"Puts on a smile and breathes it in and breathes it out..."
♫ The Great Escape by Patrick Watson.
✰ ✰ ✰
On June 12th, 2010 - I received a pink parchment paper invite tucked in my bedroom windowsill, formally inviting me to a fairy, princess, pirate tea party for one Arabella Silver.
It was her welcome home to where she belonged; with her family.
After four more days at the hospital in New York to help her get stronger, we all, including her, caught a flight back to Chicago. Bella was airlifted to a hospital in the city and today, after a brief checkup, she was home for real, ready to spend her last day or two, surrounded by the people who loved her the most.
When Koi told me the bad news about Bella back in New York after an emotional phone call with a sobbing Niko, I was in shock. I was devastated.
Not just for me, but for Cosette and Harlow. For Niko and Mike.
It was surreal to imagine Bella not being alive.
It felt wrong, even for me, to accept that she'd be really gone this time.
She was seven, with cancer, with trauma, with a past filled full of neglect and harm.
If there was a fucking god, they were doing a shit job.
I wanted to string a rope around their neck and kick the damn chair.
The past month had been an unfair life to live.
I couldn't see past this cloud of hurt.
It hung over our heads; Harlow and I, pouring rain and hail down on us until we were black and blue all over - wet and sick. We had each other, we held hands in the horror of it all, but it never stopped.
I needed something good.
I needed some happiness again.
Which was why I was going to that party, despite my anxiety and paranoia, and I was going to be there for him and her, and all of them. I was going to draw on a smile with red lipstick and play pretend until it came true.
Koi and I, by Harlow's request on the invitation, made Tinkerbell themed chocolate cupcakes with green, iridescent, edible glitter and chocolate filling. We packed up makeup, wrapped up gifts in pretty green bows, and brought enough candy to rot the teeth out of your mouth. We dressed up per tea party attire, and headed right across the street to a home covered in balloons.
"Ready toots?" Koi squeezed my hand as we stood on the porch step.
"Ready." I smiled.
We knocked on the door, hearing music inside, and when it was opened to Niko with an eye-patch, a hook for a hand, and a KISS style wig on his head, I knew this was going to be a day to remember, "Hello there, fairy princesses! Are you by chance here for a magic tea party in the palace?" He leaned against the door frame and spoke in the most posh accent he could.
I could hear Bella's giggling in the background. Bright and Bubbly.
"We received an invitation via bird this morning, pirate," I teased with a roll of my eyes, "I come bearing cupcakes and gifts for a... Bella?"
"That's me!"
"Let me see some identification." Niko crossed his arms.
"Okay, you're taking the game a little too seriously—back you putrid pirate! Back," Koi whipped a light up wand out from a gift bag and wacked him quick in the nuts, making him stumble back and clutch his crotch with a groan; falling to the ground.
She took my hand with an excited giggle and stuck her nose in the air, stepping over his body without a care in the world.
"Surprise!" Koi announced us before we even fully entered the room and when we rounded the entryway corner, we saw Bella waving her hands and trembling with excitement in her makeshift bed by by the window; the couch. It was draped with a pink canopy like a princess's fortress, covered in blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, and dolls. She was dressed so beautifully, fairy wings on her back, a nasal cannula to help her breathe, and a sparkly. pale green dress draped over her shoulders.
I was blown away by magic of the room around me.
There were streamers, pink and white from wall to wall, fairy lights following them, blinking and twinkling like sparkles or stars in the sky. There was a warm fire crackling in the fireplace and on top of the mantle, were so many bundles of gorgeous flowers, all with cards of love from our friends and family.
Every gory or naked poster was plastered over with photos of Niko, Harlow or Bella, and every table had been cleaned and covered with snacks, drinks, and candles that made the room smell like cinnamon and vanilla.
They'd turned their dungeon into a castle.
And to top it all off, Harlow came out of the kitchen as picture perfect as ever, a bowl of strawberries in his hand for Bella and a classic, pink-heart-printed sweater on his shoulders. His hair was wild as always, in a tangled mop over his forehead, but unlike his usual look, he wasn't wearing eyeliner, his face was clean shaven, his rings were all gone but one, and his tattoos were all covered up.
He was sporting the father look.
And he looked beautiful.
