"I feel like a hero, and you are my heroine. Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?..."
♫ Her/Heroine by Bloody Valentine. (Boys Like Girls.) A/N: Charry Anthem.
✰ ✰ ✰
I woke up to the sun in my eyes.
A condom wrapper stuck to my face.
My underwear around my neck.
My boyfriend handcuffed to my ankle.
A tattoo on my finger.
And chocolate raspberry cake stuck in my hair.
That was the only reason I knew that the party last night was one to remember. I just wished I did.
✧ *:･ﾟ✧*
11:00 PM.
"Silver, you sly son of a bitch. That is a smokin' babe!"
"Oh, isn't she fine?" Harlow, drunk, high and handsy introduced me to the fifth biker I'd met in one night; Pepper. A man with more tattoos than real teeth and more audacity and confidence than a ten year old girl in a princess dress. He reminded me of Harlow in that regard 'cause if he was anything, it was sassy and loud, "Come on, baby, give us a spin!"
"Okay, okay!" I laughed, standing up straight and turning 'round in a circle so him and his supposed 'biker friends' (that he'd spoken to once at an auto shop when he first moved to IL) could holler and whistle like rabid dogs.
I jolted when Harlow stopped me halfway to slap my ass so hard, he lifted up my miniskirt.
"That fuckin' ass, eh Pep?" He dug his fingers into my flesh and then yanked me right back to his side, laughing while he planted a quick, hard kiss to the ticklish skin just under my jaw, "She's my good girl, aren't you, Cher?"
"Don't let him fool you!" I shouted over the Ramones' song playing around us and looked back at his friends while I patted his chest.
"If anyone here is supposed to be on good behavior, it's him. If he tells you any different, he's a lying little cunt... who's just asking to get in trouble." My eyes fell back on Harlow.
Despite his raunchy attitude, I liked that he was showing me off to people. It made me feel so good when he bragged about how hot I was or how happy I made him. It made me proud.
"Don't listen to a word she says," He put a hand over my mouth and manhandled me to stand in between his legs; my back pressed to his chest, "she's a liar and a filthy whore. She pays me for sex. She just can't get enough, what can I say? I'm a lucky motherfucker."
I snickered and shrugged my shoulder when he left tooth-scraping nips with his mouth against my skin, tickling me relentlessly. He bit all the way up to my ear but he stopped when there was a commotion to our left and in the corner of the garage, through a wave of people, appeared Niko with the keg he'd successfully tapped.
"We've got beer!" He raised a red solo cup filled with it and people came flocking with cheers.
One eccentric looking group of men in liberty-spikes were the first to get theirs and no one seemed to argue either.
It was a band Harlow said called themselves, 'Sedated.' They were a punk, scene band who had a massive following of three-hundred-thousand fans on MySpace. More than Bloody Valentine who had around half that.
Then, in the corner was the lead singer from 'The Crawlers,' an underground rock band from England just like Harlow, who was in the city to visit.
The house was packed with all types of strangers, big and tall, smart and dumb. Like, the idiot outside, attempting to do back-flips off of everything he saw like he was doing parkour.
Harlow almost joined, the drunk, but I pulled him away with a kiss. One look from me and he wasn't interested. It was oh so hard being a 'temptress,' as he called me.
Noticing the keg, Harlow stood up and smacked fists with every biker, "Duty calls! Someone's gotta be the gorgeous topper on that keg cake. Later, fuckers."
"Bye, Cherry." Pepper smiled flirtatiously, earning a harsh glare from Harlow.
"Bye, Pepper. See you soon!" I looked over my shoulder and gave him a wink just to piss Harlow off. I even attempted to lift up my skirt and flash him, but he wasn't having a second of it. I scampered away when he threatened to spank me again, only causing a chase that wouldn't end well for me.
I weaved through the crowd and pushed through to the keg, hopping onto Niko's back to shield myself from my impending doom. He stumbled back but reached around to grab my thighs. He tilted his head back, "Is that my pretty thang?"
"You know it. Hey, hot stuff," I wiggled my eyebrows, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "Where's Naomi?"
"Somewhere with Koi and Kris getting wasted. Where's Harlow?"
"Right there!" I pointed forward to Harlow shoving through the crowd, ready to tear me off of Niko's back.
I clung on tight and smiled deviously, "Try an' get me now, tough boy. I've got a plate of armor six abs thick and irresistible."
