"What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?..."
♫ Breakeven by The Script.
✰ ✰ ✰
"I'm sorry, Cher." Harlow whispered softly. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my lips. His skin smelled like Lavender and his hair was slowly drying on the pillow that we shared as we laid in bed together.
We both managed to calm down and have a shower. We were fresh out from it, simmering in silence while flames roared inside the fireplace ten feet away, crackling against the chopped wood.
The rain was still pouring, tapping hard against the window, it was October after all. The room smelled like pumpkin spice from the multitude of candles around the dim, warmly lit room.
The two of us couldn't have been more broken, but we knew it was our last night together and we both needed comfort.
We needed anything but the empty space cry, 'cause if we did, we'd never stop.
While most couples would think to leave the second things were over, to avoid pain and more heartbreak, we weren't such people.
"Stop apologizing."
"No. No, I can't." He blinked his puffy eyes rapidly, "After everything I've put you through this past month, you deserve a thousand apologies. You deserve so much better than me, and I mean that."
In the past month, there wasn't a day that he'd been fully sober, but now he was, and I was certain that the reality of his actions were hitting him pretty hard.
I was still mad, but, whether it was right or wrong, I was more mad at Aurora and... fuck, God, or the world, than I was at him. Harlow got the benefit of the doubt from me with a lot of things because of his past and because I loved him. That was part of the reason why we needed this break.
"I don't wanna spend our last night together talking about all that you or I did wrong, Harlow. This is so complicated. There's so much to it, and I just wanna be with you and feel good. We don't need to say words that are already obvious unspoken. Okay? You owe me that. You owe me one good night. So, cut the sorry for yourself shit and just..." I went the teasing route to lighten the mood, "Be my Nirvana. Do what you haven't done this past month and tell me you love me. Hold me. Tell me how much you'll miss me when we're apart and..."
"I will miss you." He caressed the side of my face, "No matter what, I'm gonna miss the fuck outta' you. Life is gonna be so weird without you, Cher."
I sadly smiled, "I know. Who else is gonna let you steal all their skirts?"
"You know, it's funny that you say that when once upon a time you were the one beggin' to take all of my clothes. 'Please? Please? Please?' My god, your begging was endless. You were so eager to look good on that date with Jess..." He whispered, shaking his head just slightly, "I warned you not to wear a skirt in 10° weather, but you didn't listen to me."
"Any weather is perfect for a mini-skirt."
He huffed, "I wouldn't be surprised if one day you were on the news: Chicago woman walks through hurricane in miniskirt and latex gloves!"
"And stilettos."
"Oh I'm sorry, how could I forget?" It was nice to see him smile. Even if only for a moment. "M'gonna miss you so much... so, so, so much."
"Where do you think you'll go?"
"I don't know..." He exhaled, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes just gently enough for me to feel the flutter of his eyelashes, "New York? London? I have no idea. But I wanna stay close to you."
"Chicago isn't a big place. We both know that if we both stay, we'll end up right back here," I felt my stomach swarm with butterflies when he pulled back to look at me.
"In bed, you mean." He asked and I nodded. "Yeah. I know."
We both paused and laid in awkward silence.
Sex was the giant Jenga block of our relationship that really kept things together. It was an important aspect in every relationship, but especially ours. And even the mention of it, tended to stir the tension between us.
Niko was right, we were horndogs.
But, we both knew that wasn't a solution to anything right now and it'd only make matters worse.
"How about we have one kiss goodbye?" I raised one shoulder.
I felt so drawn to him it actually hurt me to not be able to touch him the way I wanted.
"How about... three instead? Like three wishes. We'll both probably be up the whole night seeing as, well... we are who we are," He scoffed, "But, that way we get to use one when we really need it. We both have to agree though," He proposed, his eyes moving fast from my lips to my eyes, "How about that?"
It didn't sound so preposterous and it wasn't sex so I nodded, "Okay. Three."
"Can I kiss you now?"
Figuring it was an alright time for just one, I nodded.
