Afrah had only been gone for two weeks but it seemed like a year because she had taken Jameel's happiness with her.
Najah was not pleased to have the old Jameel back.
The house had become more like a graveyard.
Jameel had drifted farther away from Najah. The conversations they used to have about his day had stopped. He hardly even ate her food. It was becoming unbearable for Najah because she was being punished for no crime at all. While Jameel was being punished by Afrah, Najah was being punished by Jameel. His silence wasn't something she was used to. She had tried many times to make him speak to her but to no avail.
Jameel had left for work and Najah was home alone.
She was seated in the living room, lost in her thoughts. Everything that was happening was taking a toll on her. She thought she would get used to it but every time he ignored or acted formally towards her, the pain would return in folds.
Severally, Najah had tried to talk to him about bringing Afrah back because no matter how she thought of it, she kept realizing that she was his happiness, but to no avail.
"Assalamualaikum!"
"Ilham?" Najah sprung up and rushed to the door to get it.
Over the weeks, Najah and Ilham had gotten incredibly close to each other. They had created a bond worth keeping. Ilham had never gotten tired of lending a listening ear to Najah, and Najah had never felt uncomfortable confiding in Ilham.
"Ilham!" Najah exclaimed and ushered her in. "Why didn't you inform me you were coming?"
"Well, I was in the area...I decided to drop by and surprise you. I knew you'd be home alone and bored.
"Phew! Being bored is an understatement. Nothing is interesting here. Nothing to do and no one to talk to."
Ilham sneered. "Jameel is still giving you attitude?"
Najah gave a closed-lip smile and nodded. "Unfortunately...please have a seat, let me get you some refreshments."
"No, you sit too," Ilham stopped her before she could walk away. "let's talk."
Najah gave her a knowing look before sitting beside her on the couch. She already had an idea of what they would be talking about and she was prepared for it.
"How are you?" Ilham threw the first question at her.
Najah smiled at the question. She smiled not because she was okay but because she didn't have an answer to the question asked. Her emotions were mixed-sad, angry at herself for having little to no confidence in herself, and most of all, fed up.
"What's going on?" Ilham's second question pulled her from her trance. "Jameel is still not talking to you?"
Najah nodded. "He's distancing himself more with every passing day. I don't want it to get to a point where he would leave the house."
"I don't think he'd do that... honestly, I think you two need to sit down and talk."
"And you think I haven't tried to do that? He's not complying. He hardly even speaks to me...he doesn't eat my food anymore. I think he blames me for Afrah leaving the house."
"Why would he blame you?" Ilham asked, furrowing her brows. "Did you say anything to her?"
"We argued some hours before she left."
Ilham had to pick her jaw from the ground. "you got into an argument with her? How did that even happen, and why am I just knowing this?"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Najah apologized. She had told Ilham about Afrah's exit from the house but she was yet to tell her the reason Afrah left. Najah didn't want Ilham to feel some type of way about Jameel. "I didn't want to burden you."
"And when have I ever complained to you?" Ilham was starting to get angry. "I thought we were friends."
"Of course, we are, Ilham. Please don't be mad. I didn't tell you because I'm not proud of that act. I should have ignored her like I used to. I tried to but she kept pushing my buttons. She said all sort of mean things to me...and they got to me."
"Don't tell me..."
Najah nodded. "I cried. I had no control over my emotion. It was all too much for me to take."
Ilham hissed. "I'm disappointed in you, Najah...I won't even try to hide it. How could you allow her to get to you?"
Najah knew Ilham had a point but at the same time, she couldn't stop herself from shedding tears. She was only human and besides, she was tired of always having to suppress her emotions. "She mentioned my parents..."
"I know she's annoying...I didn't know she was vile. She had to stoop that low? All for what?"
"That was when Jameel intervened. He got mad at her for the things she was saying and...he slapped her."
Ilham's jaw dropped to the ground. For a minute or so, she couldn't find her voice.
"He didn't mean to though," she defended. "He got carried away and...and it happened."
"So that's the reason she left the house?"
Najah nodded in the affirmative. "Yeah. She got extremely pissed. I-" she heaved a sigh. "All hell broke loose that day."
"In as much as I don't support violence, I'm glad Jameel did that to her. I'm not sorry to say, she deserves it. I hope the slap restores her senses. That woman is toxic. I don't even know what your husband sees in her. She's unfriendly and arrogant. She's not even that beautiful. Any man would pick you before her."
