It takes me a couple of weeks to leave the mountainside on my own, where it's so steep my knees almost buckle along the gravel path, and I have to brace myself all the way down, through the forests and the abandoned fields overgrowing with wheat, criss crossing over the old neat rows they were first planted in.
Really, it takes me weeks to visit the graveyard.
The graveyard in the willow trees. Long stalks of grass beading with dew-drops of water that soak through your pant legs, the twisted bark of willow trees hunched over a trickling stream, the feathery tips of their branches caressing the rippling surface, the darkness of the shadows that hide it from the sun.
The two stone pillars stood side by side.
My fingertips graze over the rounded edges of the thick gravestones, sandpaper on my skin.
"Hi Jack." I murmur, brushing past. "Quackity."
It's been a long time. Both names stare back at me silently, the wonky strokes of a chisel that left little chips along the borders, that made the i look like an L, and the a's like e's. The single-standing reminders of human beings who laughed, and loved and cried, people I've hated and loved and mourned.
This is it, this is all that was left.
This is all Schlatt and Fundy gave us, let us have.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to see you." My voice can't rise above a whisper. I take a step back, folding my hands in front of me.
"A lot has changed." I laugh, because if I don't, I'll cry. "I think you'd both have a heart attack if you knew."
They stand there, listening. I clear my throat. "Jack- We ended up leaving. All of us, all of us got out. I killed Fundy, I got revenge for you, and for everything he did to all of us. He's gone, he can't hurt anyone anymore."
Deep breathe. In. Out. In. Out. "It's a really long story, but Quackity died. That's why he's with you now, because Schlatt killed him. Now we're trying to form a revolution, and I know you'd hate that Quackity, but Jack, Jack you wouldn't mind. We had to, after he tried to kill Tubbo, and he killed you, he can't do this to people anymore."
"But- I'm with Dream now. I'm with Dream so that he won't hurt any of them anymore, and so he'll take down Schlatt." Warm tears slip down my cheeks, soaking into the collar of my shirt. "I'm sorry."
I sink down into the grass, tucking my knees up to my chin and trying to keep myself together with arms wrapped around my shins. "I'm really sorry."
I know they wanted so much more for me. I know Jack, who never knew me with Dream, wouldn't be able to understand. I know Quackity could.
After all, he stayed with Schlatt so he could protect Tubbo, so he would understand. He wouldn't be happy, he wouldn't agree, but I think he'd know why, because he was broken the exact same way I was, the kind of way someone gets splintered so the whole world looks a little different, the pearlescent sheen that used coat it, obliterated into dust.
I wipe the tears off my face with the back of my hand. "We didn't have another choice."
I wish they were both here. I wish Jack was here to be with me and Niki, so Niki would have someone to look after her when I'm not there, so there'd be a little room for stupid jokes that don't land and snarky jabs that pissed Tommy off. Just something. Just anything other than this.
I wish Quackity was there to set me straight, scream at me with the entirety of the self-important superiority he ingrained, that he would tell me what to do to make my life better. It'd probably be naive, and I wouldn't listen, but it'd be something other than all I have now.
"It's okay. He's-he's okay. We get along, I'm not a prisoner, it's different now." It's also a lie.
I sniffle, setting a smile on my face that's so unconvincing I can feel the disbelieving looks from the slabs on stone set in front of me. "I'm alright, it's not as bad as it sounds."
The irony of the whole situation is the fact that all three of us know I'm not saying this for their benefit.
"I'll be okay." My voice cracks so hard that I barely get out those words, choked by a sob that echoes over the riverbank. "We're all going to be okay."
Their silence stretches out over the grass, immovable, empty. As empty as the graves beneath them, most likely. We never found Jack, and Schlatt probably didn't care for giving up Quackity's body to let people mourn.
So we all sit, silent, not really there, markers in the place of people we were.
I'm as dead as my friends, and they're probably better off. There's types of death that don't smell, that no one can see. The kind that doesn't end in funerals and gravestones. The kind that hurts just the same.