"The kiss ends the second o-our lips come apart, okay? So just... don't let go too fast." He moved his face closer to mine. I could see in his eyes that the reality of all of this was getting to him.
I felt my heart skip a beat and my stomach flip when he slipped a hand around my waist to squeeze me closer. Our lips connected with a gentle push and he breathed in against me, his soft lips caught in between mine. I threaded my fingers through his hair and gripped a section of it at the bottom of his neck.
I made sure to make it last.
When our lips parted, he rolled over onto his back and I laid on top of him. The blanket was pulled up over us more. The feeling of his soft skin against mine, trapped under the heat of it, was lovely. I could feel his bare legs, his bare chest. I wanted it that way. I wanted some peace that way.
Just the way we'd fallen in love, I wanted us to leave each other. Cuddling in bed.
When he started to hum 'Yellow', I knew he was feeling the same.
He threaded his fingers through my hair and gently scratched my scalp. His voice was in a gentle unison with the rain and fire.
I fell asleep so fast I never saw it coming.
I woke up in a panic four hours later at 3AM.
I scrambled up from my position on top of him and panted, "Did I sleep all night, did I miss--" I looked around the room and recognized that every candle was still burning, the fire was still going, and that it was still night time.
"Hey, hey, baby, I'm right here. I didn't go anywhere. Not yet." He sat up and turned my face back toward him by a grip on my chin, "You just took a nap. You were sleepy. I couldn't wake you."
"Okay, o-okay..." I shut my eyes as they watered. The feeling in my gut that he was already gone scared the shit out of me. I grabbed his wrist and slid his hand up to my jaw.
"You're okay. Look at me." He wiped my tears as they curled out onto my cheek, and through the dim lighting of the room, I locked eye contact. His eyes looked amber in the orange light from the fireplace and his skin looked a healthy, warm, glowing olive. IT was so safe there. I never wanted to leave. "I'm here, Cherry. I love you."
A cry slipped from my lips and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, burying my face into his neck. My hair was a disheveled mess but I didn't care.
"How about we have some fun together huh? What do you wanna do? Buy a bounce house and smoke weed in it? Buy a plane ticket to New York and go clubbing?" He cooed, rubbing my back with both hands, "We could do anything you want, I promise."
"Can we listen to the rest of the m-mixtape?" I sniffled.
"You bet we can. Come on, let's go have some fun." He peeled the blanket back but I refused to let go.
I hung onto him like a Koala as he pulled me out of bed and carried me all the way down to the kitchen; taking the mixtape and radio with him.
The house was quiet, everyone else asleep.
So, when we got to the kitchen, he turned on a dim light and set me down on the counter. He handed me a napkin to wipe my tears and then plugged in the radio.
"How many songs are left?" I whispered, dabbing under my eyes.
"Thirteen." He clicked play on the radio and then whipped his body around as the music began to play.
I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears.
"No!" I laughed, tossing my head back.
"I know I may be young..." Harlow dramatically grabbed my head and pulled it up to look at him while he sang every word of Britney's beginning monologue, "But, I've got feelings too. And I need to do what I feel like doing. So let me go and just listen..."
"Stop it, I actually despise you." I nodded with a burst of laughter I just couldn't contain.
"All you people look at me like I'm a little girl, well did you ever think it'd be okay for me to step into this world." He spun around and whipped open the fridge while he looked over his shoulder and did a body roll, "We're makin' pizza with Brtiney, baby, c'mon. Get into it."
He had too much sass for his own good.
But I played along.
I hopped off of the counter and took the butter from him when he handed it to me, along with the oil, shaking his ass all the while.
I placed it onto the counter and started humming along, but that wasn't satisfactory enough for him.
After grabbing the flour, he slammed it down onto the counter, making some puff out and spill all over us like snow. I felt his hips against my ass as he danced, "Get it, get it, get it, get it."
"Nirvana!" I laughed in complaint, wiping the flour off of my arms.
"Stop complaining... sing with me and get a bowl." He whispered in my ear, stamping his hand into the flour before slapping my ass harder than I could handle.