"Daddy, there's more friends!"
"I know, I-I can see that sweetheart," He stopped in his tracks by the side of the couch, staring me with with a solemn smile and tired eyes, "Hey pretty stranger..."
"Hey." I blushed, lingering in the longing look between us.
We hadn't spoke even once since this all began.
I missed him so much.
"O'my goodness, bella! You are so beautiful, I love your dress..." Koi sprang forward and dropped all of her gifts on the ground next to the couch so she could bend down and give Bella a gentle hug, "So sparkly and poofy, the way all dresses should be if you ask me. Where ever did you get such gorgeous taffeta?"
Koi was a walking Disney princess, Bella was sure to adore her.
"Harlow's my dad and he got it f'me..."
"You don't say?"
Koi's voice faded out of my ears when Harlow took several steps closer, putting the strawberries down on the coffee table to give me a hug. I set the cupcakes down with the rest of my bags and wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him a silent, long awaited hug.
"I know this isn't the right question to ask, but are you okay?" I whispered.
"I am now that you're here" He muttered, pulling back and sliding his hand down my arm, "I appreciate you doing this, Cher, coming to see us, I know it can't be easy for you. The cupcakes look good too, I'm sure she'll love them..."
"It's more than easy, I'd do anything for you," I mirrored him, sliding my hand my hand up his arm and to his face, tucking a strand of hair away from his eyes, "I like this look you've got goin' on. Very prince charming"
"Well, bells said I couldn't wear my black slipknot sweater this morning. She said it had ugly man faces on it and that it stank," He breathed out a laugh through his nose, bashfully, "She picked this out."
"Well, someone needed to say it—"
"Oh, bite your tongue, baby," He cut me off, gripping my chin between his cool fingers and taking my breath away with a gentle, slow, and soft kiss.
If I'd still been holding them, I would've dropped those damn cupcakes right on the floor.
Those liquor lips of his were addictive and sweet.
"Daddy, why're you kissing my princess friend?"
Harlow broke our kiss with a hard snort and murmured 'oh dear god' under his breath before he cleared his throat and held onto my waist, "Well, that's not a sentence I thought I'd ever hear — uh, bella, honey, this is... our friend and my girlfriend, Cherry. She's the one I told you about with the magic baking skills," He added with a whisper and wink, "Cherry, this is bella."
"Hi bella, it's nice to meet you." I waved and gave her my kindest smile, a tad bit nervous.
"Girlfriend?" Bella held her mouth open like a codfish, "But that's not how it works, pirates don't get the fairy princesses. Pirates are evil"
"Yeah!" Koi crossed her arms over her chest with attitude, "Why're you laying your pirate lips on our princess friend, mister?"
"You're a pirate and you didn't tell me?" I played along, dropping my jaw at Harlow, "What's next? Have you got other fairy princesses coming to your ship when I'm not around?" I lowered my voice.
Harlow ignored my comment but I didn't miss his hidden smirk, "Bella, why can't I be a nice pirate? One with a cool parrot and leather pants and a sword. Or better yet, why can't I be a fairy princess too?"
"Fairy princesses are only girls. Uncle Zayn is the prince. Uncle Niko is the good pirate. You're the evil pirate," Bells said in the most 'geez don't you get it' tone possible.
Everyone had a part apparently.
This was live action: Fairy Princess Bella and The Pirate treasure.
"Fine, then why can't the evil pirate and the fairy princess fall in love?" Harlow was having a full on argument with his seven year old about the rules of an imaginary game.
"The pirate is evil. It's in his name."
"Okay, but what if the evil pirate goes to magic rehab?"
"Harlow!" I hissed, smacking his chest lightly.
Bella shocked me when she said, "We're not playing magic rehab right now, daddy"
I fought back a laugh while Harlow kissed his teeth and took a step away from me, "Fine. If I have to be the evil pirate, then evil I will be," he reached onto the table, grabbed an eyepatch to put on, then came sneaking closer to Bella with the outstretched arms, "And my first evil deed will be pirate tickle attacks."
The panic on Bella's face was real, but a pirate tickler would quite literally be the scariest thing I'd ever seen when I was seven.
Bella squealed and laughed as Harlow attacked her belly with relentless tickles and let out an evil laugh while he did it.
