You blinked a few times.
All the guys looked at you expectantly.
'Can I go to bed now?' You said, feeling almost numb from the headache.
'Wait, what?' Han said incredulously. He was already opening his mouth to say more but Chan held up his hand.
'Of course you can,' Chan said kindly.
Everyone gaped at you as you reached out for Chan's hand and for a moment you didn't think Changbin would let go of you, but he did. You took Chan's hand and he pulled you up.
'Goodnight guys,' you said, a bit dull, as Chan guided you out of the living room and up the stairs.
He was just about to take the turn to your room when you stopped him.
'Please,' you began, looking up at him. 'Can I sleep with you tonight?' You could see his breath getting caught in his throat for a second but then he nodded in agreement.
Once you entered Chan's room and that familiar smell entered your nostrils you immediately felt more at ease.
Without undressing, you stepped onto bed. Not because you didn't want him to see you in your undies, at this point you didn't care anymore, but just because you were simply too tired to make the effort.
Chan tucked you in neatly and kissed your forehead. It was something you were used to from him, but this time it felt different. He straightened his back, got up and walked towards the door.
'Don't leave,' you whispered. Chan stopped, his hand already on the doorknob. 'Please.. Hold me,' you added. You needed him more than ever right now
'You still want that?' Chan whispered back. 'You still want me to hold you? Even though you know I take lives away? I KILL, Y/n.' Chan said. His voice was shaking.
'Please,' you repeated. For a moment you didn't think he'd give in, but then he turned around and walked back over.
He hesitated for a moment. You knew he normally took his clothes off when he went to sleep.
'It's fine. Just take it off,' You said sleepily as you closed your eyes. For a bit you heard nothing, then the sound of clothing rustling filled your ears before you could feel him stepping onto the bed.
Immediately, you scooted forwards, nestling yourself against him. Chan wrapped his arms around you. You could hear his steady heartbeat. It was calming.
'Night,' you said. You could feel Chan putting his head on top of yours.
'Goodnight, baby girl,' He whispered.
When you woke up the following morning, Chan was still holding you.
His eyes were closed and he was breathing softly through his mouth, his full lips slightly parted.
Even asleep, he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen.
You lifted your hand up slowly, putting your finger on the bridge of his nose and letting it slide down to the tip.
'Hmm, whatcha doin?' Chan hummed. Slightly startled, you breathed in sharply. You hadn't expected him to be awake.
'Nothing,' you whispered, quickly dropping your hand. Chan hummed questioningly. 'It's just... I think your nose is pretty,' you said quietly, feeling slightly embarrassed. Chan grinned, his eyes still closed, and pulled you against him, bodies aligning.
'You like my nose, huh?' Chan chuckled, his voice slightly cracked from not using it all night, and opened his eyes a little. He dug his nose into your ear as if he was a dog sniffing you and you giggled, turning your head away. Using the opportunity, Chan immediately turned to your neck and buried his nose in there, which made you giggle even more.
'Channie,' you giggled his name and turned your face. Your movement caused Chan to brush his nose at the underside of your jawline. An unexpected and unintended sigh spilt from your lips.
Chan froze for a moment, then slowly pulled back to face you.
'Sorry,' he said, frowning slightly. The grey specks in his eyes didn't sparkle anymore.
'What for?' you said, also frowning, disappointed he had stopped. You could see his struggle, see his lips moving, but nothing was coming out. His eyes darted from yours to your lips and back again.
For a moment you thought he would kiss you, but then he moved to put his chin on top of your head, simply holding you in his arms.
'Nevermind,' he muttered.
For a second you wanted to protest. Wanted to tell him it was fine. That you wanted him too. But you were too shy to do so.
Instead, something else came bubbling up. Thoughts. Feelings. Everything that had happened yesterday. And questions. So many questions. Questions that you needed answered so badly.
'Chan?' You began, not able to hold back your curiosity.
'Hmm?' he hummed again, and you could feel his chest vibrating against you.
'What does it mean to be a god?' You asked, feeling like you would explode if you didn't.
'Yeez, Y/n, you really gonna ask me that first thing in the morning?' He huffed incredulously.
'Yes,' you said simply.
'Can't we have breakfast first?' Chan objected.
'Please, Chan, I want to know,' you pressed on. You knew the magical word for Chan was always 'please'.