The kind that leaves you walking around, living a life you swore you never world.
I feel someone standing behind me before he even gets a chance to talk, the hairs on the back of my neck raising, skin prickling so uncomfortably it snaps me out of my thoughts.
"Well, well, well."
I whip around at the sound of Schlatt's voice, shooting back onto my feet.
"Schlatt."
"Rosemary. What a surprise." He grins widely, the bags under his eyes have sunken in even more since a last saw him, emboldening the yellowing that lets me know he hasn't taken my previous advice to stop drinking.
"Get out."
"Or what?"
I step right up to him, right into his face, remember the smell of alcohol on his breath when he lent in close, the way his fingers felt digging into my cheek, the way my own body felt so soiled I wanted to strip off my own skin.
I remember killing Fundy.
I remember the nightmares stopping.
I remember the freedom of knowing the monsters in your life have been banished, that they can never hurt you again.
I arch an eyebrow in response, because he knows. He knows well enough that I don't have to tell him, that neither of us have to say it out loud.
"You're not going to kill me." The grin broadens. My index finger twitches next to the knife I have shoved into the lip of my leather boot. "I know all about your little arrangement with your boyfriend."
He takes my silence as a victory. "In fact, I'm surprised he's even letting you out. We all know what happens when you get too much freedom."
I try to imagine what it'd be like to slit that smile permanently onto his face.
"We have a mutual interest. I made a decision." I respond stiffly. Most of its for show, to pretend like I've finally been conquered, like they've all finally won. Only a bit of it is true.
"Ah yes, Tommy and Wilbur." He chuckles, and it sounds like sandpaper rubbing against stone. "You'd do anything for them, wouldn't you?"
"I have a fucking backbone, unlike you." I sneer. "You wouldn't piss on your allies if they were on fire."
"Oh you didn't like that, did you?"
"Do you want something? Or can you fuck off, so I can say goodbye to my friends in peace."
He leans in slightly so that his breath ghosts over my ear, invading the sliver of space between us. "Well, it made me curious."
I think the only thing more messed up than Schlatt himself, is the fact that I think he might have a thing for me.
I cock my head slightly, exposing the side of my throat. "Did it?"
"I wondered how far you would go to protect them." His voice is breathless.
I think it's a pick between me killing him now, or Dream annihilating him later.
"As far as it takes." I pick my words, accentuating them with wide eyes. I toy with the end of his red tie, lifting it up slightly from where it rested against his chest. "I'd do anything."
The pools of black seem to expand, like they've engulfed his vision, leaving him a single, pin-point of want. "Anything?"
"Of course." My voice drops to a purr, sliding my hand up his tie until I'm grabbing the knot underneath the collar of his starched, white, dress-shirt, tugging him a fraction of an inch closer.
He tuts at that, grabbing my wrists tightly, and I almost fly out of my skin. "Uh uh uh, it doesn't work like that."
I blink up at him like I'm an idiot.
"You don't get to control this, sweetheart. It'd be good for you to learn your place."
Just a little further. Just a little longer and I'd have him right where I want him. Push. Breath. Anything. I lower my gaze, like I'm bashful, overcome with embarrassment. I'm staring at the knife in my shoe.
Thankfully, the idiot takes about fifteen seconds to give me an opportunity to get it.
"Hm see? Like that." He practically moans, sliding his hand from my arm down past my hip, scooping my right leg with him so it's hooked around his waist. I tentatively slide one arm around his neck, dropping the other hand to hold onto his torso.
He's about to say something that I can only imagine to be completely horrid, and I decide to put my foot down.
Quite literally.
I grip the knife handle with my free hand and yank it out, swinging my leg back down, out of his hand and onto the ground. The arm draped across his shoulder twists, and all in a matter of seconds, I'm holding the knife to his throat, arm wrapped around his neck.
He staggers awkwardly, knees bent underneath him, making awful choking sounds and spluttering for air. I dig the edge of the blade into the skin under his chin, just slightly, so that tiny drops of blood bead on his neck. "Move and this is going straight through your windpipe." I hiss into his ear.