"Fear not, princesses, this tickle fiend will go no farther. On guard," Zayn suddenly came running in from the kitchen, wielding a styrofoam sword and sporting a lopsided, golden prince crown on his head.
"O'... wow." I covered my mouth in shock when he came in and sliced his sword across Harlow's back and a slow motion death scene came rolling in.
"Noooooo" Harlow went stumbling away with a look of pain and horror on his face and Bella watched it as if it was a movie, her eyes darting all over the intense action of it all.
He was taking this role very seriously.
He went falling to the ground, reaching out for mw longingly, "All I wanted was someone to love... so close yet... so— far" He dropped his head and stuck his tongue out.
"He's dead, we did it," Bella cheered.
"The evil pirate dad has been slain," Zayn raised his arms and shook his fists, the rest of us joining in and rejoicing in our win.
I walked closer to the couch and then sat down by her feet, "High five, sister."
"What's... high five?"
My smile fell a little and I glanced at Koi who seemed just as lost, but quickly answered, "Uh, well, it - it means good job. It's like this, Koi, high five." She raised her hand and she smacked it against mine with a, "Woohoo."
"Now you try. High five." I raised my hand.
She held up her hand flat and used all of the strength she had to give my hand a soft pat.
"Perfect." I said with a smile.
"Aw man, I missed it?"
I looked over my shoulder when Niko came back into the room still in his pirate attire, throwing his arms up with frustration like a little kid.
"Its okay, uncle Niko, we have to play wedding next. The prince marries the fairy princess Cherry in the garden ballroom," Bella said quaintly, then whispered to me, "That's the back yard"
"I see." I whispered back.
"Whoa, whoa — whoa," Harlow said when he stood back up straight, holding his hands in a time out formation, "No prince is smooching my girlfriend, this is outrageous. I wanna duel for her"
Ah yes, every girls' dream.
"I told you, she's not your girlfriend today. She's my friend..." Bella held my hand possessively, "Even you said so."
"Tinkerbell - cherry's my girlfriend in real life..." Harlow explained with a laugh, taking off his eyepatch and making his way back to couch. He sat down across from me, hip to hip with Bella, "We're together like how moms' and dads' are. Only, cherry's not your mom. Cosette is."
"Then... why isn't mama here?"
It wasn't until then that I realized Cosette wasn't around.
I hadn't noticed.
I figured she was in the kitchen or doing something else around the house.
"She's not here?" I wondered out loud, looking to Harlow with raised eyebrows.
Harlow frowned when Bella did, and smoothed her hair back gently, "I'm sure she's on her way, sweetheart. She's just a little busy right now, I think" He rested his head on to top of hers and clenched his jaw in frustration as he gazed at me. The look in his eyes wasn't one I'd seen before.
"I'll call her again." Niko mumbled, backing out of the room once more.
I cleared my throat, "Well, while we wait... how about me, Koi and Bella have a makeover. We're having a wedding, we've gotta' look the part, right? I need a veil and pretty makeup, I-I need everything," I squeezed her hand gently.
"Can I do yours?"
"You betcha." I grinned.
Keeping pause on our game, Koi and I had some time alone with Bella, turning the couch into couture central. Koi pulled out all of the things she'd brought and Bella was in awe of all the sparkly eyeshadows and shades of lipstick. She wanted to try out every color on her arm before making the big decision and not to my surprise, she chose red lipstick to match mine.
While we made her into a princess, she chatted our ear off with more energy than I was expecting.
"You have pixie hair."
Pausing a blush brush halfway to Bella's already rosy cheeks, I smile, "That's right, I... I do have pixie hair. Your dad cut it for me if you can believe it. I think he did a pretty good job, right?"
"I like it." She agreed, reaching up to smooth a hand down the side of my head, "He likes it too. Dad calls you his favorite fairy princess and he says that you and I are his favorite girls in the whole wide world."
I dropped my hand from her face and felt my cheeks ache, "He said that, huh? That sounds like him. If there's one thing your dad does well, it's love people."
"Does he love you?"
"Oh goodness, I hope so" I cracked a laugh and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, "We both care about each other very much. Just like he loves you, he loves me, but in different ways. There's lots of different ways to love people in life."
