Standing behind Damon as he knocks on Katie's bedroom door I really do not want to be here. I know that Damon is trying to look out for me but I was fairly comfortable with avoidance. Expressing my own emotions isn't something I do often, let alone ever to be honest.
'Katie I literally saw your bedroom light on so don't ignore me.' Damon knocks again but this time he actually gets a response as the door opens.
It's not Katie. Leaning against the doorframe is Noah and I've never turned to leave so quickly. I fucking knew this was a stupid idea but he didn't listen. If anything I feel even shittier than I did before Damon came to come see me.
Gabbing the back of my shirt Damon pulls me back to where I was but I move him away. 'Just let me go.'
'She's not here,' Noah gives us a lightly confused look since he's not very informed right now. 'I came to return something of Katies, so I was just waiting-,'
Shoving him to the side Damon steps into the room before looking around. She's definitely not inside but he checks out the entire room in case.
Allowing myself in after him I'd rather be near Damon to avoid Noah asking me anything. Even if it means being in Katie's bedroom which I really don't want to be in either. I'd rather be in my own room either crying or staring at the roof but Damon isn't giving me that option right now.
'Dude she actually isn't here,' Noah blinks at him. 'Why are you checking?'
I'm genuinely shocked by the patience Damon has right now since I was sure Noah would have his brains bashed the moment he saw him. Instead he completely ignores him and goes on his knees to check under the bed. Maybe the fact that they're close is saving Noah's ass right now.
'What are you doing?' I flinch when I hear Katie's voice. It's coming from the door but I don't look, I keep my eyes on Damon who's looking between Katie and Noah.
'Colton stay. Noah come with me,' Damon seems pissed and suddenly the reality of this situation sinks in and now I really do not want to be here.
'No. No one is staying- actually no one is going.' She seems frustrated so I look over to her.
She's wearing the same hoodie that I saw her in, a while ago and if anything she hasn't been sleeping and I can tell. When she notices me looking she immediately looks away.
'Noah what are you doing in my room.' She practically hisses before rubbing her face. 'I did not fucking need this today.'
Watching her back away Damon is quick to shut the door before she can leave which makes her groan. No one wants to be in this situation right now yet we're being forced to.
'Damon.' I whisper. 'I don't think anyone wants to do this right now.'
'Sometimes what you want is not what you should be doing,' he waves me off before walking over to Noah and grabbing his arm. 'You two are acting like children who are refusing to talk because you're fighting over a toy.'
'And you're the fucking dick who stole the toy that you don't even need.' He stares at Noah who just creases his eyebrows before pressing his finger into Noah's chest. 'You're fucking stupid.'
Dragging him to the door he gently moves Katie out of the way so he can open it. Shoving Noah out exits the room. Shutting the door behind him. He ultimately leaves me alone with her. Too afraid to say anything, I don't think I have anything to say in the first place so I sit on the ground.
The air is tense for a moment, before it's filled with Damon's muffled voice. You can barely hear him unless you focus.
'I asked for one thing! Literally I've only ever asked for one thing and it was the one thing you couldn't do.' I hear him yelling at Noah.
I can't really make out Noah's response but it seems to have upset Damon since I hear him curse him out before a loud thud. Flinching I decide that I no longer want to listen in on the conversation so I look over to Katie. She seems to be listening also but she stops when she notices me staring.
'Is it bad that I kind of wanted this to happen.' She doesn't look me in the eye directly. 'He ghosted me and I'm glad I didn't see him in my room before Damon did because I don't want to talk to him ever again...I'm just confused on why he showed up.'
Probably got bored.' I'm honest with her. I've known him for so long that his behavior isn't unfamiliar to me. 'Most likely wanted another round or something.'
I don't want to look at her anymore so I pull up one of my legs whilst the other remains flat. Staring my palms which rest on my lap I don't think I should be here. We aren't really 'talking things out' if anything we're just exchanging awkward energy. Yet at the same time being here on the ground with her is the most relaxed I've been in the past couple days. It's so confusing.
'I'm sorry.' We both apologize in unison before just staring at each other. Making an attempt to hide our smiles we break eye contact again. That's something right?
Hearing another thud from behind the door we both flinch. The sound is followed by a loud groan from assumably Noah since you can hear Damon's muffled voice yelling. We stop listening when we yet again make eye contact. She laughs which makes my smile grow.
'No. I'm sorry.' She apologies again. 'I got scared so I was a dick to you.'
'You weren't a dick to be honest.' I mumble. 'I would've been uncomfortable if I woke up naked in my bed also. Leaving was a fair reaction.'
'No I'm not talking about that.' She shifts. 'When I saw you in the store I actually...urm I was there because-,'
'You where buying tests.' I shrug it off. 'I saw...it's why I told you that we didn't use protection anyways since I had assumed you'd want to make sure,'
Giving me a shocked look I'm confused on why. She dropped her stuff in front of me and I helped her pick it up. I assumed she knew that I saw it.
'What?' I blink.
'No I mean...not a lot of guys would be so calm about it.' She seems embarrassed to admit it. 'I expected you to immediately ask what it said.'
'Well I mean...no one really wants a child at a young age really. It's just that I've graduated high school already so I can always just postpone uni if I have too, I was more concerned for you since you're in senior year of highschool and it's alot harder to postpone that.' I admit. 'As long as you're alright I guess I didn't really care.'
'It was negative and I'll check again later since it was a little too soon to check but I'm sure it'll be negative too.' She shakes her head before ushering her voice. 'So you don't have to worry about having to stop studying or anything- especially since I don't need to keep the child.'
'Whatever you want to do. It's not like I'd have to physically birth the child so it's not my call.' I don't want her to feel that she should care about my schooling when I won't directly be affected if she was pregnant or not.
