pretty to ever miss.
You watched as they did the things the lesser lights did as well. They were hiding in plain sight but no one ever seemed to notice. You couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to wear such a shell over your own light. It looked so uncomfortable.
You could see their emotions, their feelings suddenly displayed on their shells. Joy, happiness, love. But also other feelings that you did not know or understood.
You watched your favourite light, the oldest, as he entered the space in between. The space where the lesser lights couldn't see him, but you still could. You watched how he manoeuvred and found what he was looking for. Once again it was a new lesser light. Your favourite light flickered for a moment, as he always did when he found a new light. He took the new light and, flickering once more, absorbed it. The new light slowly dimmed until its spark was completely gone. Your favourite light flickered once more before he continued to manoeuvre through the space in between.
You understood what he was doing, and why. But what you did not understand was how his light would flicker sometimes. It was something that had started not too long ago, something he hadn't done in the beginning. But the more time he seemed to spend with the lesser lights, the longer and more he would flicker.
You couldn't tell why.
But you did wonder.
Suddenly, you realised what was going to happen. You looked excitedly, and yes, he found him. Your favourite light stopped upon seeing another bright light in the in-between. He lingered for a while.
Why did he wait? Why wasn't he showing himself?
You did not understand.
His light returned from the in-between, back with his shell as he went to find the others. They talked and their lights burned intensely. They were feeling the same thing you were.
Together they went to find the new light; of course it didn't take long as he was still in the same spot the oldest light had found him.
But...
No, why did they leave again?
Why did they leave without the light they had just found?
They belonged together!
You did not understand.
You had been watching the other lonely light for so long and you knew he desperately needed the others.
But why had they left without him?
It didn't make sense.
You didn't understand.
For a moment you almost considered going to them but then...
No.
You had to wait.
It wasn't time yet.
They weren't together yet.
You waited...
You sat up in bed. Once again, it had been a very strange dream. With feelings and images so vivid that it felt like... Like...
You closed your eyes and tried to bring it back, but the feeling quickly faded, although the memory of it stayed.
Thoughts and ideas and memories bubbled up inside you, so intense you were starting to feel dizzy. You quickly blinked a few times and forced yourself to think of something else.
You checked your alarm clock. It was still quite early but not too early to already get out of bed and start your day. Clenching your jaw to suppress the dizzying thoughts in your head, you sat at the edge of your bed, feet touching the fluffy rug beside it.
Feet.
You needed socks.
Clothes.
You needed to get dressed, wash your face and brush your teeth.
'Right,' you mumbled to yourself as you got up and stretched.
By the time you arrived downstairs, you were happily whistling the intro tune of a show you used to watch.
Seungmin looked up from his newspaper as you entered the kitchen. You did a double-take. He was wearing a neat suit that fitted him well and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, and his hair was styled very differently than usual.
'Wow,' you blurted out.
'Like what you see?' he chuckled as he saw you staring. He picked up his coffee and sipped it.
'I-you-I... You look good,' you said, blinking a few times. Seungmin's mouth pulled into a smile as he put down the cup.
'I gotta dress up more often it seems. Come, sit,' he said, patting the chair next to him. You walked over to come to sit next to him.
'So tell me, is it the hair, the suit or the glasses?' he winked with a devilish grin as he moved his face dangerously close to yours.
Before you could answer the front door opened with a smack and you almost fell from your chair in shock.
'No, I mean it, you've been really improving lately dude,' Changbin said cheerfully to Chan as they kicked off their shoes.
The both of them stepped into the light of the living room and you gulped as you looked at them. Both were wearing sleeveless tank tops and sweatpants that seemed slightly tighter than usual, accentuating their strong legs. Even though their clothes were stained with the sweat of their morning run, they still looked... well, hot.
'Ah, good morning, y/n. Morning, Minnie, you're going to a conference again?' Chan asked as he saw Seungmin sitting in his suit. Seungmin nodded.
'Looking good Seungmin!' Changbin said and he whistled between his teeth while he looked him up and down. 'Wait, does that mean you won't be home for dinner tonight?' he added, slightly frowning.
'Oh, no, I will be. I think it lasts to like five, so I'll just about make it,' Seungmin answered.
Changbin and Chan came to sit at the table and Changbin were just about to ask you something when Minho and Han came walking down the stairs.
They were both wearing light-coloured fitted suits with glasses. Their hair was neatly styled back and they looked extremely dandy. You couldn't keep your eyes off of them.
'Are you guys going to a conference, too?' Changbin asked with a grin.