"Do you love him too?" She whispered, leaning closer as if it was a secret.
I took a deep breath in and glanced at Harlow to my left, who was sitting with Niko in front of the fireplace and watching us with a longing smile that widened when he saw me staring. I felt my stomach swarm with butterflies and I looked back at his little mini-me, "Yes, yes I do. I love him very, very much... the most in the world. He makes me happy - crazy happy. N' that's what love is. It's the happiest feeling you've ever felt. Like magic inside."
I poked her chest and her eyes followed my finger with curiosity and wonder.
"That's why we say 'i love you'. 'Cause it means, 'you make me feel happy'."
She looked back up from my finger and gave me a sweet smile.
"Then... I love everyone."
Koi slowed down brushing Bella's hair and looked down at me with a heartbroken frown.
I willed my eyes not to water and I snapped the blush compact shut, "Everyone loves you too, Bella. All of us."
"I know. Daddy tells me every day." She sighed in a way that insinuated he was 'so dramatic'.
"Well, what'd I tell you, huh? He's a crazy love man." I rolled my eyes and picked up a lipstick, "Alright, now hold still, it's time for the finishing touches."
Much like every child, when you tell them to hold still, they giggle like crazy, moving to play tricks on you like a joker.
But, the sound was nice to hear and I welcomed it. I wanted to hear it all day and I willed it to never stop.
That was why she was there.
To smile, to laugh, to be a kid while she could.
The rest of that afternoon was filled with it. Nonstop fun.
Once we were dolled up, we had one hell of a fashion show.
"Coming down the runway is one Arabella Silver. Sporting an adorable green gown and a stunning paper veil, she's styled by Koiya Blanchard. Ooo la-la, look at those sparkly nails ladies and gentlemen," Harlow announced us out in the living room with a megaphone and Niko helped carry Bella on his back, because she was too weak to walk. But, that didn't stop her from being sassy and batting her eyelashes with a princess wave that Koi had taught her.
"And that stunning updo with a flower crown, I love it!" He tossed confetti in the air when they did a spin, "I see tens across the board but I'm biased 'cause she's my baby so let's see those judges scores!"
Naomi, Kristen and Mikey all held up white boards with tens drawn on them.
"Just as I suspected!"
"Oh yeah, high five." I watched from around the corner of the hallway as Niko put her down and they smacked hands.
She crawled onto Harlow's lap and he announced me out next.
"Oh, what do we have here? My, my, my..."
I laughed as I jokingly strutted down the hallway, my makeup done quite messily by Bella.
"Cherry Anderson, coming in hot. A pillow case veil, lacey gloves, and a daisy chain belt with a sunning eye look. She wears a black dress just to drive daddy crazy cause she knows I want to t-e-a-r i-t o-f-f!" He spelled, whistling afterward, "Who was she styled by I wonder, this has to be the best makeup I've ever seen! The precision, the detail, the sparkles!"
"It was me!" Bella said proudly.
"Amazing styling done by Arabella Silver!" Harlow pressed kisses to the side of her face until she shrugged him away with incessant giggles, "Judges?"
They all held up tens.
"A perfect score!"
"All thanks to someone." I sat in a seat next to Harlow and Bella held my hand while he gave me a kiss, stamping my lipstick onto his mouth without a care in the world.
"And last, but never least, coming down the runway is Miss Koiya Blanchardddd"
Koi came strutting down the hallway and Bella squealed with laughter when she saw the creation she'd done. Koi had told Bella to go crazy with the glitter, and she did. Her whole body was an iridescent, glimmering, shiny hunk of flesh, warm brown, sparkly highlight covering her entire face and neck. There was sparkles in her braids, sparkles on her nails, sparkles on her lipstick.
Everywhere.
But, Koi rocked it anyway.
"Here comes the gorgeous, glamourous, glitter covered, oh my god!" Harlow blurted out with wide eyes, "Ahem - glitter covered beauty. A pink dress, a daisy bracelet, and a trailing sheet veil that stretches ten miles long. Ow! She's fierce. That striking gold eyeliner is bloody killer. I think I can guess who she's been styled by. Will Bella Silver be the stylist of the year? Judges?"
They held up tens.
"We all won," Bella beamed, "High fives!"
She caught on to that tradition fast.