"Niko, pour me drink and put my girl down, you bloody jackass," Harlow grabbed a cup and rolled a toothpick under his tongue.
"You know, Cherry, he used to be so nice to me. He used to say 'please daddy' after every sentence and now, look at him. Bossy and mean. Don't you think he should learn some respect?" Niko let me down, pulling me to stand in front of him afterward and hold his hands.
"Oh, I try to make him. Boy's too bratty."
Harlow dropped his expression six feet deep, "I've said this already but I really, really don't care for this duo," He gestured back and forth between us, "Niko barely even likes you anyway."
"I love Cherry, what the fuck are you even talking about?"
"Yeah, you heard him Harlow, he loves me," I grinned, stepping away from Niko to lean into Harlow's ear, "Everybody loves me..."
Harlow's dilated pupils side eyed my innuendo and he fought back the smile itching on his pink lips.
I snatched the newly grabbed beer can from his hand and then stood up on a nearby chair, in the mood to put on a show, "Shotgun!"
Every alcoholic in the room cheered at the chance to get even more drunk and I tipped off the never ending shotgun, using my sharp stiletto nail to pierce the can. I held the dripping drink to my mouth and popped the top, chugging it all down with cheers of encouragement from Niko.
The second it was gone, I threw the can across the room and raised my arms in success.
Harlow grabbed the faucet nozzle for the keg pump and jumped up onto the small chair with me, drizzling the room with sticky beer, "You heard the woman, it's time to fuckin' drink!"
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and looked out onto the chaotic crowd, cheering on people who were shotgunning.
Everyone was yelling, drinking, or watching someone else drink...
Except for one girl who stuck out like a sore thumb.
A familiar girl.
There was a blonde near the back of the crowd, who, despite everyone else moving and interacting with her, was dead still. She looked around my age and was breathtakingly pretty yet seemed to have the social awareness of a frog. She was watching me, watching Harlow, like we were--performing for her. Like she was an adoring fan, watching her favorite musician, live.
She was in a... weird trance.
The look on her face was one I couldn't entirely pinpoint and I didn't know why I recognized her so much.
I knew what it was like to not fit in at a party. She had the same anxious look I had when I first came to one of Harlow's parties and saw all the commotion up close.
Naked girls doing drugs off of each other was an intense environment to say the least.
I was gonna call to her and wave her over, but before I could, the rest of our friends, Naomi, Koi, Mike, Kris, and Zayn, came barreling into our section, nearly knocking the chair we were standing on, over.
"You sons'a bitches aren't partying without us, are you?"
"Never!" I exclaimed, taking a glance back to my left to check for the girl again. But that time, she was gone. I was disappointed but I let the thought pass and jumped off of the chair, into the arms of Naomi, Kris and Koi, "I wouldn't dare get down and dirty without my girls."
"No shit, you wouldn't. If you did, I'd kill ya!" Koi drunkenly exclaimed, pinching my cheek.
"Alright then, party girl! Let's go get drunk."
With four shots deep and five on the way, I stood on the living room coffee table dancing with Harlow and Koi to System of a Down. He taught the both of us the 'properly headbang' to it, since that was the only acceptable dance move in his head.
However, Koi was a fragile little thing, and she couldn't handle too much movement. Not with how much she'd had to drink.
"Sugar, I'm goin' down!" She stumbled off of the table, dragging Harlow with her by accident. They collapsed onto the couch, right onto Zayn and Niko, laughing heaps.
"Wait for me!" I jumped off and onto Zayn's lap, crushing him in the process. Koi crawled toward Naomi who was on the otherside while Harlow and I vehemently annoyed him to death.
We were both perched on one of his thighs, facing inward like a couple of prostitutes looking to tempt our new client.
"You two are going to break my legs--"
"Hey, hey, hey, look a'me. I want you--you to know," Harlow interrupted him, ten times more drunk than anyone in the room. He shoved his finger in Z's face, wiggling his silver nose ring back and forth, "You are forgiven, monsieur!"
My brain took a minute to process that word.
I felt so floaty and light.
"Did you just speak German?"
"Forgiven for what? Zayn asked.
"Wait, no, that's french, whoops," I chuckled, feeling it vibrate in my chest.
"Fucking my girlfriend, you numpty!"
"Ha. Numpty." I snorted, dropping my head onto Zayn's shoulder, "That's a funny word."