'What? No, we have that performance review today, remember?' Minho said, slightly irritated.
'Oh, you mean the one you have been complaining about yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that one. And the day before that,' Chan jokingly recounted.
Minho pulled up his lip at Chan but didn't say anything and walked over to the kitchen to make them some coffee.
A door opened and closed and you could hear Felix's light footsteps rushing over to the kitchen. He was wearing his vet's coat and a stethoscope was hanging from his shoulders. You didn't often see him wearing his vet's coat around the house but when you did, you really enjoyed seeing him.
Softly cursing under his breath, he was typing rapidly on his phone.
'Good morning to you too, Lixie,' Han said with a raised brow as Felix completely ignored him and grabbed an apple from the kitchen counter.
'What? Oh, hi,' he replied, suddenly noticing the lot of you sitting at the kitchen table. His eyes locked with yours for a moment and he smiled shortly.
'Sorry, can't talk, already late, see you at dinner, love you!' he called out as he ran to the door, pocketing his phone as he ran out.
'Love you too!' Changbin shouted after him and Chan chuckled.
'What's with all the door-slapping this morning?' Hyunjin's voice sounded from the stairs. When he came around the corner, your mouth dropped. He was wearing a pair of leather fitted pants with a large leather jacket that made him look incredibly stylish. The entire outfit looked like it had come straight from the runway, him with it.
'Nice fit, dude,' Chan remarked as Hyunjin went to join Minho to make himself some tea.
'Thanks, I've been waiting for an excuse to wear it for ages and I've finally found the perfect opportunity,' he said, grinning.
'Which is?' Han asked.
'I've been invited to the opening of the new art club in town,' Hyunjin explained.
'An... Art... Club?' Changbin said, frowning. 'Like a gathering or like, where Jeongin works?'
'The last one,' Hyunjin replied, as he put the kettle on.
'I really don't get art,' Minho said, shaking his head and frowning as he returned with three cups of coffee, one for him and the other two for Changbin and Han.
'Wait, wasn't it your turn to cook tonight?' you pointed out, a moment of clarity between your drooling over all of their fits.
'Don't worry, darling, I'll be back for dinner and I'll cook for you,' he said with a wink. You tried your best not to blush.
'Hmmrng,' a hum came from the stairs.
Jeongin entered the kitchen, his black hair still wet from the shower, wearing a white sleeveless top and light-grey sweatpants. The casual style looked quite hot on him...
Gosh, what was with their outfits this morning? You had to press your thighs together to keep your head out of the gutter.
'I better pack my back,' you said, quickly getting up. 'You'll let me know when you're leaving?' you asked Minho and Han and they nodded in answer.
'Wait, don't you want breakfast?' Seungmin asked as you were already on your way to the stairs.
'Not hungry!' you lied as you dashed up the stairs, hoping that you would be able to think properly today and that the "research" you had done this past weekend hadn't soiled you.
Although classes went well, you still kept seeing the images of their hot outfits this morning as if they were played like a slideshow before your eyes.
Even when you visited Adam, it didn't stop.
'Hello, earth to y/n?' he said, waving his hand in front of your eyes to catch your attention.
'Oh, sorry,' you said quickly, focussing back on him. All bandages had been removed from his head now and it was nice to be able to see his entire face again. Many of his wounds were recovering well, but the deep, stitched-up, curved cut that ran from his eyebrow over his temple to his cheekbone looked like it would definitely leave a scar.
'So, as I was saying, the grandparents' visit wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. They actually spent some time with me and seemed genuinely interested in my health. They even praised me on the fact that I had been studying while here,' Adam shared, happily.
'Oh, that's great,' you said with a smile.
'Yeah, it was kind of nice,' he said, smiling as well. 'Also, I got some good news yesterday.' He pulled a mysterious face.
'Do tell,' you said eagerly.
'Well, the doctors say, since I've been healing so well, I'll probably be allowed to leave the hospital this Thursday. I mean I'd still have to come back for check-ups and stuff, and I'll probably have to use crutches for a while, while walking, but other than that-'
'Adam, that's amazing!' you exclaimed happily, unable to contain the broad smile on your face.
'Yeah, I'm really hoping they'll stick to their word. I miss bothering you during lunch breaks,' he said with a playful pout. You laughed.
'But how are things with you? And don't say fine like you keep saying in your texts cuz I don't believe jack shit of that. Knowing you, there's always something going on in your life,' Adam said sharply.
You rolled your eyes at him but smiled.
'I really am fine. Of course, there are... some things going on, but everyone always has something going on, don't they?' you tried. But Adam wasn't buying it.