"No ass smacking!" I scolded in a hiss.
"Maybe that ass shouldn't look so fuckin' smackable then." He continued to dance and sing as he gathered all of our ingredients.
I rolled my eyes and stamped my hand into the flour too, getting revenge. I walked right up behind him as he reached for the seasonings and left a nice white hand print on his boxers; smacking him in the ass.
"Ay Dios mío! Mommy..." He moaned loudly.
Should've known.
I laughed and turned right back around to the kitchen counter. Reaching under it,I grabbed a big bowl, some measuring cups, and a spoon, "Okay... um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the last time we did this, I ended up dropping it like slop on the floor. And I did not do it right. I have not improved since. I can't cook."
"Yeah, and last time..." He set the seasonings down onto the counter and then backed up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist to act as a second pair of arms, "I was the Patrick Swayze to your Demi Moore. Nothing's changed, has it? I'll help you, don't worry." He whispered and I could feel how badly he wanted to kiss my ear, but he held back, "Okay so..."
I exhaled as he gave me instruction after instruction, measuring out amounts of yeast and water, to begin with. Then we let that sit and he insisted on making his own tomato sauce with a lot of spices.
"Don't be stingy, woman! Add some spice." He said as he stood behind me, "No, more."
"Harlow, this is going to be too much, I'm telling you. You don't add this many peppers." I looked over my shoulder at him, "You've put too much already, and I get that you want it to be spicy, but you won't be able to eat it if you don't slow down."
"Oh, please, I did no such thing." He stuck his fingers into the sauce and took a lick of it off of his finger.
His face turned bright red and he started coughing.
"Qué te dije, eh? Get some fuckin' water." I gestured to the fridge and rolled my eyes as I turned around, "Pendejo.."
"I-I'm fine." He coughed hard and scrambled to get to the fridge, "O-oh, sh-shit. Baby, tone that down would you?"
"I warned you..." I sang, adding more tomato sauce to the mix. I ignored him as I hummed along to the second song on the list: I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie,
"Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind. I'll follow you into the dark."
Eventually, he calmed down and joined me again, helpin' to make the dough.
He sang softly behind me, his head resting in my shoulder gently.
I laughed when he wiped my nose jokingly with flour.
"If there's no one there beside you when your soul embarks. Then I'll follow you into the dark."
"When you were there, i-in the hospital.... for that straight week when you couldn't hear me at all, I um," He whispered, "I was really scared, y'know? I was worried you'd never hear me say 'I love you' ever again or be able to sing, do what you love. And it really ate at me, it was so terrifying. But I shouldn't have just shut down because I was scared. I shouldn't have shut you out when I was scared for Niko too and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm mad all of the time."
"I know." I mumbled.
"I'm mad that this all happened. I'm mad that Aurora tricked us. I'm mad that she & Jess hurt you. I'm mad that they hurt Niko. And I'm... furious that I managed to screw everything up again with us." I could tell his voice was sincere as he shook his head. I felt his eyes lock onto the side of my face, "I'm mad that I wasted a whole month being angry, and bitter, and mean to you when I could've spent it loving you. Holding you. I'm mad that I'm losing my fiance, and that I can't even kiss her."
My eyes closed and I exhaled, stilling my hands in the mixing bowl.
Harlow's hands slipped with mine and he held them, covered in grainy, sticky flour, "I'm mad but I'm mostly sorry. God, I'm sick of having to apologize and I know you are too, you said you are, but I'm so... so sorry. I'd do anything to make it up to you, anything," His body pressed up against mine harder but he soon retreated, "I'm hoping you'll be able to forgive me one day. One day when we find each other again."
I nodded and ignored the piercing butterflies in my stomach, looking over my shoulder, "I hope so too."
His eyes locked down to my lips again and he tilted his head, "Fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad."
"Not yet." I gave him a soft smile to lighten the mood and turned back around.
As we kneaded the dough and began to form the actual pizza part, 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5 kicked on. I loved the song and I thought it was really sweet.
