The surface of the swimming pool shone like glitter under the bright Italian sun. Sebastian could have watched it all day, mesmerised by the light that bounced off of the ripples that surged through the water like shockwaves. He had had swimming lessons as a child, but he had never seen a pool like this one before; blue, and clear, and shrouded by shady apple trees.
He had only ever left England once before; a trip to France with his parents when he was eight. They spent a week roaming around museums, and lounging by the pool at their hotel. He hated every second of it, and his parents never took him on holiday again.
He wasn't used to the sun being this bright, or the sky being this blue, or the air being this warm.
He was laying on a sun lounger, with Harvey sprawled out beside him, soaking up the Italian sunshine. Sebastian hadn't allowed himself to be so lazy in so long, it felt strangely unnatural, to give his muscles a break. He didn't mind it though. It felt good, to finally let himself relax.
He sat up when Declan pushed through the apple trees, and into the clearing, barefoot, and wearing his swimming trunks. Sebastian's eyes swept over all of Declan's soft edges and curves, trying his hardest to catch his breath. No matter how many times Sebastian saw Declan's body like this, he knew that he would never get used to it.
Declan wordlessly shoved a bottle of suncream into Sebastian hand, and Sebastian stared down at it in confusion, "I'm already wearing-"
"Yes, I know." Declan rolled his eyes, "Can you do my back?"
"Oh." Sebastian breathed out, adamantly ignoring the way Harvey snorted in amusement beside him. "Yeah, 'course." He agreed.
Declan crawled onto the sun lounger, and situated himself cross legged between Sebastian's thighs, facing away from him, towards the pool.
"Where's Evan?" Harvey asked.
"He's coming." Declan replied plainly, his voice indicating that Harvey wasn't allowed to know any more than that.
Sebastian poured a generous portion of suncream into the palm of his hand, and started rubbing it into Declan's back, relishing in the feeling of Declan's soft skin beneath his fingertips. He traced every freckle, before running his fingers around the shape of Declan's shoulder blades, and down the curve of his spine. When he finished, he pressed a kiss to Declan's shoulder, and squeezed his side playfully.
Declan huffed out a laugh, squirming under Sebastian's touch, "Don't." He choked out, "That's ticklish-"
"Right, I'm gonna nip this in the bud early." Harvey said flatly, "No flirting in front of me. Or kissing. Or...Or talking-"
"Talking?" Declan repeated incredulously, lazily leaning back into Sebastian's chest, "D'you want us to just ignore each other for this whole trip?"
"Preferably." Harvey replied.
Sebastian wrapped his arms around Declan's front, pulling Declan flush against him, before hooking his chin over Declan's shoulder. He started absentmindedly tracing shapes on Declan's stomach, enjoying the way he fidgeted under his touch, and yet, refused to tell Sebastian to stop.
When Evan broke into the clearing, Harvey released a vague noise of triumph, "Oh, thank god." He sighed in relied, "Evan, save me, please."
Evan smiled in amusement, "Save you from what exactly?"
"These two." He gestured to Sebastian and Declan in disgust, "They're being all touchy and...and gross." He complained, "Make them stop."
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
"They'll listen to you."
"They will?" Evan frowned, and turned to face Sebastian and Declan, "Okay, um... Will you guys please stop...uh...touching?"
Declan sighed in defeat, before breaking out of Sebastian's embrace, and sliding off of the sun lounger. He turned to face Harvey, his arms folded over his chest, "Happy?" He asked dryly.
"I can't believe that worked." Harvey responded, his eyes blown wide in disbelief.
Declan and Evan exchanged a grin, and there were words in it that neither of them were saying out loud. Sebastian wasn't surprised that Declan had complied with Evan's request. Sebastian had seen the two of them together enough times by now to know that Declan would do just about anything for him.
"Wanna go for a swim?" Declan asked Evan, ignoring Harvey completely.