After we had our fashion show, we settled down for stories with Harlow and had smoothies and snacks.
"Corduroy stepped off of the escalator as it reached the next floor, and there, before his eyes was the most amazing sight! Tables and chairs and lamps and sofas and rows and rows of beds. 'This must be a palace,' Corduroy gasped, 'I guess I've always wanted to live in a palace'." Harlow and Bella were bundled up on the couch together, her eyes skating across every water color painted page, smiling at the voices he did.
We watched them go through all of the classics. Charlottes' Web, Alice in Wonderland, Rainbow Fish, A Bad Case of Stripes, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna and more.
She was entranced by a world of books she'd never seen before.
She was in love with every character and rooted for them in their troubles, celebrating when they got their happily ever after.
I got mine too.
After our bedtime stories, we had the wedding of a lifetime in the garden ballroom.
We gathered in the sun and Zayn and I stood at the makeshift alter in front of a Cherry tree in their back yard, holding hands.
Naomi was the officiant.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the garden ballroom, in the presence of family and friends to join together this prince and this fairy princess in magic matrimony. Who gives this fairy to this prince?"
"I do." Koi, who was standing behind me, waved her hand.
"And who gives this prince to this fairy?"
"Me." Mikey said, standing behind Zayn.
Bella had coined him; grandfather time.
Apparently he rocked the beard well.
"Very good. Now, Prince Zayn, do you—"
"Wait!"
Our ceremony was interrupted by the tiny squeak of a voice in the grass to our left. I turned my head to the side and saw Bella, who was sitting on Harlow's lap, give him a candy bar, "Daddy, it's magic. It'll turn you into a prince, eat it!" She whispered loudly.
I widened my eyes as Harlow did. But, he followed her directions like he believed her and ate the candy.
"Woosh! The evil pirate is now a pirate prince" Bella stood up and walked shakily a couple of steps, yanking on Zayn's jacket to get him to bend down. And when he got low enough to take the crown from his head, she yanked it off, "I'll take that."
"Oh shit..." Koi whispered in my ear, "She just snatched it off—"
"I know." I whispered back, holding my mouth open agape.
Bella walked back to Harlow sitting in the grass and planted the crown on his head, gently. She clasped her hands behind her back, "Evil pirates can change when they love princesses. You were right, daddy."
She didn't waste time in grabbing his hand and encouraging him to stand up.
Zayn backed away by her direct 'shoo' motion and Harlow was placed in front of me.
I rolled my lips into my mouth and for some reason felt myself grow ten times more nervous. So nervous that I let out an ugly laugh, "Well, hi there new prince."
"Hey." He seemed just as caught off guard as me.
"Hold hands..." Bella took his wrist and guided it to mine.
I looked down when his pinky slid across mine and he intertwined our fingers, his other hand following suit. Our eyes met and he quietly whispered down to Bella, "I've got it from here, Tinkerbell. Go sit down."
Niko came around to the front row of the stuffed animal audience and pulled Bella's winded body back into his lap, holding her tight and rolling her oxygen tank closer.
"Okay then, let's start from the top." Naomi cleared her throat and pulled up her prop book, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the garden ballroom, in the presence of family and friends to join together this pirate prince and this fairy princess in magic matrimony."
"I'm popular today" I whispered to Harlow.
"Shut up." He whispered with a scrunch of his nose.
"Who gives this fairy to this pirate?"
"I do!" Koi repeated her sentiment from earlier.
"And this pirate to this fairy?"
"We do." Niko held up Bella's wrist and waved at us happily.
"Perfect." Naomi snorted, "Now, pirate prince, do you take fairy Cherry to be your lawfully wedded wife from this day forward? Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish her in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live in this magnificent kingdom?"
"Hm..." Harlow took a deep breath and looked at the sky in thought. "Give me a second to weigh my options—"
"You better wanna marry me, you skank." I pinched his finger.
"I'm teasing, I'm teasing..." He smirked, licking his dry lips and running his thumbs over the back of my hands, "I most certainly, without a doubt and enthusiastically I might add, do."
"Enthusiastically, huh?"
"Well, as much enthusiasm as a pirate can have," He shrugged one shoulder.
"Cherry, do you?" Naomi nodded a head slowly in my direction.