"Ilh-"
"I swear, I'm not saying it because you're my friend. You're ahead of her in everything; beauty, manners... everything. But as they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."
Najah hummed. She didn't know what to say at that moment. Although she was also still mad at Afrah for how she treated her, she couldn't completely agree with Ilham. Afrah had her bad sides, but in terms of looks, Najah had always admired Afrah's smile.
"...so, is she gone for good?"
"Who?" Najah let out a humorless chuckle. "Afrah? Impossible. Well, even if she wants that, Jameel would never allow it. It's like she's his whole world. When she left this house, he left with her. It's his body that is here. His soul and heart are there with her." It pained Najah to admit it out loud. She had always known but uttering the words hurt her more than she imagined. Her heart felt tight in its cage. She could feel tears prickling her eyes. "Jameel can never let her go."
"Don't you think it's because he feels guilty? We both know Jameel is not the type to hit a woman. I think he's just feeling that way because of his conscience."
"That's just a contributory factor. Jameel's life revolves around her. I used to think he would eventually create a space for me in his heart but I have now accepted that it's never going to happen. I'm tired of hanging on to hope. I'm tired of feeling unwanted. I'm tired of being a third wheel...a second option!" Tears streamed down her face as she talked. "I'm tired of him making me feel like I'm not good enough."
Ilham wrapped her arms around an inconsolable Najah in an attempt to calm her down.
"I'm tired of this marria-" she abruptly cut herself off. "What marriage? This isn't even a marriage! I'm tired of everything, Ilham. I'm tired. I want to rest now."
"Calm down, Najah, please." Ilham rubbed her back, soothing.
Najah shook her head. She had been bottling her emotions for too long. She pulled back and looked into Ilham's eyes with her glistening ones. "For the first time, I want to choose myself."
"What do you mean?"
"I have decided to leave Jameel...for good. I'm going to ask for a divorce."
"Are you insane?" Ilham sprung up. "You're going to allow Afrah to win just like that?"
"Win?" Najah rose to her feet. "I was never in a competition with her in the first place. I'm not even doing this for anyone; not for Jameel and definitely not for Afrah. I'm doing this for myself. I think I deserve to be happy too. I can't keep living in misery. Jameel is never going to love me-I have accepted. I need to move on with my life. He will be happier without me too."
"That's a blatant lie," Ilham countered. "Okay, let's say he loves Afrah a lot, but saying he doesn't have feelings for you is not true. I haven't known Jameel for a long time but for a fact, I know you're important to him. You shouldn't give up, please. I'm aware of what you're going through... believe me, I am, but you can't just give up. Have you thought of his mum? That poor woman would be heartbroken. What would people say?"
Najah shook her head. "I haven't and I don't want to. Hajiya would have to understand if she really loves me. And did you say I'm important to Jameel? I'm only important to him when he has a problem. That's the only time he remembers my existence. I'm done."
"Did I..."
"No," Najah denied. "I have been thinking of this for the longest time. It's about time."
"I still think you should have a rethink."
"My mind is made up."
"You're going to be sadder." Ilham deadpanned. "You don't want this."
"But I need this!" Najah's voice was high-pitched. "for my sanity. Can't you see that I'm suffering?"
Wordlessly, Ilham wrapped her arms around Najah again. "Everything is going to be fine...I promise. Just give it time. I believe you and Jameel are destined for each other. I believe things are going to change soon. Please don't give up on this relationship."
More tears welled up in Najah's eyes. She also want the relationship to work out but unfortunately, she had been fighting a lost battle.
Ilham pulled back and wiped Najah's tears with her palms. "Have a talk with him when he gets back. Lay your heart bare. Do what you must...he's your husband too. Abolish the thought that he's married to someone else. Before her, there's you, with her, there's still you. Never allow yourself to be related to the background. He might have loved her first but he married you first. Know your right and use them to your advantage. You didn't steal him from anyone. He's yours as much as he is hers. Let that stick!"
•
Unlike usual, Najah didn't make dinner for Jameel. She didn't wait for him in the living either. She had been busy packing her stuff and rearranging her room.
She had no idea Jameel had returned from work until she heard him walk into her room without invitation.
Najah pretended to be oblivious to his presence and continued folding her clothes.
"What's going on here?"
Najah closed her eyes, and when she reopened them, she got the courage she needed at that moment to unload the things that were on her mind. "I want a divorce."
"I heard. I was told."
"So?" Najah scoffed. She already knew it was Ilham's handiwork. "Why are you asking when you already know?"
