Our place
"I don't need magic, I need your arms at 3.29am. When the dark is too much, I need you to be real when nothing else is" - A.R.Asher
Tommy's POV
"What's wrong?" I asked, watching her fidget across from me as we sat here, in our little tunnel
Our canal
Our place
There wasn't any other good place for a conversation like this
But I wondered the whole way here why she wanted to talk here.
Specifically here.
"Let's not dance around a conversation for once Tommy" she begged, finally looking up at me
"Okay" I said nervously
"I heard about Greta" she said, I nodded slowly, subtly wiping my palms down my legs in an attempt to get rid of the nervous heat gathering
"I'm not sure why it is such a tense topic to bring up" she went on softly
"I understand you know? It's not like we were together, I wasn't expecting you to be waiting for me or never date again" she chuckled nervously.
"I just find it... odd I guess, you never mentioned her" she said
"I know, I'm sorry I thought... I thought it might be awkward" I said honestly
Finding out I was with someone else... can't be nice when she was locked away
Even if I was free, free to do whatever I pleased and found out she was with someone else, it would kill me.
I had no shame in admitting that to myself
She had a hold over my heart.
The thought of her with anyone else was enough to make me grimace into myself slightly
"Why?" She asked
"You know why, I hurt you Mar, I know that, I made some stupid mistakes and I hurt you, and I hate the thought of hurting you, you're the most important person in my life" I admitted.
Greta was... mainly driven in guilt
Shame. Embarrassment for my behaviour
I wanted to escape it all and pretend I was something else for a moment
That I wasn't the idiot that let Mariana Cortéz walk out of my life.
"So why not tell me you had a girlfriend?" She asked
"Because I... I didn't know how you felt. You were away and you didn't want to see me anymore, I didn't know if you even wanted to see me when you got out, but you did and I... I just couldn't bring myself to say anything that might damage that. And we were over by then anyway" I explained.
"Why did you break up? If you don't mind me asking" she then asked
"That's not important, the important thing is that it's over" I said
"I met her" she dropped on me
So softly I wondered if it had actually been said
Or whether I was dreaming.
My body automatically turned rigid
And I lost all ability to breath for a few seconds.
They met?
Each other?
She nodded in assurance
"She's actually quite nice" she added
"When? When did you meet her? Why?" I asked confused.
"A few days ago, I may have... found her to talk to her" she told me.
"Why?" I asked
She shrugged
"Curiosity" she offered
"Compare notes" she joked, trying to ease the tension, but it didn't work
I was still worried, worried about what she was told.
"Look" she sighed, looking out at the dying sun on the water
"Tommy, me and you were... something all those years ago, I don't know what it was exactly but, hearing you dated, hearing that you met someone else, someone else... good enough to be with, I just... I wanted to see for myself, see what had made you finally call someone your girlfriend" she explained.
Back then Mar was as good as
I just never had the guts to ask her.
I considered her my first everything
Girlfriend. Feelings. Heartbreak.
"What did you talk about?" I asked
"Not much really, she's sweet, she's just so... different I guess" she said
"Different?"
"To me" she clarified
"Not that she can't be" she quickly back tracked
"I just mean me and you were... for a long time, she just took me by surprise a little" she said
"She's nothing like you" I said
"Meaning?" She asked
"Meaning..." I began as I shifted over to her, sitting beside her
"That she never made me feel the way you did. No ones ever made me feel like that" I said honestly, trying my best to be open.
Vulnerable.
"We were immature back then" she chuckled, resting her head back against the wall
"We were daring" I corrected.
"We weren't daring" she laughed
"We fucked just about everywhere, you made more enemies than friends and I thought it'd be a good idea to go into business with Freddie" I joked
And I knew I was right. We were more impulsive back then.
Driven on passion
On teenage hormones and confused feelings of love and lust. That the world could never get us.
How wrong we were.
How ruined we've become.
"You've got me there" she chuckled
I wish I did have her
I wanted to bring it up, to ask her how she felt about me now
How she felt back then
What this was between us.
This confusing unsettling uncertainty.
"Come on, I'll walk you back" I said when she had said nothing
She rose to her feet with my help, I expected her to start moving
But she abruptly kissed me
Her arms winding round my neck, hands running up into my hair
And there it was
Passion. Lust... love?
The excitement electrifying my body as I held her to me
Soaking up every ounce of her I could get before she would inevitably pull away from me.
Just a kiss. More than a kiss...
I didn't care
It was her
It was her in our place, kissing me like she used to
Touching me like she used to
Pushed up against the wall as we selfishly took just one more kiss from each other.
"Tommy" she breathed out, pulling away slightly before we ran out of breath
"Yes?" I asked desperately
Just say it. Say something, anything
Tell me you want me for fuck sake please.
"I'm not mad at you, but I can't forgive you" she said quietly, her eyes still closed
"What for?" I whispered back, scared to interrupt the moment
She rested her forehead against my chest in... defeat?
"Because you brought her here" she whispered, shocking my body once more
She told her I brought her here?
I didn't even remember most of that night
I was too drunk to realise what I was doing
I just missed Mar so much.
I wanted to feel close to her
To be here
But it wasn't the same. It could never be the same as her.
"I'm sorry" I said, praying she didn't hate me
"Sorry doesn't cut it Shelby" she said softly. Sadly
"This was our place. Ours, whatever we had, it was here" she said simply, finally looking up at me, before she left me.
And I let her go. Once again
She needed time
I knew she wasn't angry enough that she didn't want to speak to me, but it must of hurt.
She didn't want me chasing after her trying to explain why on earth I'd bring my new girlfriend to the place I fucked my last one
Except Mar was never that.
She was never just a fuck. She was my everything
And I never got to call her my girlfriend.
Mar's POV
I couldn't rack my head around him taking her down there
Why he would... fuck someone else in our place?
I wanted to forgive him
Was there even anything to forgive?
He was free man, he wasn't tied down to me
And yet every image of him with someone else yanked on my heart and threatened tears at my eyes.
No one had ever made him feel the way I did? What did that mean?
That I was special?
That I was different?
Tommy's POV
Drowning your sorrows always seems to work when you're down
So why not?
"Another" I said, pushing my glass back
"Rough day?" Martha questioned
"Rough life" I corrected, waiting.
"Well aren't you a little sunshine today?" she grinned
"Just give me another will you?" I complained
"Easy on the drink there Thomas, we may have a repeat of Greta's birthday eh?" I heard Kitty's distinctive voice as she appeared beside me.
"What do you want?" I asked
"I would like to know why you broke my sisters heart, but as she seems to be getting nothing from you I doubt I will either" she said
"You're smarter than you look Kitty" I said.
She rolled her eyes at me
"Not going to give me an answer either huh?" She prompted
"No" I said.
She sighed
"Then I guess I'll cut to the chase" she said.
"What?" I asked
"She's sick" she said
"What?" I asked
"Greta, she's sick" she confirmed
"Wha- with what?" I pressed
"We don't know. She came down last night with a fever, she can't get out of bed but she wants to see you" she said in a bored tone
Me and Kitty didn't entirely get along
She thought I wasn't good enough for her sister
And like I said, she was smarter than she looks
I shouldn't have ever led Greta on as far as I did
"Forget that drink Martha" I said, standing up, following Kitty out of the door.
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