"He's just so...he's so fucking..." Calvin's brows twitched into a frown, his jaw tightening, "I really liked him. I thought...I thought he liked me, too."
"He did." Harvey assured him, "He does."
"Then why doesn't he want me?"
Sebastian released a heavy sigh, "It's not about you." He said plainly, "Evan is still learning to trust people again; you can't expect him to just jump straight into a relationship with you - he's not ready."
Harvey dropped a hand onto Calvin's shoulder, and gave it a squeeze, "Evan doesn't want to cut you out of his life completely." He said gently, "He still wants to be friends."
Calvin shook his head, "I don't think I..." He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, "I need some time...before I see him again, just to...to recover, y'know?"
Sebastian and Harvey exchanged a nervous glance. Evan never wanted to hurt Calvin - he was just trying to protect himself. But nevertheless he had hurt Calvin - and himself - and there was nothing either of them could do to fix the mess they had made; they just had to learn to live with it.
"Oi!" Sebastian's Father called out to them from across the construction site, "Get back to work! Your lunch break isn't for another hour!"
Sebastian rolled his eyes, and readjusted his hard hat, "You'll be alright, Cal." He offered him a weak smile, and patted him on the back.
The next hour went by agonisingly slowly, and when it was finally time for his break, Sebastian bolted off before anyone could stop him.
When he got to the skatepark, Declan was already settled on their usual bench, dressed in his work clothes, with a coat thrown on top, and his skateboard sitting between his legs. His lips twitched at the corners when Sebastian sat down beside him, his eyes gleaming, "Hey." He leant forward and pressed a kiss to Sebastian's cheek, "Thank god you're here - I'm starving."
Sebastian snorted, pulling his backpack into his lap, and ripping the zip open, "How much time do you have?" He asked, rummaging around in his bag distractedly.
"My break ends in twenty minutes." Declan replied apologetically.
Sebastian handed Declan a sandwich, nodding in acknowledgement, "How's your day been?"
Declan shrugged, slowly unwrapping the foil around his sandwich, "Fine. Busy." He sighed, "Evan's been distracted - Winnie's given him so many warnings, I'm surprised he hasn't been fired yet." He said, "Calvin?"
"Not much better." Sebastian confessed, "He's been in a bad mood all week."
"It's not fair." Declan murmured, "Evan's ex has already taken so much from him - he can't take this, too."
"I know." Sebastian draped an arm around Declan's shoulder, enjoying the way Declan instinctively nuzzled into his side, "Evan just needs time, that's all."
"That's all?" Declan echoed hopelessly, "Is that all you needed - time - after Alex?"
"Well, I..." Sebastian no longer stiffened at the mention of Alex, but the sound of his name in Declan's mouth still startled him.
"Sorry." Declan breathed out, shaking his head dismissively, "Forget I said that. I shouldn't have brought him up."
"You're allowed to." Sebastian reminded him, "You're allowed to bring him up - to ask me about him. I'll never get angry at you for it."
"You never get angry at me for anything."
Sebastian rose his brows, "Is that a challenge?"
Declan shrugged, "Maybe." He murmured.
"You wanna see me angry?" Sebastian huffed out an incredulous laugh, "Why?"
Declan stared down at his sandwich, "I don't know."
"Are you okay?" Sebastian frowned, studying Declan's face carefully, trying to untangle the web of emotions knitted up behind his gaze.
"I'm okay." Declan replied softly.
"Is this about Evan?"
"Yes." He mumbled, "No." He started twisting his ring around his finger, "I'm just... It's a bad day, Seb."
Sebastian's eyes sunk shut. Declan had good days and bad days. Some days were exhausting. Some days were so difficult, Sebastian had almost considered taking a step back, before he realised how selfish that made him, and forced himself to stay, even if Declan didn't want him there.
Declan would lash out, and say things he didn't mean, then cry in Sebastian's arms, murmuring a string of apologies. He would forget to eat, and show up late for his therapy appointments, and sometimes adamantly refuse to get out of bed at all. He missed work, and ignored Mickey's calls, and started arguments with Sebastian for the mere sake of it.
Sebastian had learnt to be patient with him. He knew that Declan was trying. He knew that he was doing his absolute best every single day, and he knew how tiring that was for him.
"Do you need anything?" Sebastian asked gently, "Do you want anything?"
"I want...I want a milkshake." Declan announced.
Sebastian smiled in amusement, "A milkshake?"
"Vanilla."
"Okay." Sebastian pressed a kiss to Declan's forehead, "I'll find you a vanilla milkshake-"
"No." Declan blurted out, "No, you don't...you don't have to do that. I'm just telling you what I want, I'm not...I'm not asking you for anything."
"So, you don't want a milkshake?" Sebastian queried.
"I do, but I don't...I don't want you to get me one."
"I'm confused."
"Yeah, me too." Declan groaned, dropping his head onto Sebastian's shoulder, "I think I just...I want you to stop doing things for me."
"Why?"
"Because I feel selfish. I feel guilty."
"You shouldn't." Sebastian shot back, "I like doing things for you."
Declan took a bite of his sandwich, staring blankly ahead as he watched the skaters in the park, "I don't do things for you." He said quietly, "Does that...does that ever bother you?"
"No." Sebastian replied automatically, shaking his head, "I don't want anything from you. I just like being near you."