Evan hesitated, his eyes darting down to the t-shirt he was wearing, before quickly flicking back up to meet Declan's gaze. It took Sebastian less than a second to understand what that meant; Evan didn't want to take his top off.
Declan apparently understood, too, because without missing a beat, he shoved Evan into the pool.
Evan was still wearing his t-shirt.
When Evan resurfaced, water dripping from his blond curls, he stared up at Declan in shock, "What the fuck, Dec?" He explained, splashing him in retaliation.
Declan merely laughed, and jumped in after him.
'I don't know if I'm a good person or a bad one.'
'You're good.' Sebastian wanted to say, 'You're so good, Declan.'
"C'mon." Harvey stood up, and tugged on Sebastian's arm, "Let's get in."
They wasted away the next few hours like that; swimming, sunbathing, applying and reapplying suncream.
As the sun dipped lower in the sky, and the heat slowly dissipated, Sebastian and Harvey found themselves back in their sun loungers, watching Declan and Evan, who were sat by the edge of the pool with their feet submerged in the water. Sebastian was staring at Declan shamelessly, his eyes sweeping over the curve of Declan's spine, his shoulders, his hips.
"You're being weird." Harvey murmured, "Stop staring at him like that."
"I'm allowed to stare at him." Sebastian reminded him, "He's my-" He cut himself off abruptly, and slammed his mouth shut.
Harvey smirked, "He's your what?" He pressed, "Go on; finish your sentence."
Sebastian shook his head stubbornly, "No."
Harvey rolled his eyes, "God, and I really thought you two had finally started acting like adults." He sighed dramatically.
Sebastian scowled at him, "We have." He protested.
"So, why are you so afraid to call him your boyfriend?"
That word - boyfriend - buried itself under Sebastian's skin, stubborn, and relentless, and scolding hot. He craved it and feared it all at once. "We're not..." Sebastian spared a wistful glance in Declan's direction; he was laughing at something Evan had said, mindlessly running a hand through his damp curls. He looked angelic, with water droplets running down his freckled skin, and sunlight illuminating him in gold.
"You're not what?" Harvey pressed.
Sebastian reluctantly tore his gaze away from Declan, and turned to face his best friend, "If I asked him to be my boyfriend, I'm scared he'd..." Sebastian hesitated, "I think he would say no."
Harvey's brows furrowed in confusion, "Are you okay?" He asked, bewildered, "Have you hit your head? Do you need medical assistance-?"
"Harvey-"
"Because that is an utterly insane thing to say, Seb."
"It's not-"
"He adores you-"
"He-" Sebastian halted, and took a moment to gather his thoughts - they were too messy in that moment, strewn all over the place, and cluttering his head. "That doesn't mean he wants to be my boyfriend."
"Why not?"
"Because labels are..." He gritted his teeth, "They're scary."
Harvey watched him carefully, as thought he were studying him, "Does Declan think that?" He asked, "Or do you?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes, "You're not a therapist-"
"Seb-"
"I don't wanna talk about this-"
"Seb-"
"If I make him my boyfriend, I'm scared I'm not gonna treat him right." Sebastian hissed back, trying his hardest to keep his voice down, so he didn't draw Declan and Evan's attention, "I'm scared I'm gonna hurt him."
Harvey's eyes softened in sympathy, but before he could respond, Sebastian cut him off.
"He deserves more than me." Sebastian murmured, staring down at his arms, marred by track marks, "He deserves better."
"But you're the best." Harvey protested, "It doesn't get better."
Sebastian snorted, "That's not-"
"You spoil him, y'know?" Harvey said, "You're always cooking for him, and buying him things - like that ring on his finger." He reminded Sebastian, "He won't find someone that takes care of him as well as you do - none of us will ever find someone that takes care of us as well as you do."
"You're exaggerating-"
"I'm not." Harvey insisted, "I've seen what you do for him - it's a lot."
"Yeah, because I-" He froze. He couldn't say that out loud. Not yet. He wasn't ready.