'Come on, we're friends now, you can tell me,' he said encouragingly.
You hesitated.
'It's... It's more of a girl thing, maybe,' you said apologetically. You really liked having Adam as a friend but this wasn't something you thought he'd feel comfortable with discussing.
You loved having Adam in your life, a simple beacon of humanity outside all of the turmoil you had with the Gods you were living with. But there had been moments where you had longed for a female friend with whom you could talk about girl things with.
'Tsk,' Adam said, clicking his tongue. 'I have a sister, remember, I'm used to girl things,' he argued. 'Come on, you can talk to aunty Adam,' he pushed on jokingly.
You pressed your lips together for a moment, thinking. You really wanted to get it off your chest, to ask someone, anyone who might know more than you, who wasn't one of the guys at home.
You gave in.
'Actually,' you began, thinking carefully of how you were going to word it before continuing, 'I think I like someone else a lot,' you decided to say. For a millisecond Adam's face flattened but he immediately recovered.
'Good for you,' he said with a friendly smile. 'And does they like you back?'
'Yes,' you said with a nod, the unsure feeling spreading all over your face.
'That's great! But then, what's the problem?' Adam asked caringly.
You hesitated again, but you had already come this far, and it felt like it was too late to turn back now.
'Well...' you began, once more thinking of how to word it properly, 'We kissed. And it was great... But now... I think... Maybe I want to take the next step?' you said, not able to look at him.
'Ah, I understand,' Adam said, not skipping a beat this time, 'so?'
'So...' you said, feeling like your cheeks would combust with the heat. 'I... I never...' you couldn't say it out loud but Adam understood.
'Oh, erm,' he cleared his throat awkwardly. You stared at your shoes, wanting to run out of the room with embarrassment. 'Well,' Adam began and you were happy he was talking once more, 'obviously I'm not a girl, so I don't have any knowledge or advice I can give you with that, sorry,' he said sheepishly. He was quiet for a minute as you picked at your nail, embarrassed.
'I guess,' he began suddenly, 'I guess, the most important thing is that you feel ready, you know? Most of the time, when this is the case, it'll go well, especially if it's with someone you love and they love you,' he said, pausing for a moment. 'Just... take it easy, do what feels right, get out if it doesn't, and... I guess, use protection? God, I sound like a dad, ew,' he said, sounding disgusted. You couldn't help but laugh, finally able to face him
'Honestly, y/n, don't worry about it, I bet it will be fine,' he said encouragingly. You smiled at him. 'Anway, speaking of girl things, do you think I'll still be able to pull with this miscreant on my face?' he asked, feigning worry as he pointed to the stitched up scar on his forehead.
'I told you, pirates are in again, dude.' You grinned.
Adam's words, although not really helpful, did give you a slight boost of confidence. You knew he was probably right. You weren't with some random dude, no, this was the guys you were thinking of, your boys. They would never ever harm or hurt you or make you uncomfortable on purpose. It would be fine.
You were just on your way out of the hospital when you passed the pharmacy and a line Adam had said repeated itself in your head.
"I guess use protection?"
Right.
Protection.
You paused, thinking for a moment.
You knew there were several options, but you preferred to take control of it. Deciding your own fate and method.
You took a deep breath and walked over to the counter.
'Yeez, Y/n, you're late,' Jeongin said as soon as you stepped into the house.
'Please, don't tell me you got takeout,' Hyunjin said, spotting the bag in your hand. 'I texted you that we'll keep a portion for you until you'd be home.'
'Can I have it?' Seungmin asked without waiting for your answer.
'It's not takeout,' you said with a smile as you took off your shoes in the hallway before walking over to the kitchen. You didn't sit down though and the guys all looked at you curiously.
'Desert?' Minho asked, hopeful, as he eyed the white plastic bag in your fist. You shook your head.
'I thought it was high time I'd get myself on the contraceptive pill. You know, just to be safe,' you said, heart pounding in your chest.
Chan choked on his food. Changbin dropped his chopsticks. Minho stopped mid-grabbing his drink. Han's mouth fell open, a portion of his food with it. Jeongin seemed to have frozen in place, his golden eyes wide open, staring at you. Seungmin's chopsticks were poking into his cheek instead of his mouth. Felix's mouth was hanging open similar to Han's.
'Good call,' Hyunjin said calmly. 'Why don't you put it in your room for now. I'll just go ahead and heat up your food for you.'
You nodded, turning and walking up the stairs to your room, ears burning red hot and a grin on your face.