Meredith's POV.
Derek sent us back to our apartment. He didn't leave until he made sure that we all went in safely. I could sense that he wanted to come in too, but he didn't, which I'm glad for, but at the same time, I'm a bit depressed as well.
As soon as we went through the door, we went into our separate rooms and just, crashed. I fell asleep instantly, mostly due to the booze, but I know it's because I feel sort of, restored, or am about to be restored. And as usual, when we woke up the next day, which was like around noon, it was hell. The headache induced by tequila was apparently the same as the ones induced by vodka, or a mix of the two.
I crawled, on my hands and knees, to the kitchen for the aspirin. Thankfully, Christina hadn't gobbled up all of them yet. I got myself onto the bar stool and curled up as I took my painkiller and waited for someone to start the coffee.
Through my mushed up brain, I began to recall what happened last night. Tequila, tequila, tequila, concert, Derek, kiss....oh great. No wonder I'm so messed up now. Till now, I still don't know what possessed me to run up to him and kiss him like that. I can explain the slap and the punches, but not the kiss. Actually, I think I know why I kissed him, but admitting it would mean that I've lost the battle. Admitting it would mean that I gave in to his song, his apologies, to his everything. I don't know if I should give in yet. I don't know if he even want me to give in. I don't even know if he had moved on yet. What if everything was just an act for the show? And I was too stupid and drunk, and I believed him? What if this was all just a joke to him? Did I just made a fool of myself again? Well, that's just typical me. A magnet for disasters.
Buzzzzz...Buzzzzz..............
My cell phone was vibrating on the counter. I didn't bother to look as I picked it up.
"Hellllooo..." I moaned painfully into the speaker.
"Mere? Are you ok?" His concerned voice filled my ear.
"Y..yeah..."
"Is it okay if I come over? I...I want to talk to you...about last night." He said in an unsured voice.
"No! No...you don't have to...it..it was a mistake....I'm sorry. I made a fool of myself. Again." I apologized guilty into the phone.
"Mere! Mere..." He said with a painful sigh. "It was not a mistake. It was never a mistake. I love you, Mere. Can...can I come over? We'll talk?" He asked again.
"okay then." I whispered, not knowing what did I just signed myself up to.
Less than five minutes later, he rang the doorbell, too loudly, for Christina was cursing all the God's in existence from her room. I opened the door carefully and saw him standing there in a large black coat and jeans.
"Hey." He breathed out, his eyes shining.
"Hey...come in." I said, stepping aside for him to pass. I could feel the cold air on him as he passed me.
He surveyed the place quickly and turned back to me. He smiled at me warmly.
"Was there a lot of tequila last night?" He asked with a knowing look.
"A bottle...I think." I gave up, blushingly.
"No wonder." He took his coat off and revealed a beige dress shirt that I liked to wear when I...when I still lived with him.
"Here...have a seat." I said as I led him to the kitchen. I curled up in my bar stool again.
"I'm sorry...we don't really have anything to drink other than alcohol."
"That's okay...did you have coffee yet?" He asked me, studying my face.
"No...no one's up yet." I said.
"Why don't I make you some?"
"You..you don't have to." I reached out to stop his arms but he only winked at me and began to rummage around for the coffee.
"How..how come you came here so fast?" I asked as I watched him work around the rather small and pitiful looking kitchen.
"I was kinda standing downstairs when I called you." He said, looking up at me with a smile.
"What if I didn't let you come up?" I asked, though I know it sounded kinda like flirting, but I couldn't stop myself.
"I'll just cry...throw a temper tantrum and make the security hustle me up or kick me out." He said with a laugh.
I grinned at him, trying not to laugh in case it might bring another wave of headache.
"Too early for jokes?" He asked teasingly, though his hand was cupping my face softly.
"Too much to drink."
A few minutes later, he came back and sat beside me with two mugs of coffee.
"You can curl up in a bar stool too?" He exclaimed, pointing at me.
"I'm tiny." I said, leaning in and sipped the coffee. I cuddled it with my hands.
"But still hurtful."
"Oh!...I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I asked, remembering how I was hitting him repeatedly last night.
"No..not, not as much as I hurt you." He said, now looking at me seriously. He's eyes a darker shade of blue.
"Derek..." I said, as a warning, and because of the pain I still felt.
"I know...I know you don't want to talk about this. But, but I need you back in my life. I can't stand living without you...I'm sorry. Here I am, talking about me again. I'll have to pay Mark later." He said with a sad smile.
"Mark?" I asked, interested.
"Yeah...he knew that I was going to come here and grovel, so he made a bet...but that's not important...the important thing is that you don't look so good right now. You're skinnier, and although you are tiny, you shouldn't be like this. And I feel that I am responsible for this....Mere..I want to try again. I know we have a past, but I still want you. I only want you." He said sincerely, taking my hands into his, rubbing it gently.
"But we said things, bad things...things that I didn't believe you would say to me...how are we suppose to work from there?" I asked him.
"We did say things...mostly coming from me. And I was the stupid one. But I want to correct that, I want to make it up to you."
"Derek...I need time...I need some space. I can't just get back with you and just forget everything that had happened."
"I know..and I'm willing to wait for you forever. Until you're ready to give us a try again."
"What if I say no?" I asked him.
"Well...I'll probably just go back to drinking again...and Mark said that he's gonna send me to rehab if I don't get back up again soon...so if you said no, I'll keep on drinking, spend the rest of my life in rehab, and maybe come visit you every day at the bar." He said with a grin.
"Derek!" I hit him on the arm. "I'm being serious here!"
"So am I!"
"I'm not ready yet." I said finally, watching his face.
"I know you're not ready...no one can be ready for this kind of things...what about this, we can be friends first...I'll visit you at the bar, not every day I promise, but close...and we can talk, drink, do whatever you want...and when you're ready...we can give it another try......Mere, I just...I need you in my life again, somehow, even just to watch you work at the bar. I need you back in my life. Please."
"Okay." I whispered finally, smiling up at him a little.
"Okay." He hugged me gently from the bar stool. I breathed in the familiar scent of his soap, cologne and just...him. I think I even felt better from the smell.
I walked him to the door. Before he got out, I said, "Mondays and Tuesdays."
"What?" He swang the door open again.
"I don't work on Mondays and Tuesdays."
"Alright then...I'll see you soon." He closed the door and left. I stayed there until I heard the elevator door open and closed again.
"Do you think she's ready?" Izzie asked in a muffled voice.
"I think she's ready to jump him." Christina answered, equally muffled.
"I can hear you, loud and clear!"