It was extremely hard to pay attention, to do anything with Harlow breathing down my neck though but I managed as best as I could.
"You're such a liar, you're better at this than last time, last time you sat there punching it. You're doin' good this time round'." He complimented, his hands intertwined with the outside of mine to push down on the dough with more pressure. I put my back into it as the dough got thicker, just, you know, literally doing what you do with pizza dough. And his encouragement really didn't help in all honesty. It was only making things worse. After about five minutes I started to get squirmy.
"Harder, that's it." He knew what he was doing too.
"Do you insist on being such a whore!" I raised my hands and felt shivers go up my spine again.
"I don't know what you mean..." He cooed, "Come on, hands back down, we still have five minutes to go. You can take it." I could hear his smirk.
"Nope. I'm going to the bathroom." I shoved his body away from me and walked away, down the hall.
"If I hear moaning, I'm coming in!"
"Ha-ha! So funny!" I called back to him.
After using the bathroom, I gave myself a pep-talk in the mirror while I washed my hands, just like I had the day we first fucked. I had to talk myself down and splash cold water on my face.
When I came back out, the dough was put to rise and Harlow was waiting, leaning against the bar waiting with a drink in his hand as 'As Long As You Love Me' by the Backstreet Boys played.
"Oh real classy. Backstreet boys, huh?" I stepped down into the living room.
Harlow grinned when I did and set his glass down, reaching out for my hand, "Dance with me. We've got ten minutes."
I took his hand and he spun me around, pushing off of the bar.
We both sang as we spun each other around in the quiet living room.
"Don't care what is written in your history. As long as you're here with me."
Harlow grasped my waist and slow danced me into dizziness.
"You're such a charming fool."
"A fool for you maybe."
I kept my mouth shut the rest of the time.
Two more songs played after that: First, Al Green's, Let's Stay Together.
And then: The Offspring's 'Want you Bad.'
Which he headbanged to using a pepper shaker as a microphone. And I did too, but only because the song was amazing.
Two very different genres. But, Harlow was inconsistent if anything.
"I want you all tattooed! I want you bad! Sing it baby," He shouted at me.
I danced around the kitchen crazily and he followed in my footsteps, nearly knocking his head into me more than once.
We spin around to the fast-paced song until we got cross eyed and until the pizza dough was done rising.
We moved back to our station to decorate the pizzas.
That was when Nelly's Hot In Herre came on.
I thought Britney made him act out, but apparently that was nothing compared to this song.
Never in a million years, a trillion years did I think I'd hear him say the words: "Good gracious, ass is bodacious."
He loved the song.
He knew every single word.
Motherfucker had the audacity to sing the moans.
"I can't believe you put this on here!" I couldn't catch my breath. I was too busy laughing at his endearing but embarrassing hip thrusting through the room.
"It was either this or Lil Wayne's Lollipop. And believe me, it was a hard choice."
Nerd.
Once we were finished putting what we wanted on our ugly ass pizzas, we put them in the oven. Song number eight came blaring on: Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship.
I leaned my arms against the counter, "You really have the most interesting taste in music, huh?"
He laughed and rolled his eyes, walking around the counter, "I put it on the playlist because it was one of the songs you danced to at your very first party. In fact, it was playing when you jumped on stage in a drunken rage and tried to sit on my lap again. It was awful, but it reminds me of you." He snatched my waist and held on tight.
"Well, in that case, I'll let it slide. Pizza's in the oven, what do you wanna do now?" I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I'm thinking... we take that tape, play it in the car and go to 7/11. I want a Slurpee and some vodka to go with our pizza because I'm fresh out." He pressed stop on the radio and snatched the tape out, "What do'ya say? We'll be quick."
"Let's go."
We ran upstairs and put on whatever clothes we could find fastest. Then, we hobbled our way to the car outside, jumping to put on our shoes.
When we got in, Harlow placed sunglasses onto his face, shoving the tape into the deck.
"Really? Sunglasses? And my blinged-out Chanel sunglasses too?" I deadpanned.