Chan sighed deeply. 'Honestly, Y/n, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to answer this question. These kinds of questions in general,' he added.
'But I'm asking, so please try,' You persisted.
Chan sighed again. 'I honestly don't know if I can explain. And maybe if I can it'll take me all day.'
'I was thinking of taking the day off anyway,' You shrugged. You weren't at all in the mood to go to college right now. You needed answers asap.
'You're really not letting this go, are you?' Chan chuckled lightly, shaking his head.
'No way,' you said insistingly.
'Alright, fine, but I wanna have breakfast first,' Chan said. You wanted to object but you also didn't want to keep on nagging either so you agreed.
When you came downstairs, the kitchen was already filled with all the guys. Hyunjin was cooking, making a fuss as he always did about how it wasn't coming out perfectly. Jeongin was doing his best to help him out but only seemed to make matters worse.
Felix was setting the table together with Han, and Seungmin was softly singing to himself as he was drying his hair with a towel. Clearly, he just came out of the shower. Changbin was on his phone, typing, maybe texting someone, and Minho was standing at the edge of the room, talking on the phone.
'Good morning!' Changbin said cheerfully, putting his phone away quickly as he saw you coming in, followed by Chan.
You saw Changbin's eyes narrow slightly as he looked at Chan.
'You're doing that thing, aren't you?' you said immediately, recognising the look on Changbin's face.
'What?' Changbin said innocently.
'You're talking to Chan in your head, aren't you?' you said accusingly, narrowing your eyes at him now.
'I-' Changbin began but Chan interrupted him.
'He did.' Chan said simply as he sat down at the table. Changbin clicked his tongue at Chan bitterly and folded his arms with a pout.
'What did you say?' you asked curiously.
'He asked if you two had sex,' Hyunjin said from the kitchen, his back turned to you as he was holding a pan and a spatula.
You felt your cheeks getting hot and noticed Chan's ears getting red.
'But you obviously didn't, 'cause if you did, Channie wouldn't've still looked so grim this morning,' Minho said teasingly, walking back over and slapping Chan on his shoulder. Chan looked at him like he would rip him apart. Minho didn't seem to care however and just went to sit next to him.
You huffed incredulously. 'You guys really don't have a sense of personal space, do you?' you said, shaking your head bitterly.
'Not really,' Seungmin replied casually, shaking his head to get water out of his ear, making him look like a puppy.
Some of the guys hummed, agreeing.
You sighed irritably and went to sit down at the head of the table.
'Do you always hear each other's thoughts?' You asked, feeling slightly nervous but already knowing the answer.
'Thank god we don't, I'd think I'd go mad if that was the case,' Seungmin said with a dark chuckle. He looked at Han meaningfully for a moment.
'What? I'm fun!' Han said, catching Seungmin's eye and pulling a face.
'It's more like we are sending messages,' Felix explained, putting a pair of chopsticks next to your plate. 'We can choose what we send out to each other,'
'And is it always to everyone or can you also just send something to one person?' You asked curiously.
'We can single each other out, but it takes a little bit more effort,' Jeongin replied as he came walking over to the table, holding some condiments in his hands. He put them down on the table. You nodded, taking in his answer.
'Can you hear who it's coming from?' you followed up your question.
'Yes. Breakfast is ready!' Hyunjin said shortly. He came over, holding a large bowl of dumplings and putting it gently down on the table.
You were about to ask another question when Felix came to sit across you on the right.
'Let's eat first, okay?' he said with a smile. You agreed reluctantly.
When you had finally cleared your plate you noticed that all of the other guys had finished too already. Normally they would just get up and leave when they were done.
'Erm, don't you guys have somewhere to be?' You asked, surprised.
'Nope,' Minho said simply.
'We all took the day off,' Seungmin explained. 'Chan told us you had many questions that you wanted answered,'
You looked at Chan and tsk'ed. Traitor. He just didn't want to answer you himself and he found a way out.
But you still thought it was very kind of them to take their time for you.
'Ask away,' Hyunjin said, sitting back, relaxed.
A million questions immediately came to your mind and you wished you could ask them all at the same time. But instead, you decided on the one you had asked Chan this morning.
'What does it mean to be a God?' you asked.
'Wow, you're really easing in there, aren't you,' Minho said sarcastically.
You could see all of them thinking hard.