"I've always had a thing for pirates." I winked, smirking when his face turned bright red, "I do. Hell yes, I do."
"Rings!" Naomi yelled.
Kristen came wandering over with a tiny barbie car in hand; two bands made from silver string sitting in the mini driver's and passengers' seat.
"Ahem, please repeat after me."
As Naomi began her speech, Harlow took one of the rings and slid it onto my ring finger, fidgeting with it while repeating her words, "I, pirate prince, give you this ring as a symbol of my—" He paused to roll his eyes, "My undying love and never ending love for you. With it, I promise to be there with you always and never love another, for as long as I live..."
I couldn't find it in me to make fun of him for that one.
I took the other band and took his hand in mine, slowly sliding it onto his finger, "And I too, give you this ring as a symbol of my undying and never-ending love for you."
It felt oddly real. Especially with the way he was looking at me.
"I promise to be there with you always and never love another, for as long as I live." I promised, taking his hand back after and tilting my head back when he took a step closer.
"Someone's eager, eh? Alright, alright," Naomi rushed out, "I now pronounce you, pirate groom and princess wife. You may kiss the bride—in the most child friendly way possible, you w-h-o-r-e-s—"
Harlow disregarded every last word out of her mouth and wrapped an arm around my waist, dramatically dipping me away from the prying eyes of his child to kiss me deeply. We heard cheers around us and I smiled into the kiss, holding up his crown with a surprised yelp when it knocked into my forehead.
His lips tasted like salted caramel and I savored every sweet second, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Flower petals tickled against my skin and we were pulled apart from the sensation of them. Pressed cheek to cheek we turned and saw Niko and Bella showering us with petals they'd picked form the flowers in the yard, some twigs thrown in the mix to really pack a punch.
"Ow!" Harlow winced, "That was a stick, munchkin! I'm gonna get you for that one."
Bella attempted to squirm away from Niko but he caught her before she could, picking her up in his arms and spinning her around until they were tangled in her oxygen tubes and forced to fall carefully to the ground.
"I think we should eat those cupcakes to celebrate, Cherry." Koi linked her arm with mine, "You're a married woman after all, you're gonna have to put up with him forever." She teased.
"I think I'll make it." I murmured, resting my head against hers.
The rest of the afternoon was spent basking in the summer sun.
We laid out a blanket and Harlow, Bella and I ate cupcakes, cuddled up like three musketeers. The frosting and sprinkles went all over her face, she struggled to eat it on her own, so we took turns feeding it to each other instead. Small bites.
Covered in frosting and still recovering from our full bellies, we laid down and pointed out shapes in the clouds while we listened to music on the radio.
She had such an active imagination, every cloud came with a story of its' own that she narrated with voices or songs.
We even went nature exploring and for an hour an a half, we were in the jungle.
Bella asked about every flower she saw, every bug, every leaf. She was so curious and so careful, holding caterpillars and worms like they were her best friends.
She wanted to stay out there forever.
But, Harlow and I could tell she was so exhausted.
After a while, she started to wheeze with every breath.
She clung to Harlow's side and he had to carry her around the yard, even if it was a minor step.
Her cough came back.
Her skin grew paler.
She tried so hard to tough through it, she was so brave, but she knew her limits just as well as we did.
"Bella, I think it's time to go inside, honey..." He knelt down in front of her and held her up, giving her forehead a quick kiss, "Your body needs to rest. How about I read you some more stories, okay?"
"I'm tired. daddy..." She nodded, her head leaning against his shoulder as her arms wrapped around his neck.
"Cherry, can you get the tank, please?" He whispered to me with a worried frown, picking her up with ease and cradling her in his arms, "It's okay, Tinkerbell, we're gonna go lay down."
I grasped the handle and trailed behind them as the sun began to set pink behind us.
We carried her inside and when we reached the living room, the front door being closed rather hard made Harlow jump.
We turned and saw Cosette in the entryway.
So very obviously, drunk.
She was a mess. Her hair wild in a bun on her head, her eyes blood-shot red, her cheeks stained with tears and her posture wavering even as she stood still.
"Harlow, I tried to get her to stay outside, I'm sorry..." Naomi said, standing behind her by the door.
"Bella?" Cosette whimpered, taking several steps forward toward Harlow.