He lowered the rhinestoned shades to his nose, "I believe it was you who once told me to have my movie moment. So, I'm havin' it. And you're havin' it with me. Come on." He snatched another pair of sunglasses from the glovebox and handed them to me.
"I did say that, didn't I? How smart of me." I took the sunglasses and slipped them over my eyes while he turned on the car and wildly whipped out of the driveway.
"I know your type. Boy you're dangerous, yeah you're that guy, I'd be stupid to trust."
It was hard to put a bright smile on our faces knowing what was coming and the fate of our future, but he and I tried our bests. We knew it was such a waste of breath, such a waste of love to cry the whole while. It wasn't forever that we'd be away from each other, but it'd be a long time.
No one, not even us, knew what our future held.
We arrived at the store by the time the song was over and the next was starting, so I paused the tape.
Keeping our sunglasses on, we hopped right out, hand in hand.
"Wait, wait-" Harlow stopped us as we walked past a dollar store to get to the 7/11. I looked up at the flickering sign then back down to him, as he smiled, "I have an idea. Come with me."
"W— well, okay then."
We instead, walked into the twenty-four-hour dollar store.
The bell rang as we stepped inside, bright white lights shining over us. Harlow walked us right in, all the way to the back where there were little pots and pans, little glasses, and cheap plastic cups that you could buy for a dollar.
He snatched a bowl from the shelf and a bag of candy before he took my hand and ran us toward the front again.
"Ooo... I want a balloon!" I exclaimed as we passed a small stand with heart-shaped balloons on a stick.
"Get it, get it," Harlow said quickly.
I snatched one and we walked up to the register, placing all of the items onto the conveyor belt.
Harlow grabbed an Illinois map too, I didn't know what for.
"What are you two doin' out this late, huh?" The woman asked, ringing up the bowl, "Havin' fun?"
"Something like that ma'am." Harlow side-eyed me.
He whipped out a ten-dollar bill once she'd rung up our stuff and then told her to keep the change.
"Harlow, what are we doing? What's with the bowl?" I hissed as he ran us back outside to the car. He hopped back into the driver's seat without answering me and I quickly followed, slamming the door shut.
I whipped my sunglasses off of my eyes and watched him laugh like a maniacal genius while pulling the bowl from the bag, "What on earth are you doing?"
"We're having a baby." He smiled and shoved the bowl underneath my shirt.
"I — huh? Why?" I looked down with wide eyes.
"Because I don't have enough cash, I forgot my credit card, and because stealing is fun!"
"You've lost me."
"When we go into the store, grab anything you want and shove it into the bowl under your shirt. Here, take my hoodie too, it'll look real that way. And act pregnant. Put your uh, hand on your stomach or something." He waved his hand and took off his sweatshirt, handing it to me.
"We can't do this! There are cameras!" I hissed.
"I am the distractio. Besides, no man is gonna suspect the pregnant, sweet Christian girl." He winked and opened his car door, "Come on, mama."
"Oh, fuck it." I laughed, ripping the sweatshirt over my head. I pulled the t-shirt underneath the hoodie tight to my skin to hold the plastic bowl to my stomach and then tied it with a hair band in the back.
Then wandered out, one hand on my stomach to pretend like I was pregnant. I ran to catch up to him, "Hey, wait, can I pretend to be country? Like a southern belle! That'll really sell it!"
He stole our second kiss then. It was fast. Like it was everyday. "I love your brain."
I grinned.
We opened the door and it was like someone called action on Harlow.
"Oh thank our heavenly father, s-sir?" Harlow spoke so sweetly to the man at the register, pretending to be southern, "Sir, I'm Carson, this is, my wife, uh, Angela. We're from Tennessee and well, we're a bit lost. Could ya' help us? We're meant to get to the uh, the Chicago airport to get us all the way to gosh darn, New York City for my cousin's weddin' and w-we're a bit turned around."
"Does your phone not have GPS?" The man looked back and forth from the two of us.