'Anyways. I ghosted you after the store because...I got scared. I thought you might like me again and I was worried.' She reverts the conversation topic. 'I was worried that I would like you back then you'd get bored.'
'I understand.' I honestly do, if I trusted someone as much as I trusted Noah just for them to do what they did I wouldn't trust the next person even half as much. 'But I need you to know that you're partially right. If I'm being honest with you then yes I do still like you but I'm not Noah. I liked you for- fuck how long now? Getting bored of you isn't something I'll feel anytime soon and if I could I would've a while ago.'
She doesn't look up at me, she looks at her feet. 'I'm sorry. I feel like I should have some sort of elaborate response but I don't.'
'That's fine.' I nod. 'Damon forced me to come here and talk about my feelings or whatever. My original plan was to go to university and pretend like nothing happened.'
Pausing she looks up at me now.
'I had planned on forgetting and ignoring you but it only really made it worse. I think being here is the most relaxed I've been but I'm still going to do my original idea. Distance might even be better for me actually since closeness isn't. I like you so much Katie and it physically hurts-,'
She kisses me and for a split second I feel my fight or flight instinct kick on. Quickly placing my hands on her shoulder to get rid of her I find myself keeping her in place instead. Kissing her back my hands relax but she moves away.
Not looking me in the eye once again; she looks down to my lap. My heart is beating like rapid fire and I'm not sure if hers is too but she places her hand on her chest. Cursing under her breath when she does, she makes an attempt to get up but I pull her back. Placing my own hand on her chest it's beating faster than mine.
Raising my eyebrows I look at her and she's looking at me now. We stay silent for a little bit before the door swings open. We both check to see who it is to see Damon standing there. He seems beyond pissed and his knuckles are bruised, quite literally black and blue.
'Can I talk to Katie?' He asks but I shake my head.
If I know any better it's better not to talk to him when he's mad about something. It's a mood killer and he seems majorly pissed off.
'Where's Noah,' she's slow to ask but he avoids the question by repeating himself.
'Can I talk to you.'
'Can I talk to her for a little bit longer?' He's quick to agree once I ask. Closing the door behind him, Katie slides out of my arms once he's left the room.
Reaching out for her I bring her back to me so I can kiss her again. Allowing me to do so she kisses me back. Climbing onto my lap she slides her tongue into mine which only makes it incredibly hard to calm myself down so I stop myself.
'You're really confusing.' I say through breaths. 'I'm going to need you to tell me how exactly you fee-,'
'You confuse me just as much. The entire time I sat here and listened to you explain how much you liked me my heart was on fire. It only made it worse to look at you. At first I was lost and I didn't understand why you liked me and I still don't really. Although, if I'm being honest I wanted to put the fire out before it grows into something permanent. It's been draining and it's taking a lot of effort because I'm worried that if I let it be, it'll get worse and I'll get hurt. Im worried that if I go to you, you'll see whatever Noah saw in me and you'll leave me and I'll be stuck with this permanent flame.' Her voice cracks. 'When I said I didn't have anything to say to you when you told me how you felt I lied. I wanted to let you know so bad but I was scared. I was scared that I would hurt you like he hurt me.'
When I said my heart was racing before I had no idea what I was talking about because now it's racing. For a second I actually worry that it's not just emotion but a heart attack.
'I make you nervous?' The thought feels so surreal since younger me would be ecstatic right now. Hearing that from her is all he ever prayed for.
'A lot actually. I thought that if maybe you stopped liking me then I'd stop being so confused and nervous over you.' She responds awkwardly. 'I don't like it if I'm being honest. It kinda sucks since I wanna be free,'
'I've been wanting to be free for years now.' I pull her into me so I can rest my face into the nook of her neck.
I want to hold her like this for as long as I possibly can. I'm tired of constantly having to imagine touching her or holding her. I want to savor this for as long as I possible before I can't anymore.
I had planned on leaving to Duke early. Maybe one or two months before summer ends but now I'm conflicted. I want to stay here and figure things out with her but I have to go eventually. All my joy retreats as it hits me how little time I actually have.
'Katie I have to go now,' I pull away and she immediately furrows her brows. My heart squeezes again and I consider scrapping that statement.
'Why?' She asks.
Opening my mouth to answer there's another knock on the door. 'That's why.'
'Don't leave me alone with him. He's so mad right now, it's crazy.' She smiles.
'Come home with me. I'll bring you back in the morning.' I offer the option but shes so quick to shake her head before sliding off my lap.
'Not a good idea.' She's right so I don't argue.
Instead she gets up and opens her door and she's greeted with a now calmer Damon who pulls her outside. Closing the door behind him I feel a little secluded from the conversation which isn't so nice.
I sit there for a while before Katie re-enters the room.
'What was that about?' I ask out of curiosity but she just shrugs, unwilling to tell me. 'Was it about Noah?'
'Yeah. He hurt Damon pretty bad but he barely put in any effort I guess.' She purses her lips. 'He wasn't willing to fight which I guess answers my question.'
'Question?'
'Something I asked Noah a while ago,' she says before quickly changing the topic. 'He also mentioned you.'
'What did he say?' I tilt my head but she shakes her head. Unwilling to tell me.
'Nothing. You should probably go though, it's getting pretty late now,' Frowning I get up but she grabs my wrist quickly.
'Um actually. Can I- can I see you tomorrow maybe?' I try my hardest to keep my breathing pattern steady when she asks me.
'Yes. Come over to mine tomorrow.' I agree. I need her to come to mine anyways so it'll motivate me to actually clean my room.
'I'll see you tomorrow.'