"Don't." Harlow gritted through his teeth, stepping back from her and shielding her away protectively, "I can smell the whiskey on you from here, what the hell are you doing?!" He hissed, "You missed everything!"
"Okay... stop. No fighting right now." I whispered as quietly as I could, "Harlow, take her upstairs. Niko, can you help him? Cosette, please come to the kitchen with me."
"She's my daughter," Cosette ignored me and argued with Harlow, I-I deserve a right to see her, you can't take her away from me—"
"We're not doing this now." I gave Harlow's shoulder a gentle nudge in the direction of the stairs and I grabbed Cosette's arm roughly, pushing her away to the kitchen, "Go."
"Bella! Mommy's here! I'm - I'm right here!" Cosette called over my shoulder and once her daughter was out of sight, she tried to shove me off, "Get the fuck off me! Are you deaf?"
I gripped her arms and shoved her against the hallway wall, "Stop it! You're showing up here fucking drunk and now you wanna try and shove me? While your daughters' upstairs sick? That's enough, Cosette. What the hell is wrong with you? Huh?"
She tried to squirm from my grasp but she had such shit coordination that she got nowhere, "Let go of me, I deserve to see her!—"
"No, you don't deserve anything!" I gritted through my teeth, "Your daughter is dying and instead of spending what time you had left with her, you went to a bar! She was asking for you all day! She wanted you!"
Cosette slowed down her struggling and huffed out an angry breath, her nostrils flaring, "I'm sure you told her all about me, huh?"
"What're you talking about—"
"You. You've b-been here all day, I know you have. Did it feel nice to play mommy for a day, Cherry? Take my place? Did you tell her how shitty I was? Did she call you that?" She said bitterly, her mouth itching into a frown.
"I didn't tell her anything, but you know what, I wouldn't have had to play mom, if you'd fucking been here." I spat, gesturing to the living room with one hand, "If you'd just showed up like you promised you would! She needs you. The both of you. It's time to grow up, this isn't a game? She's... dying."
"I didn't choose that!" She yelled, shoving me off of her as tears welled in her eyes. Her jacket came slinking halfway off of her shoulders and she scrambled to pull it up, "I'm not the one who fucking got her taken in the first place! He did this! He killed her! She's dying because of him - why should I ever, ever forgive that? Why should I suddenly kiss a-and make up? Huh? Why does he get to be angry and I can't?"
I flinched from her statement and my mouth fell agape.
"I should've never let him back into her life, he's p-poison, he's making all the wrong decisions! He's letting her die!" She sobbed through her rambled screams, "I didn't choose that! I didn't want any of this?"
"You're fucking..." My eyes watered and I curled my fists up, "Psycho. You're just — get the fuck out. Get out!"
"I'm not leaving—"
"You don't deserve your daughter, you don't deserve Harlow, you don't deserve anything? Go!" I grasped her jacket and yanked her to the front door, opening it up and tossing her out until her back hit the wall of the porch.
My heart pounded as I picked up her dropped purse and threw it at her, "Go fuck yourself, Cosette."
I slammed the door in her face and locked it, ignoring the sounds of her kicking and profanity.
I leaned against the door and ran my hand down my face.
Some people never learned.
I really hoped Harlow didn't hear any of that, but I couldn't hold onto that hope for long when I saw him standing at the bottom of the stairs.
I stepped off from the door and my hand fell, "Oh, honey..." I frowned.
"S'okay..." He tried to hide his frown his a passive look and he looked down as he leaned against the wall, "She's right, I decided this. I'm... I'm letting her die."
I walked across the living room and met him at the steps, taking his hand, "You're doing what won't make her suffer, you know that. Don't ever let what she says get to you because you were Bella's parent today. You were there. You gave her what you could. She spent today happy because of you. You're doing the right thing..."
He nodded and rested his head against the wall.
"Forget everything she said, okay? Forget it," I wrapped an arm around his waist, "You go up there and you be with her, okay? She needs you right now. I'll clean up and join you in a little."
"Okay." He muttered, sniffling and blowing out a shaky breath. Before I could go, he held onto my hand and gave it a squeeze, "For what its' worth, you were a better mother to her today than Cosette ever has. She really, r-really loves you. Thank you for that."