"Well, my stupid pregnant brain, y'know... I forgot our chargers, so we've been stuck with a map and it's just been no help! We've been drivin' around all night..." I made sure to draw extra attention to my stomach, "Please sir, if you could give us the time of day, we'll be out of your hair in a jiffy." I batted my eyelashes.
"Alright, I... I suppose I could help you. Which airport are you needing?" The man grabbed reading glasses when Harlow whipped out the big Illinois map and smacked it down onto the table.
"Uh, the Chicago Midway International Airport? I uh, whoops, that's upside down." Harlow laughed and got himself lost in the map, "Darlin', why don't you get us some snacks for the road while he helps me out. We don't wanna waste too much of his time."
"I'll be quick, honey." I patted his shoulder and walked away, fighting back hard laughter.
I grazed through the snack aisle, humming along to the only country song I knew to distract myself and sell the act.
I saw a package of airheads that I wanted and glanced up through my sunglasses at the cashier who was leaned against the counter, busy helping Harlow with the route to the store.
"Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, it's all the way over there?!" I heard his voice exclaim, "Well, how do we get there?"
I snatched the airheads and lifted my shirt, shoving the cold plastic underneath the bowl with ease. I moved down and grabbed some chocolate cupcakes for Harlow. It was easy to get anything I wanted, it was the perfect disguise.
I grabbed Twizzlers, Swedish Fish, Snickers, Twix, Takis, tootsie rolls, gummy bears, nerds, and a big package of Vero Mango lollipops.
Then, when I stood back up, I held my hand over my stomach and looked at them, "Honey-bun? I don't know about all these sweets... nothing looks too appetizing. Can I just get a drink instead?"
"Well according to this feller, we're gonna be driving all night long! We don't have time for drinks, not with that baby pressin' on your bladder!" He raised his eyebrows at me.
"Don't yell at me!" I covered my eyes and pretended to start crying.
"Oh there she goes, dramatic as all hell. Her emotions are as wild as a buck I'll tell you what. Okay, you know what? Get us some of them ice drinks, and get me some beer while you're at it." Harlow gestured toward the drinks with a wink.
"Yes, Carson." I sniffled.
God, this is fun.
I walked right to the slurpy machine and grabbed the jumbo cups, "H— Carson?! Do you want raspberry or strawberry?!"
"Quit askin' me questions darlin'! I'm tryna figure our way out of here! Surprise me!"
I snickered to myself and filled his up with strawberry and mine with raspberry. I took sips as I then walked to the back and looked for alcohol. There was a pack of beer that was cheap, but Harlow really wanted vodka and there was also a bottle of vodka small enough to fit underneath the bowl but big enough to last us the night. Or what was left of it.
I took it and shoved it inside, making the bowl epically heavy.
We had to leave right then.
"Oh, dear lord! Carson!" I shouted through the store, holding the weighed bowl to my stomach. I had to, in order not to drop it and the contents inside, "I think somethin' is wrong with the baby!"
"Darlin? Where you at?" Harlow's voice sounded.
I hid behind a shelf with mini water bottles and then opened one, pouring it onto the floor, "I think my water broke!"
"I-in my store!?" The man exclaimed, walking out from behind the counter.
I shoved the water bottle behind a bag of chips before he could find me again and held onto my stomach with a pained expression, "I'm so sorry, sir."
"Oh shoot! Well, we have to go! We've got a baby on the way!" Harlow took the icey drinks from me and held one arm around my shoulder.
"Wait - you have to pay for those." The store clerk said.
"Oh!" I screamed dramatically, "Oh! It hurts! It hurts! Carson, he's right, we have to pay! This good man is just doing his job! I'd rather have this baby right here on the floor, spilling amniotic fluid everywhere, than steal! My poor heart!-"
"No, no, no! Oh no! No, no! Go ahead. Go ahead. It's on the house!" The man shook his head insistently.
"We're gonna get you to a hospital', come on. Be quick, now!" Harlow pushed open the gas station door fast and we rushed out to the car, busting out laughing as quietly as we could.
Harlow pretended to help me into the passenger's seat and then once I was in, he slammed the door and ran around to the driver's side.