'I think it means something else to each one of us,' Felix decided to say. 'I mean, we're all different Gods of different aspects which gives us different advantages,'
'Okay, but what are things that all of you have in common?' you went on.
'Well,' Han began, a little unsure. 'You probably haven't noticed this before because it's only been a little over three years but... We kinda... don't age...'
'Alright, and?' you said impatiently as you already knew this from the conversation you had overheard between Minho and Chan.
It was silent again for a little while as all the boys were thinking hard.
'Look, Y/n, this is a really hard question,' Changbin decided to say, his face thoughtful. 'I think what it means to be a God is, like Felix said, different for each one of us. Take Lino, for instance. He is time. Like, his existence is the time. Without him, everything would probably just kinda... stop, I think.' He said with a frown, pausing for a second, thinking. 'It's not like Lino has to do anything for it, you know. He is, so time is.'
'Hey, you make it sound like I got off easy,' Minho scowled.
'Well, it's true, isn't it?' Han said. 'Like, I exist and plants exist, but I still have to maintain my plants. It's not like they take care of themselves just because I'm here. I mean, they still die and stuff if they're not being cared for properly,' Han said.
Minho pulled a face but didn't say anything.
'But is there anything you do with time, besides being able to make it stop?' You asked Minho, remembering his conversation with Chan.
'How do you know I can make it stop?' Minho asked, raising a brow.
'Erm...' you began. You had been caught. You fidgeted with your hands under the table. It was probably best to tell them the truth since they were being so upfront with you as well. 'I erm, I kinda overheard your talk that night with Chan... It's kind of how I found out about everything...' you said, unsure.
Chan turned to Minho, looking like he could skin him alive. Minho went slightly pale in the face but didn't flinch.
'Oh, well, I guess it all turned out fine anyway,' he said, probably more to Chan than to you. He cleared his throat before looking serious again. 'Anyway,' he repeated, still ignoring Chan's furious face, 'yes, I can stop time. And, as you also know, I can sense time. I can sense how much time people have left and how much has passed. And I can sense time disturbances,' he added, putting his hand on the table as if annoyed.
'Time... disturbances?' you asked questiongly, not having a clue what he meant.
'Well, there is always some idiot out there who can create ripples in time. A disturbance as it is. It could be that they're trying to mess with the timeline by trying to time travel. You have no idea how many scientists are trying to mess with time. I've had to wipe more minds that I can count,'
'Wait, what?' you asked, shocked.
'Oh, right, he can do that too, yeah, I forgot,' Han said with a nod like it was nothing.
'You can erase minds?' You said with big eyes.
'Oh, yeah, right,' Minho said like it was nothing. 'But honestly I prefer not to. It messed with time as well, you see, but it's better than them realising their experiments have worked. I just delete the stuff so they won't be able to try again,'
You had to take a moment to take that in, but Minho wasn't done yet.
'But it's not just scientists, you kno?. It can be ordinary people too. It's really annoying,' he said with a click of his tongue.
'Ordinary people? How can ordinary people mess with time?' You asked confused, still not recovered from the fact that he could wipe minds and trying to remind yourself that his powers didn't work on you.
'Just the usual stuff. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Falling in love with the wrong person. Doing stupid shit that ends badly,' Minho said, shaking his head.
'That's where I come in,' Jeongin said quickly, looking proud. 'See, a god is born out of a certain... need, I guess,' he said thoughtfully.
'Do you remember how you were born?' you asked quickly.
'Certainly,' Jeongin nodded. 'We all do,' he added.
You looked around and the guys all nodded. You felt a slight sinking feeling at that.
'I remember sensing their need. I mean, it wasn't like all of the guys weren't doing a great job without me, but they could really use an extra hand. So I decided to step in, and I came through the door ending up being the God of Luck,' Jeongin explained.
'So there wasn't any luck before then?' You asked surprised.
'No, there was, it just wasn't being managed properly,' Jeongin added.
You looked with confusion between Minho and Jeongin.
'You see now why it is so difficult to say what makes a God?' Seungmin asked. 'We're all different. Some exist, causing the thing to exist, and sometimes it's the other way around.'
You closed your eyes trying to understand it. It kinda made your head hurt.
'Right...' you said slowly. 'But then, do you remember who you were before you stepped through the "door" or whatever?' you asked.