"Oh, here we go again..." Zayn rolled his eyes, "Harlow, she's with you. I didn't fuck her when you were together--"
"That doesn't matter! That's like--that's like saying," Harlow blinked his red eyes heavily and threw a hand out, "Hey man, I drank out of your water bottle yesterday and I-I know that the water bottle is your water bottle, but I was thirsty! And it's okay because she doesn't wanna be my water bottle, she--she wants to be your water bottle."
"I'm not a water bottle!" I lifted my head.
"Babeuhhh... you're ruining my metamorphosis."
"It's a Metaphor." I corrected, "Meta-phor."
"Nah..." He snorted, "It's metamorphosis for sure."
"I got an A+ in English. I know what a metaphor is. Who's the numpty now?" My arm felt like it weighed eighty pounds when I lifted it to smack Harlow upside the head, "You're drunk."
"I'm not drunk hoe, you're drunk. Fuck outta' here," He smacked my hand away.
"I wish I was drunk." Zayn sighed.
I caught up to the conversation and put it in reverse, "Harlow, you can't be mad at me for sleeping with him, even if you wanted to. Not only were we not together, but, I mean, look at him. He's like a sexy... plumber. He's got a hot plumber face and he offered me chocolate. I could not simply just say no."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Harlow put his hand up, "What kind of chocolate?"
"I dunno! The good kind!" I said.
"So, you paid my girlfriend for sex with chocolate like fucking Willy Wonka?"
I burst out laughing and couldn't stop the chain reaction of giggles bubbling in my throat.
"You pervert!" Harlow smacked Zayn's chest, "Me next."
"I'm afraid you're too drunk for that. Why don't I get you guys some water, huh?" Zayn slid out from underneath us and we slumped into his spot when he stood up. He put his hands out, "Stay here. Don't move. Got it?"
"Aye aye captain," I saluted him and Harlow started giggling, linking his arm with mine.
He wandered away.
"Hi." I rolled my head against the couch cushion to face him.
"Hey, pretty mama." He did the same, lowering tiny, pink sunglasses over his eyes.
"I like your sunglasses, where'd you get 'em?"
"I stole them from a baby."
"That explains why they're so small. Gimme', let me try," I took the sunglasses off of his face and put them on my eyes, squeezing the teeny frames on carefully. The tint made my head hurt, but it was a pretty shade of fuchsia, "Well, these are some quality shades, my friend. That baby has good taste."
"They were Bella's... I just like to carry 'em around sometimes."
"Really?" I took the glasses off, "Why?"
"Makes me feel like I'm still her dad." He muttered, gently grabbing the sunglasses back and running his fingers along the rim that had swirly decals, "Sometimes I play pretend like a stupid little kid, carrying them around in my pocket like she left them in the car or on the floor. I used to have pockets full of toys, tissues and things she left lying around. But, it stopped once she... wasn't around."
Even in my altered state of mind where often times, alcohol numbed all feelings, I still felt every word he said in my gut like a punch. I nudged my head an inch closer to his and intertwined our warm hands together, "I don't think it's stupid. Not at all."
"Really?"
"Really, really. Getting a tattoo on your face is what takes the cake on the list of stupid things you've done. This doesn't even make the cut."
"Thanks." He smiled.
"Hey, speaking of cake, can we fucking eat that thing?" Mikey suddenly spoke to our left, coming out of the kitchen with a fork clutched in his fist like he'd specifically came in the room just to ask.
"Yeah. Yeah, go ahead..." Harlow said, waving his hand.
"Hey, hey, no. That cake is not yours to just--eat. Not yet anyway. I'll be back." I got up from the couch and left Harlow there with Zayn when he came back with water; to babysit.
I walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out the cake wrapped oh so carefully in plastic-wrap.
I wasn't naive. I knew Harlow wanted to make that cake for Bella. I knew it was a memory they'd shared once upon a time, even if he didn't say anything about it. I'd be damned if it just went to waste in Mikeys' stomach without so much as a thought.
Today was a special day.
It was gonna be treated that way.
I searched through every drawer for candles and in the back of the silverware drawer was a pack that only proved my point.
Green, sparkly Tinker-Bell candles.
With a heavy heart, I pulled out seven and placed them neatly in a circle around the cake. I took a lighter from my bra and lit them up, taking my time to make sure no candle dripped.
Slowly, I placed the cake in both of my hands and carried it carefully from the living room.
Harlow, sat in the middle of the couch, noticed the brightly lit candles and turned his head in my direction, doing a double take on the cake in my hands.
