T/W: a lot of implied TWs like alcohol and blood. Pulse cursing. This goes for all incorrect quotes chapters, not just this one
Grian: *cooking*
Mumbo: any chance that's for me?
Grian: It's for Xisuma. I'm planing on making some bad choices tonight and I need him on my side.
Scar: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
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Grian: you saved me. I owe you my life.
Mumbo: no thanks. I've seen your life and I'm not impressed.
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Grian: do you take constructive criticism?
Mumbo: not without crying.
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Mumbo: do you take constructive criticism?
Grian: I only do cash or credit.
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Grian : You kill people for money?!
Mumbo: I can explain!
Grian : And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!
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Mumbo: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE!?!?
Grian: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially-
Mumbo, desperately, as Grian bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Grian: Oh! B positive.
Mumbo: DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Grian:
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Grian : *Stubs toe* FUCK!
Mumbo: Mind your language!
Grian : What else am I supposed to say, "Woe is I"???
Mumbo:
Grian : You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.
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*Grian and Mumbo skipping stones on lake*
Mumbo: It's such a beautiful evening.
Grian, whispering: Take that you fucking lake.
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Grian : *Gets down on one knee*
Mumbo: Oh my god, it's finally happening.
Grian : *Falls over*
Mumbo: The poison is kicking in.
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Grian , standing with their back turned: I've been expecting you, Mumbo.
Mumbo: How did you do that without turning around?
Grian : ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.
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Grian : You're right.
Mumbo: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
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Grian : I was arrested for being too cool.
Mumbo: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
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Grian : You're my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Mumbo: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Grian : Absolutely not.
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Grian : Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Mumbo: Twelve, actually.
Grian : Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Mumbo: Yours!
Grian : That's right: no one's.
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Mumbo: Can you keep a secret?
Grian: Do you know anything about my life?
Mumbo: No I do not. Good point.
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Grian : I can explain.
Mumbo: Can you?
Grian : If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
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Mumbo, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Grian: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Mumbo, with the tone of someone who is used to Grian: Outstanding.
Mumbo: This is what I'm talking about people.
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Grian : Someone will die.
Mumbo: Of fun!
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Grian: Okay, help me please!
Mumbo: Got two words for you.
Grian: I bet they won't be helpful.
Mumbo: Your problem.
Grian: I was right.
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Grian : Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Mumbo: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
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Grian, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Mumbo: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
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Grian : Welcome, fellow idiots
Mumbo: Hello, Grian
Grian : No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Mumbo: You underestimate me
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Grian : *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Mumbo: *chugs entire bottle*
Mumbo: It's perfume.
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Grian : I'm a reverse necromancer.
Mumbo: Isn't that just killing people?
Grian : Ah, technicality.
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Grian : petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Mumbo: Wednesay
Grian : Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
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Grian : How many kids do you have?
Mumbo: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
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Grian : It's dark in here
Mumbo: Don't worry dude I got this
Mumbo: *Stomps their feet*
Mumbo: *Skechers light up*
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Grian : Here's some advice
Mumbo: I didn't ask for any
Grian : Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
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Grian : Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Mumbo: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Grian : 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?
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Grian: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Mumbo:
Mumbo: Grian , I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Grian: *Sips coffee from bowl*
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Grian: Mumbo! My face is on fire!
Mumbo: Grian ! Are you ok?!
Grian: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Mumbo: But your face is on fire.
Grian: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.
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Grian: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Mumbo: Alright, what's 30x17?
Grian: 47
Mumbo: That's not even close.
Grian: But it was fast.
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Grian: Mumbo... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Mumbo: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Grian:
Grian: I wrote sanitize, Mumbo.
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Grian: Mumbo, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Mumbo: Well of course I have.
Mumbo: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Mumbo: It's boring.
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Grian: I prevented a murder today.
Mumbo: Really? How'd you do that?
Grian: self control.
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Grian: What's up guys? I'm back.
Mumbo: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Grian: Death is a social construct.
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Grian : Fuck.
Mumbo: We've got to work on your cursing.
Grian : Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.
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Mumbo, going over Grian's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.
Grian: Yes
Mumbo: Okay... may I know what you create?
Grian: Problems.
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Grian: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Mumbo: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
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Grian : How do I deal with my enemies?
Mumbo: Kill them
Grian : That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Mumbo: Kill them only a little?
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Grian : *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Mumbo: What did you do?
Grian : Nobody died.
Mumbo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Xisuma, running out side: HOPEFULLY AN ACCURATE ONE!
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957 words. I've got a doc with over 5000 words of this shit, and I intend to use as many as possible.