Jeongin laughed. 'I'm sorry, but that's almost impossible to even begin to explain,' he replied, shaking his head. 'I was nothing and everything. I was all and everyone but I was no one.'
'Right...' you said again, this time not even trying to make an effort to understand. You thought for a second, trying to get your brain in order. 'Who was the first?' you asked suddenly.
'What?' Chan asked.
'Who was the first God?' you explained. You had a hunch but still wanted to check.
'Well, we're not sure, actually,' Changbin admitted. 'Though we're pretty sure Chan was the first. He found me and Han. We've been together the longest.'
'Actually, I met Lino before I met you guys,' Chan said. They all looked up, surprised, except for Minho himself. 'But back then he wasn't really interested in making any friends.' Chan said.
'I never was, I only joined because it was convenient,' Minho said with a shrug, but you could see the corners of his mouth turned slightly.
'And then they found me,' Hyunjin chimed in. 'I still remember Han's scream when he first stumbled upon me. Man, I thought my ears would never recover.' He chuckled.
'I was just excited to find you,' Han said. 'We had heard about Hyunjin for a while and I went looking for him, but he was always gone by the time we arrived,'
'Yeah, cuz I could hear you coming from a mile away. I thought you guys were God hunters or something. Scared the death out of me when you first found me. I thought I was done for, to be honest,' Hyunjin said, putting his hand on his heart.
'Did we find Felix after that or was it Seungmin?' Changbin asked, looking at Chan.
'Oh god, I don't remember,' Chan replied, shaking his head, looking at the two mentioned.
'I don't remember either but it was close after one another,' Felix said with a nod.
'Then it took a while before we convinced Minho to join and then we found Jeongin,' Seungmin said.
You nodded, taking it all in.
'Are there more? Besides you?' You asked.
'No idea,' Hyunjin said. 'There probably are but managing the eight of us together was already hard enough so we kinda stopped looking. We had a ninth God tag along for a little while but he decided to leave on his own. We do think there are more out there, though. Probably in other countries too,' Hyunjin added.
'We're even quite certain that there might be other Gods with the same powers out there but in different parts of the world. After all, we can't be everywhere at once all the time,' Changbin said with a nod.
You nodded slowly. It took you a while to process everything as it was a lot. In the meantime, the guys stayed silent, looking at you expectantly.
'I'm probably not a god, then,' you said suddenly. It was a thought you had had ever since Jeongin had said how he remembered how he was born.
'Why would you say that?' Felix asked.
'Well, you all seem to have been here quite a long time, and you all seem to know who you were at the beginning and where you came from.' You said slightly sulkily.
'Not all of us,' Seungmin said quickly. 'I had some form of amnesia at first.'
'But I bet you knew you were a god the whole time.' you asked with a sinking feeling.
'Erm, yeah, yes I did. And it only lasted a month or two,' Seungmin admitted.
'See,' you said, looking down.
'But you are special,' Hyunjin said suddenly. You looked up at him. 'I mean, you were already special to us anyway, but Felix was right. There is something... not completely human about you,' he said.
'Hyunjin, you've said before, your senses could be off, they've been wrong before. Just because I don't see her death doesn't mean-' Chan began but he abruptly cut himself off, looking at you apologetically.
'Sure, but then how do you explain that her love for us feels the same as our love for her?' Hyunjin said, almost frustrated.
'What do you mean?' Han asked, frowning.
Hyunjin let out an annoyed sound.
'Oh, I'm sorry we're not Gods of Love as well,' Seungmin said, rolling his eyes at him.
'Ugh, fine. Alright,' Hyunjin began. 'We can all sense from each other that we are gods, easy. Our powers may not work on each other but we can sense each other like how Lino can sense we don't carry time.'
All of the guys nodded, as did you.
'Well, I can sense you guys are in love. But it's vastly different than any human that is in love,' Hyunjin continued to explain.
'When I first discovered Y/n was in love with me, I mean us,' Hyunjin quickly corrected himself and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat before quickly continuing, 'I sensed it as normal human love. But last night, when Felix told me to look a little closer, I suddenly realised that I had misread it. Maybe it was because all this time I've assumed she is human, or maybe it's because the revelation of us being Gods opened up something new, but her love for us, it feels the same as yours. As a god's love.'
Everyone was suddenly dead quiet and all heads turned to you.