"Surprise..." I smiled and gently set the cake down onto the coffee table, kneeling down behind it. I fixed one of the wonky candles and made sure to keep my voice clear and patient, giving him every option to say no if provoked to, "Do you wanna... sing happy birthday?"
The rise and fall of his chest became uneven and he looked up from the cake a me. His eyebrows twitched and he seemed reluctant; fighting back emotions. It looked like he was surprised that I knew, maybe a little upset and at the same time, relieved.
He nodded ever so slightly.
"Okay honey," I muttered under my breath, turning around to the still noisy crowd. I quickly cleared my throat once, then yelled, "Hey! Dickbags! Shut up or get out--before I take a spoon, rip your eyeballs from their fucking sockets and feed them to my dog for breakfast!"
The crowd got quiet, except for a few people who muttered; 'eyeballs from my sockets?' or 'this bitch is crazy.'
"Sing the happy birthday song for our friend Bella or none of you get cake!"
That shut the rest of them up.
I turned back around and gave Harlow a smile to assure him I wasn't actually mad.
Niko led the group in beginning the song, giving me a quick glance that I received as 'good job,' "Happy birthday to you..."
Through the warped air above the flames I could see Harlow's face as he watched the cake. The reflection lit up his glossy eyes and he inhaled a deep breath, overwhelmed in an instant.
"Happy birthday to you."
His lips twitched in a sad smile and his eyes closed as he dug his fingers into the skin of his thighs. Knowing Harlow, I could tell he was picturing her there with us, smiling and celebrating her seventh birthday like she should've been. He would've been singing right along with her, the loudest in the room.
"Happy birthday, dear Bella."
But--the memory would turn sour the second he heard her name. He opened his eyes and his face morphed into only sorrow, his eyes watering and his lip trembling. His nostrils flared when his breathing went from deep and tight, to short and fast as if he was losing the fight to contain his emotions.
"Happy birthday to... you."
The crowd came to a slow stop when they saw him crying and the room fell silent. He broke down into full on silent cries and wrapped his arms around himself, black mascara trailing down his cheeks, chasing his tears.
Niko put a hand on his back and leaned forward a bit to blow out the candles, but I shook my head at him.
I reached across the coffee table and held my hand out, "Hey, hey. Look at me."
Harlow swallowed, his every nerve trembling, and sucked up his tears long enough to give me his full attention. He took my hand and I squeezed until our knuckles turned white, "Make a wish, sweetheart. It should be you. You can do it, I know you can, you're okay. Forget about everyone else, just focus on her."
He flicked his eyes back to the cake and then closed his eyes again, squeezing them tight like a little kid who was begging the universe for his wish to come true.
When he finally leaned forward, he blew them all out in one big breath, causing an uproar of cheers started by Koi in celebration.
Smoke clouded my view of him and I stood up, walking around the table to squeeze in between him and Zayn. I threaded my fingers through his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek, holding onto the opposite side to wipe his tears away.
He turned his head in my direction and rested his forehead against mine, whispering a quiet, "Th-thank you."
"You're very welcome," I gave him a gentle kiss.
We stayed with each other for a moment while Niko began to cut the giant cake into small slices and hand them out on napkins or paper plates for people to share.
"Can we eat the cake now? People are staring at me," Harlow whispered with a sniffle.
"Oh, did you--did you want cake? Here," I took a plate of cake from Niko and right before Harlow could take it, I smashed the plate in his face, smearing frosting, raspberries and fudge all over.
Koi gasped loudly and so did several others.
I left the plate stuck to his face but it fell off a second later, chocolate dropping onto his clothes and onto his neck.
I snickered to myself and licked the frosting off of his lips, savoring the rich flavor, "Mmm. Now that is delicious... come on, have a taste. What are you waiting for?"
Harlow lifted his hands and swiped the caked chocolate desert from off of his long lashes, blinking his eyes open. His voice was muffled through the mouth half full of frosting, "I'm going to give you a... ten second head start."
Oh no.
I scrambled up from the couch and ran down the hall, hearing him hot on my heels.
"Ten, nine, seven, five..."
"Oh my god, you're cheating!" I called behind me, sprinting and shoving my way to the kitchen.
"Three, two--"
I barely got one step into the pitch black garage--where the strobe light was now blaring as oblivious bystanders danced the night away-- before I got snatched up and shoved against the wall in the corner.