He makes a series of little grunts and whimpers, and I kick out the back of his leg, slamming my boot into the joint, forcing him to collapse to his knees. "Now, Schlatt." I drag the name out, lips curling over teeth, taunting him. "Let me tell you how this is going to work."
"You are going to announce that Tommy, Wilbur, Tubbo and Niki have been confirmed dead. You are going to call off your searches for them, pull back your patrols, and pretend like they never existed."
"Fuck. You." His eyes are blown out wide know, nostrils flaring, inflamed with rage, like a bull. He stays still at the threat of the knife, but there's not much keeping him and his anger at bay.
"You wish." I laugh. "You're going to do it, because if you don't, I'll tell Dream about what you did. Not just here, but back in the prison. Now he already knows about that one, but I think he'd really get fired up with a reminder."
"I'm..not...s-scared...of...him." He wheezes out under the crushing pressure of my forearm.
"Yes you are Schlatt. You're terrified of him, and you know what he'll do to you if he finds out what you did."
The man is silent, apart from the desperate little squeaking noises that escape him in his desperation.
"So be a good boy, and do as I tell you too, hm?" I dig the knife in a little deeper, so the blood drips down, and he hisses in pain. "Schlatt?"
His face has started to show the faintest tinges of purple, so I lessen the pressure of my arm, and put my foot on his calf to keep him there. "I asked you a question."
"Fine." He snarls, with more animosity than I've ever heard him. I'm not egotistical enough to be blinded by this victory and think he's going to lay down and die, but I'm also not enough of a liar to pretend it isn't just a little satisfying.
"Good. Can you promise me that when I let you go, you're not going to attack me? Because whatever Dream would do to you before, you know it's nothing compared to what happens when I don't come back."
"Yes." He spits, straining against me, so I just let go and let him fall flat onto his face. I lean down next to the dishevelled man in the grass.
"You'd be happy to know the only reason you aren't dead is because Dream told me I can't kill you, because otherwise I would have. I promise."
I wipe the bloodied blade on the back of his suit jacket, but don't shove it back into my boot, in case he gets overcome with rage and tries to lunge at me or something else stupid. I walk back over to the graves, stood before us, observing the commotion with that same, empty stillness.
"I'm sorry guys." I murmur again, dragging my fingertips back over the pumice stone, all the ripples and pockets and cracks. Schlatt picks himself up in my peripheral. "I'll visit you again."
"You're a fucking bitch. I hope Dream comes to his senses and finally puts you in your place."
"Hm." I hum with a laugh, pausing at Jack's grave. "See, he loves me Schlatt. You know what that means? I'm the one with the power."
"I don't see how he could love you. You're a nasty little slut and when he eventually sees that, everyone will be better off."
"Well," I cock my head, smiling. "Until then, Schlatt, I am going to continue dismantling everything you built piece by piece, and make you watch your pathetic little life blow up in your face. Or, maybe I'll be nice and just kill you before that happens. We'll see, huh?"
"I cannot wait until Dream just wrecks you." He smiles nastily back. "Maybe he'll let me watch."
I snort. "All you need to think about is the fact that Tommy, Wilbur, Niki and Tubbo are dead. Don't get distracted with anything else Schlatt."
I turn my back on him, ignoring the various colourful insults I can hear him muttering under his breath.
------------------
"You what?" Dream almost flies off the stool he was sitting on, gripping the bench with his right hand. "Rosie, are you fucking insane?"
I shrug. "I had to make sure they're going to be okay until we can start working on our plan. We're still too far off, and Schlatt's been closing in Dream, they were in danger."
"I cannot- what do you think Schlatt is going to do? He's not going to just forget about this!"
"Jesus Dream, I made sure he won't go back on his word, I'm not an idiot."
"How? Because anyone is going to agree when a knife is at their throat, but that doesn't mean they're going to follow through!"
