Can we talk?
"Home has two arms and a beating heart"
- Aliza Grace
July
•1914•
Mariana's POV
"Hear me out" he tried
"No, I'm sick of the lies, I'm sick of you keeping things from me in an effort to protect yourself" I said
"That's not why I kept it from you" he said
"Yes it was, you knew if I found out I would see you the way I do now" I said
"Which is?" He asked
"A coward. Life gets tough and you go and bury your dick to run away from it" I said, shutting the door
"Mar" he shouted, banging on the door
"Mar please" he shouted, I left the back door, heading into the living room.
I was expecting Dorothy soon
And I didn't want him ruining her trip
I didn't want him anywhere near me at the moment
Hearing how much he wanted me, how much he liked me and then finding out he slept with another girl.
It hurt.
•
"And how did that make you feel?" Dot asked
"Dot I don't want to talk about him, I want to hear about you" I said
"And I want to hear about you" she said pointedly
I sighed
"He's the only man I've ever been with, I guess it just stings a little having to hear about him with other girls" I explained.
"Is that all?" She asked
"What do you mean?" I asked
"I mean, is it just that? Or does it also hurt because you still have feelings for him?" She asked
"Maybe both" I said defeated.
"Why don't you talk to him about it?" She suggested
"You know I'm not going to do that" I said
She thought for a moment
"Then write a letter" she suggested
"A letter?" I asked
"Yeah, you don't have to send it or anything just, write down all your feelings in a letter, as if you're actually talking to him. It might help, to get it all out" she explained
It wasn't a bad idea actually
"Anyway, have you heard?" She asked
"About what?" I asked
"The war, Austria Hungary have declared war on Serbia" she said
"Fuck" I said. I didn't see that one coming
"Yeah, they reckon there's going to be countries joining them" she said
"Well yes they'd have to" I said, trailing off
Maybe I should at least speak to him about what happened
After finding out about some girl he's picked up at a fair of all places, I was questioning everything
Maybe me and Tommy really did miss our time
Maybe we were just meant to be friends.
Maybe not even that anymore...
•
"Thanks for seeing me" he said
"Just stay quiet, I gave you that all that time ago, just listen to me, please" I asked
He nodded
"I... I won't lie Tommy, hearing about her hurt, a lot" I said
"It wasn't anything serious" he said
"Tommy" I warned, I told him not to speak
And that somehow felt even worse
That it had meant nothing
"It hurt, I can't help that, I have this pull to you that I can't get rid of and I want to be around all the time if I could, but knowing you lied to me. Again. I just... I don't know where we go from here" I said honestly
"Im sorry" he said
"That's all you seem to ever say these days. Me too. We're just running on a cycle of hurting each other and apologising, giving each other never ending chances" I said
"It needs to stop" I said
"Meaning?" He asked
"Meaning. We stay friends. Proper friends not... not whatever we've been doing. Constantly falling back to each other" I said
"Friends? That's all you want from us? After everything?" He asked, anger evident in his voice but he was clearly trying to remain calm
"I think that's what's best for us, some people aren't meant to be Tommy" I said
"And that includes us?" He asked
"I think so" I said sadly
"That's bullshit Mar" he said
"Sometimes life is shit Tommy, we just have to roll with it" I said, looking down
You can adapt or you can fight, like Polly said... the fighters are the unhappy ones.
"Or we can be happy with each other" he said, grabbing hold of my face and making me look him in the eye
"And wait for something to go wrong and for you to jump into bed with someone else? Wait for someone to leave me and my mind escape me? We've done awful things Tommy, awful things to people who didn't deserve them. We've hurt each other more than most actual couples ever could" I said.
"Please. Please just give us a chance" he said
"Just one more chance" he said
I looked at him for a while
Into his crystal blue eyes holding years of hurt and hope
"Tommy... I gave you a chance, I asked you to be honest with me and you lied to me, you chose to lie to me" I said sadly
"I think it's the end of the road for us" I said
He looked down, his grip tightening on my cheeks as he sighed, taking a moment.
Before he leaned in and kissed me, softly and slowly
Making my heart ache
"I love you" he whispered against my lips
"Don't make it harder than it is" I said, trying not to cry
"I'm sorry" he said again, like a broken record
Reminding me over and over that I was breaking our hearts yet again
"No I am" I said
He pulled me into him, hugging me tightly
It was comforting
And odd comfort but comfort nonetheless
That was our problem
We'd run to each other whenever we were upset
And now we'd upset each other, we needed each other.
Tommy's POV
And that's where it ends
She doesn't want me
I couldn't be enough for her
I don't even know why I lied to her in the first place, I think I was just scared of losing her
And I've wound up losing her anyway
"It will get better" Freddie said, taking the bottle from me as we sat on the bridge, hanging our legs over the side
"Don't tell me that" I said, taking it back after he'd taken a swig
"Ah come on, you managed to get over her the first time round" he said
"I never got over her Fred, I just stopped thinking about her as much as I could" I admitted
It was always her
In the back of my head
At the front of my worries
Fuelling my jealousy
It was all always her.
"Well do that again yeah? What about that fair girl?" He asked
"She was nothing, and the massive bruise on my chest is a reminder to not go anywhere near her again" I said
I can't believe he shot me with a fucking squirrel gun
Why was he so annoyed? How did he even know I fucked his daughter?
"Well you need to figure something out, with France and Germany joining this war it'll be no time before we're pulled into it" he chuckled
"Get some action while you can" he said
"You offer very blunt advice for someone who's supposed to be a neutral party" I said
"I love Mar alright? She's the sister I always wanted" he said
"You have a sister" I pointed out
"Yes. And she's the sister I wanted" he said, making me roll my eyes
"If she thinks this it the right idea then it is, trust her judgement Tommy, she's been through enough" he said.
"I know" I said. I'd put her through enough.
I just needed to be there for her
And hope that she'd change her mind
But I was doubtful she would.
Mariana's POV
"Is this a bad time?" Dorothy asked down the line
"No, of course not" I said, putting my pen down
I had taken Dot's advice, and written my feelings down in a letter for Tommy
It seemed like a stupid idea to me when I had sat down to write it
But it felt good, to get all of my feelings out onto paper, besides it's not like he was ever going to read it.
I sealed it, writing his name on the front and putting it away into a drawer
"How are things in London?" I asked
"They're great, but I heard you and Tommy were having some trouble?" She asked
"And who did you hear that from?" I asked
"Well... John told me all about the man shouting about his daughter and then shooting Tommy, you seemed to have down played that part to me a little bit" she said
"I think I would have been able to cope if we hadn't..."
"Hadn't what? Fucked? Did you fuck?" She asked surprised.
"Yes, we fucked" I sighed
"I knew it! Tell me everything" she demanded.
How long did she have?
Tommy's POV
Sweets. She liked sweets
She'd appreciate these, right?
"Tommy?"
"What?" I asked, not paying attention
"Can we talk?" The girl asked
"I don't have tim-"
I stopped. As Zelda stood before me on the doorstep.
"What do you want?" I asked.
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