"Oh no, you must be the chocolate raspberry robber!" I let out a faux gasp and let him grab my wrists with no resistance, pinning them above my head, "Whatever will I do? Someone save me from my tragic fate before it's too late."
"It is too late. I've got you now." He scraped cake off of his face and smashed it onto my mouth, making me flinch in shock from the cold intrusion.
Then, his lips were on me, licking and sucking up every drop of creamy goodness. He left a print of frosting on my neck when he wrapped his hand around it and squeezed, controlling the kiss and breathing with perfect balance. The chocolate mixed with the flavor of the cinnamon fireball on his tongue and the kiss became explosive, my hands falling from the wall to drape around his shoulders.
There were no words to describe the amount of exhilaration and bliss coursing through my body when he did something so little as kiss me.
I counted my lucky stars every night that he chose me to fall for.
Maybe it wasn't so scary after all, 'cause if this was what love felt like... then I was all in.
For-fucking-ever.
"Oi! Lovebirds!"
Our lips were torn apart by the sound of Niko's voice.
He was stood in the garage doorway, wiggling his eyebrows, "It's time to rock and roll, baby. You ready?"
"Hell yeah," Harlow grinned, taking my hand and yanking me toward the door. He turned around and walked backwards as we made out way to the living room, "Remember how you said if I performed a song just for you, you'd be in the front row with your titties out?"
"Yeah?..." I felt my belly swirl.
"Well, forget what I said. Feel free. 'Cause I think you're really gonna like this one."
I smiled even though I was confused and let his hand go. He ran toward the band set-up and caught a cloth from Niko to wipe the cake from his face, while Koi came and found me, dragging me front and center in front of the makeshift living room stage.
My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, not even the loud screeching of mic feedback would slow me down. Niko took the front and center with his guitar, Harlow went and sat back at his kit, and Mikey turned on his bass, every single one of them, vibrating the floor.
"Who's ready to hear some fucking music?"
Naomi, Zayn and Kris came and found me, all of us screaming loudly like groupies. I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled, "Hey drummer boy, get naked!"
Harlow eyed me with a cheeky grin.
"Alright, settle down, you horny bastards," Niko eyed us in the front row, smiling from Naomi's hand caressing his thighs, "This is a new song. Silver wrote it. It's called, Heroine."
My heart started to race the second it began.
It felt like I was transported to the night that I first saw Bloody Valentine play in January. The smell of cigarettes, vodka and soft cologne filling my lungs.
I was standing in the same spot I was then, cheering just as loudly, just as excitedly, except this time, instead of scowling at me with the permanent frown carved into his face while he played, Harlow couldn't stop smiling if he tried.
"It's too late baby, there's no turning around. I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud. This is how I do, when I think about you."
The nostalgia coursing through my veins from the echo of Harlow's drums and the pop in Niko's guitar licks was unparalleled.
It felt so familiar. It made me think of the night we first kissed, dancing in the dark with a snowstorm outside that was ripping our world to shreds.
"I never thought that you could break me apart. I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart. You want to get inside? Then you can to get in line, but not this time..."
"'Cause you caught me off guard. Now I'm running and screaming...."
There was a brief pause in the song where I caught Harlow's eye again and one look from him spoke a thousand words. Three of those being the ones that for now, he wouldn't say.
"I feel like a hero, and you are my heroine..."
"Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?" Harlow mouthed the words to me as he played, a smirk playing on his lips that had me blowing kisses in his direction.
The sweetest sin was right and I could've cried. I never expected to fall for him as hard as I did.
I never expected anything like this. His love caught me off guard.
This was all cheesy, it was gross, it was cute, it was my new favorite song.
I had a feeling it wouldn't be the last he'd write about me.
'Cause I wasn't ever letting him go. Not for any reason.
✧ *:･ﾟ✧*
"Heroine..." I whispered to myself, tracing my finger along the raised edges of the tattoo written in all caps along my middle finger. It all came flooding back. I slowly smiled and glanced down at Harlow by my feet, his 'Hero' tattoo in the same spot as mine, "Fucking Pepper and his tattoo gun..."
I reached down and threaded my fingers through Harlow's hair, scratching his scalp and gently waking him up on accident. He lifted his head and mindlessly pulled himself up without even opening his eyes, resting his head on my ass like it was the perfect pillow.
I tossed the condom wrapper away from me and I closed my eyes happily, relaxing in a pile of trash and blankets with a stranger passed out next to me.
2010 was my fucking year.
***