Declan tilted his face up, his green eyes meeting Sebastian's, "You're one of my favourite people." He hummed.
Sebastian's chest swelled, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day."
"You're making it better." Declan sighed, "You always make everything better."
Sebastian almost told him that he loved him again, but he bit his tongue, and swallowed the words.
"Mickey's coming over later." Declan said, "Do you...?" He hesitated, clearing his throat before continuing, "I'd like you to meet him - properly - if that...if you're around, I mean." He mumbled awkwardly, "But if you don't want to-"
"Dec." Sebastian smiled, "Of course I want to."
Declan finished his sandwich, and Sebastian begged him to do a lap of the skatepark before heading back to work, because Sebastian was helplessly obsessed with the sight of Declan on his board; it was like watching a piece of artwork come to life. Afterwards, Declan rolled to a halt, gathered his skateboard up, tucked it under his arm, and walked back towards the bench, "I'll see you later." He kissed Sebastian on the cheek, then on the lips, then on the forehead.
Sebastian watched him leave, and only managed to catch his breath once Declan disappeared from view.
Later, as he and Harvey walked to Declan and Evan's apartment, Sebastian picked up two vanilla milkshakes. He gave one to Declan, and the second to Evan. In return, Declan gave him a kiss, and Evan gave him a hug. He didn't miss the spark of jealously that glinted in Harvey's eyes.
Evan made them all dinner, and afterwards, disappeared into his bedroom with Harvey, the sound of music drowning out the sound of their hushed voices. Sebastian suspected that they were talking about Calvin - Evan was clearly upset, with himself, and with Calvin, and with his ex. Harvey had a talent for cheering people up.
Sebastian washed up with Declan, who quietly told him about his day, looking tired, and frustrated, and in need of a nap. Sebastian listened, and once they had finished drying dishes, he wrapped his arms around Declan's waist from behind, and planted featherlight kisses up and down his neck. Declan squirmed, and laughed, and sunk into Sebastian's chest.
Sebastian loved him so much, he could hardly bear it.
When Mickey arrived, Declan launched himself into his arms, and hugged him tightly. Mickey laughed, murmuring something into Declan's ear that made Declan scrunch up his nose, and pull away, humour twinkling in his eyes.
At the sound of the new voice, Harvey and Evan emerged from Evan's bedroom, scanning Mickey up and down, silently watching him, judging him, deciding if he was good enough for Declan.
Declan yanked Mickey into the living room impatiently, his eyes shining, his lips pulled into a lazy smile, "This is Seb." He gestured to Sebastian, "You met briefly - at the supermarket - ages ago. I don't know if you remember..."
"You leant me a pen." Sebastian reminded him.
When Mickey smiled, it was bright, and natural, and earnest. It intimidated Sebastian a little bit; he felt dim in the shadow of Mickey's presence. "I remember." He said, "It's nice to meet you properly." Mickey offered Sebastian his hand, and Sebastian shook it.
"And this is Evan." Declan gestured to his roommate, who had pointedly crossed his arms over his chest.
"Hi." Mickey offered Evan his hand.
Evan stared down at it, and didn't uncross his arms.
Declan grabbed Mickey's wrist, and forced his hand down to his side, clearing his throat awkwardly, "Mick-"
"Hey." Harvey greeted loudly, flinging his hand out to quickly shake Mickey's, "I'm Harvey." He said, his eyes darting over to Evan, who was staring down at the ground, "Hey, Evan, could you...uh...show me that thing...in your room...?"
Evan's eyes met Harvey's, and he nodded slowly, "Yeah, let's go." Without looking at Mickey, he walked back into his bedroom, and Harvey followed.
"Is he okay?" Mickey frowned.
"Evan doesn't like being touched." Declan explained quickly, his voice lowered, "So, just don't...don't touch him, okay?"
"Shit, sorry." Mickey apologised, "I didn't-"
"It's fine. He's fine." Declan promised, "Just give him a minute. He'll be okay; Harvey's got him."
Mickey spared a guilty glance towards Evan's bedroom, where the sound of music grew louder. He heaved a sigh, and returned his gaze to meet Declan's, "Okay." He murmured, clearly still mulling in his regrets.
"What's the plan then?" Sebastian interjected, desperate to ease the tension, "For tonight?"
"Oh." Mickey blinked hard, "Oh, I don't mind." He said, "We could go out - have a few drinks?"
"Yeah, I'm down." Sebastian replied.
"I don't know." Declan frowned, watching Sebastian cautiously out of the corner of his eye, "Maybe we should just stay in - order a takeaway or something."
"Nah, let's go out." Sebastian insisted, turning to offer Mickey an encouraging smile, "There's a great pub just round the corner."
"Sebastian." Declan pressed, firmer, his gaze sharp, full of questions, "Are you sure-?"
"'Course." He slipped an arm around Declan's waist, and squeezed him tightly, hoping to convey all the reassurances he wasn't saying out loud; he could survive one night in a pub without relapsing - he had done it before.
Declan didn't look convinced, toying with his ring, and chewing on his lower lip.
"Get your shoes on." Sebastian said, breaking away from Declan's side, "I'll gather up Harvey and Evan and we'll leave in...ten minutes?"
Declan released a deep breath, "Okay." He murmured, hesitation still clouding his eyes, "Ten minutes."