"I want to know the reason."
Najah scoffed again. She couldn't believe her ears. Was he seriously asking her that? "I'm not happy. I want to be."
Jameel crouched in front of her; his eyes boring into hers. "I know this may sound selfish to you, but please reconsider. I do not want you out of my life."
Najah scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. The fact that Jameel could say that to her face was surprising. Did he even hear himself speak? What exactly did he take her for? "But I do... I can't keep living like this. I'm done living like this." Her eyes glistened with tears. "I just want to be happy. Just that. I want to prioritize myself this time. I think I also deserve some happiness in my life. Can't you see how miserable I have been? Don't you pity me? I really don't want to continue living like this. I get you don't love me..." She took in a deep breath, allowing her tears to flow freely. "I have accepted that. I have also accepted that I hold no importance in your life and-"
Jameel placed a hand on her lips, shushing her. "You know that's not true. You're important to me, and that's a fact. I appreciate every single thing you've ever done for me. You stood by me when I literally had no one. You were there with me during my hardest times. You always give me a listening ear. You make delicious food for me," he chuckled. "Take it or leave it, you mean more than you think to me. You are like my best friend...my wife."
Of all the things he said, it was the last line that registered in Najah's head. As much as she tried to deny it, she was hopelessly in love with her husband, and having him say those words to her sent chills down her spine. Being important to him...being his best friend wasn't enough for her. She had been contented with that but not anymore. She wanted more now. She wanted to be his wife, not a best friend. She wanted her rights to be given to her. She didn't care if she sounded or acted desperate but she was going to go for what she wanted. She was done suppressing and sacrificing her feelings for a woman who wasn't even worth it. "Kiss me."
Confusion masked Jameel's face. "Najah, I...what are you-" before he could complete his sentence, Najah's lip touched his in the most feathery kiss he had ever had. It was there but barely there.
For a minute or so, they remained in that position.
For Najah, she felt butterflies erupting in her stomach. Taking the initiative to kiss Jameel had to be the boldest step she had ever taken in her life, and she didn't regret it. Having his lips on hers was like a dream come true. It was everything she imagined and more. Najah wished she had enough courage to carry on but for some reason, she was stuck. Neither could she take things further nor pull away.
Jameel's eyes were as wide as saucers. It was the first time he had his lips on someone who wasn't Afrah. It felt strange...different... awkward.
He pulled away. "You didn't have to do that."
Embarrassment washed over Najah but she shrugged it off as quickly as it came. "Why not? You're my husband, are you not? What's so wr-"
"Najah-"
"You're my husband!" Saying that out loud felt weird even to her ears. Weird but right. "And I'm your wife. We aren't doing anything wrong. This is something that should have happened a long time ago."
"I know but-"
"You don't want me..." Najah's voice quivered. "it's fine, I get it. I'm just going to leave."
"Najah, please," Jameel held her hand. "You're emotional right now. You're not thinking right. I don't want you to be hurt later. I'm looking out for you."
"Why would I be hurt later? Huh?" She raised a brow. "We.are.married!" She enunciated her words. "I can't continue like this. I'd rather leave." She wiped her face with her hands. "Despite everything, I don't regret crossing paths with you. Despite everything; the heartbreak, one-sided love, and negligence, I still thank Allah for making us meet. I love you, Jameel."
Jameel pulled her into his embrace and began to utter the words she had been dreading. "I'm sorry things have to be this way. I really am. I don't deserve someone as good as you."
Najah pulled back and stared into his eyes. "What are you saying?"
"If getting a divorce is going to make you get the happiness you deserve, I won't deprive you of it."
A ball of nerves suddenly got stuck in Najah's throat. She wanted to speak but no word could emerge. Her tongue was tied. Her lips quivered. Her head suddenly began to spin.
It was happening.
"But...I wish I could be the one to give you that happiness."
"You can!" The statement flew out of Najah's mouth before she could stop it. Typically, she would recoil in shame but not at that time. She had thrown circumspection out of the window. "If you want to. Give my rights to me..."
•
Assalamualaikum/hello!
I'm so sorry for the late update. School is stressing me 😪 currently working on my project. Please bear with me 🙏
How was this chapter for you? 😅
How do you feel about Najah's approach?
Cringe? Embarrassing? Bold? Desperate? Wise?
Drop your comments, I want to know what y'all think 😁
Next chapter in a bit, in Sha Allah 🥰
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deey_jah
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