"Holy fuck!" He laughed as he started the car, "Well, yee-haw, Darlin! What'd you get?"
As we pulled out fast, I unzipped the sweatshirt and pulled the bowl out, "Lots and lots of stuff, Carson. I got you cupcakes and candy, and..." I pulled up the big bottle of vodka and shook it.
"God, I love you. I could kiss you. Good shit." He returned to his normal british accent, "Give me a cupcake, I'm starving."
I opened a package of chocolate Hostess cakes and I took a bite before feeding it to him while he drove.
I dropped my hand after swallowing down the sweet treat, "I'm gonna miss this. Fuckin' around with you. Doing stupid shit, even as friends." I murmured, "It's gonna be weird to -- not ever even see you."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know." He swallowed, "But... maybe we can meet again in a few months, hang out or something."
"I don't know how long it's gonna take me to do what I need to. For you to do what you need to. I wish we could just do what fate decides, but..." I trailed off and took another bite, "I'm scared that if we do that, fate won't ever put us back together again."
"Don't say that, it will." He took my hand and looked over at me while our car stopped at a red light, "It's up to that, it's up to when we're willing. If we put a timeline on it, then I'll... I'll stare at the calendar until our time is up and I can't do that. We just have to go our separate ways. I'll keep in touch with our friends, but I'm probably gonna focus on myself so you won't have to worry about me seeing you at parties on accident or running into me at concerts."
"Yeah." I muttered, giving him the best smile I could muster up.
"One day we'll be together. When the time is right, when our futures align. Who knows maybe I'll give you a call." He reached a hand up to brush his thumb underneath my eye, "Stop... don't cry, lovely girl. It's okay."
I sniffled and shook my head, looking down at my lap, "I'm just gonna eat the rest of this cupcake and cry."
"Wait, hey, give me a bite!—"
"It's my cupcake, I stole it!" I sobbed, shoving the rest into my mouth.
"Okay, it's yours! It's yours!"
✰ ✰ ✰
"I'm not a perfect personnnnn!" I shouted as I sang and danced around the living room, tipsy off of vodka and Slurpees with Harlow. We'd listened to three songs prior while we ate our pizza: When The Sun Hits by Slowdive, Beautiful by Snoop Dogg, and Super Freak by Rick James.
We were on the twelfth song out of thirteen and my heart felt like it was in pieces, knowing he put this song on here. The Reason, by Hoobastank.
"But I continue learning! I never meant to do those things to you!" He shouted in a slur, his body spread across the lakehouse couch.
I took a drink of my Slurpee and walked over to him on the couch, sliding onto his lap.
He sat up and hugged his arms around my waist, burying his face against my chest as he cried, "I found a reason for meeeeee! To change who I used to beeeee! A reason to start over new! And the reason is you!"
"Stop crying!" I hissed, my eyes watering.
He lifted his head and pointed at me, "No, you stop crying!"
"I can't stop crying if you're still crying!" I lifted myself off of his lap and walked to the kitchen before I could start again. I grabbed a piece of our spicy pizza and stuffed my mouth, leaning against the counter while the song played anyways.
We were so fucking wasted.
"What's going on down here..." Koi's voice said as she came down the stairs in a robe, "Cherry?"
"Get out of here!" Harlow sobbed, curling up with my cherry pillow on the couch and staring at the background picture of us together on his phone.
"We're fine, it's fine." I waved my hand and choked down tears through my chewing, "We're just breaking up and i-it's really h-hard. He can't stop crying and... and then the Hoobastank just made things worse... we went to 7/11 and got Slurpee's and now it's five A.M and it's our last night together." I broke down.
"What? You're... you're breaking up? No way..." Koi frowned, kneeling down next to me on the floor.
"It's for the best! He's not doing good and I'm not doing good but I love him and - and we can only have three kisses before one of us moves out and I'm gonna miss him so much." I cried and leaned my head against her shoulder.
It was the best way to explain it in my inebriated state.
"Well, toots, no one's leaving just yet. And, you can't just go? Who's leaving?" She hooked her arm around my shoulder.