"Obviously! I dealt with it, don't worry."
"Don't worry? Don't worry? Are you kidding me? Why won't you just tell me how you did it?"
"It's fine."
"Rosemary-"
"Dream it's fine, I promise."
"No." He stands up, walking towards me with his hands out in front of him. "It's not fine."
"Look, he- I didn't go out planning to do that, but I had to adapt. This was the best possible outcome." I try, pushing myself off the wall to meet him in the middle of the room. I wind my arms around his neck, pulling his chest against mine. "I did what I had to do, okay?"
His eyes narrow, and I mentally slap myself in the face for letting that one slip. "What?"
"Just- don't worry okay?" I connect our lips, in a kiss that he begrudgingly returns, eventually slipping his hands to my waist, holding on tightly. "I sorted it out."
I trail kisses from his mouth to his jawline, sliding my fingers up the back of his scalp.
"Mm Rosie- Rosie-" He tries to say, but he tugs me even closer, connecting our hips. "Rosie."
"Yes?" I look up at his through my eyelashes.
"Stop trying to distract me."
"I'm not." I giggle. "I just want to kiss my boyfriend."
"You're a fucking menace." He grins down at me, pressing his forehead against mine.
"You love it."
"Of course I do." He pecks me on the lips, but the twinkle in his eyes are gone. "What happened Rosie? All of it."
"I told you."
"Rosie-" He begins warningly.
"Everything you need to know, I told you." I sigh, wandering my own hands down from around his shoulders to his chest. I can feel his heart pounding against his ribs, the rhythmic thumping against my palms. "Just relax."
He grabs my wrists before I can slide them down any further, pulling them up. "What happened Rosemary?"
"Nothing." I tug away from him, but his grip just tightens.
"What did Schlatt do?"
"He didn't do anything, really Dream, it's fine."
"Did he try to kill you? Is that why you attacked him? Because I swear-"
"You know he's too much of a pussy to try that." I roll my eyes. "Nothing happened."
He steps forward, still holding onto my wrists, so I'm forced to take a step back with him. His shoulders are squared, and the muscles in his biceps ripple threateningly under the surface of his skin. "Dream-"
He doesn't say anything, the tendon in his jaw jolting.
"I blackmailed him! I said I'd lie and tell you that he did something to me so you'd go after him, that's it!" I blurt out hurriedly, like all the muscles in my body aren't coiled so tightly they might snap. Dream stops, he's still narrowed in distrust.
"He actually bought that?"
"He thinks that loving me makes you an idiot, so he'd believe you'd just come after him without question." My chest rises and falls as the silence shrinks in on both of us. I unfurl my fists, resting my flattened palms back on the plains of his chest, right under his collarbones. "I took a risk and I knew you'd be pissed at me."
"That was stupid, if he didn't believe yo-"
"He did, and he's going to do what I told him to, so it all worked out in the end." I close the distance so our noises brush together. "I won't do it again, I learnt my lesson."
He finally lets go, engulfing me in a crushing embrace, his face buried in the side of my neck. "I don't want him to hurt you again." He mumbles. "I don't like that he got the chance too."
Well, he definitely had more than a chance, but I don't mention that part out loud.
"I'm okay." I say into his shoulder.
I think the scariest part of the day is the fact I feel the least safe right here, in his arms.
In his house, in his clutches, playing my role in his plans.
Right where he wants me.
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A/N Damn did I finally get a break to write this? No. I am actively avoided studying.
tbh not a hugeeee amount I have to say in terms of a little unpacking/analysing today, just some good old interesting (and also gross) fun, as well as Rosie being badass, so like business as usual. Nice little call back to Jack and Quackity, and honestly go her, kinda processing that normally for now. (That's not a threat btw). More action than internal reflection, but I think we've needed a tad of a break since the last massive chunk of chapters!
Punz will be back soon, as well as L'manburg, and some good old fashioned underhanded violence
I do hope you enjoyed, and I am sorry for the massive delay (it's exam time and oh boy)
Oopsies x