Because I love him.
"Sebastian!" Evan called out to him from the poolside, and Sebastian jolted up in surprise, "I hear you're a good cook." Evan said, "Wanna help with dinner?"
Sebastian nodded, distractedly pulling on his t-shirt as he fumbled off of the sun lounger, "Yeah, coming!"
Harvey grabbed his wrist, holding him in place, "If you ask Declan, he'll say yes." He mumbled softly, "And you're gonna be a great boyfriend, Seb."
"And how would you know?"
"You've practically been mine for the past couple of years." He grinned.
Sebastian smiled, squeezing Harvey's hand, before slipping out of his grip, and following Evan into the house.
As they chopped vegetables side by side, the kitchen window cracked open, the sound of Declan and Harvey's voices floating in from outside, Evan told Sebastian about the summers he used to spend in Italy. In return, Sebastian told Evan about his own childhood memories, which were dull, and grey, and verging on forgettable.
"If I ever have kids, I'm gonna take them everywhere." Sebastian announced, "I want them to see the world."
Evan glanced up from the chopping board, his knife poised above a tomato, "You want kids?" He asked curiously.
Sebastian shrugged, trying to push away the familiar nagging feeling of shame; he felt like he was asking for something he hadn't earned. "Yeah." He sighed, "Yeah, I want kids."
Evan smiled softly, his attention returning to the vegetables laid out in front of him, "I think you'd be good at it - being a parent." He said, "You're always taking care of everyone."
Sebastian frowned, "Harvey said the same thing - about me taking care of people." He murmured, "I'm just...I'm not sure he's right." He hesitated, staring down at the knife clutched in his hand, "If you'd met me a few years ago, you wouldn't have been my friend - I don't think any of you would've."
"Well, it's a good thing I didn't meet you a few years ago, then, isn't it?" Evan smiled at him, "People change, Sebastian. I'm not the same person I was a few years ago either. Neither was Dec. Or Harvey." He shrugged, "None of us would've been friends back then, but that's okay, because we're friends now."
Sebastian sighed, "I know you're right, but I just... I can't shake this feeling that I..." He gulped down the anxiety bubbling up his throat, "I was a really bad person, Evan." He confessed, "What if I haven't changed? What if I'm still that person?"
"You're not." Evan said lightly, not even glancing up to meet Sebastian's gaze.
"But I-"
"You're not." He repeated, firmly, "I promise you you're not."
Sebastian had tried to erase his memories of Oakleaf Academy. Some of them were gone, most likely never to be found again, but most of them still existed. The person he used to be refused to be forgotten. He lived inside of him; a constant reminder of who he once was, and who he never wanted to be again. Cruel, selfish, depressed.
"I think I want kids, too." Evan said suddenly.
"Yeah?" Sebastian pressed, grateful for the new direction Evan was steering the conversation in.
"I've always wanted kids." Evan told him, "I was really angry when I realised two guys can't make a baby."
"They can't?" Sebastian gasped, "Seriously?"
Evan stifled a chuckle, "I'm sorry you have to find out like this."
"You're gonna tell me Santa's not real next."
Evan rolled his eyes, "Y'know, when I first met you and Harvey, I wondered what you two had in common." He shook his head disapprovingly, "Now I realise that you guys are infuriatingly similar."
"Don't insult me like that again." Sebastian teased, glancing across at Evan, and offering him an amused smile, "Anyway, what were you saying about baby making?"
"Baby making?" Evan pulled a face.
"What do you want me to call it?"
Evan huffed out an incredulous laugh, "Well, how do you plan on having kids?"
"I don't know." Sebastian admitted, "Foster them? Adopt them? Steal them?"
Evan nodded in agreement, "Yeah, good idea - just snatch them right out of the crib."
"Sounds like a plan." Sebastian continued chopping, and so did Evan.
They welcomed the silence that engulfed them.