"I don't know!" I cried and threw my hand up, "Maybe me o-or maybe him."
"Well, yeah, those are the only two options, honey." Koi laughed, "Me and Naomi found a nice apartment we were thinking about getting. It's close to the hospital so you can go see Niko whenever you want. You could come with us? Although... we probably won't be booking gigs with Cherry Bomb anytime soon, with everyone's health and all that."
"M-my dad thinks I should go to New York with him. He says he can get me a job at his friend Clash's club and that it's really nice, but it's so far away. I'd miss you guys so much and - Harlow, oh Harlow." I sobbed.
"My love, you do know he's ten feet from you on the couch, right?" Koi said softly, wiping my tears with her thumb, "You can go see him right now."
"I-I can't. He's crying!"
"You're crying too. I think you two need to spend time more time together. Come on... come." Koi pulled me up to my feet and walked me over toward the couch, "Harlow. Harlow!"
"Huh?" He inhaled through his crying and looked up at us.
"Comfort Cher, make room. Look how sad she is, c'mon. Let her sit." Koi guided me closer to the sofa and Harlow moved the pillow, allowing me to crawl in front of him and lay down.
"Now, you two sit here and enjoy each other's company." She grabbed a soft throw blanket and pooled it over both of us, "But if you don't keep the ruckus down, I'm gonna come back down and slit your fucking throats, okay? Naomi's trying to sleep and she doesn't get enough already. Kiss kiss, goodnight." She walked toward the radio and turned it down a bit and then wandered back up the stairs.
"Your dad wants you to go to New York?" Harlow sniffled, his eyes bloodshot and puffy.
We started the night this way, it seemed we were ending it like that too.
I nodded with a frown, "Yeah, he has a place for me to live and a job for me. I'd be ditching the band for a while but it could be good, it's not like we're performing anyways. We're on hiatus. And, you know, I-I liked New York. But, I'm not sure."
"You should go. It's a good opportunity and your dad can protect you there." He brushed his hand down my hair, "I could stay down here with Niko and Mikey. I could take your job at the record store. You could come down to visit Naomi, Kristen, Oliver, and Koi whenever you wanted. It's not too far of a drive. Maybe by the time you're ready to move back, I'll be ready too."
"You really think I should go?" I whispered.
"Yeah... yeah, I do." He looked down at my hand and then took it.
"Okay," I muttered, my gaze shifting down to our hands. Our matching nail polish just broke my heart even more. But what caught my gaze even harder was my engagement ring. I knew he noticed too, although neither of us had the heart or the want to take it off at that moment. Or ever. So, we just intertwined our hands and locked eye contact again while the last and final song came on.
Number Thirteen: Breakeven by The Script.
"You be safe up there." He moved his head close enough to mine that our foreheads and noses brushed, "You don't ever let anyone talk you down. No one. You stay safe and you take care of yourself. Eat, sing and dance in your underwear like you always do. Don't get any drunken tattoos, piercings maybe but just make sure to stay sober when you get them." He advised.
I nodded.
"Make friends and... if you sleep with someone, just be careful-"
"I don't want to, Harlow. I wanna wait for you." I shook my head, furrowing my eyebrows, "Are you gonna fuck other people?-"
"No, no. I just don't wanna be controlling, it's your body. And life is stressful, I wouldn't blame you if you did." He squeezed my hand, "I'm just saying that if you do, then that's okay. I understand."
"Okay," I whispered, scooting a bit closer to him.
"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?"
"It's only temporary." He reminded me in a whisper, holding our intertwined hands to his lips but not kissing them, "I'll get you back. We... we'll be back."
"It's only temporary." I closed my burning, tired eyes.
The more we said it, the less true it felt.
Harlow and I stared at each other and held each other for another three house. The sun rose in the sky, casting a cool blue light into the room and the radio turned off with a hard click when the tape ran out.
It was fitting for the end of us, for the end of our story.
We wandered upstairs and crawled into bed not long after, getting what sleep we could peacefully together.
For the last time.
***