"Please, don't make me cry." I joked through watering eyes, fanning myself.
He breathed out a laugh briefly and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead.
I gave him one on the cheek and he disappeared up the dark staircase again.
I spent the next two or so hours cleaning with everyone else.
We rearranged the living room back to where it was and picked up all the candy wrappers, and snack packages. We scrubbed out all of the spilled stains and put away all of the dress up items. We made everything neat and peaceful for Harlow so he wouldn't have to deal with it after.
When we were finished, Koi, Kristen, Naomi and Mikey headed to my house to give Harlow his space for the night.
Zayn made a cup of coffee and sat with me in the kitchen awhile. Niko came down too, from Harlow's room.
"Hey..." I murmured, "How's everything up there?"
Niko sighed with a deep frown, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring himself a cup, "He's reading her bedtime stories and... holding her. It's getting harder for her to breathe. I dunno' how much longer she has."
My shoulders sank.
Zayn frowned, gazing at me, "Are you going home soon?"
"I don't know..." I murmured, "Probably gonna' stay and be there if needs me. You?"
"I'm stuck here." He lifted up his pant leg and showed off an ankle monitor, "I set this as my address on my parole forms. It's the closest thing to a home I've got. I've been staying in the basement, believe it or not."
"You got parole? That's - that's amazing" I said, putting my mug down.
"Gina." He shrugged one shoulder, "She got my charge of quote on quote 'cyber-stalking and hacking' knocked down to a misdemeanor. I agreed to do eight hundred hours of community service too, but... it's better than prison. I'm free. Just gotta' stay in this house for another twenty nine days and counting."
"I'm glad you're okay." I gave his shoulder a rub.
"Yeah," He inhaled, "Are you?"
"Ask me tomorrow." I ran my fingers through Niko's hair when he came near, "Ask me when this is all over."
"It might be longer than you think."
I looked back at Zayn, "Huh?"
"I got a ph—"
My phone buzzed on the counter in front of us and cut off our conversation. I picked it up immediately and saw a text from Harlow: Bella's asking for you to come cuddle with us.
I pushed my coffee away and showed Zayn the text, "Can it wait?"
He nodded his head insistently, "O-Of course. Go."
I left my phone on the counter, drank the rest of my coffee and then headed upstairs.
The hallway was dark, all of the light's in the house were off except for one; in the corner of Harlow's dim bedroom he had on her music box that spread twinkling starlight over the ceiling while the tinker-bell figurine spun around and around, playing a song from peter pan.
When I walked in, Harlow was holding her in bed, reading her Goodnight Moon.
He looked up at me through the dark and exhaled, "Bella, hey, look who's here."
Bella groaned and weakly looked over her shoulder, calling out to me, "Cherry?"
"Hi, sweet girl." I closed the door behind me and made my way to the bed slowly, "A little birdy told me you wanted to see me. Is that true?" I crawled onto the bed behind her and she nodded, "Well, I missed you too. N' I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Are we reading Goodnight Moon?"
"Yeah," She croaked with her eyes closed, clutching onto Harlow's shirt, "Daddy, read it again."
"One more time." Harlow murmured, kissing her head and settling down into the blanket.
I cuddled closer and wrapped an arm around Bella, using my other hand to brush my fingers through her hair. So soft and warm, she was. She was comfortable in between us, cuddled up with a bear stuffed animal and her tinker bell blanket.
And as Harlow read to her, she drifted off to sleep.
In the great green room
There was a telephone
And a red balloon
And a picture of the cow jumping over the moon
And there were three little bears sitting on chairs
And two little kittens
And a pair of mittens
And a toyhouse
And a young mouse
And a brush
And a comb
And a bowl full of mush
And a quiet old lady who was whispering 'hush'
Goodnight room
Goodnight moon
Goodnight cow jumping over the moon
Goodnight light
And the red balloon
Goodnight bears
Goodnight chairs
Goodnight kittens
And goodnight mittens
Goodnight clocks
And goodnight socks
Goodnight little house
And goodnight mouse
Goodnight comb
And goodnight brush
Goodnight nobody
Goodnight mush
And goodnight to the old lady whispering 'hush'
Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises, everywhere
✧ *:･ﾟ✧*